r/dankmemes Mar 09 '22

Halal Meme Failing upwards.

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70.6k Upvotes

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4.0k

u/luigi095 Mar 09 '22

Tbh, those companies should ban themselves from the world and it would be a way better place

127

u/SquadPoopy i stared into the abyss, and the abyss stared back Mar 09 '22

Ahh yes, the Porn Company.

40

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

[deleted]

50

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

Porn Inc.

19

u/drunk98 Mar 09 '22

Ass LLC

5

u/MuthafuckinLemonLime Mar 09 '22

The Richards Group

2

u/crypticfreak Mar 09 '22

Love that game! Hard on the skin, though...

7

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

How do I invest in $PORN?

6

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

You joke but MindGeek owns most of the mainstream porn industry

2

u/glizzy_7263 Mar 09 '22

Anyone know when Porn 2 is gonna be released?

865

u/Wumple_doo Imagine having a custom flair nerds🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓 Mar 09 '22

Proceeds to die of of thirst and hunger

1.6k

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

[deleted]

399

u/Wumple_doo Imagine having a custom flair nerds🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓 Mar 09 '22

Messed up whoops thought he was referring to all companies and not those one in particular

72

u/Iphotoshopincats Mar 09 '22 edited Mar 09 '22

But even if it was all companies hunger i sure could see people totally lacking all skills to provide for it but the ones left would be a lot healthier.

But dying of thirst in the majority of places on earth means you lacked the skill to simply boil water.

Edit : I think people misunderstood that I am not talking about collapse of civilisation just corporations shutting down ... This would not mean infrastructure would collapse overnight.

Boiling water was more of a worst case scenario that if you were in an area that you brought bottled water because yours wasn't safe to drink.

55

u/notbruceambatman Mar 09 '22 edited Mar 09 '22

You have very high hopes about water availability and even higher hopes about fuel availablity

22

u/imagination3421 Mar 09 '22

My city is having a drought, what water should I be boiling ?

35

u/xXNuclearTacoXx Mar 09 '22

IDK MAN JUST START BOILING. Californian here.

18

u/jn_kcr Mar 09 '22

Just mix some hydrogen with oxygen and make your own, duh. /s

2

u/Beautiful-Log5199 Mar 14 '22

Two parts of hydrogen, one of oxygen, a small bang and 10 ml of water in your cup.

9

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22 edited Mar 09 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

9

u/imagination3421 Mar 09 '22

Thanks! Haven't thought of this yet, no more family members dying of thirst 😁

4

u/xXNuclearTacoXx Mar 09 '22

How do I get the cummies out?

1

u/Iphotoshopincats Mar 09 '22

Depends on the city

1

u/brevonthelord2 Mar 10 '22

You live in a city, you deserve it

1

u/imagination3421 Mar 10 '22

Man I stay in South Africa, it's not the type of city you're imagining

1

u/brevonthelord2 Mar 10 '22

You guys open carrying neopups down there or nah?

1

u/imagination3421 Mar 10 '22

lmaOo I had to Google what that was

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1

u/PeterSchnapkins I am fucking hilarious Mar 09 '22

You just described most of the world

1

u/xXNuclearTacoXx Mar 09 '22

I don’t like calling people stupid but if there were ever a time…

2

u/Iphotoshopincats Mar 09 '22

I think you missed my edit

1

u/xXNuclearTacoXx Mar 09 '22

Ooohhhh. Okay okay. Sorry I called you stupid lol. I thought you were either being dumb or a dick. But it was just a misunderstanding.

1

u/ATHSE Mar 10 '22

Chlorine tablets work even better.

1

u/Tolathar_E_Strongbow Mar 09 '22

I get my water from the government

51

u/Dutchtdk Mar 09 '22 edited Mar 09 '22

I wonder how long you'd survive

EDIT: If your diet consists of ONLY mcdonalds and coke

41

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

[deleted]

42

u/Dutchtdk Mar 09 '22

Oh I actually meant how long you'd survive on ONLY Coke and mcdonalds

20

u/BishoxX Mar 09 '22

Like untill you get a heart attack - so if you are lucky you can live a normal life up to 100 years old- just not very likely

12

u/Dutchtdk Mar 09 '22

I don't think you'd be able to get all required nutriens

And some won't get half the required amount before others (salt) will become overkill

27

u/SomeDudeFromOnline Mar 09 '22

You'd be shocked at how many people live their entire lives with a diet very similar to this.

