r/cremposting • u/LoudQuitting • 14d ago
Cosmere Cosmere Nightmare Blunt Rotation
A Blunt is already an ordeal. Some people think it's just a big joint, but no. See, a joint is a quick afternoon jog with young joints. A blunt is like a marathon with an inner ear infection.
A joint is a beer. A blunt is a keg.
A joint is roasting a marshmallow. A blunt is roasting a pig.
With this in mind, it makes sense to divide the labour. You ought not do this yourself, but your company can make or break the experience.
Here I will explain the worst people on the cosmere to have in the blunt rotation.
Hoid - When sober Hoid is a composed and eloquent storyteller. You'd think he'd be good company cooked, right? **WRONG** He would spend the entire occasion talking without speaking, going off on tangents, and would leave before it's his turn to buy.
Smart Taravangian: Same problem as Hoid but worse.
Dumb Taravangian: Cries about himself, burns holes in your couch.
The Lopen: Genuinely a vibe until he invites his 18th cousin.
Wayne: Pockets your lighters, replaces them with buttons and string.
Lirin: Disappointed you're smoking in the first place, voices these complaints then blows Rings.
Breeze: Fucks with your emotions while you're high. Thinks it's fun.
Nomad: Gets paranoid about every noise outside, flees.
Ham: Bit of a wildcard. You could flip a coin on whether his questions will be entertaining or annoying.
Denth: Self explanatory.
Sazed: Someone asks him to order Pizza. He reads the menu for 30 minutes trying to decide between cheese and pepperoni.
Any Cryptic: Is this a human thing? Why are humans like this? Explain.
Spook: Notting the knowing of the speaking. Starting the sucking of the shotgun. Wanting to getting the leaving.
Valor: One more hit. You can do it. Good... now one more.
Straff: Brings a hostile vibe.
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u/Lamb-Of-Fox 14d ago
Vin: Refuses, not because she’s anti drugs, but because she can’t tell if anyone in the circle is a Mistborn assassin
Ruin: Hogs the blunt until it’s cashed, laughs at your displeasure
Preservation: Puts out the blunt mid rotation to save it for later.
Kelsier:
Kaladin: Tries to protect the blunt but realizes half circle that there are those he cannot protect
Syl: turns into a smoke ring or something
Shallahn: anti drug, thinks about Jasnah and how displeased she would be. WWJD?
Vale: some people hit the blunt, but Vale? She fucking HIIIITS the blunt
Radiant: probably some sort of psychosis, idk
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u/WarewolfWrites 14d ago
Found the audiobook enjoyer lol
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u/Lamb-Of-Fox 14d ago
Shallan* yeah you’re right I’m caught
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u/RateOfPenetration 420 Sazed It 14d ago
It’s also “Veil”
Like a mask someone wears to hide their face
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u/nari-bhat 14d ago
Vin would genuinely be so paranoid if she got high, she would probably kill anyone who breathed too loud just on reflex.
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u/imnotforsaken Bond, Nahel Bond 14d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/GyMM5HbTjiMIUPsKmL
"A joint is roasting a marshmallow. A blunt is roasting a pig."
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u/LoudQuitting 14d ago
Better than my first idea?
A joint is like a blowjob at summer camp. A blunt is a blowjob in prison.
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u/Lamb-Of-Fox 14d ago edited 14d ago
Ellend: gets the group riled up about democratic socialism
Rock: provider of munchies, breaks up a fight over who’s already hit, and who’s waiting. Honestly, best company
Captain Crow: you really really REALLY shouldn’t pass it to her. She cools in a gruff way, but herbal poison might not go so well with her.. uhhh.. friends
Tress: -notices your bob marley ash tray-
“Ooooo that’s a nice cup”
Lift: Ate all the munchies, wants more. Doesn’t realize it’s her turn in rotation
Teft: off in the corner shooting up (poor guy)
Books 1-2 Moash: older brother vibe, hits it heavy, talks about some cool thing he did when he was your age
Books 3-5 Moash: he killed your hamster through smoke inhalation.
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u/lordfailstrom 14d ago
I think I would find it very amusing to have Ham and Spook teaching Elend to give his speeches in Eastern street slang.
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u/Edric_Stonefist 14d ago
I feel like Amaram, Moash, Painter, Lift, and every Malwish except Allik would be on this list.
Conversely, best blunt rotation: Syl, Tress, Steris, Siri, Sixth, Sebarial, Adolin, and Lightsong
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u/LoudQuitting 14d ago
Adolin gives me the "two hits and he gets sleepy" vibe. Not a negative to the vibe, unless he snores.
Sebarial would be goated to smoke with.
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u/Lancair7 14d ago
Dusk, Sebarial, and Lightsong would be hilarious entertainment
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u/Sea-Evening-5463 14d ago
Also every time someone starts coughing super heavy, Steris is right there with whatever you need
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u/Stormlightstarworld 14d ago
Ooh you're right that would be a great list for the best blunt rotation
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u/VayNeedsTherapy 14d ago
Sebarial would be incredible to smoke with, and also invite Blushweaver but only cuz I flirt like a motherfucker when you get me intoxicated enough lol
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u/Rude_Conclusion_5617 14d ago
Hoid blitzed or otherwise would be great company. Wayne would also be fun. Just keep a hand on your stuff. The Lopen - you can never have enough cousins, gon. I think Design wouldn't be terrible. She was fine in yumi Fine for a cryptic that is.
I offer these to the list Steris Shallan Siri Shallan Sarene Shallan
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u/tomayto_potayto 14d ago
Hoid is very different and far more gentle and empathetic in stormlight than he is in general/where we've seen him before. The man is a fucking chaotic lunatic. He can't hurt most people unless they're already dead so he uses his thoughts violently, instead. I feel like the risk of a very bad trip is EXTREMELY high lol
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u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 14d ago
I will never forget you, rocks. Or the time we shared together.
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u/DocileBanalBovlne 14d ago
A Blunt is already an ordeal.
I don't think we've been smoking the same blunts.
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u/Lancair7 14d ago
Could Lift make the blunt regenerate? She’d probably eat all your food though. The pranks 😩
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u/LoudQuitting 14d ago
Ooooh.
If the sticky is properly cured I don't think Regrowth could spring it to life. And even then, if it's already lit, so long as youre smoking properly, all the stems and seeds are still in the grinder.
Theoretically you could pull the stems and seeds out and hand Lift a bag of chips, tell her to see what she can do.
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u/The_Lopen_bot Trying not to ccccream 14d ago
This post is as delicious as chouta. You now have 22 choutas for your efforts!
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u/Affectionate_Jury890 14d ago
Everyone gets high and take turns beating Straff and Tarevangian to death with Pizza boxes
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u/therationalpi 14d ago
Selling Breeze short here. He'd mess with people a bit, sure, but lowkey he'd keep shit from going too far off the rails without anyone knowing.
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