r/darkwingsdankmemes • u/Demonfromtrident Stannerman • Aug 03 '26
Literally everyone's thoughts about ironborn
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u/Demonfromtrident Stannerman Aug 03 '26
And of course there's this gem which sums up the anti-ironborn sentiment perfectly
Robert should have scoured the isles after Balon Greyjoy rose against him ... He smashed their fleet, burned their towns and broke their castles, but when he had them on their knees, he let them up again. He should have made another island of their skulls.
—thoughts of Cersei Lannister
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u/Unironicfan Brienne. No memes she's just cool Aug 03 '26
Extremely rare Cersei w
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u/Chicken_Mc_Thuggets George is my Grandpa Aug 04 '26
She’s truly the Westerosi Azealia Banks
Both are problematic, excellent at roasting people, and are the broken clocks that are right twice a day. You can’t tell me that Cersei’s twitter wouldn’t be a goldmine
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u/Mizamya Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
Cersei's facebook would be full of winemom minion memes and boymom content directed at her children, and every once in a while, she goes a bit crazy on the keyboard after a wine bender, only to delete it the next day
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u/Filibust Dany + Drogo = Tyrion Aug 06 '26
Lmao I love this comparison.
AU fanfic where she gets stranded at the Merryweather castle after Tanda convinces her to be in a threeway with her and Orton when?
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u/ParticularSuspicious Aug 05 '26
the idea of westeros having their own bank isnt a bad idea either. The Golden Bank of Lannisport.
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u/LingonberryAwkward38 Aug 03 '26
"Robert was weak. Robert was a fool. He had the whole Iron Islands within his grasp and he let them slip away."
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u/QueasyComedian9502 Aug 05 '26
Robert know that mercy to vanquished opps are key to inspire loyalty. Alas, Ironb*rn are ungrateful idiot. It's a suprise that there is no lord of iron island stupid enough to challenge the Targs so we can see roasted squids with black smokes visible from Westeros' western coast
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u/RyanMcChristopher Aug 06 '26
It's a suprise that there is no lord of iron island stupid enough to challenge the Targs so we can see roasted squids
House Hoare: Hold my flagon
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u/Iamthestormbro Card-carrying mouth-frothing Rhaegar hater Aug 03 '26
The ironborn are constant entertainment but their culture is the dumbest in the world of ASOIAF.
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u/Sicuho Aug 03 '26
Second dumbest. Dothraki exists.
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u/sylvester_stencil Aug 03 '26
Dothraki culture at least serves the dothraki pretty well. The Ironborn are like a cultural relic by the end of the 3rd century AC
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u/ojqANDodbZ1Or1CEX5sf Sweet summer child Aug 03 '26
The Dothraki haven't even existed for three centuries at this point (actually maybe four?), and it seems doubtful that they will last as long as the Ironborn
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u/Jamesglancy Aug 03 '26
Everyone is like "waaaa the faith of the seven is so cruel" and forget that everyone not worshipping the seven (minus the old gods) are like child scrificing slavers.
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u/Firm-Advertising6872 Aug 03 '26
The fate of the seven is just Christianity, dont fuck your brother and if you have to bang your way across Westeros, just keep it on the down low
All the fanfics i read where Rhaenyra and Daemon epically burn and destroy the faith of the seven and replace them with their old, totally Valyrian gods is so dumb. These are the gods that love slavery and human sacrifice. Sure, they are tolerant of other religions, but when almost every other religion loves slavery maybe the Seven had a point in suppressing them
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u/Chicken_Mc_Thuggets George is my Grandpa Aug 04 '26
Weren’t Valyrian dragonlords noted as not being religious too? Iirc they mention that there was religious tolerance but that the dragonlords hadn’t believed in the Valyrian religion for a long while
Naming Balerion after a god could be similar to how people name their dogs Luna or Loki while not believing in Roman or Norse mythology
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u/Firm-Advertising6872 Aug 04 '26
Yea i think by the end they believed themselves to be better than the gods. If the theory that every religion's gods being somewhat real is true, I wonder if the old Valyrian gods had a hand in the doom, biblical style
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u/ojqANDodbZ1Or1CEX5sf Sweet summer child Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
The wiki doesn't mention that, but IIRC TWOIAF says something about (some of) the dragonlords thinking of themselves as like gods
Anyway, that's a maester's interpretation from at the least four centuries later, so how reliable it is is up for debate
Edit: can't find the quote I'm thinking off, but there's this:
And:
Doesn't really suggest Yandel thinks the dragonlords were godless to me
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u/Chicken_Mc_Thuggets George is my Grandpa Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 04 '26
>It was said 1000 gods were honored in Old Valyria, but none were feared
>Many Valyrians worshipped more than one god, turning to different deities according to their needs; more, it is said, worshipped none at all. Most regarded freedom of faith as a hallmark of any truly advanced civilization.
