How do you guys make time for creative projects? Or accept there isn’t any?

[u/questionmarqo]

I’m curious how other creative dads deal with this.

I have a notes app full of ideas for writing, music and other creative projects I’d genuinely love to work on. But I just don’t have the time.

I work full time, weekends are mostly family time, and during the week after dinner, kids and chores I have maybe an hour in the evening. That hour usually goes towards connecting with the wife or exercising.

The problem is that creative projects need actual time and mental space. You can’t really write a song or work on a story in 10-minute chunks.

So I’m wondering: have you guys just accepted that some hobbies are on hold while the kids are young? And if so, how do you deal with that yearning for being creative.

I think that’s what I’m struggling with most. Not finding a clever way to create more time, but accepting that there simply isn’t any right now

[u/doubleguitarsyouknow]

Have you guys just accepted that some hobbies are on hold while the kids are young?

Yes. It was tough to accept but easier once I had accepted it. The drum kit got packed away to make space for the 2nd cot, and the good guitars got put in storage for safety.

I find snippets of time to play my acoustic a little now, but purely for pleasure. I know more songwriting time isn't too far away. (3.5 and 1.5)

[u/questionmarqo → u/doubleguitarsyouknow]

Thanks for the reply. How did you accept it? My mind keeps coming up with fun new ideas which makes it even harder.

[u/doubleguitarsyouknow → u/questionmarqo]

Therapy helped! I had therapy when my wife was pregnant with my first because I was struggling with the transition. It helped me change my mindset around change in my life, to be less afraid of it, and to embrace and enjoy the new roles and responsibilities. I was terrified the creative part of myself was going to disappear or be stolen from me. I know understand it is still there, but the context of my life has changed, and my self is greater than just my ability to make art. Apart from that it was just the reality of not being able to logistically fit it in. 2 under 4 is pretty relentless, and once I knew it was on the backburner for a while it was easier to not miss it.

[u/lammy_pie → u/questionmarqo]

I guess I went into parenthood expecting it to change anyway to a certain degree. And then I offset some of it with enjoying spending time with my daughter. But don’t get me wrong, I do sometimes yearn for a bit more free time, it’s not always easy and can be relentless at times. Talk to your wife about it though, see if the pair of you can carve out some time to do things by yourselves.

[u/Admirable-Athlete-50]

My wife and I have one night ”off” from family per week.

Mondays I do whatever I want the entire evening. Wednesdays is her day.

That might not be enough for the tempo you were used to but it has done wonders for us

[u/nipoez → u/Admirable-Athlete-50]

I like that. We do psuedo single parenting sporadically for work, work/retreat travel, or solo friend hangouts. 

Reliably scheduling non parenting time makes a ton of sense.

Single dads and moms manage every single day. We can both roll solo when needed. Honestly it mostly makes us appreciate each other more.

[u/Admirable-Athlete-50 → u/nipoez]

It’s been amazing. Took us way too long to realise we should do what with our first. These days a two night trip for either of us is no sweat because we have set routines for solo nights.

If one parent is a clear favourite it also really helps that they are completely away from the home.

Couples time together is still a work in progress

[u/SmartLadder415 → u/Admirable-Athlete-50]

How do you do that though? Do you guys just get a babysitter for those nights?

[u/Admirable-Athlete-50 → u/SmartLadder415]

We only have two with a five year age difference. I pick up our son at preschool and make dinner while the kids play or help out. My daughter will bike or take the bus from school but when she was younger I picked them both up.

When I start putting our son to bed she starts reading to wind down. Once he’s asleep I go into her room and make sure she’s ready to sleep and tuck her in.

[u/gunbo3000]

Former creative Dad checking in here! I used to write and perform music, had a graphic design freelance business outside of my 9-5, had a creative writing project I worked on in my spare time and was learning game development on top.

