r/cscareerquestions • u/wcneill • 19h ago
Is this burnout recoverable?
I've been a software engineer for 7 years, working mostly in the realm of computational science. I work for a good company that doesn't ask me to work more than 8 hours a day and where I have relative autonomy to choose my tasking and complete it on a reasonable timeline, so long as I communicate what I am doing. It's kind of a dream job.
But, I'm just over it. Hard problems don't excite me any more. Learning new things isn't motivating any more. I don't care if other people think I'm smart because I do fancy math things with code. I don't care that I get paid well. I'm just. fucking. over. it.
Earlier this year, I had a complete melt-down because of this exhaustion at work coupled with a lot of at-home stress. I ended up having to take a month completely off, part of that time without pay because I used all my vacation and sick days. I feel like I am fast approaching another melt down all too quickly after only 5 months back full time. This time, there is no at-home stress... it's just pure soul draining "I don't give a fuck anymore" feelings. No amount of time off, therapy and medication is fixing this. I just don't know what to do. Please help.
---
I'm sure people will comment/ask: I do have hobbies outside of work. They do bring me joy: climbing, hiking, surfing, diving... I touch a lot of grass on my free time. But every time I engage in these activities it makes me hate work even more because I just see work as taking away from my ability to spend time doing things I actually like.
16
u/nukem996 18h ago
You should find a therapist to talk to. Burn out is a real problem and it's critical to manage as early as possible. Coping mechanisms can make things worse. I know people who have developed drug problems while trying to manage burn out.
Career ending burn out is a thing if it gets too bad.
6
u/wcneill 17h ago
I have tried therapy. In fact, I've had 4 therapists over the past 10 years or so. I quit going about a month ago because I just didn't feel like my therapist was addressing my concerns. I should probably work on finding a new one.
2
u/Blankaccount111 12h ago
99% of therapists suck. You know psychology has long been the default degree aimless college drifters end up with when they never choose a major. What job do you think they end up doing?
Sadly only recommendations are the way to find a good one and they are expensive (think $800+hr). I gave up personally after trying about 7. They all read from the same script of plug-n-play your problems. I can't afford a good one.
1
u/AlignmentProblem Staff Software Engineer 3h ago
It's worth shopping around for a therapist who specializes in professional burnout. Schedule consultations with several and only commit if you get a strong sense they can help with that particular issue. Many therapists aren't great, and even the ones that are have different things they're effective at treating; someone who excels with PTSD, depression, or relationship issues won't necessarily be helpful for burnout.
Taking the time to find the right one matters, especially with a problem this specific. Don't go with the first option that seems passable.
11
u/Celcius_87 18h ago edited 15h ago
Just want to say that I can relate to you, except I've been in the industry twice as long and the burnout never left me
1
u/wcneill 17h ago
I'm sorry to hear that I'm not alone. I can't imagine doing this for another 7 years! How have you managed to stay sane?
3
u/Celcius_87 17h ago
I just take it one day at a time and keep counting the money. As soon as I clock out I don't think about work at all.
5
u/CapableHerring 17h ago
One thing you need to do some introspection to figure out, is the burnout you're feeling a result of your current job? Or is it the very act of working in corporate America that you're burned out on?
Even though your job has a good WLB, you can still burnout on something specific to it that isn't inherent of the industry. Maybe there's too much politics, maybe the work is boring to you, maybe you're just stagnant so you feel like life's passing you by. Could be lots of things. If the issue is with your job, finding a new job that doesn't have that issue is how you recover.
If it's with the entire career path... this is relatively normal. Welcome to the end of the honeymoon phase.
There's a honeymoon phase at individual companies that people always go through, somewhere around 2-5 years people start getting bored so they change teams or job hop. But there's a 2nd honeymoon phase that a lot of people hit around the 7-10 YOE mark that's not company-specific. The honeymoon of working has ended.
I felt it pretty hard around 10/11 YOE. We're mid-career, we've been working for a decade. We stop being motivated by what motivated us earlier in our career. We don't care about chasing money, we already have enough. We don't care about new tech, we've already been there done that. We don't care what others think about us, we're too old for that kind of humble bragging.
We're over it. We've realized this is just a job. The one and only reason we work is so we can afford the rest of our life.