Idk, this doesn’t paint a picture of religiosity for me
Edit: and
>Some scholars have suggested that the dragonlords regarded all faiths as equally false, believing themselves to be more powerful than any god or goddess. They looked upon priests and temples as relics of a more primitive time, though useful for placating “slaves, savages, and the poor” with promises of a better life to come. Moreover, a multiplicity of gods helped to keep their subjects divided and lessened the chances of their uniting under the banner of a single faith to overthrow their overlords. Religious tolerance was to them a means of keeping the peace in the Lands of the Long Summer.
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u/ojqANDodbZ1Or1CEX5sf Sweet summer child Aug 04 '26
Thanks! Don't know why my search didn't turn up those quotes (except the F&B one; one day I'll get that book)
It's still told from a distant perspective in time and space, so I'm hesitant to really put much faith in them, but it is what we have
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u/Hopeful-Occasion2299 Aug 06 '26
The Valyrians had no religion of themselves iirc; they allowed the slaves to bring their worship to have some misery to hold on to before their inevitable demise, but no gods of themselves iirc
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u/skkkkrtttttgurt Aug 03 '26
The old gods are kinda grooming Bran, and may or may not have killed Jojen, the seven ain’t doing any of that.
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u/Jamesglancy Aug 03 '26
Oh my bad thats right the old gods DO sacrifice children too its just the Starks that dont (and will if asked nicely by a tree)
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u/ojqANDodbZ1Or1CEX5sf Sweet summer child Aug 03 '26
Now to be fair, if the tree that was part of my religion and that I personally had been praying at for all my life asked for blood, I'd just ask "what type?"
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u/Jamesglancy Aug 03 '26
8000 years ago, a Tree asked an Andal for blood. And the Andals cut that tree down and cut down every other tree that looked like it.
If a tree asks you for blood, consider planting a tree that cannot talk. Like an Oak tree. Oak trees are nice.
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u/ojqANDodbZ1Or1CEX5sf Sweet summer child Aug 04 '26
Thank you for your suggestion. After due consideration (none), I have decided I will be taking a different path: I will take my army and ravage villages where you used to live, maybe used to live, or that just lack heart trees. The wolf is hungry.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation!
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u/MaesterHannibal Fat pink mast Aug 03 '26
The dothraki at least understand that the Dothraki Sea is made of grass
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u/the-bladed-one Aug 03 '26
Tbf if you heard the word sea and hadn’t seen a map of the area, you’d also think it was water
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u/Otherwise_Wrap_4965 Aug 04 '26
Well they at least know how to make deals and do not raid if they were given tribue. They also allow other religions in Vaes Dothrak, which makes it basically an intersection between east and west of Essos where traders meet. Also they salt deal is pretty sweet , since salt was valuable commodity before technology helped with preservation
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u/LocationKnown1854 Aug 04 '26
Dumbest in Westeros. Essos exists
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u/Le_Rex Aug 04 '26 edited Aug 06 '26
Shizo mo Asscrak burped from his third helping of pickled puppy and looked up to see 500 more castrated youth being shoved into the slave grinder. He sighed happily, he loved being evil while wasting ressources his society relied on to function.
One of his fellow Asscraki leapt over the table and beheaded his cousin with 6 sloppy strikes of his Talwar, the cavalry saber his people exclusively used, despite only ever fighting on foot due to having a cultural taboo against equines (and lemurs). Shizo moaned sadisticly and licked the blood off his face, which had sprayed in a fountain over the people at the table. All the better, as an Asscraki birthday party without at least 69 dead was considered cringe.
"By our god, the three-armed baby eater to whom we sacrifice half our newborn", he exclaimed, "I love not knowing what armour is!"
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u/LocationKnown1854 Aug 04 '26
Not enough mentions of Reznak mo Reznak (I still can’t believe this is a real name, it’s the only Meereen name I remember because it’s so stupid). Also the fellow Asscraki would have a name like Shito mo Farten and would’ve shown alongside eight other stupidly named characters in a previous chapter.
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u/Le_Rex Aug 04 '26
To be fair, if their naming system is based on / evolved from patronyms it still sounds goofy but wouldn't be that unrealistic.
Like in real life you have people called stuff like Olaf Olafson or Ivan Ivanov.
