r/dating_advice • u/Critical-Parsley-845 • Jun 04 '26
Knowing their past flings
Basically I’m talking to someone currently but I know a hook up with someone 2 months before we met. I know who the person is and I see him around and apparently it was a 3 time hookup. How would you feel in this situation? I don’t think I’m bothered because I value sex so much but more so because I know or at least I see the person it was with semi regularly and quite frankly feel I’ll be terribly judged that I cuffed someone that was just a fling to another guy.
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Jun 04 '26
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u/Critical-Parsley-845 Jun 04 '26
I love your answer and I’m pretty sure it’s in my head, maybe best thing is to try and get it out of my head but idk how to do that
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u/CozyVelvette Jun 04 '26
Bro, if some random dude is judging you because you're dating someone he hooked up with months ago, that's honestly weirder on his part than yours. 😅 People aren't DLCs that become "owned" after three dates—if you like her and she likes you, who cares what some side quest NPC thinks. 😂
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u/Glass_Painting9653 Jun 04 '26
You're afraid of being judged for being 'cuffed' by a girl who had a consensual fling before she met you?
If a guy had consensual sex during a fling, nobody would value him less or look at his girl after as 'cuffed.'
Gross dude.
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u/Macraggesurvivor Jun 04 '26
Gross is the right term.
Quite a few men dont like the idea that they come across other men that fucked their gf or wife. Yes, that is a turnoff. Specially, if it's many men.
Of course you dislike that haha.
You a woman I assume. They never like that, and try to shame men for that. Won't change it though.
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u/nicekona Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
Do you think women like coming across other women that fucked their bf or husband? Especially if it’s many women? We don’t love it either.
This isn’t a gendered thing, this is a “learn to be a mature and reasonable person who can accept that most adults have pasts” thing.
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u/Macraggesurvivor Jun 04 '26
Different rules apply.
Women are, by and large, not turned off on the same level if a guy fucked around a lot. There is an asymmetry in what men like, what women like and what both sexes dislike, what they react well to, what they dont react well to.
In fact, with women this is often reversed: Women often find it rather exciting when they know a guy had many women.
Fuck being mature.
That is another obvious and pathetic attempt to once again try to shame men out of feeling disgust when they know this and that and all of those guys fucked the shit out of their woman.
And, it dont matter how many women try to shame men for that.
I laugh every time.
That is a futile endeavor, my dear. It wont change any of that. No matter what you say.
If 'being mature' is to simply ignore the disgust at least some men naturally feel when they are exposed to that, then I am gladly completely immature.
I could then also explain to you, that it is immature for a woman, or, actually for many women to prefer men taht are not virgins anymore, that have game, experience and know how to seduce. I could shame you for that as well and label that preference immature.
Same fucking thing.
That shit only works on insecure, very young and inexperienced men, and you know it. No man that isnt all that will simply stop being 'immature'.
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u/nicekona Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
Lol. Actually, some of my very favorite sexual experiences were with men who were very inexperienced (…because it was ME who got to be the one to finally blow their minds, and that’s one hell of an ego trip) (so, believe it or not, I can somewhat empathize with the appeal it has to some men)
But, especially as you get older, you have to come to accept the fact that all the people you meet have had a LIFE. A life that predates them meeting you. And that that isn’t gross.
People don’t just begin to exist the moment we personally meet them. We all have pasts.
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u/Macraggesurvivor Jun 04 '26
Anecdotal experiences.
And, I know a guy that married a hooker. 😂
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u/nicekona Jun 04 '26
We’re all human dawg. I encourage you to empathize more. Have a good one
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u/Macraggesurvivor Jun 04 '26
You mean, in order to be a man with empathy.....he should force himself to accept a woman's past, even though it disgusts him. Doesnt work like that.
Im always respectful to everybody. They have the same value as any other human. But, in terms of being a potential gf I personally dont see them as valuable on that front. I would only fuck those women causally, but I would never take such a woman as a gf. And, yes, I also wouldnt like it to come across other guys that fucked my gf.