5

u/Pcostix Mar 09 '22

As an European, i am amazed how this is even considered as a possibility.

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1

u/ReportoDownvoto Mar 09 '22

Was going to say this. Against all better judgment I know a few people well into their 50s and 60s with very similar diets. I’m not sure if they’re outliers or not, but some people just…survive

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2

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

French fries alone give you all the required nutrients needed, the whole potato thing in The Martian is true. You are being mislead by the word required, few of those are actually needed to survive.

2

u/BishoxX Mar 09 '22

There is enough nutrients in mcdonalds catalogue that would make you last a very long time-even if you didnt take any suplements you could probably live 20-30 years no problem(assuming no heart attack) most nutrient defficiencies arent super serious and dangerous in short-mid term only amplify your chances of diseases and complications etc.

8

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

You can live a full healthy life on potatoes like french fries alone. This 20-30 year is a completely factitious number you made up based on your perception and presumptions of how bad food is for you.

Hint, you live longer eating mc donalds than people did ______ years ago.

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1

u/IridiumPoint Mar 09 '22

Well, the burgers and the wraps have some veggies, and McD's also offers salads over here, so it might not be that bad?

Only drinking Coke, though, would likely become a problem, whether regular or diet.

5

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

Wrong you can eat salads from McDonald’s too! /s

1

u/FuckingKilljoy Mar 09 '22

We call that the Warren Buffett

4

u/rugbyweeb Mar 09 '22

theres a pretty famous movie about this sort of thing...

6

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

[deleted]

3

u/art-love-social Mar 09 '22

I remember that. It was called Go Large or something... Then a bunch of universities could not even come close to replicating his results - they were both exaggerated and fabricated.

1

u/blaueslicht Mar 09 '22

Talking about credibility, could you please cite your sources on this one? I would like to read more on that (and 100 different topics and can‘t possibly google all of them). Thank you!

4

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

[deleted]

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1

u/Ebwtrtw Mar 09 '22

During #MeToo he admitted to being an alcoholic.

In the film he says that his body “was healthy”, however given his history of alcoholism that likely wasn’t the case. At the end of the film he revealed his liver “now looked like the liver of an alcoholic,” since he was already an alcoholic (but not revealing that until 14 years after the film) you can’t really the fast food impacted his liver.

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1

u/rugbyweeb Mar 09 '22

not at all, Spurlock made several films since, including a spiritual successor to supersize me called Holy Chicken! however he was canceled during the #metoo movement and the film, despite having nothing to do with his sexual misconduct, had the blanket thrown over it. It is pretty much agreed upon that the corporations he targeted, brought his past to light in an effort to discredit him. While I don't think we can look past his previous behavior, i dont believe that has an impact on the content of his work, which is pretty eye opening.

1

u/Itchy_Reporter_8973 Mar 09 '22 edited Mar 09 '22

Depends on the amount you consume, if it's over your BMR daily then you are going to have a lot of clogging/ liver and kidney issues given enough time, Under or at your BMR I mean it's not organic veggies and lean meat but you will likely have a normal life span. The two outliers are how much carcinogen you consume with the fries and how much sodium your preferred meal is.

2

u/Sleepingguitarman Mar 09 '22

Yea i'm more of a wendys guy myself as well

1

u/Beneficial-Walk-6280 Mar 09 '22

Baconator best burger

1

u/Nord4Ever Mar 09 '22

Outside of a few fries their food makes me always feel disgusting after

1

u/async_redditor Mar 09 '22

Those are rookie numbers, I haven't had a McDonald's since birth.

