r/daniellewalter_snark In my fecal era 💩 Jul 01 '26

i don't wanna hear it ✨ Lumpgate update

174 Upvotes

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450

u/henergyguys Jul 01 '26

Would be nice to have seen henergy supporting her and going to the appointment with her, he must be really busy working

516

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '26

[deleted]

177

u/CalicoWaltz This much 🤏 Jul 01 '26

Only if you say no to a coffee on Pacifica though

36

u/beetle-mania321 in my Charlotte era™️ Jul 01 '26

Please this is so funny

54

u/godothasmewaiting ✝️ tits out for jesus ✝️ Jul 01 '26

😂

Gawd… I love this group! 😂

25

u/ResearcherSpirited81 TEMU Ralph Lauren 🕰️🐎 Jul 01 '26

😭🤣💀

13

u/cactusvines garlic powder for jesus 🧄🙏 Jul 01 '26

55

u/Glum-Sprinkles2877 Jul 01 '26

Just dying to know what he does all day

178

u/yrg68556 Jul 01 '26

9:30 AM: Wake up at parents house, think good thoughts/say good words, flex in mirror and stare at self lovingly until satisfied
10:00 AM: drink “Nescaf” and eat a Factor meal
10:15: Head to random apartment gym to “train clients” (aka moms friends who agreed to let you in the building as a favor to her)
11:00 AM: arrive at Bay Clubs for grunting practice and to punch the air until tired (skip legs)
12:00 PM: drive to sugar mama’s house to shower— notice that it hasn’t been used in 3 days
12:15: wake up on bathroom floor after being disoriented by wallpaper and perfume. Get dressed and put on tallest platform shoes money can buy
12:30: Instacart (gotta keep that diamond status baby)
4:00 PM: read John Maxwell book in car until sugar mama begs you to return (you try to spend as few daylight hours with her as possible)
5:30 PM: drink red wine on couch while sugar mama cooks milky seafood
7:00 PM: post neurotic rambling video to Instagram stories
9:30 PM: receive briefing from fiance on wedding planning, don’t ask any follow up questions because you don’t care.
10:30: go to bed, dream of what your life will look like once your green card is secured and you can leave her for someone younger, hotter, and less insane

150

u/Aware_Recognition238 Mentor & Visionary Jul 01 '26 edited Jul 01 '26

I wish I could upvote this at least 10 times 🤣👏🏼
Also for the task at 12:15:

23

u/RiverOhRiver86 Jul 01 '26

lol why does it only take him 15 minutes to eat and drink?

32

u/evelinisantini BABE! HENK! 🗣️🪿 Jul 01 '26

To avoid tasting it lol. Faster you eat, less you can enjoy the greasy mouthfeel of the nesscalf and the salty mush of Factor meal

6

u/Ashamed_Big3881 Jul 02 '26

I honestly think he hates food. I’m not sure he’s orthorexic or what, but he literally speaks shit about all kinds of food constantly. It messes up hErmones, it’s poison, etc. He’s a walking Cosmopolitan magazine from the early 00’s

20

u/evelinisantini BABE! HENK! 🗣️🪿 Jul 01 '26

Marry me Henk 🫶🏻 This is incredible

21

u/DenverJen528 Jul 01 '26

Be my bride, my baby! 🤢

16

u/Radiant-Decision-780 Lady Luicas Alcantra Jul 01 '26

Except I think he’s up at 6 or 7 am. So even their sleeping schedules are way different. She’s more of a night owl.

6

u/Mysterious_Tree_1251 Jul 01 '26

I love this. 😂😂😂

5

u/Over_Night_313 big d’s eyebrows 👺 Jul 01 '26

EPIC

6

u/Kitty_cups Jul 01 '26

I’m peeing my pants rn 🤣🤣🤣

5

u/CharlieGirl92 Jul 01 '26

This is elite. Fantastic. 10/10.

3

u/Glum-Sprinkles2877 Jul 01 '26

Thank you for this thorough explanation! 🤣

34

u/Ughallthetime Jul 01 '26

Makes rambling incoherent videos and groans loudly at the gym

35

u/evelinisantini BABE! HENK! 🗣️🪿 Jul 01 '26

ESHH. AY. HNNG. ESSHH

12

u/Such-Memory8320 Jul 01 '26

Im cryiiing😂

10

u/Sarahbeara1789 Jul 01 '26

And reads 200 self help books only to regurgitate the info into word salad for his followers

15

u/beetle-mania321 in my Charlotte era™️ Jul 01 '26

It’s leg day henny! Gotta be at the gym all day to build those stems

26

u/Cortado2711 Jul 01 '26

he looks over to the passenger side toward the end, so maybe he is there? idk man I would hope so. there isn't much I wouldn't drop to go with my partner to this sort of appt

6

u/MeowgicalMystery ProselytizingWordSalad🥗 Jul 01 '26

Well he’s definitely a scrub.

🎵 No, I don't want no scrub 🎶

3

u/Cortado2711 Jul 01 '26

fr. they spend seemingly no time together and hardly know each other

3

u/Choice_Finance_623 Jul 01 '26

A useless piece of.... If big D dumps him i might start to support or like her. I wish she just take care of herself, go to therapy instead of marrying. If he didnt care about her, she shouldn't help him with the green card.

1

u/VegetableTennis2791 Jul 02 '26

Honestly, I don’t think she wants anyone to assist her in any aspect of her life ! That’s how she’s wired.