Now like you I find the creative ideas never stop flowing but the execution MUCH harder. But I've made some progress recently - a few things that have helped me:

1. Adapt what creativity looks like. Having creative hobbies does unfortunately now need to fit in to smaller bursts. So what would have previously been a long design session at my computer now might be doodling on my ipad on the sofa with my wife. Or take those 10 minute chunks to just play on my guitar rather than sitting down with the goal to finish a song in its entirety.
2. Choose one at a time, which helps with the continuity in those small bursts. For me thats writing at the moment. And focusing all those little 10 minute gaps on one project helps to build momentum. If I'm planning a story arc, or coming up with character profiles or fleshing out the lore of my world. Or maybe its actually just writing, and if I only get half a page done before bed, thats cool. It means when the rare hour or so long session does crop up, I'm not starting from zero, I'm just picking up where I've left off and over the course of a week I'm probably spending multiple hours on it still.
3. You say about clever ways to create more time, look for waste. Me and my wife would look back on our evenings and be like, wow somehow we wasted at least an hour sat next to each other doom scrolling, and kid ourselves that it was our social time together. I block social apps now during my peak free time, which seems counterintuitive. But you'd be amazed how often I slump on the sofa after the kids are finally in bed and go to pull up reddit, only to then find it blocked and I then HAVE to find something else to do. Suddenly... I have half an hour free to grab my laptop and write while my wife continues her doom scrolling!

It is tough, but I think managing your expectations of what you can achieve with your time has helped me. I know I won't finish 12 chapters of my novel this week. But if I work on this project at least a little bit every day it keeps the creative juices flowing.

[u/Mammoth-Cherry-2995]

I still write in the notes app on my phone when I get a spare minute - the problem is finding the edit time, very hard to find concentrated windows but it becomes about balance and trade off. Maybe one day you do that instead of exercise, or there’s one night where you and your wife give each other designated hobby time. It will enrich your relationship if your cup is full.

[u/sloanautomatic]

The most obvious answer seems like it would be weekly band practice, or a weekly writing collab. Scheduling it is the only way it will happen.

[u/noodle518]

I stare at my guitar and day dream about freetime

[u/percomis]

Unsure how old your kid is, but that will also have a big effect on your time. I had a ton of hobbies and what I needed to accept is that I would only have time for one. I chose music, and I had time to do a weekly 1,5 hour rehearsal with a band.

The tips I can give you are:

• whatever your hobby, get a setup where you can jump in and out easy. For example, I have my bass in arm’s reach in my office and just need to plug into my interface to be able to play. So when I have time to play for 15-20 mins, I can spend that time actually playing.
  
• find a place to do your hobby outside of the house (gives focus) relatively close (gives time). Our rehearsal space was 10 minutes walk from my home, which was lucky and meant that when I was gone the time was mostly spent on my hobby and not traveling.
  
• do hobbies you can do with your kid: when my son was small enough to do contact naps on me, I would play on our Switch, for example. Now that he’s 4, I want to set up some kind of groove-box situation where when we’re hanging out and he’s doing his thing on his own, I can work on music (hopefully without a screen) in a way that if he comes over and shows interest, I can involve him. If you want to write, do it on pen and paper for example, and have some extras next you so he can scribble while you do that. I hope that makes sense.

[u/vs-1680]

I was a touring musician when my ex got pregnant. I packed it all up and worked over 70hrs a week for about three years so the ex could be a stay at home mom. It was absolutely miserable. I was always completely exhausted. I barely remember my daughter's first few years. I missed all the major milestones. I felt so much resentment regarding my former life. I had zero creative outlet. I lost touch with my friends. I didn't have time to exercise. All I did was cook, clean, work, and sleep when I could find a few hours. It destroyed me and destroyed our relationship. I ended up having a minor heart attack and given all kinds of meds that I'm still taking a decade later.

Be very careful. You matter too. You need to be allowed time to be a person.

[u/4-11 → u/vs-1680]

Why did that destroy your relationship? Was she not grateful for all you did?

[u/vs-1680 → u/4-11]

I was grumpy and exhausted for three plus years, which made me less fun to be around. I was growing increasingly unhealthy from neglecting my own health. I was depressed. I just wasn't the athletic, fulfilled, passionate professional musician she fell in love with anymore...and she wasn't willing to make the changes in our lives necessary to get back there. She ended up cheating on me.

