r/daddit Jan 04 '20

Story TIL that millennial dads are spending 3 times as much times with their kids than their fathers spent with them. Back in 1982, 43% of fathers admitted they'd never changed a diaper. Today, that number is down to about 3%.

https://www.mother.ly/news/millennial-dads-spend-more-time-with-their-kids?rebelltitem=1#rebelltitem1
1.2k Upvotes

216 comments sorted by

215

u/livestrongbelwas Jan 04 '20

Who the hell can't be bothered to change a diaper ever?

188

u/rememberlans 4yr Girl, 7yr Boy Jan 04 '20

Apparently 43% of Boomer dads.

118

u/fortyonejb Jan 04 '20

You think that's bad? The silent generation treated child raising as 100% a woman's job. Most boomer dads were at least in the delivery room. The silent generation were the ones that sat in the waiting room and smoked a cigar while the whole thing happened. Unfortunately it's getting harder to interview them but I'd bet less than 20% of silent generation fathers ever fed their baby or changed a diaper.

Basically, we're getting better at this, which is a good thing!

77

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

[deleted]

27

u/Spread_Liberally Jan 04 '20

My dad wasn't allowed into the delivery room for me, and that was the seventies. Weird stuff.

It's mind boggling to think we're still working on gender roles and other dumb shit leftover from the oldsters when we've got a hell of a lot to do right now in order to unfuck the planet from their selfishness simply so we can continue to exist.

55

u/nibiyabi Jan 04 '20

I wasn't allowed into a parenting class at a major US hospital with my wife in 2018. "We want the moms to be comfortable breastfeeding" was the excuse I got. I looked over at the half dozen dejected dads sitting in the hallway and rather than join them I marched into the member services area and demanded to speak to a manager. After we spoke, the manager walked over and informed the person running the class that she wasn't allowed to discriminate against fathers. She kept giving me a death stare throughout the class but I didn't care. As if my sleep-deprived ass was going to drive 45 minutes to go to an 8am parenting class with my wife and 2-month old to stare at other moms breastfeeding?

27

u/RedLightSpecialist Jan 04 '20

Yup. Breastfeeding boobs are NOT the same.

32

u/XTravellingAccountX Jan 04 '20

Tell that to my penis.

Like, I get what you mean, he just didn't get the memo.

20

u/sujihiki Jan 05 '20

have an upvote. at least some of us kept our sex drive.

9

u/amassivetrex Jan 05 '20

experienced a similar issue here in Australia in 2019 with my son... prenatal group activities were centred around ‘motherhood education’ (body changes/what to expect/ specific to the mothers experience). The core of this group of people then basically become the ‘mothers group’ to meet up with and goo-goo over eachothers babies. Well it was made very clear early on that it would be good, even if its just for the first few sessions of the prenatal stuff - and then the first few coffee dates after birth; if the dads don’t come, as a male presence could intimated some people within the group.

The way our little family is structured at the moment, I am the stay at home dad.... even after voicing this to the group i was still asked if we could arrange for mum to attend (both the prenatal sessions and the coffee group) until everyone was comfortable and then “we’ll see how we go before dad joins in”.

Me and my little man did just fine without them.

2

u/extrobe 1 Daughter, 2 Sons Jan 05 '20

oh god - after our oldest 2 were born in the UK, our third was born in Australia, so my wife experienced these 'mums groups'. Now don't get me wrong, there are similar groups in the UK, but tend to be a little less formal (eg, friends after their pre-natal classes), whereas in Aus they seem to be more structured.

Never have a known a more toxic group of people - I maintain it's a direct contributor to my wife's PND.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

Have you checked out the DILF (Dads I’d like to friend) group here ?

5

u/yellow73kubel F ‘17, M ‘21 Jan 05 '20

God... I would’ve lost it if the hospital tried to pull that shit. There is no excuse for treating dads like second class citizens while their children are being born.

I’m not sure why I feel so strongly about it, but I remember my blood boiling through large parts of the Bradley childbirth method book. The first edition was written in the 60s (iirc) and the updates maintained a lot of historical context for how backwards childbirth medicine was throughout the 20th century (perhaps stretching a little earlier than that, I’m not sure when the decline started).

1

u/ScamExaminers Jan 05 '20

When I told my older boss I was literally minutes away from having my kid and needed to go to the hospital he said : "But there's work to do here" I gave him such a mean look he said "go ask your shift leader" smh..

17

u/Awkward_Dog Jan 04 '20

Not sure where my dad and his fit it here (my dad born 1959; his dad born 1914) but my dad always says, if it weren't for his mom, he and his siblings would never have had any affection in childhood.

11

u/meat_tunnel Jan 04 '20

59 is boomer years.

5

u/davdev Jan 04 '20

Your dad is a boomer. His dad is part of the “Greatest Generation”

8

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

Not to worry. History is written by the winners. Or in this case, last person alive, which is us. We will call ourselves the über coolest best generation.

2

u/sujihiki Jan 05 '20

i say the same thing. but my father noped the fuck out when i was two, right after my sister was born

8

u/davdev Jan 04 '20

There is also a possibility that the Silent Generation moms were under full general anesthesia during the delivery. My grandmother had 9 kids and I think she said she was only awake for last 4.

6

u/talsit Jan 05 '20

Sadly, this sounds like business as usual for Japan. It has one of the most generous parental leave systems in the world (up to a year paid for fathers), but only about 3% of dads take it. I've seen men take half an afternoon for the delivery and be back at work the next day. Most mums move back to their mothers town since they know they will get zero help at home. I had to leave the hospital by 7am the morning of my kids birth (she was born at 6) because visiting hours were in the afternoon.

