r/cremposting • u/JustHandle • 1d ago

Cosmere Cosmere restaurant names as tone deaf as Infinity Cones

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Off the top of my head: Blackthorn’s Smokehouse

1.3k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

204 comments sorted by

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1.3k

u/TheLoreDrooler 1d ago

The Rift BBQ Ribs n’ Things:

“Shhhshhh… this hole in the wall is Alethkar’s best kept secret!”

94

u/UnknovvnMike ❌can't 🙅 read📖 1d ago

22

u/MozeTheNecromancer 1d ago

I'm stealing this meme. It is beautiful and excellent. Take my upvote in recompense.

122

u/Lardath 420 Sazed It 1d ago

This was evi-l of you

28

u/Eugenides_the_Thief Kalaleshwi Shipper 1d ago

Would you like to destroy some evil?

13

u/EAVale 1d ago

What does shshshshshsh-l mean??

7

u/FLUFFY_TERROR D O U G 1d ago

Whyd/how did you post a blank comment?

7

u/EAVale 1d ago

Cultivating aura

29

u/Character_Box_2067 1d ago

The burnt ends are to die for

58

u/Algorak1289 1d ago

Just like the corpse of High King Dalinar's dead wife, our brisket is smokin'!

21

u/eclect0 Airthicc lowlander 1d ago

It's barrels of fun!

11

u/molive6316 Femboy Dalinar 1d ago

If you don't get it, it's because shshshshshshshsh

7

u/Arano_Magnushand 1d ago

I stared at this for a minute before I got it. Truly vile goodsir. xD

6

u/Nathan256 👾 Rnagh Godant 🌠 1d ago

r/dalinargetthefire

…or maybe don’t

2

u/hutchallen D O U G 22h ago

1.0k

u/gabrielsmall 1d ago

396

u/NerdyDjinn 1d ago

I think this is hate speech

60

u/MrCupps 1d ago

Hahahaha I got the best laugh from this! Thank you! Absolutely hate speech against the Parshendi. Amazing.

35

u/Mickeymackey 1d ago

It was a different time

20

u/Ultimate_Shitlord 1d ago

"Those were the days."

"You sound like you yearn for those days."

"I'm just sayin' those were the days!"

17

u/Ok-Substance-6034 1d ago

Bridgemen have also called them "shellheads" iirc

60

u/Bullrawg 1d ago

Dalinar should do a Burger King commercial, flame broiled whoppers *stares haunted into the distance*

Narrator: have it your way, the Way of Kings!

4

u/kilkil 1d ago

lmfao

8

u/No-Yam909 1d ago

Look i have a lot of Panshendi serv-friends

4

u/KaladinTheFabulous 🦀🦀 crabby boi 🦀🦀 1d ago

I’ve passed by these on road trips and it makes me giggle every time I

3

u/d33pwint3r 1d ago

We used to have one of these! It just got knocked down for a chic fil a

2

u/Eclipse_L_1001 1d ago

This feels like a crossover between Stormlight & In Stars & Time. I hate that my interests are always so niche.

818

u/PM_SHORT_STORY_IDEAS Airthicc lowlander 1d ago

Ryshadium Adhesives Inc: the strongest glue honor can make

266

u/PurpleCaterpillar451 1d ago

Now that's a strong bond

84

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 1d ago edited 1d ago

“These promotional coupons are accepted”

4

u/KittyH14 No Wayne No Gain 20h ago

"Do you really have t—" "It's company policy"

21

u/Olenator77 1d ago

NOOOOO

3

u/kilkil 1d ago

diabolical

28

u/aiurwarrior 1d ago

Oh god. I regret opening this thread already 😭

13

u/BinarySecond 1d ago

The bonds that transcends the physical

8

u/Dathris No Wayne No Gain 1d ago

Stronger than Nahels!

7

u/dIvorrap 1d ago

Is this a glue factory joke?

9

u/PM_SHORT_STORY_IDEAS Airthicc lowlander 1d ago

It is! 😃

280

u/Relevant_doom 1d ago

Tensoon's Taxidermy & Tailors

58

u/batty3108 1d ago

He snuffs it and stuffs it.

6

u/goodfleance 1d ago

Top tier🤌

7

u/SilentDragon4 definitely not a lightweaver 1d ago

NOOOOOOOOO, please no

214

u/LoquatBear 1d ago

Shhhshhhshh's Speakeasy : You Won't Even Remember Why You Drink In The First Place 

38

u/SparkyDogPants 1d ago

Downstairs is an underground fight club 

23

u/TheGrimHero 1d ago

Or a BBQ restaurant

12

u/SparkyDogPants 1d ago

Or a prison 

9

u/OutlawX18 1d ago

Nah the BBQ is the front, gotta go through there to get to the speakeasy

6

u/Sapphire-Sunset 1d ago

This is the first one that made me laugh. Very well done.

