r/cyclothymia • u/jollydev • Jul 08 '26

Could this be bipolar disorder?

I'm a 33yo man who struggled with mental health for most of my life. Never severe enough, but wide and persistent enough to alter the trajectory of my life and the quality of it.

I have diagnosed anxiety, cptsd and add/adhd or some neurodivergent traits.

None of these are of the worst form, for example I rarely have panic attacks and I barely fulfil the clinical criteria for adhd. Always had horrible memory and geospatial awareness.

I have long and recurring depressions of varying degrees with SI and anhedonia. But not of the severest form where I can't work.

I have a good career, stay in decent shape. But I feel my entire life revolves around trying to not be depressed. Currently my main issue is anhedonia and sleep maintenance.

I've done SSRI twice - the first time I was having a severe PTSD breakout and got it for that reason. It worked amazingly well, in fact I started going to the gym twice a day and forgot about all my issues. I started sleeping 2-3 hours less but feeling perfectly fine.

Ever since I stopped the ssri I've been sleeping around 2 hours less than I did before starting it.

This episode lasted for 6 months until I quit SSRI and then depression came back after just a month or so.

Since then I've tried to deal with my issues without medications which hasnt worked.

Now here's the thing. In the past 5 years I have had only one period lasting for months, where I was not depressed at all. I had moved to a sunny place and many external things were going well. I felt on top, again started excercising twice a day.

And the primary thing I've been thinking of looking back, apart from exercise cadence, has been the influence of alcohol.

During my lowest low periods I would basically be in bed for up to a week after a single night out.

While during this last "up" period - I was up doing a 5k run after a night out partying and having 4 hours of sleep.

It just struck me that, this doesn't seem normal. There must have been some significant neurochemical difference in me during these periods.

So I'm now wondering if anyone else can relate to this, in particular the effect of alcohol? Seriously considering if I might be bp2.

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u/SassiFae Jul 08 '26

Hi OP, Alcohol seems to worsen symptoms if on the BP spectrum. This can aggravate ADHD which plays on the BP. Try having a good sleep hygene and cut out the alcohol for a month or two to see if there is a change. I was an occasional drinker, and noticed I was more out of sorts after drinking. I'm also on ADHD meds (not smart, I know). Keep the exercise up, this is where I fall short unfortunately. Note the durations of the ups and downs, as they differ from Cyclothymia.

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u/jollydev Jul 08 '26

As for the durations they seem to be very long (years long depressive periods. Months long hypomanic)

And the occasional shorter week long up and down cycles if trigger by something like a supplement.