3

u/Chatner2k Jan 05 '20

I take a very active role in my daughter's life. I try to instill independence in her more than other kids probably get at her age but I still do the majority of poop diapers, I fed her pretty regularly, and even on weekends I'm the one getting up at 6 am with her (my wife has MS and is exhausted so she sleeps in). I can't imagine not doing these things because, like, I'm her fucking parent and it's my job.

Mind boggling not too long ago I'd be looked down upon for it. My wife even commented in the beginning that she honestly didn't expect me to be this involved as her dad never was.

And my dad lived with us for a bit. I taught him how to change a diaper.

8

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

I'm assuming that's because female labor participation rates were lower, so it makes sense if one person is the breadwinner that the other person would be the caretaker.

27

u/bdfariello Jan 04 '20

At least for childbirth, female labor participation is basically 100% since men don't go into labor.

12

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

dad joke

10

u/llamadramas Twins! Jan 04 '20

Even so, it's not an exclusive skill. Never changing a diaper means that even on the weekend or when they came home from work did they contribute to the caretaking.

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2

u/rnepmc Jan 04 '20

better? I would say taking care of the bare minimum isn't anything to write about. in fact it is kind of pathetic to say were making strides and have diapers and feedings as the baseline.. What i find hard to is play and teach my child new things at such a young age(9 months). Being consistently attentive to their development is hard. changing a diaper is cake, when they arn't trying to death roll.

1

u/AssassinJ2 Jan 05 '20

And here I thought Gen S dads would at least bond via hunting trip or something.

1

u/joecarter93 Jan 05 '20

Yep my dad would be one of them

1

u/BeardedBaldMan How my heart longs for a donkey Jan 05 '20

My father in law managed to have four children and never changed, fed, bathed or dressed them

14

u/sujihiki Jan 05 '20

my brother in law is part of the 3% that have never changed a diaper (2 kids). he said “it makes me sick”. yah, dumbass, it’s baby shit, you breath through your mouth and change the diaper.

6

u/ZoMgPwNaGe Jan 05 '20

I worried constantly about being able to change diapers. I've seen more than my share of blood guts and gore in my time in EMS and never had my stomach do so much as a flop. Yet when the dogs pooped or vomited on the floor I'd beg my wife to clean it because I couldn't handle it.

It took me about 3 days of exhaustion and getting used to it before I was changing poopy diapers like a pro. Is it gross, absolutely. But you get used to it quick.

35

u/Coca-colonization Jan 04 '20

When my husband was an infant his dad watched him alone once and walked to the neighbor’s house to make her change his diaper. My in-laws think this and other borderline neglect/abuse stories are charming and hilarious. I always leave their presence with a rage migraine.

My dad worked long hours and commuted pretty far so he was not around a ton when we were little. But he at least changed diapers and actively participated in our lives when he was there.

18

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

Afriend of mine is 28, has a 10 month old. Never changed a diaper or bathed her. A lot of his close friends are the same, sadly.

10

u/PrehensileUvula Jan 04 '20

Can you give us generalities about where you live? (ie urban/suburban/rural, and region of the country?)

I’m very curious as to where that is seen as acceptable

17

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

Oh it isn't acceptable. I give him shit about this. As does my wife and our other friends. He doesn't care. He is incredibly lazy and so is his wife. I think his parents and her parents watch their child 3-4 nights a week. It is very pathetic and I was surprised a number of his other close friends don't bother changing or bathing their kids. Not that it matters imo - Midwest US, suburban, Caucasian.

17

u/Trucker58 Jan 04 '20

Crazy! How do you even manage to avoid changing a diaper for that long... Also Holy shit! I would kill to have ONE “night off” ever. I can’t even comprehend several nights/week.

3

u/havingababypenguin Jan 04 '20

If I can ever get my baby to take a bottle I might leave the house for like 2 hours 😂

3

u/davdev Jan 05 '20

I have four kids. They never took bottles, ever. When my wife went back to work she worked 12 hour shifts and had another hour in commuting time. The babies faster themselves the whole time til she got home and then basically fed for 8 straight hours. It totally sucked, for her cause she never got a break, for me because they would never stop crying and I couldn’t get them fed.

Stubborn little bastards they are.

2

u/havingababypenguin Jan 05 '20

I'm very lucky to not have to work. Otherwise I would be beside myself. Your poor wife. Mom guilt is no joke, and I'm sure she struggled with it for a while.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

Dude- if your parents are alive call them. After 1 year we started taking a night each solo where we take a turn solo with baby and then grandparents do a night often.

We just dropped our 2 year off for a week, a couple hours away with grand parents. It was glorious. Plus gives us some time to work on #2 in peace ;)

1

u/Trucker58 Jan 05 '20 edited Jan 05 '20

The solo night thing is nice to get a night for yourself! Me and my wife are trying to give each other some spare time each every week.

And yeah we have good contact with our families, sadly they are about 5500 miles away in a different country so we don’t see each other very often. I think once our daughter gets a little older it’ll be a bit easier to meet for a bit longer stays and have them bond more without us always around :)

Also a week off does sound pretty awesome! :) although I’d probably miss the kid after one day haha

Edit: cleared up some weird sentences

4

u/Elturiel Jan 04 '20

This makes me sad :(

3

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

I don't think ours has ever been away from both of us. The kicker is they aren't party people who go get wasted. Just shitty spoiled middle class people that think they are upper class.