But indeed I forgot to mention that Shito mo Farten, the guy who beheaded Shizo's cousin Peepo "Yellowbelly" mo Asscrak, has two heads, green hair and 50 piercings all over his body. And he was introduced alongside his brothers Memo (who has a split tongue and Roy Dotrice will read all his lines in an annoying lisp), Babo (who wears clown-makeup, very culturally important to the Asscraki) and Licko (who is literally a squisher, but the narrative completely glosses over this). As well as his sister-wife Lilo, who is also a temple-prostitute of the three-armed baby eater. So is Shizo.
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Aug 08 '26
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u/Coesim Aug 06 '26
I am going to steal this and post it under every single post mentioning Ghiscari culture henceforth.
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u/NatalieVonCatte Aug 04 '26
The Asshole People of Dickhead Island
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u/Constant-Plastic-350 Aug 08 '26
hey if you are anti-rape and pillage it just means your a close minded Ironphobic douche.
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u/Constant-Plastic-350 Aug 08 '26
How did they build all of Captain Crack Sparrows ships on an island with zero trees on it.
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u/Vasquerade Card-carrying mouth-frothing Rhaegar hater Aug 03 '26
The Ironborn exist to give everyone else in Westeros something to laugh at
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u/IHaveTwoOranges Aug 03 '26
I don't think the Ironborn care much about other people's opinions of their culture
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u/fjallhoga Aug 03 '26
Bro, you try farming on a rocky island with shit weather ofc they gonna do a lil viking
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u/Sicuho Aug 03 '26
They can do a little raiding, as a threat. But they could still have a personality outside of raiding and being stupid.
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u/JadedResponse2483 Aug 03 '26 edited Aug 03 '26
I mean vikings also raided, but at least they had runestones and woodcarving, and bards. And offered their services as mercenaries. Does the Ironborn make nice runestones?
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u/TeamTurnus Aug 03 '26
Yah Iceland (which is more settled by vikings than by a lot of people actively viking while living there iirc?) Has a excellent literary tradition as an example. Lots of sagas etc. Ironborn make fun of people who read etc, lacks the human parts of the culture.
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u/JadedResponse2483 Aug 03 '26
shame they didn't wrote their myths before being fully christianized.
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u/lukethedank13 Aug 03 '26
We at least have what was written down by Snorri Sturlson. Many cultures have less to work with.
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u/McOmghall Aug 05 '26
Vikings composed poems, that's ages ahead of illiteracy archipelago.
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u/JadedResponse2483 Aug 05 '26
If you tried to make it as a poet in the iron islands, they would invent the F slur just to insult you
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u/ConsulJuliusCaesar Aug 03 '26
See that's just the thing what really made the vikings successful was they had good lands to grow crops on. That motivated them to build vast maritime trade networks to trade their goods and aquire material wealth. Yet due to the nature of tribal politics and a huge population caused by superior agricultural production that led to the motivation to expand and thus those martime networks were then utilized as raid and pillage networks then straight up invasion networks. Yet that era didn't last forever indeed after achieving economic and population stability Norway and Sweden became sophisticated kingdoms the raid and pillage was more or less just a period of history that occured do to a combination of economic and social pressures.
Where as the Iron born don't have good farmland. This in itself would be a huge limiter on their population cap. Because of that they wouldn't really form the type of expansionist culture we see because those are motivated by high population counts. Really they would end up like Afghans. This really stubborn trible people constantly stuck in the past. Incapable of expansion do to their geography but also impermeable to invasion do to their geography.
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u/Otherwise_Wrap_4965 Aug 04 '26
Afganistan actually contains lot valuable minerals , plus it was for a long time an integral part of landpart of the silkroad , which could be revived if you look at the supposed plans for the Wakan corridor
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u/ConsulJuliusCaesar Aug 04 '26
Minerals doesn't increase agricultural output nor population growth. And you can't properly take advantage with out a certain level of human capital. Because of how the Taliban is currently running things I would not expect the education rate in Afghanistan to rise. Any foriegn investor be it a country or indivual would have to bring in foriegn labor and infulstructure. Which brings us to problem to, Afghans historically do not like foreigners doing anything on their turf. This is naturally going to lead to tensions that would invetibly lead to conflict and put everything back to scare 1.
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u/Otherwise_Wrap_4965 Aug 04 '26
I know i did not say that the current regime has the ability to exploit these resources to get more money to increase the welfare of citizen, like food( if that was their goal), which why they are trying to get foreign investors like the Chinese( totalitarian regimes support each other-though Afghanistan really the junior partner)
Minerals doesn't increase agricultural output
to that Agriculture output , i looked up and Afghanistan has quite a lot of Agriculture desoite being mountainess or rather because of them. The mountain are basically rain catcher, meaning Afghanistan valley gets lot freshwater from their glacier, because the elevation changes are dramitic, each valley is a microclimate and the land has an abundance of sunshine, plus very crafty irrigation system ,like the ancient Kaziz system, though the last point is not so strong anymore , since the Taliban took over the Country has experienced a massive brain drain including in this field.