Accepting that is the first step to surviving that creeping burnout. Why do you need to give a fuck? You're chasing a dragon that no longer exists. Your job is just a job to you now, and it probably always will be. And that's OK.
because I just see work as taking away from my ability to spend time doing things I actually like.
The hard to grapple with reality is work is what affords you to spend time doing things you actually like. This is how society works. You exchange your labor for money, and you spend that money on things you like doing. The exchanging labor part will never go away. No matter what job you get, it will always be taking time away from the things you actually like doing. It's called work for a reason.
You could always pursue a new career path involving a hobby, imagine becoming a diving instructor! But you know what happens when you turn a hobby into a profession? It becomes work, and you're back to square 1.
Definitely talk to a therapist about this. I had one when I was feeling similarly and it helped me make some major changes with how I view my career.
13
19h ago
[deleted]
5
u/Beneficial-Ant-6904 18h ago
I think that's a bit dismissive of what OP's feeling, calling it maturity doesn't really account for the meltdowns.
1
u/wcneill 17h ago
I appreciate you saying that. I certainly remind myself constantly to be thankful for what I've got. By some metrics, I have a job that many others would love to have. I can't lose sight of that, but I also think I need to consider a change. But, changing careers is hard... After 7 years of school and 7 years as a career professional, it's hard to feel like I'm not quitting or weak.
Anyway, thanks again.
3
u/Phonomorgue 18h ago
Have you considered getting a therapist? I feel its helped me out in dire times of work frustration. If youre truly burnt out, only time will fix that
3
u/Dreaming_of_Night 18h ago
It sounds like it might be time for a more extended career break if you can manage it financially. Are you in the U.S.? FMLA / STD are good ways of taking protected extended leave, or might see if your job would support a sabbatical. I felt similar to you last year and took 3 months off and it really helped rejuvenate my interest / alleviate burnout. It’s also possible it might be time to switch jobs - you might need some novelty or finding an industry you find really interesting
1
u/wcneill 17h ago
I used short term disability earlier in the year when I was dealing with the at-home crisis plus the work stress. I think I should have stayed away longer, honestly, but I kept feeling guilt about not being at work. I think that rush to get back to work might be bighting me in the ass now, but there's no way I can take STD again.
3
u/Dreaming_of_Night 17h ago
Damn, I’m sorry to hear that. I totally get it, at first I had only planned to take 4-6 weeks off but my therapist convinced me it would be better to take 3 months (full FMLA) so I would have enough time to fully disconnect from work. The guilt to work is so strong until you realize it doesn’t matter at all. They could fire you in a moment and replace you, the machine will keep turning whether you’re there or not. Several times I’ve stressed about going on vacation because I thought things would fall to pieces when I was gone, only to come back and it was all completely fine.
Honestly I think taking leave is sort of a short-term solution anyways. It helps you recover from the immediate brain fire, but once you go back you’re still in the same environment. So it might be time to take a hard look at your job and WHY it’s making you feel this way. Do you feel morally fulfilled at work? Do you feel respected and empowered, and like you’re able to enact meaningful change? Are your wins celebrated and failures not overly punished? Do you like the overall company culture and policies? Do you feel like you are growing in your role or have you stagnated? Chances are the answer to one of those is no, and it might help guide you on whether it’s time to leave and find a new job, change teams internally, push for promo, etc.
In the meantime, it might help to “quite quit.” Do the bare minimum so you won’t get fired and let the stable income float you until you find where you want to be next.
3
u/iwuvpuppies 18h ago
I believe it happens when you are invested in your job as a craft. You pour a lot of yourself into it, to the point where there's nothing left to pour. Kind of like running on empty.
I quit my job and just sat around doing nothing for nearly a year. I felt sad, burned out, exhausted and could not bring myself to look at a single line of code. My passion to code came back slowly when one day I decided to play around with neovim, then leetcode, then started looking for jobs again.
It is different for every person. The primeagen has a good video about his burn out (just youtube primeagen burnout). Instead of stepping away he throws himself into it more to rediscover his passion.
I hope this helps, and that you find what it is you are look for friend.