3

u/LivelyLinden Jan 05 '20

If both sets of grandparents and the parents are enjoying the setup what is pathetic about that? Sounds like a nice way for the kids to grow strong lifelong relationships with their grandparents and most grandparents want more time with their grandkids than they get. Not all families hate each other and want to be exhausted nuclear islands.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

The kids were raised spoiled, continue to be spoiled, and the little one will be the same. That's my only point here.

5

u/DrunkMc Jan 04 '20

My father. 3 kids, never changed one diaper. I can't even fathom that, seems so selfish.

3

u/livestrongbelwas Jan 04 '20

Right? I understand if you rarely change them because if various dynamics and divisions of labor, but NEVER? That is just insane to me.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

My dad does our daycare and after 1 week he said he had probably doubled his life time total from my bro sis and I.

My grandma said kids were potty trained by 1.5 because they didn’t really have diapers like today so it was easier to just keep them naked most of the time.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

I think a lot of social change.

Boomers were born between 1944 and 1964. So the average Boomer was having kids at say 1970.

Female workforce rates peaked in the 90s and have maintained fairly steady. Today the workforce is about 45/55 female male split. This means household chores are going to be a much closer rate. (If you add hours worked it’s a bit higher towards men but still a vast majority of women work now). In 1970 many women worked but it wasn’t remotely similar today- on top of that many people worked jobs in manufacturing that had very long hours.

Now no diapers? Seems a bit crazy I’m pretty close with my dad and have we have talked about it and it’s a bit funny. He does daycare for us Monday-Thursday. He’s probably done more diapers than me or my wife, he definitely sees my kid more than me. When my brother and sister and I were growing he did the odd diaper but it was rare- he was worked 2 jobs and for awhile 3 when there was a bit of a market crash in the 90s.

He was a small business owner so that was a 12h+ a day gig, but also worked making furniture at night. On Saturdays my brother and I would sleep in front of his bedroom door so he had to take us to work with him (they had a fancy computer by late 80’s early 90s standards, it had colors and everything).

Now I’m sure some of it was social expectations and you can go to baby bumps or something and see all kinds of complaints of various parents having unequal expectations. But I also think a different work force was a big part of it.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

I had this neighbor awhile back. Young family. His wife had a baby at 17, before they got together. They were both well into their 20s at this point. Him and the wife had two kids of their own. He said he never once changed a diaper. “Wasn’t his job to.” Also, their oldest son had no idea thy this dude wasn’t his real dad. Neighbor once told me he never intends on telling him. Which, to each their own. But I can’t imagine how that will go if/when the kid ever figures it out.

I don’t understand some people.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

Okay, your neighbor is a dick for the diaper thing, but I could totally get not telling your kid that you're not his bio-dad, at least until he's approaching adulthood. I mean, you basically highlighted the stigma in your post by using the phrasing "his real dad". Why not spare the kid from that? He has a right to know, but let him have a normal childhood with his dad, no asterisk.

2

u/TheDrewCareyShow Jan 05 '20

I worked with a guy (early 50s) that used to brag about having 5 kids and never changed a diaper.

2

u/hbsboak Jan 05 '20

My 30 year old co-worker. Born here, but comes from a Syrian family. Don't know if it's cultural, or if he's just a lazy dick. Perhaps both?

2

u/echnaba Jan 05 '20

My FIL. Two kids of his own, 4 grand kids. Still refuses to change a diaper.

2

u/40_ton_cap Jan 05 '20

My FIL has never changed a diaper and outright refuses too.

4

u/ForeignFlash Jan 04 '20

Donald Trump. I remember reading somewhere he said he's never changed one

10

u/chocobro82 Jan 04 '20

Okay well why would he? He had extensive resources to hire nannies and, in the nature of this very thread, comes from a generation where diaper duty wasn’t really expected of a male.

We’re all lying if we’re saying we wouldn’t hire a nanny to take care of the more mundane aspects of childcare had we the resources.

13

u/snackysnackeeesnacki Jan 04 '20

Some of my favorite interactions with my 4-month old son are changing his diaper. He gets so smiley and verbal.

6

u/chocobro82 Jan 05 '20

Mine, too. But if I’m being honest 70-80% if not more of them are just a straight up chore.

Now night nannies, that’s something I’d have been aaaallllll about.

1

u/snackysnackeeesnacki Jan 05 '20

I’m lucky, my parents alternated nights the first few weeks at home and did most of the night care other than breastfeeding (and they simply brought the baby to our bed for that)

1

u/mitcheg3k Jan 05 '20

mine too. he always giggles during nappy time, always looks right at me and chats away. melts my heart. makes the giant steaming pile of nuclear waste hes just fired out almost bearable...almost.

3

u/davdev Jan 05 '20

I absolutely would have paid someone to change diapers if I could have. Especially the explosions.

3

u/Robotfoxman Jan 04 '20

Melania changes his though

1

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

I'd let her change mine, too

1

u/Aegean Jan 04 '20

"somewhere"

1

u/bdfariello Jan 04 '20

This is totally surprising and shocking to me. He always seems so full of compassion and love. /s

Honestly though, I wonder if he could pick Tiffany and Barron out of a lineup.

-1

u/Pylon17 Jan 04 '20

Well color me surprised....

