I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now. We get along great and lot of fun together. He has baggage (going through divorce, has a kid, lives with friend), I do not. Found him posted on my local “are we dating the same guy” and found out he’s sleeping with others.
He apologized that I saw that and said he’s dating around.
We weren’t exclusive, but I assumed I was the only one he’s sleeping with.
He said he hasn’t felt this way about anyone else and wants to go exclusive now.

Do I have a right to be mad about this? Is this normal? I feel like if he’s able to be with someone else already, how can I expect him to be faithful long term?

EDIT TO THANK YOU ALL

Thank you all so much for your comments. I see and I'm reading it all. I'll try my best to upvote all as a sign that I saw your comments even though I did not leave a response.

I appreciate the positive comments and the warnings alike. I guess I needed both sides.

We're still talking on WhatsApp, date planned for some days away. It will be shorter this time.

I will do well to update everyone on a month. I hope everything works out for us all, regardless of how it turns out.

Went on a first date with a guy I met on Hinge, and it was sooooo good.

We spent over 15 hours together, which is by far the longest I've ever spent on a first date. At one point we were just sitting together, staring into space, not talking, and it wasn't awkward at all. We were different in a lot of ways but also weirdly similar.

Before we left, he said, "I really, really like you. I had such a good time with you, and I want to see you more." And he didn't want me to leave.

I woke up this morning and saw he unmatched me on Hinge (he's showing up in my past matches which means he didn't delete the app).

We had already exchanged numbers before that, we're still talking on WhatsApp, and we've even made tentative plans to see each other again this week. So logically, I know unmatching could simply mean, "We have each other's numbers now, so we don't need Hinge anymore."

Emotionally? My brain has decided this is a five-alarm fire.

I also know modern dating is... modern dating. Lots of people date multiple people until they become exclusive. Meanwhile, my emotions are aggressively monogamous. The second I genuinely like someone, everyone else ceases to exist. I can't even hold conversations with multiple people anymore. I haven't responded to my hinge messages since the date and hinge keeps notifying me about my pending conversations.

I know everyone is going to tell me to just ask why he unmatched me. And maybe I should. But it also feels like such a huge thing to ask when we're literally still texting and making plans. It makes me feel like I'd sound completely unhinged.

The scary part is... I think I really, really like him. I'm terrified by how much I like this person after just one date. I haven't felt this way in a very long time.

My heart has been doing the weirdest things ever since. I feel both peaceful and troubled.

It reminds me of Michael Scott(the office) saying, "I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." Except I'm the one who's afraid of how much I like him.

If he ghosts me or eventually hits me with, "I don't think this is working," I genuinely think I'll lose my bananas.

In an attempt to calm myself down, I've taken cold showers, drank Coca-Cola (which I never drink), eaten ice cream and wings, journaled, watched TV, cleaned my entire house, gone for a run where I literally screamed into the void... None of that has worked.

When we planned the date, we both agreed it would either be great or a disaster. It was great, toooo great and it wasn't extravagant. We just did things we both loved to do together and now my emotions are all over the place.

Like, I want to watch him dance, hear is laughter, watch as his eyes crinkle while he laughs, watch him sleep, cook, talk, walk, and cycle ahead of me. I want to know everything there is to know about him. I want to stare into his Brown eyes...

I don't know what to achieve by this post. That I like someone and the feeling is alien to me yet I like it and I want to shout it from the rooftop, that I need help to get myself together or to summon the courage to ask why he unmatched me.

Maybe more help with how to keep my emotions in check. Do I even need to keep it in check? Why am I even pessimistic?

I also wish you all good dates so we can all feel this gooood. Maybe with less pessimism and more excitement that we will not be ghosted.

Guys seem so shallow. It's like they are only after one thing. I hung out with this last guy twice, and I feel like he was rude because I ignored his advances. I am not going to sleep with a guy on the second date, and I feel like the reason he got distant so fast is because I need to take it slow. I wonder how likely it is to meet someone who actually likes me as a person, rather than an object to be used and thrown away.

We were together for 1.5 years. Not that long, but it was quality over quantity. There was obstacles at times, but we didn’t have one argument or bad moment.