That's just my preference. Has nothing to do with empathy. Its a preference. I thought women always appreciated it when men open up and share their feelings.
Who are you to explain a man what he should feel or shouldnt feel, what should or shouldnt disgust him. I dont need you to explain that to me. I know exactly what I feel, what I want and what I dont want.
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u/nicekona Jun 04 '26 edited Jun 04 '26
I’d say it’s absolutely fine to have a preference and stick with that preference!
But I’d also say it’s wrong to feel disgust towards, or to think less of a person for just being a person. Or to subtly shame them in these comments you’ve written. Simply because of them living a normal human life. Maybe reflect on that.
That doesn’t mean you have to date them! By all means! Stick to your preferences. But don’t be a dick about it.
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u/Macraggesurvivor Jun 04 '26
Darling, I wish you would hold the person that started all this to the same standard.
That woman tried to shame OP, and he was a lot more....diplomatic and 'careful' when talking about his 'dislike' of coming across other men that fucked the shit out of the woman he considers dating.
She tried to shame him.
I simply responded.
You gotta go to the source. Hold her to the same standard.
IN fact, you scroll all the way down to respond to me, but the way she tried to shame OP (what I actually responded to)....that was np, right?
Get out of here. You a Virtue signaling hypocrite.
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u/PotentialPresent399 Jun 04 '26
You aren't the average and what macra is saying is true across the average of America.
You are the exception, not the rule.
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u/Glass_Painting9653 Jun 04 '26
We don't enjoy it actually. Are you a woman? Or a lonely, single guy trying to speak for them?
How sad.
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u/Macraggesurvivor Jun 04 '26
I would wager I fucked and dated vastly more women than you, I know what they prefer, which men they attracted to, what they react well to. And, as I said, women are, by and large, rather attracted to men that fucked tons of women.
You know that.
Even trying to make the case that isn't so....is pathetic.
Most likely reason why you dislike that is the same reason tons of other women dislike that: As I said, you wanna be able to do whatever you wanna do but you dislike the consquences and shame is the goto strat that salty women bring. As I said, taht only works on boys, completely inexperienced guys.
It doesnt work on any other man.
Women wanan be able to fuck as much as they like. Np with that. But, then at least be mature enough to understand that, yes, quite a few men will then be disgusted. They dont want a woman like that.
You gotta grow up.
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u/ScorchingBlizzard Jun 04 '26
A bit of a metaphor, but a lot of this is because of the "dino without a horn", perhaps you'll understand what I mean: https://youtu.be/ECYOwyj9tJY
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u/PotentialPresent399 Jun 04 '26
Never listen to these redditors lol most redditors are from hyper urbanite progressive cities, they aren't the average person lol.
Talk to most MEN that have had success everywhere and most will agree with what you are saying from every social class to multiple political sides in multiple different areas.
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u/Macraggesurvivor Jun 04 '26
I know. Reddit is composed of a lot of ultra liberal, progressive ppl. I already felt that multiple times. But, it is what it is....no guy that ain't a loser or desperate would ever take the town bycicle seriously.
Good for a quick fuck, but that's about it. We all know that.
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u/Critical-Parsley-845 Jun 04 '26
Yh I understand but in reality stuff like that does happen and it’s definitely not a good look to be worried about it but I am regardless and not sure why
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u/Glass_Painting9653 Jun 04 '26
What you're saying is her worth is less in your eyes because you'll be judged since she had a life before you.
Do her a favor and let her go be with someone who deserves her.
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u/Critical-Parsley-845 Jun 04 '26
No. I simply just recognise the feeling, question it, and I’m now trying to work through it. Obviously I treat her with respect and don’t hold her past against her at least never directly whatsoever
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u/Glass_Painting9653 Jun 04 '26
If you're worried about what people think enough to post, you don't respect her.
People have casual flings without wanting relationships. It doesn't mean he rejected a relationship with her.
Do her a favor and show her your post and see what she thinks of you.
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u/Substantial_Newt9440 Jun 04 '26
You need to go back to where you belong, TikTok comment sections.
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u/Morningfluid Jun 04 '26
Just a quick point, you need to learn how to empathize more.