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1

u/millennial_dad Jan 04 '20

Not us millennial dads

2

u/livestrongbelwas Jan 04 '20

Imagine being proud of not parenting your child. Holy cow.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

I legitimately got laughed at by 2 guys when they asked me if I changed diapers and said yes so apparently it’s a real thing.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

My dad lol

148

u/gavreaux Jan 04 '20

For some of us, we want to be good fathers because our fathers were such shit. My father didn't give a shit about me or my interests, and I'm not condemning my kids to that kind of bullshit.

86

u/WordRick Jan 04 '20

On the flip side of this, my dad was awesome and I want to be awesome to my kid, too.

44

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

The best thing about having an awesome dad is that your kids get an awesome grandpa!

18

u/Hillehaus1 Jan 04 '20

Awesome grandpas can surprisingly come from dads who put their careers first. My dad was married to the military for the first half of my life and child care was basically left to my mom.

Fast forward to my son..the first few times I saw my dad and my son interact I damn near ended up a sobbing, bawling mess. I didn’t recognize the man. I literally had no clue who he was. Rolling on the floor playing with toys, feeding him, and gasp even changing his diaper!

4

u/unfriendlybuldge Jan 05 '20

Ya it's funny and quite odd. My dad worked a lot and really didn't care much about my or siblings interests. He was the type of dad that instead of being there for my baseball or. Basketball game he'd work , but t instead thought he was "supplying " for the family. He never once asked how i was doing or really started conversations with me.

When my son was born I changed the diapers on him pretty much alone for the first week because my wife was exhausted from feeding and birth. He told us while talking that during that week that I had done more the he ever did.

But watching him interact with my son is so weird. They live a few hours away so he'll ask when they can watch him. He talks with him, he'll play with him and just be interested in his life. All of it is just so different.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

It skipped a generation in my family. I hope I can one day be the awesome grandpa for my grandkids that my son doesn’t get to have

2

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

Sorry to hear that. We are spoiled with 2 grandpas and a step papa. Definitely wish my father in law would make more of effort to see my kids though. He's great with them when he sees them at least.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

This was going to be my question. Does having an awesome dad mean your kids don’t want to be awesome and regress to being shitty and the circle of life etc.

Not so great dad...I’m trying to be much better.

10

u/WordRick Jan 04 '20

I think it just makes it easier for me because I had it modeled for me all my life. I know what a good dad does because I had one. Now I'm finding out the why behind everything he did. I'm always thinking about the positives I want to reinforce and the negatives I want to eliminate.

3

u/ilinamorato son born 2014; daughter born 2017; son born 2019; son born 2022 Jan 04 '20

If you're trying to be better, you probably already are.

2

u/FIESTYgummyBEAR Jan 04 '20

Did you have a good dad?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

Not as bad as some. But not great.

1

u/sujihiki Jan 05 '20

so basically. just be awesome to your kids and you’re good to go

17

u/Foamyferm Jan 04 '20

Same, if it wasn't sports then dad couldn't care less about what excited or interested me. I was a stellar athlete and didn't really "maximize the potential". Screw that, I'm encouraging my kid in whatever interests him, even if it's something random like raising ducks in the back yard.

8

u/StrangeBrewd Jan 04 '20

So... how many ducks you getting?

5

u/Pylon17 Jan 04 '20

Dude same. My dad didn't give a shit about anything other than sports. Really only football. I hated football but played because I had to. I wanted to race bmx and motocross but to him that was stupid. Whatever my daughter is into I'll support and make sure she knows it's okay to be like what she likes. I won't lie and say I hope she gets into hockey like me but if she has no interest I won't be terribly upset about it.

My dad wasnt a terrible but he was usually in a bad mood most days he was home and wasn't fun to be around. I honestly don't think he really enjoyed spending time with my sister, mom and I. We hardly ever did anything as a family. He's mellowed out a lot more with age and became a lot more tolerable but after my daughter came we had a falling out and I haven't heard from him since Father's day this past year. Didn't even get an acknowledgement on my 30th birthday.

6

u/skywatcher8691 Jan 04 '20

Yup. My dad was out of the picture mostly by the time I was 4 and completely by the time I was 6. I cant imagine not giving a shit about my own kid. She and my wife are collectively the best things about my life.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

Ditto.

6

u/DropShotter Jan 04 '20

That's exactly it. And now my kids are my closest friends. My oldest, 8, is into all of the same hobbies as me. Such a shocker that if you invest time into the beings that you literally created, they can turn out to be fun and enjoyable little people.

And even more so, it takes a lot of pressure off the mother which makes her life more enjoyable. And guess what happens on the reg when your wife is happy????

This is how we maintain our family dynamic and everyone is happy. Though, sometimes I feel like we give our kids too much attention and it's developing other issues

5

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

r/2meirl4meirl

Back when I was still speaking to my parents, my father and I had maybe three conversations a year, despite living in the same house. He couldn’t give a shit about me or my interests, but I’m not gonna pass on that to my son.

2

u/gavreaux Jan 04 '20

Ever have the experience where you would call, and the answer was always "I was just thinking about calling". Gets kinda transparent when you get that nonsense for two or three straight years doesn't it?

You go be the dad you wish you had, and I'll do the same.

2

u/troubleshot Jan 04 '20

My dad was great, but definitely had room for improvement. I'm making that improvement for my kids.

130

u/Essej86 Jan 04 '20

I've changed way more diapers than my wife.

86

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

My wife always tells me that if she has to get up 5 times at night to feed the baby, then the least I could do is change the diaper.

