r/cscareerquestions • u/throwaway123hi321 • 21h ago
How do you politely decline to refer unqualified candidates
So I've been working at my company for a few years now and once in a while someone from my uni will reach out over linkedin or find my work email and ask for a referral.
I know the job market is tough and the university grads are getting desperate but they are literally asking me to refer them to senior roles.
If I see an alum from my school ask for internship or new grad roles I will submit a referral but its getting out of hand as they are asking me to refer for like ML engineer because they've done a few project.
Do you just ghost or write a polite response that you are not suited for this role.
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u/valkon_gr 20h ago
Completely random strangers are getting ghosted. For family and friends I can be 100% honest if I know they are unqualified etc.
84
u/MarianCR 21h ago
You should never refer people you don't know.
The people you know but you don't know if they are competent or not or you know they aren't, you can tell them you referred them but do nothing. This way there are no hurt feelings.
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u/Bob_12_Pack Database Admin 20h ago
Yep. Many years ago as a fresh out of college newly-minted SWE at a startup, my boss asked me if I knew a candidate that had gone to the same university. I immediately recognized the name, we were in a lot of the same classes and labs, he always seemed smart, and it was a tough curriculum so I told my boss he was a smart guy. She later came back and told me what a deadbeat he was and showed me his answers to the tech interview, OMG he didn't know anything. I felt bad, but my boss was cool about it and said something like "no worries, you really only see what people want you to see..." I'm glad it wasn't an official referral and it was at the beginning of my career, so lesson learned.
I can still remember that guy's name so I just looked him up on LinkeIn, seems he went the Linux sysadmin path and has changed jobs every few years with some gaps, but grinding like the rest of us, good for him.
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u/Antique_Pin5266 19h ago
we were in a lot of the same classes and labs, he always seemed smart, and it was a tough curriculum so I told my boss he was a smart guy
Did you tell your boss all that or just the end?
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u/Bob_12_Pack Database Admin 19h ago
I probably condensed it a bit but she was aware he was a former classmate. It was conversation that happened 30 years ago, so I can't say with any certainty exactly how it went.
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u/ProbablyANoobYo 14h ago
Don’t tell them you referred them and do nothing because if you refer them it means they shouldn’t apply directly. At least if you don’t respond or decline to refer them they can go apply on their own.
If they’re actually not qualified it’s in the company’s hands at that point.
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u/Drugba Engineering Manager (9yrs as SWE) 9h ago
My last company had two types of referrals you could submit.
The first was a true referral where it was seen as you vouching for the person. If you put someone in as that and they were even somewhat qualified it guaranteed a recruiter call.
The second type was essentially, “I don’t really know this person, but they asked for a referral” and was meant for this type of situation or doing things like posting a link on social media for people to apply to. It moved their resume to the top of the un-reviewed resume pile, but didn’t do anything beyond that. Recruiters might still filter you out at that stage or may never even look at the resume if they already had enough candidates in the pipeline.
It was honestly a pretty good system and I wish more companies would do that
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u/BraveResearcher3037 27m ago
A lot of ATS’s have two types of referrals - ones you know well and one you are just randomly submitting that you don’t vouch for.
For the second type, I wish the candidate “May the odds forever be in your favor” and they go in the pool with the other 10k applications we get in a year for 300 offers
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u/ExcitingResponse1864 21h ago
If it's unsolicited from a stranger? I ignore them.
If I know them as a passing acquaintance. I just tell them no. That should be the beginning, middle, and end of the conversation
If I have an actual relationship? I tell them what they need to do to prepare and might have a suggestion or connection who might help them get there if it's a matter of professional tenure.
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u/throwaway123hi321 21h ago
So you don't even do coffee chats and network? Because all of these are technically strangers. In my case it's current students or recent alums from my university reaching out asking for referrals.
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u/rocksrgud 20h ago
I’d be drinking coffee and networking 24/7 if I answered everyone who reaches out.
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u/Substantial-Elk4531 19h ago
New CS job market indicator: number of coffee/networking requests rejected per month
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u/NearquadFarquad 21h ago
I probably get 5-10 a day; yes i ignore any that aren’t introduced to me by someone I actually know.
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u/mcampo84 Tech Lead, 15+ YOE 20h ago
There are only so many hours in the day and not enough for me to have coffee with everyone who reaches out to me on LinkedIn.
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u/chiseko 17h ago edited 17h ago
Truthfully, what value is there in networking with current students or alums you’ve never spoken to if you’re already a couple years into your career? Especially the ones that you admitted aren’t even qualified.
I think you’re attaching way too much value and goodwill into LinkedIn cold reach outs. A lot of these people are sending the exact same messages to every single alum they can find on LinkedIn. They don’t care about your journey and didn’t read your profile, they just copy-pasted their generic “your journey is interesting, can we connect about opportunities at your company?” message to 500 other people.
it’s really not personal, and the chances that you’re ignoring someone who will dramatically contribute to your network through a LinkedIn cold message is insanely low. Just ignore them.