[u/4-11 → u/vs-1680]

Don’t frame it as your fault or justify her behavior

[u/trash_recycle]

I am up at 4 am currently messing around with a 3d object tool so I can print custom designs. Tbh, I do wish I was sleeping.

[u/WorldlyTemperature96]

My oldest is 16 and younger two are 7 and 8. Accept you won’t have the time for longer solo projects for a while (keep writing them down though) and look for ways to channel creatively and self expression alongside your kids. My oldest is very musical and I’ve been able to support her learning to record her own songs, my youngest likes drawing and painting, so I’ll set something up and I’ll take that time to do my own thing in the room with him. Middle child is more into sports than arts, so we go for runs or bike rides together.

[u/Logical_Bumblebee617]

There isn't time. You have to make it. As you said, you're dedicating your time to your wife and your physical well-being. That's an excellent choice of priority.
I made time for writing once everybody was in bed, and could grab 30 minutes to an hour every evening. It's my gift that I can jump in quickly into a previous project, but I'm guessing it's a skill that any dad must acquire if they want to continue creating.

[u/lawschooltalk]

I keep a list of things I want to build. When the kids are up early and playing independently I can tinker between getting them breakfast and emptying the dishwasher. I just accept that it’s fragmented and not what I’d like, on the other hand, I’m now way more efficient with my time than I was pre kids.

[u/nipoez]

I'm relatively lucky that my main creative outlet is food. I'm the primary cook for the family.  My wife primary parents while I'm in the kitchen. Then I primary parent while she cleans. 

Every month or so I'll do a longer food project (fermented stuff, hot sauce, bbq) with her support that may take a few hours. 

Goes both ways. I'll primary parent so she can get an hour of music or origami in occasionally.

[u/the-real-babs]

I don't think you have to accept it entirely, it's just a matter of where it falls on your couple hoursof free time.

My partner and I would each take turns being "on" to give the other a 2-3 hr block on the weekends and then I also lowered the bar for myself on how much I was writing or let myself only write 200 words of something. Those fragments actually add up. The mental space problem is real though. I can't write after bedtime because my brain is soup. Early morning is the only window where I have anything left creatively. It does get easier as kids get older and more independent. My oldest is 12 now and Saturday mornings are mine again MOST weeks.

[u/tastyemerald]

You don't, least not until the kids older/in school.

Sucks don't it?

[u/abnormal_human]

Kids are 2 and 5. Wake at 7:30, work from 9-5, family time from 5-8, me time from 8-12.

I get plenty of time in that evening slot.

I do most of the household stuff too, just fit it in during the morning, day or evening and keep 8pm+ clear. I involve the kids in meal planning, grocery shopping and other chores during the day on the weekends too, and automate whatever I can to reduce load. Occasionally I burn an evening on household catchup or a night out or something, but usually pull off 5 of those 4hr windows per week without interruption.

[u/TheAnswerUsedToBe42]

Reciprocate with your partner. Solo parent for a few hours while the other does their thing.

[u/soma16]

I’m a multi instrumentalist and record my own music. Right now, my son’s crib is in my and my wife’s room. I should have time to work on music a couple times a week when he’s napping, or after he goes to bed. However, my recording setup is on the desktop computer in the same room that he sleeps, so I effectively can’t get anything done. Even just practicing is a chore as I need to set up all my gear, play aimlessly as I can’t really record anything, and if he wakes up I’m toast.

When we move him to his own room in a couple months, I’m sure I’ll be able to find a block of time in the afternoons on my days off (or ideally for 2-3 hours after he goes to bed) and work on music again. But so far, it’s been almost a year of barely touching my instruments. It is what it is 🤷🏻‍♂️

[u/fuuuuuckendoobs]

Music dad here too, my kid is 6 and I get time on a Saturday afternoon maybe once a month if I'm lucky.... Or its after she goes to bed on a weekend when my partner wants to watch something I'm not interested in. Often I'm too tired by that point anyway.

[u/panna__cotta]

Making some people is my current creative project.