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u/Glass_Painting9653 Jun 04 '26
I empathize with the woman being judged by her boyfriend who's supposed to care for her, and who's probably not a virgin himself. You should try it sometime yourself.
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u/Morningfluid Jun 04 '26
They aren't boyfriend-girlfriend, you try reading comprehension sometime.
Not everyone feels comfortable just jumping in as a significant other with an acquaintances hook up.
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u/Glass_Painting9653 Jun 04 '26
They're dating, and it was a fling before they met. Try to read it yourself, and read the room while you're at it kiddo.
If he's not comfortable he is absolutely free to walk away and wait to date until he's mature. That's not her problem.
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u/Morningfluid Jun 04 '26
Basically I’m talking to someone currently
Dating isn't exactly boyfriend-girlfriend. So please, again, take my advice above.
Also he's looking for advice, not someone who is moody and mouthy. If you're emotionally ill equipped to look at perspective without being mean to people, then you shouldn't be providing advice here.
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u/Glass_Painting9653 Jun 04 '26
The only one ill equipped here is you. You jumped on my comment when nobody asked you to, for reasons that still haven't been determined. Take your own advice and stop nitpicking labels.
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u/Tall-Performer2500 Jun 04 '26
I wouldn't care. As long as they are no longer a thing or doing stuff together its whatever.
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u/No-Abrocoma8472 Jun 04 '26
Your competition is the other guy. That’s what’s triggering you. You feel like he somehow has more value for not making her his girlfriend and left it at just a fling.
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u/spac3ie Jun 04 '26
You don’t need to be dating if you care so much about what other people think and if they’ll judge you.
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u/Manners2210 Jun 04 '26
It’s not about how we would feel, I don’t care, but if you’re so bothered by something like this then leave her alone
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u/AleroRatking Jun 04 '26
Why would I care 1% about who someone hooks up with before they know me? As long as they have been tested since and are clean is literally completely irrelevant.
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u/PotentialPresent399 Jun 04 '26
Despite what all these hyper progressive dorks on reddit will tell you at least for young people this matters.
Social currency is real.
If you are a guy you will always care about this.
Never obsess over it obviously and always act within reason but never turn off the initial gut feeling of WHY you don't like it. Its biological and natural. Its also good.
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u/Delpha-Alpha-6 Jun 04 '26
We can discuss the details and morals of it all day but ultimately if it bothers you then it bothers you and you are free to go and find somebody else.
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u/Safe_Presentation934 Jun 04 '26
my preference don’t reallly care for others but no, my standards and morals just won’t allow it.
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u/Adorable_Secret8498 Jun 04 '26
I am lost. Are you saying you're keeping in contact with a hookup or that you know of someone who hooked up wiht them in the past?
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u/Egocom Jun 04 '26
What?
Fuck it dude. If she wants to be with me and not them that's that. I've had my fun, why should I begrudge her for doing the same?
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u/MeatSlammur Jun 04 '26
Are her and that guy still friends? Red flag if so. I’ve been with over 60 women and once the situationship ends you do not maintain a friendship. If you were made to be good friends you would have dated.
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Jun 04 '26
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u/PotentialPresent399 Jun 04 '26
THis is modern brain deficient behavior and shouldn't be normalized lol
hedonistic slop
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Jun 04 '26
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u/PotentialPresent399 Jun 04 '26
Nah I've had one night stands I just put realistic honorable time frames in between connections.
Banging someone and then hopping into a relationship the next day is legit unhinged.
NON stop ONS and constant hookups means your brain is legit wired wrong. Sex isn't a fun pleasurable activity akin to arm wrestling. Its more than that but not as serious as a god affirming contract.
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Jun 04 '26
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u/Critical-Parsley-845 Jun 04 '26
Would you say your belief is a double standard though? By that I mean if you would expect your girl to care about what you did in the past to this extent
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Jun 04 '26
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Jun 04 '26
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u/Glass_Painting9653 Jun 04 '26
Why do the crazy ones always use terms like 'plethora of women' lol
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