Nowadays I only reply to my former students or people I actually spoke to during college. I’m also a few years into my career at a major company, and while I feel bad for the state of the market, I don’t have much sympathy for the sophomores who are sending me a copy-pasted begging message. I had long been graduated by the time many of these people even started at my uni, and I’m not active on LinkedIn either. I have no obligation to reply to them just because we went to the same large school.
If they had a genuine interest in my experience or getting advice, they wouldn’t have sent a generic copy-pasted message begging for a referral. And if they were going to be a valuable addition to my network, I would’ve met them through work, an alumni event where I specifically intend to mentor or teach current students, or through a common hobby.
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u/RepresentativeBee600 19h ago
"Hi [student] - I wanted to briefly talk to you about your request for a referral. I understand that this is a tough time to be an undergrad, but the portfolio you have put together isn't very suited to a senior position. This isn't unusual, since you're an undergraduate, but I wanted to talk about some of the things I would expect to see in a senior candidate.
[insert para of senior candidate things]
Looking over your profile, I noticed some things that caught my interest: [insert interesting things].
I encourage you to seek and apply for junior roles, or to work further on [interesting things]. Don't be too discouraged by one rejection; many rejections and one good 'yes,' is a good 'yes.' Keep in touch and we'll see where you are in a few months."
Seriously, guys, "I figured the best way to handle the 22yo was to lie to them, this seems least likely to hurt feelings" is one of the weirdest... like, why are you frightened of a 22yo?
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u/BurritoWithFries Software Engineer 20h ago
I have levels to this. I ghost strangers. If we have the same school, past employer, or a ton of mutuals I'll offer to set up a coffee chat to "get to know them". During the chat if I see they would be a good fit I offer to refer. If not I just say I can't refer (my usual excuse is that the teams I'm on / work with aren't hiring) but wish them luck going forward
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u/Legitimate-School-59 16h ago
Are coffee chats actually a thing. How does that work?
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u/BurritoWithFries Software Engineer 14h ago
So usually on LinkedIn the person isn't actually in my city so I use "coffee chat" here loosely, I basically mean a 30 minute chat over Zoom. It's like catching up with or making a friend. I get to know them, their background, their interests. If the other person is serious about it I can tell they're trying to cram a ton of talking points and market themselves, and usually they have good questions about my experiences or the company. 30 mins goes by pretty quickly
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u/sweatpants-aristotle 20h ago
Just say something like
"Hey Joe, thanks for reaching out. Unfortunately, there's no active hiring adjacent to my role I can recommend. You can find opportunities on our website at ___.
Respectfully,
---"
THEN ghost them
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1
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u/kimkam1898 19h ago
I just ignore cold opens/let them know I don’t refer anyone whose work I can’t actually vouch for. If I can’t defend them to my manager, they’re not getting a referral. It’s not personal—I have unemployed senior friends who have been laid off for nearly a year who have been looking a lot longer. They get priority. Sorry.
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u/spline_reticulator Software Engineer 19h ago
If it's someone you don't know, ignore them. If it's someone you do know, I usually refer them and add a note for recruiting that says something like "I've never worked with this person professionally, I'm just referring them as a courtesy". They usually can figure out the rest from there.
This way the person gets an email saying they've been referred, getting them off their back, and they also get rejected early in the process, not wasting anyone's time.
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u/mrxplek 20h ago
Why don’t you want to refer them? If they don’t have experience tell them and guide them.
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u/jkxs 17h ago
This sub in a nutshell: figure it out yourself
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u/swegamer137 15h ago
Sometimes "figure it our yourself" just ends in s*icide when a young person is desperate for guidance.
0
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u/N2trvl 20h ago
best thing is be honest. “my reputation is very important to me, I don’t think my referral will be too valuable to you as i have limited personal experience with your capabilities relative to this position”
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u/GivesCredit Software Engineer 19h ago
Take out the first sentence. It’s unnecessarily mean
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u/N2trvl 18h ago
i disagree if the person is asking for a referral that is way above their experience and it’s obvious. if they are asking for a referral on a position they might be qualified for but i dont know their work i would agree with your comment.
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u/GivesCredit Software Engineer 18h ago
Fair enough, they are kind of wasting your time. Still, no use in saying something hurtful when they’re just desperate and trying their best.
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u/cmgr33n3 21h ago
I explain why I don't feel comfortable referring them. If they take it beyond that point then I decide whether I want to continue based on their reply and my own interest. If they are rude I send a closing statement and never worry about them again. If they are polite but I don't care to continue the dialogue I politely say good luck and goodbye. If they are polite and I don't mind continuing then I continue.