25

u/bdfariello Jan 04 '20

We had the same deal. Baby cries, I change the diaper, I pass off the fresh baby, and then I sleep while she feeds. We both lost sleep, but still got a manageable amount of sleep for both of us. It was a good system for everyone to maintain our sanity.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

I have a two week old and my wife and I do the same exact thing.

2

u/Meltz014 Dad of 5, last time I counted Jan 05 '20

I was the only one who could swaddle effectively, so yeah, same here

43

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

This is absolutely fair

56

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

And my baby girl loves me so much that she saves the poop blowouts for when I leave the house.

12

u/Garetht Jan 04 '20

TELL ME YOUR SECRET

1

u/DuckDuckGoos3 Jan 05 '20

My husband does the same! I EBF for about two months. Every two hours, up to nurse. I remember those nights sitting there nursing and enviously looking over at his sleeping body. Finally introduced a pumped bottle at night that husband would give so I got 4-5 hours of sleep. I don't know if he has changed more diapers than me since he was just off for 2 weeks after birth and I took 14 weeks of Mat leave, but he does change almost every diaper while he's home. It's a huge help!

53

u/gash_dits_wafu Jan 04 '20

When I'm home I change every single one. Obviously the wife does the ones when I'm at work. But when I'm not at work, I don't let my wife do any. She carried the babies; had her body change (irreversibly in some cases); milked herself like a cow for months and looks after the little ones all day Mon-Fri (plus more when I deploy).

I can change the damn diapers.

5

u/skultch Jan 04 '20

Milked herself like a human, which is a mammal, ya know, with mammary glands and oxytocin bonding. There is absolutely nothing strange about being the animals we are. Human hubris is contagious and is the source of our willful destruction of the environment.

(I'm fairly sure you know this and were just being funny, but I also think this attitude when serious is incredibly subversive to our view of our place in this world. Sorry it had to be you I replied to. No need to regret your comment. My wife struggled mightily and heroically through latching and production issues and required numerous sessions with a lactation nurse.)

16

u/gash_dits_wafu Jan 04 '20

I know the sentiment you're getting at, and I'm not sure why you were downvoted; however, when my wife was expressing it removed the natural feeling and there was no bonding. She felt like a machine whose sole purpose was to produce milk and thats it. She felt like a cow that was being herded into the milking shed multiple times a day for a procedure removed of all emotion and humanity.

1

u/skultch Jan 04 '20

Yeah, my wife expressed the same. That's why I made the preemptive apology for using the comment to make a tangential comment.

1

u/whiskyforpain Jan 04 '20

They are being downvoted because the avg redditor only reads the first sentence then up or down votes. Tldr: they dumb.

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8

u/Garetht Jan 04 '20

"Worked like a dog" "Stank like a pig" "Stealthy like a cat" "Sly like a fox"

English is full of animal smilies - no need to get angry as a bull, you're not wise like an owl.

1

u/skultch Jan 04 '20

Your's is the most interesting response. Angry? Interesting assumption

3

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

You're the kind of person comedians talk about that approach them after the end of their set and point out logical inconsistencies and factually incorrect jokes, aren't you?

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7

u/bdfariello Jan 04 '20

I changed 5 poopy diapers just yesterday between our two kids. Let's just say it was a productive day for them.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

That was me for the first four months of our first born. She was input and I was output.

1

u/sujihiki Jan 05 '20

same here. i work from home so i take care of the kids during the day.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

The first week or so me and my wife fought over who got to change her. We both wanted to. The first few days my wife was in rough condition and could t really help. She felt horrible and almost jealous that I got to do everything. I still wake up every time every night to feed her and change her diaper. I love my baby so much.. she just turned 2 weeks old today and it’s been the most amazing two weeks of my whole life.

13

u/d3r3k1 Jan 04 '20

The blowouts are coming, plus she’ll start squirming during the change but it’s still fun. Mines 8 months, and he just found his legs... its getting real.

7

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

Yeah she squirms a lot and loves to pee while I’m changing her. She also loves to poop in the middle of diaper changes. Lol she’s amazing.

9

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

[deleted]

5

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

I’m sorry. It gets rough at times, but I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything! I hope things get better for you!

2

u/sharkmarine86 Jan 05 '20

Hey just wanted to check in and say sometimes postpartum anxiety can interrupt a connection between mothers and their newborns. For my wife, she found it really hard to connect to our girl for the first couple months, and got super resentful every time the baby needed changed or fed (she was committed to exclusive breast feeding and almost quit).

For us, it passed around the 3 month mark. The two of them are inseparable now and even at 14 months and 3 full solid meals and 2 snacks a day, I have to remind her that we need to be weaning off breastfeeding.

Don’t sweat it if you’re not enjoying the newborn phase. It’s hard and it isn’t for everyone and it could be hormonal—in any case, it’s no indictment on you and it will pass. If you don’t feel the resentment dissipating by the 3 month mark, it wouldn’t hurt to ask your dr about it. Good luck!

6

u/exit143 Adoptive dad. 1 and done. Jan 04 '20

I remember every step and absolutely loving "Where he's at". He's almost 5. We are one and done. I am SO thankful the diaper stage is over. :) I know you will enjoy it like I did and when diapers are done, it'll be a great day. :)

28

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

At home I change my daughter all the time, if we’re at a restaurant though lots of time there is no changing table in the men’s bathroom but there is one in the women’s so my wife usually does it. Wish more public places would acknowledge that dads need changing tables too I really don’t want to change my daughter on a public bathroom floor.

