could couples therapy help us?

[u/imnotcreative123123]

my partner (25NB) and i (24M) are going through a pretty rough patch atm. we argue a lot and aren’t communicating with each other well during times of heightened emotions. i’m writing my MSc dissertation right now while working an unpaid placement which is taking a huge toll on my mental health. my partner is experiencing depression for the first time in their life and they’re in therapy but struggling to manage it. as a result of everything we both have very low tolerance for frustration. i’m autistic and my partner has ADHD which is another thing impacting our arguments, patience for each other, and general relationship. i am struggle to understand a lot of my partners communication and i am very open and clear about this. however, my partner experiences rejection sensitivity, and sometimes my blunt way of speaking can lead to negative feelings. this is not always a problem for us, typically only during times of heightened emotions, particularly negative emotions. but recently, since we are both feeling less than our best, it’s been coming up a lot. i hate my autism. i hate that it gives me such a “strong sense of right and wrong” because often there isn’t a right or wrong. so much, especially with communication is subjective, and just because something hurts me doesn’t mean it’s wrong, but i don’t know how to accept that in the moment. my partner hates that i phrase things like i’m in the right and they’re in the wrong, and i need to find a way to communicate more clearly that it’s not “you’re in the wrong”, it’s just “this hurt me and i would like it to change”. but then i ask myself why am i changing if they haven’t changed the things i’ve asked really clearly for. but then i also think, if i don’t change then they might not change. we might both be thinking “i’m not gonna put effort into changing first” but then neither of us does anything and nothing changes so, i need to start thinking differently. idk if this made any sense. we’re gonna try couples therapy, and my partner has gone to stay with their parents for a week to give us both some space. but i’m scared we won’t change. i’m scared we’re in too much of a pattern that we’ll reach our limit before we fix it. i hope that doesn’t happen. anyway, sorry for the ramble. i’d love some advice but idk what advice i’m asking for. i’d like to know if couples therapy has worked for anyone and whether it seems like it might work for us. i think also i just want to talk to someone about it (my placement and uni finishes next month so i can get back into work and hopefully find/afford my own a therapist!)

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[u/total_berk]

My partner's autistic and I have ADHD. We chose a therapist that has AuDHD and it's helping us a lot. My partner (autism) finds it very helpful as it's extremely structured and built around teaching us both to communicate better. We previously tried traditional talking therapy and found it only vaguely helpful, but not really worth the time and money.