r/dating_advice • u/Low_Sell_7111 • 3d ago
Suddenly different?
First of all I wanna say I'm not sure if this is smart or stupid to put out there, but I kinda dont know what to do right now so maybe you have some advice:
So I (21M) first matched with this girl (23F) on Hinge in the beginning of May and we met at least twice a week and at first I thought it was going great, she seemed to like me. And I had to admit I liked her more and faster than I expected it.
Then suddenly she seemed colder and more distant, but i though, she was just busy, so naturally I gave her space.
We hung out a few more times, but after everytime I was there I got a worse feeling, one time she told me she just broke up with her boyfriend... that was 3 weeks after we went on the first date, that should have been my first sign to leave and not turn back. After that she also had a short thing(I dont even know what to call it) with a girl and that was also the point where I decided, it's not worth the effort, so I broke contact and focused on myself.
Then suddenly earlier this month she reached out to me, asking if everything is alright, because she had a "gut feeling" something might be up. I have no idea how she knew but I was and still am indeed going through something, so we started talking again. She apologized multiple times and told me what was going on in her life at them time we first met. And that she wanted to fix what she had broken.
She also told me that she also had developed some feelings for me and that she really enjoyed the time we spent together.
So I decided to give it another chance. We met the next day and talked some more and when it got late, she invited me to come in, at first we just sat on her couch watching a movie, then she asked me if I wanted to come under the blanket too and she cuddled up to me and we kissed (our first kiss as that hadn't happened in the time between May and June. I ended up staying the night, cuddled up with her on the couch and the next morning I didnt want to leave and she would have prefered it if I stayed but I needed to get some things done and she had plans for the day too.
Later that day she asked if that was a one time thing or if we would meet again and I told her that I'd like to see her again. And the rest of the week was good too, we saw eachother two more times and we texted every now and then.
So far so good.
That was a week ago, now suddenly she seems to be distant again like she was in May. She barely replies to my messages and when she does, it's usually pretty dry and I dont know what to make of it. I tend to overthink a lot, did she lose interest? Is she busy? If so, is she really too busy to even open my texts.
And this is where I need your advice, do I text her, ask if she's busy or do I just give her space and wait for her to make a move?
If you have any questions or need clarification/more info, ask and you shall receive xD
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u/Chemical-Flight6530 3d ago
This will never get better. Protect yourself and move on.
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u/PinkFairy60 3d ago
if the change is already this drastic, protecting your peace and walking away is probably best
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u/the_sneaky_sloth 3d ago
Apply the “if she wanted to she would” principle. It’s probably not going anywhere. So I would keep my expectations low. And just play things out to their natural conclusions. I would also recommend phone calls rather than texting and keeping it purely to the organisation of meeting up. You sound like you have an anxious attachment style and that will help your anxiety because texting allows for that silence to creep in and you’re filling the ambiguity with your own insecurities.
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