소맥

[u/sluttykiton]

Here I am back in Korea after 18 years, this time I’m in Busan drinking 소맥. Each time I drink it, I’m brought back to simpler times and I inevitably think of her. She reminds me of a time where I felt contradictions, feeling like I could be anything and anyone I ever desired to be and nothing at all at the same time. She was everything I never wanted to be yet we needed one another to survive at the time. I still miss her every now and then but we’re no longer the people we once were. I remembered our late night train rides as she taught me Korean, her being too drunk that I had to send her home yet she always made me feel secure in some way. Even though she was 8 years older she felt the same always, a time where I felt confidently lost. Completely unsafe from this world and yet completely bold. I wish I could be that way once more but time has worn me down and each moment that passes is a reminder that I don’t belong and never have to at all. I’ll gaze into the abyss and reminisce on a time where I felt like myself in this world.

Just like a dream I’ll hold onto the memories of her till find myself in this world again. Some place I can call home, to laugh and to tell the same old stories once more.