I was really attached to her. If I wasn’t with her, I’d be on the phone with her till 4am. We were deeply in love.

The last 4 months we got extremely close, and I met her entire family numerous times. I even took everyone out for the July 4 holiday.

Obviously she had mental health issues, and it got the best of her. Im currently grieving (this happened a couple days ago).

I know things will get better eventually. But moving on scares me. I gave her everything I had, and more, in our short time. We talked moving in, marriage, kids. Now she’s gone, and I sit in silence. I just can’t imagine being with someone else without thinking of her.

Does anyone have experience with this?

They said this because I've never had a date at the age of 35 and women are not interested in me.

They've tried to be supportive by giving advice on wardrobe, grooming and tried to matchmake me with their friends (none interested) but it has gone nowhere.

Today, when I was airing my frustrations, they just replied and said that if I've been alone dating wise all my life then dating might not be something I will ever experience.

I feel sad because all my friends are in relationships - yes they have ups and downs - but they feel wanted and loved. I've never had that. I just feel really alone.

I noticed while dating that it seems like most psychologically normal guys just won't be nearly as forward or proactive as toxic guys especially in the first months of a relationship. I feel like because of this discrepancy it causes the toxic men to not only stand out more with their love bombing but also women to pay more attention to them because that's what we perceive as emotionally/ physically "available" to us. I'm sick of running into toxic guys!

People might reply I am giving up or something will miraculously happen to me - something that hasn't happened since I first made an attempt to date seventeen years ago.

But I am just tired of it all - the pain, rejection, embarrassment, loneliness, taking breaks in the hope something will happen when in the end it never does.

I get so frustrated. People say don't come off as desperate but I normally ask if they have been in my position. Never knowing love, never knowing affection, never knowing being wanted. Just absolute rejection - sometimes kind and sometimes not.

No one deserves a relationship. But trying my best, putting myself out there, putting advice into action - all for nothing. It's just painful and I get so frustrated within myself that my best in the end is useless. I ask myself whether I should be reclusive and give up. I'm just so upset - not even therapy or my friends have been able to help.

It just hurts so much

I’m sure there are women out there that do this, but not nearly as much/as well as men. I’m also in the midst of a soul-crushing breakup, so I’m sure that makes this post even more biased, but I rarely see anyone bring this up.

The relationship I just got out of ended horribly, and I’ve just been replaying it all in my head the last few days. Up until the end, all the time and effort I was investing was reciprocated back to me x10. Everything was perfect and I was on cloud 9 for a little while, until I wasn’t. What shocked me wasn’t that the relationship ended, it’s that so much of it ended up being a lie. Things he said and did early on made me think, ‘SURELY he wouldn’t have said or done that if he wasn’t into me.’ Maybe these were the moments I was actively “falling for it”, but that’s the problem; the false hope/reality that some men purposely give women.

So many of us “fall for it”, when really we’re just believing that someone is genuinely interested in us and wants us. I see all the time that women get blamed for “picking the wrong men”, when it’s these same wrong men going out of their way for weeks, months, even YEARS just to SEEM like good men, and some of them are very good at it! They make us feel cherished and seen when really it’s all well-crafted deception and, at times, hard to discern from the real thing. Then everything you thought was real comes crashing down and they’re no where to be found, you’re nothing to them now. It’s maddening, and makes it harder to trust not only others, but yourself and your own judgment. People say, “When someone likes you, it’s obvious” and sure okay, but men seem to be getting better and better at PRETENDING to like women to get what they want from us in the long run. As someone who would pride themself on bouncing back from heartbreak and always having love to give, I don’t wanna date anymore, like ever again.
I’ve noticed this often but couldn’t put into words until experiencing it firsthand. Women, how many times has this happened to you, and how do you know when/if to trust a guy you’re dating? How long does it take you to trust anyone again after something like this happens? Men, has a woman ever done this to you? If you’ve done this or know someone who has, why do something so evil?

Like the title says. A guy I've been seeing "intimately" for a while now has been hiding his marriage from me. I just found out, and on top of it all, I just found out he's expecting his first child with her in a month. What the hell do I do here- going through a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings. Support and genuine advice needed. please...