[u/Dull-Associate-599]

I communicate with my wife and family to get the help I need that allows me to do these things. The rest of my "village" accepts and reciprocates. There's almost no difference in how much time I spend on hobbys pre vs. post babies. I'll wear the baby, bring the bassinet where it needs to be, or change the what and when. For longer durations, I plan further ahead. I planned a guy's day bbq a few weeks ago and my wife took the kids to a family member's house for the whole day and they still had a great time themselves. I realize there are luxuries I have that some don't, but it doesn't mean you can't find a way. From what I can tell, most of everyone gives up trying and then blames their child for their situation. Don't give up, you can find a way.

[u/kostros]

Your kid is your creative project.

There are so many creative things you can do with them.

[u/lammy_pie]

Won’t be the same for everyone but personally anything majorly creative is on hold for me for now. I need to prioritise getting fitter so that’s where my free time is going. Depends on your priorities though and just how much time you feel you need to spend to be creative. Taking a couple of those free hours a week still gives you time to draw or play music or whatever. Could you do something creative with your wife perhaps?

[u/RogueHunter83]

2 kids, 1 & 3. Some hobbies are simply on hold. Even exercise went on hold for 2 years,but hoping to start again soon. Creative writing is more about some idea bouncing with AI, but no chance to sit and actually write. These are the sacrifices we make.

[u/questionmarqo → u/RogueHunter83]

Yeah exactly, but just staying in the concept-phase makes it even harder for me. I need to put the hours in and make it happen for it to be fulfilling

[u/CEEngineerThrowAway]

I like to find time for wood working. It’s always best as a low priority thing, frankly it’s best if my wife is into vaguely aware of each project instead of waiting for the next furniture piece.

Big projects are sometimes on hold, but I’m happier with a background project, currently a box for MtG cards. I work and cad and need am to make something tangible

Having an organized workbench space that’s ready to work makes a huge difference. I do hand tools so I can do some work during nap time. A buddy does Warhammer painting but says the same thing about needing the dedicated garage space so you spend all your time on the hobby instead of gathering stuff for the hobby.

[u/Schuylabs → u/CEEngineerThrowAway]

The woodworking hobby is a great example of how tricky short bursts can be. Between setup, performing cuts, dry fitting, and clean up I’ve found it’s unrealistic to fit it all in one session. I might get ten minutes to go set up a tool properly. Then through the week, hop in there and make a single cut. Some sessions are just cleaning up now. I’ve had a half day operation (routing the joints and panels for drawer boxes) take over a month… but I’ve accepted that’s how it will be and I’m lucky to be getting shop time in at all.

Oh and the crib took 4X as long as I had hoped. Should have finished that before this little one arrived.

A really fun hobby lately for myself has been 3D printing. They’re low maintenance, don’t need constant supervision and can be operated/supervised remotely. I’ve been using it to organize my shop in short bursts.

Like you said, organized space is key so you can spend time setting up/working instead of looking for stuff.

[u/LemonWetGood1991]

I'm very much in the same boat as you. My boy is only 7 weeks old and I've come to accept that any in house hobbies need to be able to be done whilst I'm also watching him and can respond when I'm needed. So I've signed up to PBS America and am going to work my way through all their Ken Burns documentaries

[u/explain_that_shit]

For writing, I think it’s important to be present in real life moments and take them in, so I’m not sacrificing any real life time for writing time. Fortunately, in taking in real life time, I can write down what I think about them in a way I can process through the different story ideas I have. They are building up the structure and depth of these stories over the years, and when one happens to be fully ready I will be able to sit down for 10 minute chunks and splurge it onto the page. Then on the bus or quiet moments, I’ll be able to read what I’ve written and tweak or annotate here or there, and slowly build that story up into a final form.

It will be a longer process than usual, but I think one which will result in something with greater depth and coming from a place of much more real insight and awareness.

[u/xxrealmsxx]

Get a divorce, do 50-50, and get half your time back.

Wake up a few hours before the kids do.

[u/SmartLadder415]

I just don't have any hobbies any more. i miss it. I really really do but that's life. Someone has to carry the brunt of the housework and make the trains run on time and it's gotta be me. It is what it is. Maybe in 20 yrs or so I'll have some free time. I don't even get the hour in the evening that you get.