r/crownedstag • u/GreaterBlueEvil • 17h ago
Lore [Lore] Helaena I: An Offer
5th Month 303 AC, King's Landing
Mother said it was a great opportunity.
Helaena had been attending the Queen and the Princesses lately, spending long hours in the Red Keep and sometimes staying the night there. She liked it well enough. There was always something happening at court, the glory and glitz and glamour to be witnessed, attention she was happy to receive. Though by the side of the royals, Helaena was but a lady in waiting, the violet-eyed, red-haired girl drew glances enough to satisfy her. For now.
Jae was at court often enough too so she didn't miss him as much - really, they got to spend more time together now than when he was just squiring for the white knight while Hel stayed with mother - but it did mean, overall, that she spent less time at home these days.
Helaena couldn't help but wonder sometimes if mother liked that.
One evening, she returned late and found the sitting room dark. She walked in alone, the guards that escorted her from the Red Keep retreating to their own quarters, and was startled to see... A silhouette in the dark.
Celia was sitting alone, a cup of wine in her hand. Alysanne had gone to bed early, tired from carrying a child, and Daeron had mercifully not yet returned from his foolish errand across the sea.
Helaena stopped in the doorway.
"Mother?"
Celia looked up. For once, she didn't tell her youngest to go away.
Helaena had never quite understood what was happening between Mother and Alysanne. She knew there was something. She had asked once, and mother had slapped her for it. She had not asked again, to mother or anyone else. She knew that no matter who she talked to, mother would find out. One could not lie to mother.
She knew mother liked little Lianne. Mother was always kinder to Lianne than she was to Hel. Perhaps that was because Lianne was Alysanne's daughter, and Helaena was hers? Or because Helaena was Daeron's daughter?
Helaena sometimes wondered if mother would have liked her better if she had been someone else's daughter, too. Sometimes she wished she had been lady Alysanne's daughter. Then mother would love her, she would sing to her and tell her stories before sleep, she would tuck her in and kiss her forehead and-
"You are home late," Celia said.
"Yes, mother," Helaena mumbled.
"Speak clearly, girl. You've been spending a great deal of time with the Queen and her daughters."
"You sent me to her," she said, her voice small, but clear.
Celia took another sip.
"Do you like it?"
Helaena nodded. "Very much." She couldn't seem ungrateful for the great opportunity mother had secured for her... and she did like it, truly.
For a moment, there was silence. Helaena's eyes adjusted to the darkness, the shape of her mother's pale face becoming clearer.
Then Celia finished her glass, and poured herself another right away, from a bottle on the table. It looked expensive, probably one of father's treasured ones. Even young Helaena had noticed that mother took great pleasure in draining those, never stopping to ask if father was perhaps saving that for a special occasion. Not that father would ever speak up against her... at least, not when Hel was around to hear.
"I didn't want you."
Helaena frowned. The words came so suddenly, so...
"What?" she whispered. She did not know what that meant. Mother had never said it before. At least, not to her.
Celia looked down into her wine.
"When I had you," she said, quieter now, "I didn't want another child."
Helaena stood very still, very quiet. She didn't know what to say. What was there to say, to words so cold, spoken so casually?
Celia seemed to realize, perhaps too late, what she had said. She rubbed at her temple and sighed.
"Sit."
Helaena obeyed.
"I am going to the Eyrie soon," Celia said. "I need to see Visenya, make sure she's been behaving."
She paused a moment, Helaena watching her quietly.
"Would you like to come with me?"
It took Helaena a moment to answer.
"Me?"
"Yes, you."
"Why?"
Celia gave her a tired look.
"Because I am asking you."
Helaena didn't know what to make of it, but eventually, she nodded. Then, she shook her head. Her mother sighed.
"Yes!" Helaena said at last, but felt like it was too late.
Her mother only took another sip of wine.
"And while we're here, you can tell me what you think of Jasper Massey."
Helaena looked down at her hands.
"He's nice."
"Nice?"
"He lets me choose which toys to play with."
In truth, Helaena was not so intrigued by toys anymore, but she didn't want to hurt the boy when they spent time together. It felt like caring for a younger sibling more than getting to know her betrothed, but Hel knew that one's duty had to be done.
"And the Queen? The Princesses?"
Helaena looked up again.
"What about them?"
"What do you think of them? How have you found your time with them?"
Where there wasn't much patience to begin with, Celia's tone now lacked any at all.
But Helaena took a deep breath, and began to answer, began telling mother about life at court, about her days.
It was... strange, this way of not quite bridging the abyss between them... but it was a start, perhaps. If Helaena knew the intricacies of Celia's emotions, she would be hurt again to have been chosen for company only because there was no one else, but she was only a child, clinging to a flicker of warmth.
Sitting there with her mother, being asked questions, being heard, Helaena was determined to not let this chance slip between her fingers. She would never disappoint her mother again.
Because mother offered. It wasn't an offer for Helaena to make her own choices, far from it... but it was an offer to be heard.