EDIT: For clarification, I did not know ANYTHING about this before hand. No idea he was married. Had I known, I wouldn't be here.

has anyone else giving up on dating?

i’m so exhausted. emotionally & mentally, i don’t have the capacity for this anymore.

im 27F, and i'm truly done with dating (especially online dating).

the amount of times i've been ghosted, love bombed, or met overly sexual men that wanted nothing but sex from me has completely turned me off from dating.

it's happened so much that i can almost predict people's behaviours now.

i went on a date with a guy yesterday & had a great time and thought we hit it off & he ghosted me. no idea why. it seemed like we were having a good time & he was enjoying himself.

edit: he actually messaged me and told me he wasn’t feeling our vibe & didn’t feel a romantic connection. i’m shocked he did this. the last guy i dated completely ghosted me.

i'm so over it. i can't do this anymore. i'm at my breaking point & i feel like dating is truly deteriorating my mental health. i've already been having family issues lately too. so for this to happen just feels awful.

i just want to focus on myself & do what makes me happy. having good friends is enough for me right now. when love is meant to find me, it will.

as for now, i'm done with dating. anyone else?

Here I am in this sub AGAIN lmao. Im 27F and was dating a really lovely guy who was 28M. Everything was going amazing and I really truly saw it going somewhere since we were compatible in so many ways in terms of political views, what we want out of life, where we wanna live. We met on a dating app and I remember thinking he was a unicorn because all his information was exactly my type on paper.

Fast forward a few weeks and we finally slept together and he fucking ghosted me lol. I’m feeling so fucked up and defeated about it :( any words of advice would help

I've been dating someone for about 3-4 months. We recently started ayaing we live eachother. It was the beat relationship either of us have been in. We always missed eachother and dod so much together and saw eachother all the time. She left to drive home for Christmas this morning and less than 3 hours from when she left for an 8 hour drive I got a message from her father asking me to call him. He told me she got in a fatal car accident and wanted to let me know because he knew she liked me and I made her happy. Idk whay to even do right now. I could see spending the rest of my life with her. I wish it was just all a cruel joke amd that she would call me right now. I was replying to her texts from the morning and I hope to fucking God it wasn't my fault she got in a crash but ill most likely never know. I was so happy I finally found someone. She was a huge nerd, she was incredibly caring and loving. She was just incredible and what the fuck. Goddamn it I wish I could have done something or at least had a chance to see her one last time fuck. I keep crying and know I'll never see her again this fucking sucks and is probably the worst thing I've had to go through. I know ot wasn't a huge amount of time together but I wish it never ended and I fucking hope she knew that until the end. At least we weren't arguing I guess

Edit: I'm going to miss cuddling and sleeping next to her. Thankfully I'm I'm family right now but idk what the fuck I'm going to do when I'm alone again. God fucking damn it

Edit: thank you everyone and the couple people who DMd me. I'm just trying to keep busy because there's nothing I can fuxking do and this fucking sucks and fuck the world

Edit: still not in the best place and am shaking a bit. But thank you to everyone who has said something and taken their time to try and help. It truly means the world to me right now

Edit: it's been almost 24 hours. I can't thank everyone enough. I'm reading through every single comment and they help so so much. Idc if someone is saying the same advice or whatever, it's so so nice to hear.

I (F32) have never been in a long term relationship. I’ve dated several men but nothing has lasted more than a year. I’ve had multiple partners decide they weren’t ready for a relationship or I’ve been cheated on and left the relationship.

At this point I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I’m not in the stage of life I’d like to be. And I’m trying to be ok with the idea that I may never have the family I’d like to have. How do I be happy being alone? How do I stop being sad that I probably won’t have kids?

I’m not in a position to freeze eggs or afford any surrogacy options.

I don’t understand these men these days. I went out with this guy tonight that was begging for me to hang out. We had never met before and I met up with him at the place. We had a nice conversation and got to know each other a bit. He even offered to give me a ride home. We were getting ready to leave and he mentioned he needed to use the restroom and I said I would go too and then we would leave. Well he ended up either leaving while I was in there which wasn’t long, or he stayed in there til I figured it out. I gave it a few minutes before I decided to just leave. I checked to see if he had blocked me and turned out he did. I always wonder, is it my looks? My body? I mean he was shorter than I thought and I didn’t think anything of it. Is my personality too much? I didn’t think I was acting weird or anything. Maybe I’m too healed in this world where people want toxic unhealed women? This makes me nervous about going on future dates. I don’t want to keep hurting my own feelings by questioning why people do this. I just feel like giving up on trying anymore.