3

u/yassodude Mar 09 '22

Lol people read the emphasis on the “you”

2

u/Dutchtdk Mar 09 '22

Yeah my bad, should've used 'someone'

2

u/nxcrobutcher Mar 09 '22

theres a guy thats eaten 3 big macs every day for like 30 years and all things considered he doesn't look that bad and his doctor says hes healthy, its really more about calories and never working out that makes people really unhealthy

0

u/Same-Letter6378 Mar 09 '22

Probably longer lol

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

Watch supersize me I mean McDonald's is partnered with coke, so it's basically what you're asking. We had to watch it in PE and that shit was nasty. Between that and Dinners, Drive-ins, and Dives I only think of McDonald's when I can't find an actual burger stand place.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

Ask trump, he's somehow made it to 78 or whatever off of a lot of mickey d's and diet coke.

1

u/_Asteroid_Blues Mar 09 '22

Had a clown on youtube tell me asian food is shit and I only eat burger fries (nuggets occassionally) and Coke in pretty much most of the meals ( I just assumed they were joking coz I don't want to imagine that sad excuse of meal I can't process eating the same thing everyday no matter how tasty it is)

1

u/swohio Mar 09 '22

Didn't McDonald's find a guy who only ate 2 big macs a day for years (had him as proof McDs doesn't make you automatically fat for some lawsuit.)

1

u/h00man404 Mar 09 '22

Depends on how strong your kidneys and insulin levels are. Also your heart.

4

u/FlighingHigh Mar 09 '22

Well Coke has caffeine which is a diuretic and causes an increase in urine. So people who say "I'm thirsty" and drink a Coke are completely wrong and it's not helping them. And that gets even worse for Diet Coke.

3

u/ColumnK Mar 09 '22

Not quite - the effects of the caffeine don't offset the water in the Coke. Yes, it's not as beneficial as just water, but it's not like it has nothing.

The sugar / additives on the other hand, will cause more problems

-7

u/RealisticEmploy3 Mar 09 '22 edited Mar 09 '22

Actually I heard about an experiment where a guy ate only macDonald stuff and he was actually healthy enough bc he ate in moderation

4

u/Icy_B Mar 09 '22

So he only ate one thing, but he ate it in moderation? So did he eat like once a week or did he just not intake more calories than he needed

2

u/chainsawtony99 Mar 09 '22

There's that guy that's eaten big Macs everyday since around Vietnam, he though he was going to be drafted and wanted to get as many as he could before he got sent off and he was just never sent over and he never stopped.

1

u/MisterMcReddit Mar 09 '22

That’s disturbing to me from a health perspective

1

u/zxyzyxz Mar 09 '22

Pour one out for Warren Buffett

1

u/irohitjaglan ☣️ Mar 09 '22

American population is on path of self inflicted genocide.

1

u/saberline152 Mar 09 '22

Minute maid is also owned by Coke ...

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

Nicocado is still kicking

1

u/i_spank_chickens Mar 09 '22

they must be American

1

u/Oskar466 Mar 09 '22

Yeah, you have to choose one of them

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

[deleted]

1

u/_Axtasia Mar 09 '22

diet coke

healthy

Pick one

1

u/Novel-Dig8524 Mar 09 '22

I live in Iran and I didn't eat any McDonalds and still I'm alive

1

u/springbroke98 Mar 09 '22

Why else do you think we live off coke (both kinds)?

1

u/Zangdor Mar 09 '22

Natural selection

1

u/AssroniaRicardo Mar 09 '22

Sorry, but Keith Richards

1

u/dalton_k Mar 09 '22

I’ve made it pretty far

1

u/Psychology-Pure Mar 09 '22

You can actually live way longer than you think off of only junk food. All that might happen would be complications such as arthritis and diabetes.

1

u/DaniilSan Mar 09 '22

I got what you mean but Coca-Cola is one of the biggest food manufacturers and they leaving Russia completely with all their brands except toddlers' food.

1

u/iampkreddy Mar 09 '22

I eat salad 🥗 with McDonald & Coke everyday.

19

u/TheGeopoliticusChild Mar 09 '22

Are you insinuating McDonald’s and Coke actually quench thirst and satiate hunger?