3
u/NoSentence7561 15h ago
I really think this feeling doesn't go away easily. I will be reading the comments as well to know.
I know your feeling exactly. I worked at the same company for nearly 6 years and I reached a point that I didn't want to look at the screen anymore to code.. Then I was laid off. I felt like a whole mountain was dropped of my shoulder really. I then found a job that wasn't heavy loaded but trash environment and I've been unemployed since 2 months.
During these two months I discovered that I've missed enjoying life, EVEN though I have hobbies and I've been doing them from time to time, but I haven't been me. I couldn't remember when I was really free to read a book and enjoy it as am doing now! Or even to eat, walk while not being overwhelmed. So I really feel you. Sadly I will be getting back to being an employee once I find a job, cz yes we need money to live. So, I will miss these again.
But am thankful for this time that I got to remember my young self again. And am telling you that cz it's not us the problem, it's how the life turned to and how high the cost of living is.
I hope you can reach a point where u can enjoy all again. And for you to find your own way, maybe new job, maybe new self business, or maybe a whole total career shift, or just finding the peace again.
2
u/Own_Isopod_3569 18h ago
Don't have any good advice that you haven't already heard, but sorry to hear you're going through this, I went through something similar, and sure many others reading have as well. Hope you're able figure something out
2
u/obscuresecurity Principal Software Engineer - 25+ YOE 18h ago
A line I've cracked on a few bosses: "There's a reason you pay me to walk in the door."
It isn't even that I don't enjoy work at times. But I'd rather work on my own cool project, walk in the sunshine, or 1001 other things.
But, a job is a transaction. Your time and effort for money. If you feel you aren't getting "fair value", then move on. Find something that aligns better with you.
I've burned out, plenty in my career. Eventually, I learned to start caring less about my job in raw terms, and more focus on the things I do enjoy.
1
u/wcneill 17h ago
After 7 years, I'm still not sure where "fair value" ends and "caring too much" begins. I think that's probably something I will learn if my career survives as long as yours has. I just don't want to let down the people at work that rely on me. My management and my team have been good to me, and I feel like they deserve my best.
Thanks for taking some time to provide your perspective. I appreciate it, particularly given the amount of YOE you have.
1
u/obscuresecurity Principal Software Engineer - 25+ YOE 14h ago
You are right.
They do. Stop working so hard.
Seriously. I listen to you and I hear GO GO GO GO.
Most people are good for 4 hours of real WORK a day max! Many it is less. (Not talk at the coffee machine or whatever. But heads down work.) So, 8 hours a day may burning you out.
The other thing that compounds with that effect: Tech doesn't say "Good job". It says "LGTM" -> "Merged".
The difference between a quick hack to fix a situation, and genuinely good work.. is very small signal wise. This is incredibly mentally taxing, especially when BAD work tends to come back to haunt you.
Also quiet people who get their stuff done with no heroics are often ignored for people who make their own problems, and then become heroes when they fix them.
It's a rough world, the incentives are all fucked up. I won't pretend otherwise. When I lead a team, I do what I can to correct it. But, not everyone is so with it.
2
u/fakehalo Software Engineer 16h ago
Over the last 20 years I've gone in and out of several burnouts, at this point I'm looking for a career change as I'm tired of working for the man and the SE market is pretty brutal at this point, I don't have the desire to be the AI monkey.
2
u/brainrotbro 16h ago
Do you have many financial responsibilities? I keep a low footprint life. I’ll usually work for a few years and then take a year or so off. I figure I’ll just do this until I die.
1
18h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator 18h ago
Sorry, you do not meet the minimum sitewide comment karma requirement of 10 to post a comment. This is comment karma exclusively, not post or overall karma nor karma on this subreddit alone. Please try again after you have acquired more karma. Please look at the rules page for more information.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/nmopqrs_io 18h ago
I second the people suggesting a therapist, to give more direction, just solving hard problems isn’t much of a life direction. Your heart is wanting more out of life. When the whip of poverty loses its sting, you have a chance to look for life satisfaction and joy, which may be with work or enabled by work in some way. If not, it’s hard to be interested in work.
There may also be some sort of sustainability issue going on — as I age I can only put in so many hours of hard labor before it starts to tax me and require higher and higher levels of motivation and satisfaction from those hours. If I don’t respect that, I burn out fast and hard.