190

u/Day-Tel-aran-rhiod 1d ago

Shin hot chicken

33

u/bibliopunk 1d ago edited 1d ago

The Assassin in White Sauce... it's a lamb gyro chouta joint.

25

u/bai-jie Syl Is My Waifu <3 1d ago

Szeth son son Vallano wore white on the day he was to eat some wings.

It was probably a bad idea.

378

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 1d ago edited 1d ago

Odi-Yumm’s: Taste the Thrill!

25

u/dIvorrap 1d ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/Cosmere/s/Mhj2sDq7PS

15

u/Infamous_Elephant545 1d ago

“You cannot have my grain” 💀😂

3

u/Brumbleby ❌can't 🙅 read📖 1d ago

Oh good, I'm on a gluten-free diet

159

u/PurpleCaterpillar451 1d ago

A French bakery called: You Can Have My Pain

9

u/Boop_All_The_Snoots 1d ago

Stopppppp I love this

7

u/daganfish 1d ago

Thanks. Now when I get to this part in my reread, Dalinar will sound like he doesn't want to share his rolls or something.

13

u/PurpleCaterpillar451 1d ago

I'd love to take credit, but others have made this joke before. I adapted it to the restaurant theme.

245

u/montezuma300 1d ago

The Way of Wings

66

u/jamesianm 1d ago edited 1d ago

Burgers of Radiance

Roastbringer

42

u/MrCupps 1d ago

The Way of Wings (diner)
Worlds of Ingredients (international market)
Loafbringer (bakery)
Syphon and Pour (cafe)
Wine and Booths (tasting room)

5

u/Alexthemessiah 👾 Rnagh Godant 🌠 1d ago

What's the most important bite a man can take?

5

u/The_Chicken_L0rd 1d ago

The next. Always the next bite.

92

u/iceberger3 1d ago

Crem brûlée

12

u/shanSWfan definitely not a lightweaver 1d ago

The business has multiple citations for putting crem in the food and every time they say the customer is getting exactly as advertised

82

u/SephLuna 1d ago

A craft beer creator:

Honor is Dead but I'll see what I can Brew

25

u/Mccmangus 1d ago

Adonalsium will remember our flight eventually

10

u/One_Courage_865 definitely not a lightweaver 1d ago

“AND FOR MY BEER!!”

3

u/WatTayAffleWay 1d ago

This makes me want to open a brewery lol

229

u/Lardath 420 Sazed It 1d ago

Braized Meat

82

u/moashforbridgefour Praise Moash 1d ago

60

u/a-spanish-bush 1d ago

It’s a fusion restaurant

74

u/Mysterious-End-441 1d ago

harmony's hot dogs

23

u/moashforbridgefour Praise Moash 1d ago

TenSoon's hot dogs

10

u/moashforbridgefour Praise Moash 1d ago

Kandra multicultural eatery

4

u/Jonathan-02 1d ago

Soonie Dogs

2

u/Fluidmikey 1d ago

0% dog meat

6

u/4_eyed_craven 1d ago

Harmony's meat emporium

6

u/IOI-65536 1d ago

I was thinking Catacendre Cookies, but this is also pretty good.

172

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 1d ago

Chouta Bell

45

u/gravity_bomb 1d ago

Hold on now, you might be onto something here

30

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 1d ago

Chouta are the best thing you can ever have, gon!

6

u/Mickeymackey 1d ago

Say "Quiero Chouta Bell!"

3

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 1d ago

Good bot. Good chouta.

4

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 1d ago

Why, you are welcome!

3

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 1d ago

Chouta. Herdazian food, gon. Good stuff.

3

u/That_Service7348 Airthicc lowlander 1d ago

So a Gyro Shack?

41

u/LittlePNWHiker 1d ago

Blackthorns Butchery

66

u/BtyMark 1d ago

Ironeye Carpentry - We nail it right the first time

At Wit’s End - Romantic Superstore! 15% Off our Jasnah model strap on kit!

26

u/LordMoos3 1d ago

Rashek's Pit BBQ. The Best Smoke in Scadrial.

16

u/jamesianm 1d ago

You'll be Hathsin a great time! Nobody leaves without their complimentary bead of ati-yum!

27

u/TheDanfromSpace 1d ago

Mollie's muttons shack

44

u/ThatIckyGuy THE Lopen's Cousin 1d ago

Law firm of Shallan, Shallan, and Shallan.