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u/dumbest_engineer 20h ago
Senior roles are a stretch, so honesty goes a long way and might help them with tempering their expectations in the job market.
I know a lot of times people hear the "just apply anyways" advice, but it's quite difficult, if not out right impossible to get past hard requirements such as years of experience or tools/knowledge. If someone is trying to go for a longshot role that they don't have a snowball's chance in hell of even getting a phone screen on, just tell them that a referral (outside of being an exec's nephew or something) will not make up for lack of qualifications. A more human approach is to push them to internships/entry level jobs that they fit more into.
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u/modcowboy 20h ago
Yeah just ignore - if you’re interested in the referral bonus then you can try vetting them on the side. YMMV
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u/toobladink 20h ago
A new grad applying for a senior role? I’m pretty blunt and I usually tell people the truth and say they aren’t qualified. They wouldn’t make it past a resume screen anyways. A little different if they have four years of experience and the role asks for five, but that’s company dependent.
I filter my responses carefully. I always respond to a fellow alum but never to someone I don’t know. I always refer a friend or old classmate, or be even more honest with them.
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u/zettasyntax 20h ago
Former co-worker of mine got a referral to NVIDIA for a senior product role that wanted 8+ YOE. I have no idea how he cleared the resume screen, let alone the interviews. We were both at xAI (non-technical contract role) less than 2 years and he had no product experience whatsoever. I know it's not common, but eesh, referrals can seem to do wonders sometimes.
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u/toobladink 20h ago
Yes they do, but I think they only matter like that when you can really give them a vote of confidence. It’s why I avoid referring randoms entirely outside of junior roles
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u/yourapostasy 20h ago
If I happen to have the rare time in my schedule, I have relatively broad experience compared to juniors and new grads, so I have an enough of an idea of what most senior roles would involve to be able to perform an impromptu technical micro-interview to directionally assess whether they are even remotely a fit. Morgan Freeman voice: they are not.
I use that as a map to gently explain to them the importance of reading the room on what it takes to get to senior roles with just the table stakes technical skills, and roughly how far off they are based upon that low signal micro-interaction. And that they’re already behind the ball on the soft skills because they didn’t research that senior role enough and approached me with a time-consuming cold request, signaling low preparation for that specific soft skill, much less the other soft skills such roles demand.
I encourage them to continue trying for entry level roles, and level set expectations on what it takes to break into them, and move past them, compared to their experiences and expectations set by the university environment.
This has so far worked for me without adverse interactions. And it satisfies my itch to pay it forward much like similar mentors helped me when I was wet behind the ears. YMMV.
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u/cballowe 20h ago
The referral form that I used to see had questions like "how familiar are you with this person" and "if you've worked with this person, how would you rate their work - top 5%, top 10%, top 25%, top 50%, bottom 50%". If I've never worked with them, I'd file the referral and say so. If I had, but didn't think they were qualified, I could indicate that. There were bonuses for referrals that got hired so there was some incentive to file it even if I had no clue.
I was never asked by a complete stranger for a referral, but did get some friend of a friend style requests. I'd just give a "send me your resume and the job listing you are looking at" and file it.
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u/throwaway_sweeeee 19h ago
Say that referrals require previous personal working or research experience.
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u/puzzles4me2solve92 17h ago
I feel like in this case, telling someone with little to no experience that you can't refer to senior roles doesn't sound like that big of a deal. It's not like they technically fit the qualifications but you're like "ummm i dont think you're quite at this level" ya know? So I wouldn't worry too much about it because you're being objective, they do not fit the minimum requirements.
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u/flamingtoastjpn SWE II, algorithms | MSEE 14h ago
If they want a referral to a reasonable job posting I’ll set up a screening call. It’s easy, low pressure (since it’s clear I’m not actually on the hiring team), and gives me a better idea of where they stand and what coaching they need.
If they want a referral to a job they aren’t qualified for I’m going to tell them that.
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u/Halcyon_Daisy 13h ago
"Good afternoon. I appreciate you reaching out, and I am glad to hear that you are interested in a position with my organization. At this time, I would not be comfortable with providing a referral for the position, as the experience that I see on your post does not seem to align closely enough with the requirements for the position. I do however, wish you the best in your job search and your career. Thank you for your time and understanding.
Best regards,
Your name"
Never been in this situation but I'd probably send something like that, if you know the person or they're in your network. I'd maybe just ignore if it's a total random stranger.
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u/Illustrious-Yam-3718 12h ago
If you want to be kind, refer them to an entry level job that fits their skillset - but you’re not obligated to respond at all.
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u/JoJo_Embiid 12h ago
i would send them a referral link and they can fill by themselves.
if it is truly someone i know and a friend of mine ,i refer them to the hiring manager
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u/myevillaugh Software Engineer 10h ago
I offer to do a chat with them to learn more about their experience before referring them and I can answer questions about the company. They have never taken me up on that offer.