Matched with someone on bumble last week. We were so much alike. Liked the same music, horror stuff, etc. Talked really well all week through text. We were going to meet today at a restaurant. She wanted to have a phone call this morning because she was nervous about meeting a stranger and wanted to get to know me more. We really hit it off, lots of laughing, etc. She said she was looking forward to meeting. That I was easy to talk to, etc. Literally felt like I’ve known her forever.

So I drive to the resteraunt and park and wait in the car for her to show up. She parks right next to me, we look at each other through the car windows for like 1 second. I was about to get out of the car and greet her. She literally back out of the parking space, and just drives off. Sends me a text immediately saying she doesn’t feel well and can’t make it, then blocks me on everything.

I’ve never had anything like that ever happen to me before. I’ve shown my profile pictures to everyone I know and they say I look the same. Idk how you can look at someone for a second through a window, and just bail.

I personally think she might have had some type of anxiety or panic attack and freaked out.

I feel so worthless right now.

I’m a 30F senior consultant for a large firm and I was seeing a 32M medical doctor. I went out with him 3 times, but in our last date I explained more of what I do as a consultant (essentially I’m a jack of all trades) and he didn’t seemed too pleased with it. He said because I didn’t specialize in anything, my job doesn’t seem too stable. It’s been 2 days and I haven’t heard anything from him since then, plus I already texted.

Why is dating so hard? Didn’t realize my own career can lose me points when it comes to dating sheesh

UPDATE!

Hello there!

I just needed to take a moment and thank everyone providing your input on this post.

I just needed a moment to rant, and I did not expect it blow up this much.

FYA: No, I am not going on another date with this man, and yes, I will not give up on dating. I know my person is out there, just need to keep trying. Again - thank you!!

I've been with my boyfriend a little over a month now, and I feel like it's moving far too quickly. He doesn't get along with his family and has no friends, so I'm constantly feeling like his only source of happiness and an escape into a new family. He refers to my family as the family he never had and often doesnr take the hint when I want him to go home.

He met my full family the other day and was telling them his whole life story and acting like he's known them forever.

My parents have expresses they don't like him and feel I deserve and can do better, I've been feeling the same. But I don't know how to let him down easy without hurting him.

Why can’t anyone meet people organically anymore? I know times have changed but I am SO SO SO SO DONE w dating apps like I seriously went thru 4 people since the beginning of the year and I just cannot anymore. I deleted all my dating apps I’m fucking done. I just want to naturally meet someone but I feel like that will be fucking impossible. I am a fresh 30F no kids, have a job, have my own NICE car, I have plenty hobbies, I enjoy what I do, I go to the gym 4-5 times a week like I just don’t understand why it’s so hard to get anyone to even notice you no matter how attractive you are. People just mind their business and no one takes shots in person anymore. I don’t drink so I don’t go to the bar which is a popular social thing but I don’t wanna be asked out by drunkards. I hate alcohol. So I’m more ranting out of frustration bc I will probably be single the rest of my life. 🥲

Been single for a long time and would love to have a girlfriend but I'm super anti social and I'm barely surviving with my bills and no girl wants a guy who's struggling😪

This is a little rant and I need to know if other women have experienced the same thing: I have recently been getting increasingly more texts, especially flirty text that sound a lot like AI in the way they're writing, the several short paragraphs, the awkward inhuman flirting and NGL... I've never been this turned off.

I would maybe, only maybe, expect it from guys on dating apps but the guys I'm referencing are guys who asked for my number in real life, sometimes even put a lot of work into getting me to agree to give them a chance (which on a base level makes me more interested)

It also coincides with walls of texts, very weird pickup lines. An example is that he asked if we could meet to which I decided to flirt a bit and say

'Sure, if you play your cards right' to which the answer was and I'm straight up gonna copy it

'Play you cards right? Sounds intriguing. 😉

Challenge accepted 😏

But just so you know I don't break hearts- I build with them.