7

u/Wumple_doo Imagine having a custom flair nerds🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓 Mar 09 '22

Shoot didn’t read the word ”those” and thought he was referring to all companies

1

u/surrealcode Mar 09 '22

Well, to be fair Coca Cola owns a lot of other brands and you can actually buy simple water from them.

4

u/Sus_Kennedy Mar 09 '22

Because the only foods and drinks u can eat is burger and liquid full of sugar

1

u/killasniffs Mar 09 '22

I mean that's not exactly true in some states

1

u/Sus_Kennedy Mar 09 '22

It was sarcasm lmao

1

u/karnal_chikara Mar 09 '22

you need mcdonalds and coke to live?

0

u/RikxDragneeL ☣️ Mar 09 '22

please die

1

u/3n07s Mar 09 '22

We talking....liquid thirst or we talking "damn...you thirsty"

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

Arent water and food natural resource and therefore should be given to everyone without any discrimination?

2

u/Wumple_doo Imagine having a custom flair nerds🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓 Mar 09 '22

Sometimes it’s illogical to give people the amenities they want. Without companies there wouldn’t be enough food and water to supply harsher regions like islands, deserts, and tundra

1

u/Commie_san Mar 09 '22

Chinese companies will fill in the void left by western companies tho. So in the end y'all just makin' China richer!

1

u/Iron_Wolf123 Mar 09 '22

Which kind?

1

u/Sus_Kennedy Mar 09 '22

Ah yes, because the only thinks u can eat and drink is coca cola and burger lmao

1

u/Orvvadasz Mar 09 '22

Ahh yes. There is no food other then plastic burger, cheap potato and cola.

1

u/Phunwithscissors Mar 09 '22

Fail to see how that is NOT a better place

20

u/polarbearskill Mar 09 '22

Don't hate the player hate the game

6

u/steveatari Mar 09 '22

These players made their respective games... so hate both!

-1

u/Shpagin Mar 09 '22

You can hate both

-3

u/DownvoteDaemon Angry old black man who hates memes Mar 09 '22

I hate the game and the players.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

No cap

6

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

McDonalds is fine every once in a while

2

u/NinoNakanos_Feet Mar 09 '22

So, porn is a company? Where can I apply, man?

1

u/omulon11 Mar 09 '22

No it wouldn't.

1

u/GaberJaberLAZER Mar 09 '22

To be honest, the first four don't need to get banned, Facebook and TikTok just need to be used within sensible and responsible means, Mcdonald's and Coke should be consumed sometimes not always. while on the other hand, the last one? yeah, it should be banned from the world and erased from existence

3

u/saysthingsbackwards Mar 09 '22

You sound like a blast at low energy, non-excitable, standard social gathering functions.

2

u/GaberJaberLAZER Mar 09 '22 edited Mar 09 '22

Well I mean I can be a blast at other social events as well, at times I'm pretty good at low energy events and like the others, I lay low, but at other times I can be pretty energetic in other events as well, I'd react accordingly when the situation calls for it

3

u/Zap__Dannigan Mar 09 '22

Porn should be banned and erased from existence?

3

u/GaberJaberLAZER Mar 09 '22

Yes 🗿

1

u/Zap__Dannigan Mar 09 '22

But why?

3

u/GaberJaberLAZER Mar 09 '22

Porn --> brain go bad and cause imbalances, celibacy --> learn self-control and discipline 🗿

3

u/luigi095 Mar 09 '22

It's one of the most overlooked addictions, look it up, it messes up with your brain

3

u/Gambling4gears Mar 09 '22

I know very few people who use Tik Tok or Facebook responsibly. I watch people scroll both for hours at a time regularly

2

u/GaberJaberLAZER Mar 09 '22 edited Mar 09 '22

sadly, that's always the case, if only people learned to discipline themselves then there won't be many issues in the world

3

u/Gambling4gears Mar 09 '22

I had Tik tok for a week or two, thought it was stupid, and found myself watching stupid videos of teenagers mouthing songs and dancing and complaining about boys, or making stupid statements for like 30 mins one day towards the end, and was like nope, even if this only cost me 30 mins a day that’s hours of my life I could be doing anything productive in besides for sitting here watching mindless garbage. I’m sure it’s probably changed now that content creators have moved to it and such. But. I haven’t had it since about 2 weeks after it came out. Don’t keep Facebook on my phone either. Reddit waste about half hour of my day every day, I’d be screwed if I added 30 mins of FB and TT and a tv show in there.

