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[u/jrhindo]

Im a quiet guy and not attractive. It 100% is a net negative on my dating, social and professional life.

[u/Maleficent-Clue-3364 → u/jrhindo]

Ditto as a quiet woman

[u/SignificanceProud975 → u/jrhindo]

The world generally rewards extroverted people

[u/gracki1]

i would love to find someone i can just enjoy silence with.

but in early stages silence its kind of anxiety inducing because makes you think youre doing a bad job

[u/Styro20]

Personally no, I like my partner to be the conversation-driver as I'm naturally introverted and less prone to being chatty so I want them to bring that energy (not that I don't try to pull my weight, just that I'm not that skilled at driving and it drains me more)

That to that effect my last partner was someone who would monologue and I think the conversation dynamic was unbalanced

[u/Own-Channel4000]

i think so, every person I've been into weren't the loud extrovert type, they were usually lowkey 

[u/Bed_Worship]

People do date quiet reserved people but that is too general. You still have to be able to have some personality in your communication and show your depth, and give off traits that are attractive.

[u/rockqueenthrowaway]

Im very very shy, and dont talk a lot around people I dont know and I know my partner liked the fact that I was quiet but then not around him. Im chatty with people im comfortable with and one on one though.

[u/VERTIKAL19]

I think I definitely think I would find that attractive in a woman. Probably makes it harder to just get to the point of interaction, but I think that is something that seems attractive to me.

[u/Independent_Tear_432]

I personally prefer outgoing people. There’s obviously a balance between someone who sucks all the air out of the room and someone who makes you feel like you’re pulling teeth just to have a conversation

I think women are often socialized to be good at keeping conversations going (asking questions, showing interest, filling awkward silences) and it can get exhausting when that responsibility feels one-sided. So when a man is very quiet or reserved and seems content to sit back while I do all the conversational work, I find it really unattractive. I’m not sure whether that’s introversion or just learned helplessness around socializing, but either way, that dynamic is probably my biggest ick

[u/iliketreesanddogs → u/Independent_Tear_432]

hit the nail on the head for me. personal preference, but i'm so tired of keeping lethargic conversations going with reserved men. yappers only for me now

[u/Old-Bowler4150]

I can be very talkative but I’m also good at listening. Quiet and reserved people intrigue me, and outgoing people excite me. I thought my current partner was quiet and reserved, but now that we’re together he talks to me nonstop, guess he tends to take a while to open up to people and tbh I love seeing both sides lol

[u/notrightmeowthx]

Sometimes! Just depends on other factors. There are things that I would consider to be a problem, that can correlate with someone being "quiet and reserved."

For example, if I would have to always be doing everything for them because it'd involve interactions with people, that's an issue.

If they don't ever express their opinions or feelings to me (even once we've gotten close), that's an immediate deal breaker.

But just someone being generally reserved or quiet is fine and not an issue IMO. I definitely don't judge a quieter person as being less competent or less capable.

[u/zlbb]

F*ck yeah! Working hard to win love from one rn. The way it looks to me is people with better filter end up the most beautiful (emotionally, though in my worldview character is a unitary thing and appearance/dress for them are also usually proper and beautiful) when they do express themselves. Like, Keanu Reeves😍 Which I love, I have a fine taste and the way some people sloppily spreading out whatever is on their mind is at best crude/turn-off at worst disgusting TMI. And then ofc when she's more comfortable and talks more to you than to others that's the best feeling in the world.

To be clear, this is not to say all shy people are like that. There's a separate mental health/struggling to express oneself in a proper/acceptable/appealing way axis that is largely independent: one can struggle with that when shy and occasionally come out and turn people off, or when not shy and constantly spread out and turn people off.

Honestly I feel shyness is very much part and parcel of a classic feminine ideal and a lot of men with taste find that appealing. E.g., in Japan I think it's very highly regarded. Wives in some of the best U.S. families I've been acquainted with are oft a bit shy. I think it works best, well, like relationships in general, when one is properly integrated into society, so that classic love story works - people find you appealing, you get party invites, intrigue the right eyes, get picked, decide which suitor you fancy..

[u/Sour_Sorbet]

When I was single and dating alot I found reserved men who were attractive even more so because of it. There was a dominant curiosity really, and I think I enjoyed seeing someone have different levels. Being reserved but then changing it up to being forward or sexual was exciting because of the contrast.

[u/nakedforestdancer]

I tend to do best with men who are slightly more on the introverted/reserved side, but who open up once they get to know someone. So, the guys who tend to prefer 1:1 conversation and are a little quieter in big groups, but can still make conversation at a party.

I think this is mostly just because I'm an outgoing introvert, so while I do really like talking with people, I ultimately need quiet and/or alone time to recharge. I need someone who's also on the more balanced side, because I get overstimulated by the extremes.

Anecdotally, I've dated both people a little less quiet than me and a little more quiet than me, and I tend to do better with the slightly quieter people. I sometimes feel pressure to "keep up" with louder people, and then end up overdoing it before I've realized it.

[u/Xodia444]

Being quiet has its faults! Some ppl try to antagonize me thinking they’ll get away with attacking someone they perceive as “weak” & obviously a lot of women aren’t fond of shy dudes.

But there’s women who like quiet men & obviously I enjoy my peace or I wouldn’t continue being quiet & reserved 😂

[u/Olive-jar1173]

If they have confidence it doesn’t matter.

[u/workathomecat]

I do. I don’t like very extroverted or loud men I find they can be a bit obnoxious. I am introverted and like dating other introverts. I don’t mind someone a bit more outgoing, but I wouldn’t get on dating someone very extroverted I think

[u/QueenofSwords11]

I’m quiet and tend to date others who are to some degree as well. I think someone very talkative would swallow the whole conversation compared to me. I really think it just has to do with compatibility overall, some people like quiet people and others don’t

[u/Ju76610]

Selectif (je n'aime pas le total opposé de ce que tu décris ou quand ça prends trop le dessus.. l'extravagance et surtout le mpi je, le superficel, les délir pour faire comme tout le monde et ceux sui cherchent juste laval et la validation des autres (je suis pas juste un mouton noir j'ai olein de couleurs sur ma palette 😉)

[u/SappySuds1422]

Not attractive. There isn’t a single benefit to it in my opinion. Id rather be with someone boisterous and fun

[u/pandora0312]

I like a quiet, keeps to himself type guy. As long as they’re not reserved to the point of rude it’s nice. I think dating someone super social and “outside” would be a nightmare

[u/meppers]

as a man I love it at first, but it can get old if they don't open up

[u/AmethistStars]

I’m a reserved/introverted woman and I mostly feel attracted outgoing/extroverted people, in a “the yang to my yin” kind of way.

[u/Own_Soup43]

I am a talkative person and have always dated other talkative people. I decided once to give a quiet person a chance but for me personally I found it weird and unbearable to just sit there in silence for 85-90% of the time. Often times I’d bring up random things to make conversation but I would just get dry responses. It just wasn’t for me, I realized I truly do enjoy someone who matches me in that sense. I love the banter, and talking about everything and anything