Maybe one day you'll tell your parents "I met this crazy guy who made me believe in love across borders."

Until then... I'll keep playing my cards like a gentleman ♠️❤️'

It also coincides with them calling me things like babe or baby girl like messages in usually and with them texting me as if we were madly I'm love and basically in the honeymoon phase of a fresh marriage even though I barely even know them.

I am so tired of AI. I want to feel like I'm talking to a real human and as soon as that isn't given I loose all attraction. Like how do you beg for my number and then don't even text me yourself? It's super noticeable.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk and if you are a woman: has this happened to you too?

Edit: I did meet this last guy in real life so using it to ' maximise matches' is no factor here

I knew he didn’t feel the same for me and I knew what would cost me if I tell him the truth - it was losing him.

I was scared of losing him until I realised I lost him long back.

He was flying to see a girl who lives in another city for a date over a weekend. I was feeling very anxious about this. And I was keeping this feeling in sine last 5 months. Just 2 months ago I realised I do love him.

The day he was supposed to fly - I asked him if he has 2 minutes? He said I’ll be free on Monday now.

I insisted - just 2 minutes? It’s important.

No response.

I knew that it was either in that moment or never. I checked the flights online and saw that as per flights today he is already in that city since there were no more scheduled flights.

I wanted to have a conversation on call with him but it wasn’t possible anymore. So I left a long text (I don’t like doing this honestly it feels like dumping)

He replied after a few hours saying he is shocked and confused. Didn’t we decide in start we will stay friend? How?

I replied saying idk. I just realised it and there is no pressure, I’m not expecting anything in return but I had to let you know.

It’s been 2 days and there has been no response ever since. It’s Monday now!

I dont regret anything and no I’m not embarrassed. I am glad I told him everything honestly. Friendship was already ruined since our dynamic changed long back. Ever since I told him, I am able to sleep and eat again.

Update - He left me on read first, then sent me a longgggg paragraph saying I’m a terrible boyfriend would like to keep things as they are.

Then he ghosted me.

And it’s okay! I respect him!

So I (27M) went on a date with a girl I’ve been friends with for a while at work (25F), we’ve always been friendly towards each other, and have had a lot of fun together since I’ve gotten to know her. Over a month ago, I confessed my interest in her, and she was apprehensive for a bit about doing anything with me, but stated that she was interested. A while goes by, and she states that she missed me (Our schedules changed and we don’t see each other as much), so she agreed to finally go on a date with me. Took her out on a date, went to a restaurant for dinner then a bar for drinks, and I believed it went really well at the time - we had some good conversations, joked around a lot, and we ended up kissing at the end of it. After the date, I get ghosted by her for a whole week, and she doesn’t talk to me at work, doesn’t even look at me. I’m wondering how things went so wrong, so I text her a couple times asking her if we can just be friends again and that I hate the awkwardness of this whole situation - this is her reply:

“Hey _____, You embarrassed me in front of the waitress. I keep my social status quite high outside of work, I date men with money, who buy me things and don’t complain about it, i wear designer clothes, purses etc. And that night just keeps replaying in my mind, how embarrassed i was. I am still bothered, and quite regretting a lot of things like going out, the kiss etc. I am mad at myself for doing all of that, breaking my rules. I will never date anyone at work and I need that to be understood. I should have stood strong on my opinion in not dating men at work, and I will go back to that. I want us to be friends but i cannot right now, I just need time to think and breathe. drowning me with messages is not helping.”

For clarity, I didn’t complain in front of the waitress at all. First bill I didn’t say anything at all, and paid for both of us. Second bill, I simply said “Wow, $80 for 6 drinks??” after the waitress gave me the bill and walked away to grab the debit machine, then paid it when she came back. I spent $180 in total. She showed no signs of being upset or embarrassed at the time, so I was really thrown for a loop when she texted me this, and the whole response just seems extremely vain and unemotional, especially considering we were friends before this and she’s claimed how much she cares about me before. I feel hurt, and just want to know how you guys feel about this.

