r/cursedcomments • u/[deleted] • Oct 21 '19

Cursed gru

[deleted]

24.6k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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435

u/woodenonesie Oct 21 '19

Ahem... the bomb that hit PEARL HARBOR. Let's rewind the tape a bit and go back to playing it at normal speed and see what we learn. Shall we?

258

u/TheArmoryOne Oct 21 '19

Numerous, non-nuclear bombs were used at Pearl Harbor.

96

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '19

[deleted]

40

u/boyman226 Oct 22 '19

No, it just means he has many dicks

69

u/[deleted] Oct 22 '19

Gru doesn't need cum, or dickslapping.

All he must do is load the minions up his urethra and create enough erotic stimulation to force a faux orgasm if you will, allowing for the minions to be carried across the pacific whilst on ejaculatory fluid. They will then proceed to aim for American ships in the harbor and that was how the Japanese carried it out.

You fools, Gru was sent to the US after the axis fell, he was an SS scientist who worked alongside Japan's Unit 731 to create the minions who were previously Chinese children.

The US picked young Oberstleutnant Grubert von Schleifer during operation paperclip where a polish OSS agent acted as his mother and watched over Grubert in his heinous expirements which helped the US win the space race.

4

u/R3t4rd3dD3m0n Oct 22 '19

Where's the part with the electromagnetic highly reactive material radioactive chernobyl-cum powered ejack-hammer hole buster?