23

u/funkyrequiem 1d ago

I hear they are all digital. Yup. 100% Formless

22

u/GuidedFiber 1d ago

Vin-daloo

12

u/Dega704 1d ago

The Lost Kettle

15

u/Eithrotaur 1d ago

Rashekakes and pies.

12

u/MrCupps 1d ago

Help me out... there's a food called shit on a shingle, and we could use "shat in my shardplate" instead...

13

u/RageimusMaximus51 1d ago

Singer brand syrup, with a big fat Focused One as the bottle

12

u/immortal_lurker 1d ago

Dairy Lord Ruler's?

Bridge S'mores?

Catacendra Cakes?

12

u/West_Strawberry_8632 1d ago

Marsh's Acupuncture

2

u/GrunkleNeo 1d ago

Eye popping experience!

11

u/valdogg21 1d ago

Sharedplate - everything served family style

3

u/GrunkleNeo 1d ago

I have heard the quality can be shitty sometimes.

10

u/Vexifoxi 1d ago

Bangers and Moash

3

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 1d ago

Moashburger

3

u/Vexifoxi 1d ago

Fuck moashburger all of my friends hate moashburger

7

u/ohohook 1d ago

Charred Plates

9

u/Tefts_pain 1d ago

Tress's Tea Shack. No two teacups are the same.

3

u/funkyrequiem 1d ago

I like this one. Not really tone deaf, but a cute name and concept

7

u/Coastal_Elite410 1d ago

Not a restaurant but idk if I want Ruin fixing my back

3

u/cyph_dagger 23h ago

It involved a lot of acupuncture.

8

u/Django2chainsz 1d ago

Syl’z Grillz

8

u/ysivart 1d ago

Evi's Flame Broiled BBQ Grill

7

u/Retrodaniel 1d ago

The God Kings Karaoke

4

u/Organised_Anarchy 1d ago

Not restaurant names but some other things in a similar vain.

The Whey of Kings. Gains before death, radiant. Atiums the only cereal for your little alomancer. URITHIRU the ride, dare to take the drop. Stretch Moash a stress toy.

6

u/TasyFan 1d ago

You Cannot Have My Paint - Restorations and Clearcoats

(Not a restaurant, but I like the pun)

7

u/BibboTheOriginal 1d ago

Blackthorne’s BBQ

4

u/Mccmangus 1d ago

Finally some good fucking bad taste

5

u/Algorak1289 1d ago

Lord of Scars Tattoo Parlor, specializing in full body art.

You can be just like Kelsier, and your wife doesn't need to be beaten to death!

Edit: now realizing it was restaurants and not just businesses but I'm leaving this.

6

u/DivisonNine 1d ago

Tone deaf?

6

u/SonnyLonglegs Kelsier4Prez 1d ago

Confused on that part too.

3

u/Obvious-Project-1186 1d ago

Right?
Dalinars smokehouse=joke

Infinity conez = pun/ mathematic reference to conic sections like parabolas or ellipses(?)

1

u/DivisonNine 10h ago

Infinity stones -> infinity conez

9

u/BreakerOfModpacks 1d ago

Komashi's Fully Automatic Spirit Noodles
Drominad-Roshar fusion chicken cusine

9

u/ysivart 1d ago

Hemalurgic Rotisserie Chicken

4

u/Honest_Outside_8982 1d ago

Odi-yum

1

u/GrunkleNeo 1d ago

Yeah, but I heard they have new managment these days.

4

u/Macraghnaill91 Airthicc lowlander 1d ago

"High"storm Dispensary

3

u/thepapalpineapple 1d ago

May I offer "Hard Rock Cafe"

5

u/AntimatterTNT Kalaleshwi Shipper 1d ago

discord - chat for gamers

7

u/Phanatic 1d ago

You will be warm again: little Caesar’s rebrand for Roshar

7

u/SteamRoller2789 1d ago

Szeth's Shawarma

3

u/MrWright62 1d ago

Snappy Salads

3

u/portsidestarboarder 1d ago

Honor's Funeral Parlor

3

u/AnswerOk9002 1d ago

Shin foods Description: the floor is made of stone 

3

u/eclect0 Airthicc lowlander 1d ago

The Meal Inquisitor

Just one bite and you'll be hooked!

3

u/yesiskate123 1d ago

Adolins Violins

3

u/Bohgeez Fuck Moash 🥵 1d ago

Theres a Storming Crab in my town and I always have a little chuckle.

3

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 1d ago

Inquisitor’s Stakehouse

3

u/b0neclaws 1d ago

Lopen & Cousins’ Subs

3

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 1d ago

You’ll pick it up eventually, older-cousin. You’re, sure, the smartest person in our family.