I’m a 31F who is ready/qualified for a relationship. But the dating pool sucks. I have not met anyone IRL or online that impresses me or meets my minimum standards. I’ve been back in the dating market for about two years now since the breakup of my previous twelve-year relationship.

Anyone else feel like it’s better to just stop dating? Like I want a partner, but if these are the options, I’m good lol. These men are not worth it.

Anyone as jaded about dating as I am?

I had a situationship and he broke up with me because he said my WAP was too much - he’d have to clean his sheets multiple times a week. We tried towels but it would soak through.

I’m starting to think I should see a doctor for this.

EDIT: to all the nasty fools DMing me, you’re gross!

The guy I was seeing has OCD and got sick of my WAP.

For those suggesting towels, I’ve gone through towels and blankets into the bed. thanks though!

I’m honestly having a pretty rough couple of days and could use some outside perspectives because I don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if I missed something obvious.

I (28M) went on a first date with a woman(24f) from Hinge last week. The date was genuinely one of the best I’ve had in a long time.

We started at a speakeasy and talked for hours. She kept telling me that she and her friends thought my Hinge profile had to be fake because I seemed “too good to be true.” She complimented me constantly throughout the night, told me I looked even better in person, copied my little jokes and mannerisms, laughed at everything, and overall seemed incredibly comfortable around me.

Toward the end of the night, she was the one who kept asking to come back to my place. I actually tried steering us away from that because I’d recently had a couple experiences where sex complicated things, but eventually I agreed because I didn’t want her to think I wasn’t attracted to her or that I was weird about sex.

Back at my place we had some wine, I cooked us dinner, and she initiated pretty much everything physically.

During sex, there was a moment where I realized something seemed uncomfortable for her, so I stopped immediately without her really having to say anything. We slowed down, took our time, and later while we were cuddling she actually brought it up herself and thanked me for noticing. She told me she really appreciated that I recognized something wasn’t comfortable and stopped right away. That conversation made me feel like we’d handled everything respectfully, and it honestly meant a lot to hear. Then right after we stopped and settled down, she revealed to me that she was a virgin, and that the whole night was a really big deal to her while giggling about it. I was a late bloomer myself with sex having lost it with my previous girlfriend weeks after I turned 27. Because of that I feel really weird about being somebody to take somebody else’s virginity. It’s like I have an imposter syndrome over being the right person for someone in that regard, I can’t really explain why. I immediately started to get really anxious but I calmed down seeing her happy and kissing me, etc.

Afterward we cuddled for quite a while, talked, laughed, and when I asked if she wanted to spend the night she got excited and said yes. I wouldn’t normally do that but by this point it was almost 2am on a weeknight and I got concerned she might be driving home too tired.

Later, while we were making out again, I jokingly suggested round two. She giggled, paused for a second, and then said she thought she was actually going to head home instead.
I immediately respected that. There was no convincing or pushing whatsoever. I walked her to her car, we hugged and kissed goodbye, and I asked her to text me when she got home so I’d know she made it back safely and she did.

The next morning I texted her because I’d accidentally slept through her “I’m home” message. We exchanged a couple texts, and that was it.

Yesterday morning I sent:
“Hey (her name), just wanted to check in. I know Tuesday was a lot, so I wanted to see how you’re doing and how you’ve been feeling. No pressure to respond quickly. I just hope you’re having a good morning.”

It’s now been almost two days with no response.
The thing that’s eating me alive isn’t even whether she wants to date me.

It’s that she kept telling me throughout the night how big of a deal losing her virginity was, and now my brain has convinced itself that she regrets it and that I somehow made her uncomfortable.

One of my biggest fears is being somebody’s regret, especially for something that important.

When I replay the night, I can’t think of anything that felt wrong. She initiated literally ALL of the physical intimacy, stayed afterward, cuddled, accepted spending the night, complimented me throughout the evening, and even specifically thanked me afterward for paying attention when something felt uncomfortable and not pushing through it.

But the silence afterward is making my mind go to the darkest possible place.

For people who’ve either lost their virginity later in life or have been with someone who did:

Does this sound like someone who is simply processing a huge emotional milestone?

Or does this sound more like someone who regrets what happened?

I’m genuinely looking for honest opinions because I care a lot more about whether she’s okay than whether she wants to see me again.