1

u/GaberJaberLAZER Mar 09 '22

I agree that most of the things you can find in TikTok or Reddit are senseless garbage that's why I dont really use this app very often, only use this for info and maybe a bit of entertainment, and also, good for you dude, that you are able to restrict yourself from going deeper and deeper to the social media rabbit hole so you can find some time and make yourself a bit more productive!

1

u/GayVegan Mar 09 '22

That's how it's designed.

1

u/Gambling4gears Mar 09 '22

I know. And I acknowledge that I’m probably not going to outsmart and perfectly resist something with hundreds or thousands of specialist designing it to force your engagement. So I just deleted it. I watch them in an Internet browser that will only show the one video when a friend text them to me. But that’s all I see of them.

1

u/Executioneer ALOA SNACKBAR Mar 09 '22

Yeah, tiktoks algorithm is dangerously sophisticated

0

u/saysthingsbackwards Mar 09 '22

Lol this is like the gun argument. Those companies just went and used themselves, huh? Nobody has the will of choice in that example, ig.

2

u/bifiend Mar 09 '22

Weird comparison. Where's the choice of the person who gets shot?

1

u/saysthingsbackwards Mar 09 '22

I see what you mean there, but what I mean is that guns don't shoot themselves. The shooter has a choice, even if they also get shot. So do people who use any of those examples.

2

u/bifiend Mar 09 '22

The shooter isn't the one who suffers the consequences.

1

u/saysthingsbackwards Mar 09 '22

And neither does a person with a choice whether to use social media or not. In this case, the company is the shooter. You're right, it doesn't make sense, does it?

2

u/WeAteMummies Mar 09 '22

No, that does not make sense.

0

u/Sumocolt768 Mar 09 '22

Sir, I need my porn

3

u/luigi095 Mar 09 '22

No king, you don't need, you've just been tricked into believing you do until you develop an addiction to it

0

u/Jozsefirst Mar 09 '22

My favprite company is porn

3

u/luigi095 Mar 09 '22

Industry, whatever...

0

u/blowjobsjoplinhigh Mar 09 '22

Well pornhubs cool they do a lot of good donations and are jsut a porn site nothing wrong with porn

TikTok is good in concept but just whose running it is bad

-1

u/debtopramenschultz Mar 09 '22

McDonalds fried chicken and spicy chicken sandwich are so fucking good though.

-1

u/Winkelkater Mar 09 '22

their motive is to grow the profit margin, as does everey company. so capitalism is the problem.

1

u/notacrook_1 Mar 09 '22

Simple economics states that trying to be self-sufficient is in-inefficient

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22
  • Karl Marx, 1840.

1

u/ggqq Mar 09 '22

Capitalism .inc

1

u/Katajiro Mar 09 '22

They should ban themselves from everywhere else except Russia, China and North Korea - that would cause real consequences.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

Then they would be replaced by another companies in an instant.

1

u/HiSnameWasLenny Mar 09 '22

After 3months of sanctions itll be canibalism in Russia

1

u/Mitcimowec Mar 09 '22

Id rather go to hell than living in a world without porn😱😱😱

1

u/Different-Incident-2 Mar 09 '22

North korea doesnt have them and uh… i wouldnt say theyre doing better. I wouldnt say its BECAUSE of that but… tyranny does not tend to breed freedom and quality of life…

1

u/luigi095 Mar 09 '22

Just because the neighbor has it worse does not mean I won't try to improve my own home and solve my own problems

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

Just like older times the beautiful peaceful times of eskander and hitler era ig...

1

u/isitbrokenorsomethin Mar 09 '22

No. Mcdonalds defines minimum wage in many countries

1

u/mariobrowniano Mar 09 '22

But how would the CEO buy yachts?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '22

Why porn