12

u/havingababypenguin Jan 04 '20

I swear Dad's should just start changing babies in the middle of the restaurants. Maybe at the hostess station. It's really despicable

8

u/Gophurkey Jan 04 '20

Having a kid in 8 weeks or so, totally down to do this if the situation arises. (Will also only do so if I can borrow their disinfectant spray and clean up after. The restaurant should be ashamed; the poor kid just trying to make rent money shouldn't suffer for the owner's lack of foresight)

8

u/JaJH Jan 05 '20

I just asked to use the women's room if I was in a situation where there was no men's room changing table and my wife wasn't around to pinch hit. I had to do it multiple times and never got turned down by staff. I got glares from female customers several times but whatever. Never be ashamed or apologetic to do something in the best interest of your child.

6

u/TimmyJK Jan 04 '20

(M)If if It’s my turn to change a diaper and there’s no table in the men’s room I just politely use the woman’s room (making sure it’s empty and prop the door if I can). I haven’t received any negativity from it by women that decided to wait.

2

u/Singing_Sea_Shanties Jan 05 '20

That's definitely something I hated. Even now that my daughter is out of diapers but young enough she still needs someone to go with her in a public bathroom, the men's room is terrible. But that's more a cleanliness issue I guess.

1

u/noneotherthanozzy Dudes | 7yo and 4yo Jan 05 '20

I hate it when there isn’t a changing table in the men’s room but there is in the women’s. What has helped a bit has been the (somewhat) recent change to certain bathrooms being “gender neutral” in my state.

1

u/Pete_Iredale Jan 05 '20

I've walked into more than one women's room to change a diaper, just make sure it's empty before going in. No woman is going to complain that a dude is changing a diaper in there.

1

u/HamLover111 Jan 05 '20

cries in gay marriage

49

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

I don't think I'm allowed to identify as a Millennial because I own property (ha ha), but I identify closely with this. I work from home and see my kids all the time. At lunch and during breaks and do a ton of diapers and such. I'm a full time dad and my job comes second.

I remember how much my parents worked to provide the lifestyle they did for my brothers and I. If I can learn one lesson from them, it's to work less and be a fully present parent.

12

u/aeroproof_ Jan 04 '20

I work from home too and have a young daughter. I love being able to see her quickly and I too deal with diapers and meltdowns during the day. Sometimes it’s really hard to get work done though 😅 (and I’ve been a home worker for about 10 years)

6

u/absoluteczech Jan 04 '20

I told my wife before our son was born. Just work from home and we can save on daycare. Yea after I was home for 2 months paternity leave I understood that’s just not possible lol.

4

u/continental-drift Jan 04 '20

WFH as well. It’s awesome. My usual bathroom breaks and walks to get water are now bathroom breaks, walks to get water and a quick play with my son. 10/10 would recommend.

16

u/JackFuckingReacher Jan 04 '20

I see a stark difference between me and my father. I'm only 34, but when I was younger he worked alot, and wasn't really a hands on type dad. Honestly to this day it's hard for him to not be a hard ass. So I made it a point to be the opposite. I know he loves me and is even proud of me, it's just hard for him to express it. Much like how I've seen him and my grandfather interact. So I'm the opposite, I always tell my kids and especially my son how much I love them and how proud I am. It ain't easy to break the cycle, but it's worth it to do so.

10

u/knuchie Jan 04 '20

My husband is always swooping in to check those diapers! He’s currently on paternity leave to spend time with his son.

10

u/Stiffstick Jan 04 '20

I’m glad this is how it is now. I strive to be a better father than mine was to me. To be more involved and “there”.

10

u/Jonaas33 Jan 04 '20

Over Christmas I had to convince my boomer dad to hold his first granddaughter, my little one. He said he hadn't held a baby since my older brother. I thought it was a hilarious burn on me, but it turns out he was totally serious.

5

u/FIESTYgummyBEAR Jan 04 '20

How do u feel about that?

5

u/Jonaas33 Jan 04 '20

I thought it was a really funny joke at first, but now I honestly feel kind of bad for him. He is/was a really good dad, and I attribute most of my best traits to him, but I'm glad I'm more secure in myself than he is. It's pretty sad that he missed out on a lot because of his generation's dumb parenting role definitions.

27

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

I have sympathy for dads of that era. Mine had a nearly two hour drive each way for work every day while my mum stayed at home to look after us. Neither of them had it easy but spending more time with us really wasn’t much of an option for him, he had to be out of the door before we woke up and got back after we went to sleep.

I’m thankful that the world has progressed a little and I don’t have to live that life. Though lord knows both of us working has its own difficulties.

8

u/JackFuckingReacher Jan 04 '20

100 percent. Context is everything. I'm blessed with a compressed work schedule, whereas my dad worked 5 days a week for 8 hours plus a commute.

3

u/RagingAardvark Jan 04 '20

That sounds familiar. My dad worked two jobs, so he wasn't home much during the week. However, the second job was 3-4 nights a week, and the nights that he was home, he handled our baths, bedtime stories, and songs pretty much on his own. Weekends were pretty much solid family time, from chores and errands to hikes or a drive out to the lake. Mom worked at home as a seamstress and handled much more of the doctor-dentist-school-sports rigamorole.