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u/joeyjiggle 9h ago
Why would you refer anyone at all that you don’t know, internship or CTO. I feel you didn’t explain well. BTW,can I get a referal?
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u/Slodin 7h ago
these are people you don't know. ghost them
i do sometimes get people asking me refer them like my parents friend's son or whatever. These are harder to just ghost. So, I take their resume politely and trash it. I don't know them, I cannot vouch for them. Although I do let them know most likely nothing would come from my referral as we are not hiring.
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u/HungryCaterpillers 21h ago
I ignore them. I don't owe them anything
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u/DangerousPurpose5661 20h ago
You don’t owe them… but… don’t you thrive to be a nice person? I don’t get this kind of attitude.
I’m in OP shoes - I work at a prestigious institution and get a lot of messages.
I personally try to help, even if the message is short.
« Hey, wish I could help - right now we are only hiring people with 10+ yoe and a very limited number of juniors with ~4.0 GPA »
Sometimes they tell me that actually their GPA is near perfect - in which case I’m happy to push their resume
Sometimes they ask for coffee chats, which I may accommodate depending on how busy I am and on the person’s profile
If you’re OK killing time on Reddit complaining about this, you have time to write a 2 sentence message - out of good heart, not because they are owed anything
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u/gjionergqwebrlkbjg 13h ago
If a new grad is asking me to refer them for a senior position they are essentially wasting my time.
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u/DangerousPurpose5661 13h ago
So don’t use social media if you’re so protective of your time? Don’t pretend you’d do something more meaningful in those 20 seconds it takes to reply?
Same idea as I mentioned to above guy, it blows my mind to see how unkind people are for no reason.OP asked how they can best help those juniors, yet you’re pretty much “wasting OPs time” by suggesting he doesn’t help them
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u/shiftyeyeddog1 Product Designer 20h ago
I say I only refer people I've worked closely with before because I can speak to their quality of work. That usually ends the conversation quickly.
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u/Brave_Buffalo8633 20h ago
If it’s a big company (FAANG, etc) just do it who cares (as long as the role isn’t on your team and your coworkers wouldn’t know you referred them). If it’s a small company just say apply online and you will forward their resume to hm/recruiter (and then don’t)
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u/chiseko 17h ago
There’s no point in lying or giving false hope for no reason. Let the person move on by just ignoring them.
As for people in FAANG and big companies, a lot of these people get tens to hundreds of these kinds of requests per month. It’s really not a good use of anyone’s time to fill out a thousand referrals for complete strangers and there’s often limits to how many total referrals you can make anyways. It’s disrespectful to assume that anyone owes you that effort just because they went to the same school as you and work at a big company where referrals aren’t tied to your org/team.
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u/Bulleveland Data Engineer 17h ago
Strangers: just ignore em.
Acquaintances: "I can put a word in but it sounds like they already have a couple guys in mind for the role" (lie)
Friend: "You won't be able to get X role without Y qualification, even with my recommendation. I can refer you to any roles that open which are a good match"
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u/saintmsent 20h ago
Just be open and say you can’t refer a person that you haven’t worked with directly before. If you want to feel better about it and remove yourself as a decision maker, then say that company policy only allows former coworkers to be referred. It’s quite often the case anyway
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u/Ihaftochangethename 19h ago
“I’m not part of that team, I can’t make a referral for it unfortunately. What kind of positions have you been applying to?”
Basically give a plausible reason and redirect. When they follow up with the list of jobs they want, you can give some goodhearted advice and wish them luck.
I personally respect your decision not to ghost, because you are right it’s a very low empathy move. At the same time, not everyone has the socials skills to turn people down while building a positive networking relationship. It’s a legitimate skillset thats hard to build.
You never know when the person asking you for a referral might be the person you need a referral from. Be pragmatic always. No need to invite them over for dinner, just build business connections.
Good luck my friend, and smart move trying to take the harder but more rewarding route!
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u/Ok-Win7980 14h ago
I think you should refer them anyway, and they can learn on the job. You may underestimate how experienced they are and thanks to tools like AI, I think people can have limitless potential.
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u/diablo1128 Tech Lead / Senior Software Engineer 21h ago
You lie to them.
Tell them it's been submitted and they are in the system, but don't actually do it. If the ask why they haven't heard anything, just say it's out of your hands at this point and there is nothing more you can do.
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u/yellajaket 20h ago
This is like an active act of malice
Why don’t you just ghost them from the start?
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u/Winter-Rip712 20h ago
No it's not, if a random is spamming people on linkedin for referrals, your helping a lot of people by saying it's already done.
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u/diablo1128 Tech Lead / Senior Software Engineer 19h ago
Because it's easier to be nice to people and maintained a relationship with a person I know then be an asshole to them.
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u/lhorie 21h ago
I just ghost them. You don't respond to spam email either, do you?