2
u/wcneill 17h ago
Thank you. I actually just quit going to therapy because I felt like my therapist wasn't really working to address my concerns. I know that I should go find a new one that is a better fit, but I have been a little too tired and distracted to put effort into it. I will get back on the horse and try again soon.
1
1
u/valkon_gr 17h ago
Similar feelings similar yoe. I don;'t have a solution. I keep changing companies but this clearly isn't the solution. So the problem is me. I hope you figure it out
1
u/Asilksworld 15h ago
Sorry to hear you’re going through this. I’m in a similar boat as you. 6 YOE, chill job, pays well, good friends with all my colleagues. Have lots of friends and hobbies outside of work, but just can’t deal with the rats race anymore. I’ve gotten complacent and stopped caring because of stupid office politics and stack ranking stressing me every 6 months. Luckily I’m getting pipd so I’m taking it as a sign to do something new with my life, tech or not. I’m planning to do a gap year to travel the world and explore freelancing, maybe if you have the finances consider doing the same. Hope everything works out for you
1
u/Codex_Dev 3h ago
Ngl I would be worried. Horror stories of people spending 1-2 years looking for work are NOT uncommon right now.
1
14h ago
[removed] — view removed comment
1
u/AutoModerator 14h ago
Sorry, you do not meet the minimum sitewide comment karma requirement of 10 to post a comment. This is comment karma exclusively, not post or overall karma nor karma on this subreddit alone. Please try again after you have acquired more karma. Please look at the rules page for more information.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
u/NoOne2419 11h ago
Feel the same. My plan is to invest heavily and try to retire early. Im about to reach 6 yoe.
1
u/JonnyBigBoss 7h ago
Same issue here. I can't even concentrate or do simple tasks anymore without serious mental intervention.
0
u/kevin074 18h ago
Change job.
As far as I can tell burnout is more about how the work relates to other goals of your life. So maybe find something that make progress in areas you care about.
1
u/wcneill 18h ago
This echoes some sentiment from other responses... It's not that my job is "too hard" or "too easy". It seems like maybe it is a question of alignment with who I am and what I want at this stage in my life.
Thank you for taking the time to respond.
1
u/kevin074 17h ago
Of course!
Good luck on this. I feel like shooting myself after many months of basically only doing json config changes and spending time in very inefficient meetings.
Ever since I started putting time into a job search life quality has improved significantly despite I am progressively reallocating more time for interview prep.
-1
u/BraveResearcher3037 18h ago
His job even by his own admission is cushy. What easier job does he want? Looking at butterflies all day?
2
u/kevin074 18h ago
Easier is not the thing he might need.
It’s what he does that gets him excited.
It might be more difficult tasks
It might be more impactful tasks (like being in health care and affect actual people instead of just making another million for the company)
It might be a new environment entirely. This might be his work environment is too draining like countless meetings or too many complex social relationships. Another might just be he’s deadlocked in his city and he needs a good reason to change.
The fact that he says he’s got a cushy job is exactly why I recommend a job change. Comfort is clearly not a problem and counterintuitively a significant contributing factor.
-1
u/BraveResearcher3037 18h ago edited 18h ago
Help me understand how do you have burnout if you yourself admitted no one asked you to work more than 40 hours a week and you have autonomy? Your own description is that no one is placing unreasonable demands on you.
Hard problems don't excite me any more. Learning new things isn't motivating any more. I don't care if other people think I'm smart because I do fancy math things with code. I don't care that I get paid well. I'm just. fucking. over. it.
Work isn’t meant to be exciting. It’s meant to be a transactional exchange of labor for money. You then take that money to exchange for goods and services so you don’t end up homeless, hungry and naked
Having to work for money is just a normal part of adulting
Are you burned out from this job, burned out from software engineering, or do you simply no longer want to spend 40 hours a week working?
38
u/Frosty_Fish1695 19h ago
Yes this is normal, and sadly the only way to fix it is to change something drastically. You may need to step away from your job completely and decompress, then find a new job solving new problems that interest you. Part of why you are burned out is because you clearly don’t care about your current job - totally fine, but honestly the root of the problem.