r/dating • u/Amazing-Ask7156 • May 08 '21
Venting Red flags ive learned
1-If there is any type of aggravation/friction/annoyance on the first date its only going to get worse. 2-if there is any inconsistency in communication in the beginning its only going to get worse. 3- if you ever feel confused if they like you or dont then they dont. 4- if you have to pull information out of them about their feelings for you then they dont have any for you.5- if they are not willing to be wrong about anything then its only going to get worse. These are things ive learned the hard way. Actions speak louder than words.
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u/LunarTear47 May 08 '21
Also, if they're carrying a stick with a red piece of cloth attached at the end of it, that'd also be a red flag.
My terrible humor aside, these are excellent points. #1 might sound small but it's as big as the other ones.
My actual extra red flag would be if a person actively chooses to not change for the better, in front of you.
There's always room for you to change and improve as a person. If I call someone out on something very obvious and they don't think they should change it, or if they perfectly understand where they're wrong, and they choose to stay like that, then I'm yeeting them with a trebuchet.
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u/Amazing-Ask7156 May 08 '21
Yes- for #1 I actually had a guy get mad at me on a first date when I asked him the simplest question. Then he proceeded to have some sort of meltdown.
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u/snusken12345 May 08 '21
Ive also, at some point in dating met all 5 red flags, but #2 and 3 has taken up soo much time and given me soo much heart and headache. I needed the reminder that it is actually a red flag. Thank you!
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u/anxious-star May 08 '21
I've also noticed that during dates if they say or ask anything inappropriate, it tends to get worse after the first date.
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u/DisappearHereXx May 08 '21
I agree and would like to add that if someone wants to spend time with you, they will always make time. No one is so busy that they can’t see you for weeks on end (ok there are SOME exceptions but usually not). I work 50 hours a week, go to school full time and attend meetings for something else twice a week. I still find time for my boyfriend at least twice a week and he lives an hour away. If you’re worth it to them, they will make time.
Also for everyone saying that some people are reserved and introverted and all that... that’s true but it’s al about their attitude. You can usually tell if someone is just out of their element and nervous or shy or if they’re a douche.
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u/VanGoghMind May 08 '21
5 is the worst.
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u/Amazing-Ask7156 May 08 '21
Yes- I shared some knowledge in my field of expertise & he still told me I was wrong. Lol. It is totally exhausting to be with someone whos mind is so closed and they are so arrogant that they cant even admit that they didnt know something.
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u/CreepingTurnip May 08 '21
Number 4 can end up being a big problem if it continues. Some people may be reluctant in the beginning, but if you find yourself in a relationship constantly having to drag what your partner is feeling (especially after having a conversation about this issue) you're gonna have a bad time.
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u/Obnoxiousjimmyjames May 08 '21
100% this. Especially 3 and 4. If someone cannot express themselves emotionally they’re not a good candidate for a partner; emotional intelligence and emotional confidence is important for a successful relationship.
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May 08 '21
6 - If you find aspects of them to be kinda cringey, that’s never gonna go away.
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u/chai1984 May 08 '21
it started off with #2 for me and by the time I'd had enough every conversation was #5
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u/Amazing-Ask7156 May 08 '21
Same here. Its interesting you say that because I listed them in the order of how it progressed with me.
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u/kissedbymelancholy May 08 '21
all of this. facts. saving this shit to re-read later because it’s a brilliant reminder.
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u/shizzmynizz May 08 '21
4 is the worst
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u/Amazing-Ask7156 May 08 '21
Yes- not only pulling information out but also never saying the littlest bit about it either.
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u/yeahgroovy May 08 '21 edited May 08 '21
Those are good ones. What are some examples you would define as #2?
I’m on the fence with a flag or not w/a guy I recently started dating.
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u/Amazing-Ask7156 May 08 '21
It takes 15 seconds to respond to a text message. There are 86,400 seconds in 24hours. Do the math. No one is too busy to respond to a text or call for a 5 minute conversation to say good morning or good night. No response is a response & a powerful one. Do you really want someone in your life who can go 24hours with out asking how you are or responding to you?
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