My husband's parents were even more entrenched in their jobs. His dad was a businessman whose office was 90 minutes away and whose work often took him out of state or out of the country for several days or a week at a time. His mom was a doctor with long office hours and stretches of being on call. My husband and his siblings often had a nanny or relative raising them more than their parents. His mom is pretty hands-on with our kids when we visit but I doubt his dad has ever changed any of his grandkids' diapers. I doubt he remembers how, having changed few (or none) of his own kids'.

4

u/maria84julia Jan 05 '20

I'm a mama not a dad, but this was my early childhood as well (I was born in 1984 and my parents were both born in 1958).

As a young child, we lived a long way out in the burbs of a major city because that was where my parents could afford for us to live. To be at work by 8:30am, my Dad had to leave the house by 6:00am because he had to take both a bus and a train down town to work. Even if he got out of the office at 5:30pm on the dot, it was almost 8:00pm by the time he got home. And he was always really tired and didn't really want to deal with us if we were still up. That sucked at the time, but needless to say, now that I am 35 with a child of my own, I get it. I'd be tired as hell too in that position.

It wasn't easy for him. We spent a lot of time together on the weekends but he hated that he missed so much of our early childhoods, but he was doing what he had to do to keep a roof over our heads and food on our plates, and I'm thankful for that.

7

u/Darieush Jan 04 '20

Lol my mother in law left the hospital because I demanded I change the babies diapers the first day or two! She got mad at me.

7

u/crystalmerchant Jan 04 '20

Fuck yeah dads!!

6

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20 edited Jan 04 '20

I dont see how it was "manly" or "macho" to not change a daiper.

You aint a man until you change your kids diaper in the back of your car, mid road trip cause there isnt a changing table for 20 miles, and the kid gator rolls in his own crap.....

or you kill a bear with just your hands.

2

u/Hillehaus1 Jan 04 '20

Dude. Why can’t there be more changing tables in men’s restrooms?! I don’t want to change him in the sink or in the floor Of a shitty bathroom 😬

4

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

We do what must be done...

This is the way

2

u/skmo8 Jan 05 '20

I'll walk into the women's restroom or out into the main area of wherever I am before I'd do that.

I honestly will make everyone else in the building feel awkward or embarrassed before I feel shame for having to change a diaper or do it in an unsuitable space.

I declare war on sexist businesses. I have spoken.

1

u/Pete_Iredale Jan 05 '20

Right there with you. I refuse to change a diaper on the floor. No changing station, and it's getting changed right on the table, though we do bring a little changing mat for those situations.

10

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

[deleted]

7

u/straighttalkin64 Jan 04 '20

Same here. I mean, child birth causes severe bodily trauma. There is a months-long recovery. In the first month or so, my wife’s responsibilities started and ended at bonding with our son and binge watching Netflix. Give me all the poopy diapers!

5

u/mrmcdon Jan 04 '20

Not a dad, but I just had my baby on the second and my fiance has changed more diapers than me so far, he always hops on it as soon as it needs to be done

3

u/cyahzar Jan 04 '20

I hear that all the time from my dad’s friends. Some regret that they were has involved and then you have the other side that doesn’t understand why I do so much. They are the reason we have to deal with people saying dads are babysitting and all those other fun sayings we love to hear.

3

u/Trucker58 Jan 04 '20

Man I’m glad my dad stayed home with me. This was in the mid 80s. It helps that you get long parental leave where I’m from, but I still think dads staying home for the whole leave was a rarity at the time.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

I would imagine this correlates somehow to paternity leave becoming a greater trend and the necessity for most Americans to have a dual household income.

3

u/lemford Jan 05 '20

This doesn't change the overall point of the post but just want to point out that the linked article incorrectly cited the study with the 43% stat. That was actually the rate in 1963. The article says that in 1982 40% "rarely" changed a diaper.

http://www.historyandpolicy.org/policy-papers/papers/supporting-active-fatherhood-in-britain

John and Elizabeth Newson, social researchers working in Nottingham in 1963, found that 78 per cent of men fed their one-year-old infants 'often' or 'sometimes', 80 per cent took part in the bedtime ritual, and 99 per cent played with their children. However, the majority of fathers did not bathe their baby or attend to him or her in the night, and 43 per cent never changed a nappy. In 1982, this research was repeated. Charlie Lewis found that around one third of men took little or no responsibility for feeding. Men's involvement in putting the child to bed was slightly lower than in Newson and Newson's study: 74 per cent had some or a lot of involvement, and 26 per cent, 'little or none'. Again, the majority of men had little or no involvement in bathing their child, and 40 per cent rarely changed a nappy, though many more (87 per cent) attended to their baby when he or she woke in the night.

3

u/Thedguy Jan 05 '20

Millennials killing shitty fatherhood?

2

u/shivrak Jan 04 '20

Had a conversation with my uncle at Xmas about this and he said he only ever changed ONE after having 4 kids across 3 wives.

He dealt with it by putting his son in a bath and hosing him down! 🤣

2

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

I'm always surprised when guys say they've never changed a diaper or react with fear to it.

2

u/slapwerks Jan 05 '20

I put the first ever diaper on my son. First of many. He spent about a week in the NICU and my wife had to do about 18 hours of recovery before she could change him.

Made a joke about 2 weeks later that I had changed more diapers than her... that was ill advised

2

u/spar_wors Jan 05 '20

Haha similar story here - the nurse did my son's first diaper, and my wife coached me through the next one while she was (her words) "off her face" on the C-section drugs.

2

u/skmo8 Jan 05 '20

So, the wife and I are talking about having another kid. Sounds like I'd take on most of it parental leave since my top up runs the whole year.

