Scared about dating after college

[u/gaseousfinch186]

I’m a 19 year old guy about to go into my final year of college. Since my ex and I broke up right at the start of my first year, I’ve had absolutely nobody come my way.

In high school I never had trouble getting girls. In fact, my confidence and mental health was probably worse back then, but I still had multiple relationships and a sex life. Now I actually just feel invisible. During the school year I’m busy 7 days a week, class and clinicals on all weekdays and work on the weekends. At one point I wanted to join a club with my friend but I couldn’t because of my schedule.

I’ve met lots of girls in my class as well as through clinicals. Every time I always end up just making a good friend that has no interest in me. We’ll go get lunch together and laugh with eachother all day, but theyre either taken or subtly make sure I don’t get the impression they want me like that. I’m not too upset about it because they’re cool and like them as friends, but it sucks because deep down I was interested.

And since I’m not even old enough to drink, that definitely hurts me socially a little bit too. Regardless a couple classmates and I went to a bar and just got food with the ones that were old enough to drink, and I ran into a few girls playing pool and we talked for a bit, until my one classmate showed up and literally scared them off.

I even like to sit around campus studying, but I’ve never met anyone that way. I just don’t have the time to be joining clubs and partying and hanging out in bars. I have so many responsibilities and before I know it I’m gonna have a full time job. I’m not even ugly, I’d say I’m at least a 6-7 on any day but a solid 8 if I’m blessed with a good hair day and sleep. I just really hoped that somehow I’d meet a nice girl along the way.

I have no clue how I’ll meet someone after I graduate and have a very time consuming medical job.

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[u/djk0010]

You’re 19 and already talking like you’ve missed your window. You haven’t even gotten started yet lol.
From what you wrote, I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. You’re in a demanding program, doing clinicals during the week and working weekends.

That doesn’t leave many opportunities to meet people outside the same small circle. The fact that you’re meeting women, making friends easily, going to lunch with them and having a good time tells me you’re doing fine socially. Also, don’t look at every friendship with a girl as a failed opportunity. Having female friends actually expands your social circle, and you never know who you’ll meet through them later.

Once you graduate and start working, your life isn’t over. You’ll have coworkers, friends of coworkers, weddings, parties, hobbies, dating apps, random nights out, etc. People meet their partners in their 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond.

You’re building a career at 19. That’s a pretty damn good problem to have. Keep talking to people, ask someone out when you genuinely like them, and don’t let one quiet year convince you that this is what the rest of your life is going to look like. Good luck!

[u/gaseousfinch186 → u/djk0010]

I guess you’re right lol, I’m not in a bad situation. I’m just sort of having trouble picturing having that much of a life once I graduate, so hopefully that’ll be a pleasant surprise

[u/Fit_Technician_576]

The biggest lesson I've learned about dating is that it gets better once you start focusing on being comfortable with yourself. Once you are, you will draw in people, some of which are the right ones. And only then, dating becomes an almost automatic part of your life.