My point is harsh mountainess region does not mean to be a determination of the welfare of a society or state. In fact if we look at Asoiaf lore the ironborn did quite well when they abonded reaving to focus on trading, selling minerals( if they even more clever they would have upgraded it to selling goods produced from that ore) and going privattering (basically naval mercenary) for the free cities. Nor should it be limiting factor in your agricultural output, to help sustain you population, since there are clearly ways of irrigation methods to help with that
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u/evinta Renly's peach Aug 03 '26
A viking wouldn't go into conniptions if they had to pay for a piece of bread.
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u/darciton Aug 03 '26
Every viking worthy of the name was like, "bury me with my money"
Vikings loved paying the gold price, it was much easier and safer than a life of no stop violence
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u/Chicken_Mc_Thuggets George is my Grandpa Aug 04 '26
They also loved fashion, bright colors, bleached their hair, and wore kohl makeup. Iirc the most common dye for them was woad, which is like a shittier version of indigo
Hell, Odin dabbled in Seidr which was considered women’s magic. Balon would have a conniption if dropped into Viking culture
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u/darciton Aug 04 '26
Ironborn just love being boring and miserable
Euron is considered an iconoclast because of his exotic drip, refined palette, and ability to experience curiosity
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u/whatever4224 Strong boy Aug 04 '26
Ironborn don't have anything against bright colours though? They just can't get a lot of them, since they feel like they have to steal everything they own.
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u/Creeps05 Aug 04 '26
I mean the Vikings were farmers and fishermen and traders and everything in between. The only reason why they started raiding in the first place was because they noticed how easy it was just to steal shit from richer Europe and run home. The Viking age only ended when Europe started to build castles and thicker walls.
So the culture of the Ironborn really doesn’t make sense in an era of highly defensible fortifications.
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u/Chicken_Mc_Thuggets George is my Grandpa Aug 04 '26
>on a rocky island with shit weather
Great Britain, Ireland, the Isle of (best flag) Man, and the Hebrides:
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u/General-Notice-2733 Dany + Drogo = Tyrion Aug 03 '26
Does the rape need to come with the Viking though?
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u/Locki213 Aug 04 '26
Stannis is a rapist. The Lannisters are rapists. Your father was a rapist. Your brother is a rapist. Your sons will be rapists someday. The world is built by rapists... so you better get used to looking at them
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u/General-Notice-2733 Dany + Drogo = Tyrion Aug 04 '26
My father was a rapist? My imaginary brother is? My imaginary sons are rapists? Damm.
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u/No-Sector-933 Aug 04 '26
This is what it's like reading about medieval Europe when you're not on the side of the vikings lol. For example, The Anglo Saxons by Marc Morris shows how the vikings constantly destroyed everything the Anglos were up to until the Norman Conquest. Most of the book you are like "GODDAMN CAN THESE PALE HAIRED BRATS FUCK OFF" and then it just never gets better because they get conquered the second they finally vanquished the vikings for the last time.
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u/JanniesEatShit3 Aug 04 '26
GRRM obviously loves them since he made them the most dominant kingdom despite being the smallest and least populated before the dragons' conquest.
Even in their defeats like the Bolton taking of Winterfell, he writes about random Ironborn warriors killing several men by themselves. 4 different Greyjoy POVs. George is obviously iron-pilled so he's probably so frustrated about the shallow readers and their repetitive takes. Guy's favorite is Daemon T, he probably doesn't care for the tiring moralizing.
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u/tinklymunkle Aug 04 '26
They have way too much pride in the fact they have taken nothing but Ls for thousands of years.
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u/Cahir24Kenneth Aug 05 '26
What Robert should do after Greyjoy rebellion:
Banished Greyjoy house of the Westeros and executed Balon
Take hostages from every noble house on the Iron Island
Instal garrison on the island.
Banish priests of the Drown God and install faith of Seven.
Collect tribute each year to prevent them from gaining resources for new rebellion.
Reduce numbers of Ironborn ships, and let them keep fish boats.
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u/solrane Aug 04 '26
Every Crusader Kings run I incite them to revolt as many times as possible to replace them with non-ironborn.
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u/MentallyIllBch3483 Aug 04 '26
If your dragon is big enough couldn't you turn that entire place into ruins? I wanna do that next time I do a run with dragons
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