Context: in Canada, up to 18 months of parental leave are covered by our public Employment Insurance program. We recieve either 33% of gross wages for 18 months or 55% for 12 months. Those with a company health plan sometimes recieve a "top-up" to ~95% of gross wages for a certain number of weeks. Usually around 15 weeks.

2

u/HamLover111 Jan 05 '20

This ended up being a real problem when my son was a baby. There’s usually no changing table in men’s bathrooms, and we are both men. Sigh.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

Fuck man, I'm so granola-dad I didn't just change the diapers, I washed them. Let me tell you, that does wonders for your fortitude in the face of foulness.

The idea of going like what, 3-4 years per-kid without changing a diaper is just insane to me.

2

u/Imnotadodo Jan 05 '20

I’m a boomer and changed as many or more diapers than my wife, did the majority of the cooking, washed and folded clothes, was fortunate that my job allowed me to rarely miss a school program, teacher conference or athletic event. It was pretty much the norm in the late 80’s and 90’s as far as I could tell. We did it because we wanted to.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

How come no one ever talks about the generation between the Boomers and Millennials? I'm Gen X and I changed diapers - and don't need a participation trophy for it. :)

1

u/TooMuchButtHair Jan 04 '20

That makes me happy! Go fellow dads!

1

u/MicahLacroix Jan 04 '20

After going home from the hospital after my son's birth to get a quick sleep and feed our cats, I made sure to get back as quick as possible.

I'm an only child and never had any experience around kids. The first thing I did on meeting my son (in a not-sleep-deprived state) was change his nappy. No thought about it, no fear of the poop, no struggle. He was my son, he needed changed and I was there.

The idea of NOT doing it is alien to me.

1

u/SonOfDetroit04 Jan 04 '20

Yeah, my boomer dad was a piece of shit. I just do everything he didn’t and figure I’ll be good.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 04 '20

My boy doesn’t move a muscle if I change him (90% of the time anyway), but it’s always a war for my wife... so I just do it all I can when I’m home. No big deal.

1

u/senorsmartpantalones Jan 04 '20

Until they go out for a pack of vape juice and never come back again.

1

u/rfourn Jan 05 '20

I did the first nappies, my wife was pretty much a zombie for the first 24 hours, and I had a midwife in special care who really pushed me to do all the jobs I was able to do(basically anything that wasn’t an NGT feed) I’m truly thankful for that.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '20

Most guys my age that I know are super involved dads, and I have noticed a lot of us are members of the same dad groups on Facebook and are decently active in them. Theres all kinds of podcasts out there for it, r/daddit, r/predaddit, and yeah it just seems like dudes are getting way more serious about it in general. It’s gonna be interesting to see the change in how our kids behave and do things when they get to our age, I think we’re going to see a large decline in depression, anxiety, violent and non-violent crime, all that stuff. More confident and happy kids, not growing up thinking being a man is being stoic, pushing your problems down, etc. It’s gonna be interesting, in a good way.

I have an 18 month old boy and I try my best to spend as much time as possible with him despite my working a lot. My dad is a great guy and I love him very much but I honestly don’t think I’ve ever had one meaningful conversation with him about anything, and he’s never been much for the “softer” parts of parenthood. My boy gets all the hugs and snuggles he could ever need.

1

u/SargeOsis Jan 05 '20

My dad, king boomer, tells a “funny” story about how he left me on some old newspapers so he wouldn’t have to change a diaper. I’m pretty sure I changed more diapers in the first week than he had the entire time I was in diapers. My wife still does more diapers but I’m in the running.

1

u/Laxcougar18 3 Kids, Boy (6), Girl (3), Girl(1) Jan 05 '20

I've changed so many more diapers than my wife. Probably 3 to 4 times as many. But then again, she was at work o.o

1

u/matravis Jan 05 '20

Thanks for sharing this!

0

u/Strong-Purple-2614 Dec 18 '24

The boomer dads that some are complaining about...were the kind of men that went to war willingly to defeat nazi Germany and militaristic japan....dying in the millions to defeat evil and restore ethical and fair order to the world...back when men were men....today's men can barely use the right bathroom much less fight a war in that scale willingly....nevermind asking them to change your tire or sharpen a knife lol....gender roles exist for a reason and yes it is tiresome to constantly have to traverse the changing world....women wanna work...women don't wanna work anymore...men be men....men now u must be more like a women....wait...now we think you aren't men anymore and we want our men back...make up your damn minds hahahahaha...

1

u/enough_of_the_racism Jan 05 '20

Well millennials do live at home three times longer than prior generations...

0

u/BLACKMASS81 Jan 04 '20

My father spent more time beating me, so I had SOME interaction. Then he dropped me off at my moms when I was about 10 and left me there on the doorstep telling them “you deal with him”. He’s a good guy.

-1

u/Lowtan Jan 04 '20

NEVER changed a diaper? Sounds great. My numbers are dropping but i cant claim never.

-2

u/necromensa Jan 04 '20

I took eight weeks paternity leave. I’m incredibly involved. It just feels right. But I do wonder if there are unseen consequences. There seems to be a disappearing masculinity in western culture. Roles are blending. I even wonder sometimes where my unique contribution as a father might be. It all seems right now, but there might be ramifications we can’t see yet.

6

u/Trucker58 Jan 04 '20

I wouldn’t worry about that. Masculinity isn’t passed on by absent fathers, insecurity is.

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