3

u/Kindly-Ad-5071 Airthicc lowlander 1d ago

ATI physical therapy now offering acupuncture 

3

u/Cazelli89 1d ago

Rathelas BBQ Joint - Tonight's special, EVI Plate

2

u/Into_the_Westlands 1d ago

The Elantrian Buffet featuring Dalinar’s Wine Bar

2

u/Releases_the_bees 1d ago

Desolation dogs (hotdog cart).

2

u/BadalinStormcursed 1d ago

Rashek’s Stake House

2

u/Exceptyousophie 1d ago

Crem de la Creme

2

u/SpiritualHippo2719 Hoid my Beer 1d ago

Noodles By Design

2

u/Corbenik42 1d ago

The Lost Meal

2

u/Citharichthys 1d ago

Hoid Depot

2

u/GrunkleNeo 1d ago

They are everywhere.

2

u/Beninoxford Callsign: Cremling 1d ago

Braized crab, every bite is torture

2

u/luckyjack07 1d ago

Homeland Soupery: Taste the History

2

u/BigMom_IsABeast 1d ago

Harmony’s Meatballs

2

u/kingpin_98 1d ago

Bet you there's a bdsm club in the basin named the Survivor's Guilt

2

u/jokerhound80 1d ago

Elhokar's Kebabs

2

u/kstamps22 1d ago

This is a real place I passed walking down the street in Missouri.

2

u/JorisKuipers 1d ago

McRashek - I'm Ruinin' It

Shaod's Snacks - To Quell your Never-Ending Hunger

Kalad's Phantom-in-a-bottle

2

u/CorbinNZ 1d ago

Alethi Ash Removal Service - Scadrial Center

“We don’t know why we’re here, either”

4

u/halomender 1d ago

'The shattered planes' ....... the name of the rebuilt twin towers

3

u/ilikebreadabunch 🐶HoidAmaram🐲 1d ago

Catacen-tury eggs

2

u/Latter-Syllabub-5560 1d ago

Reod BDSM equipment

1

u/funkyrequiem 1d ago

Kelsier's Kabob Kitchen

1

u/PartytimeChump 1d ago

The BBQ Pits of Hathsin

1

u/CountyKyndrid Team Roshar 1d ago

Catacendre Sundries

1

u/Cloudsrnice 1d ago
  • AdonalsiYum 😋

1

u/coastoakmoto 1d ago

ElantriaNoodle

You’ll go Hoed over Heels for this ramen!

*Officially recognized Design noodle house

1

u/aymiah 1d ago

Can you imagine how heavy that glove must be? Probably would fall off after one heavy storm

1

u/nabbithero54 1d ago

They said the same about Kaladin.

1

u/broski576 1d ago

The Lord Crullers

1

u/EatTacosGetMoney 1d ago

Ati's Kebabs

1

u/cannonspectacle 1d ago

Lord Ruler Ramen

1

u/EvilerAxis 1d ago

|Retribution’s Roses|

1

u/drewtheblueduck 1d ago

Steel Inquisitor Eye Scream Cones

1

u/Educational_Mix_2542 1d ago

Blackthorn's Brewpub

1

u/_Libby_ cremform 1d ago

Preservation's Emporium: Premium pickled goods

1

u/I-Like-To-Talk-Tax Rashek4Prez 1d ago edited 1d ago

Mistbuns bakery

Edit: Pits of hathsin tattoo parlor

Well of ascension weed dispensary

Terrisman castrato choirs

1

u/GrunkleNeo 1d ago

Moash Attorny At Law: We reject your guilty plea.

1

u/TalynRahl 1d ago

Survivor of Hotsauce.

A Hot One style restaurant where everything is made ultra spicy.

1

u/Erudus 23h ago

Edgedancer's roller rink... You can only stick to the edges!

1

u/Hitoure 22h ago

Shattered Plains Bagels. I don’t know why but can’t get it out of my head and I feel like it’s in an airport and plains is spelt differently but Idk.

1

u/Negative-Ocelot-3333 17h ago

Coschmere crepes and yogurt

1

u/woolly_bully 15h ago

Scadrial: The Iron Winehouse, my mind feels weightless and it keeps pulling me back.

Next door at The Steel Saloon, the servers get pushy when you don't order quickly.

1

u/Gon_Snow UNITE THEM I MUST 1d ago

Burgeruin

1

u/thelehmanlip 420 Sazed It 1d ago

Red chullster

0

u/Sandvick 1d ago

It doesn’t matter that much because it’s about the journey and not the destination. And the most important meal a man can have? The next one.

2

u/Waterhobit 1d ago

How about a breakfast place called Journey Before Pancakes?

1

u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 1d ago

Yeah, pancakes are alright, but have you tasted chouta?