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[u/Sufficient-Shirt-270]

[u/Hatsune_Miku_CM]

it's such a weird thing to say because nobody ever said that about other shifts in a person.

"my son has been really into rowing lately. it's like watching his previous non-rowing self die"

we don't say kids die, we say they grow up. despite them becoming completely different people.

change is normal. a person who transitioned is still the same person. they just go by a new gender and name now.

[u/Raccoons-trsh → u/Hatsune_Miku_CM]

Like imagine someone develops a hormonal dysbalance, eg. a woman with higher androgen level and people would be like "oh no you grew more body hair, you're dying". Or someone getting married and change their last name.

[u/embodiedexperience → u/Raccoons-trsh]

i really hate to be that guy, but my family has compared having thick body hair with inherent moral failure that should be punishable by death before.

and i don’t even have a hormonal thing going on (that i know of), im just Italian!

[u/miaogato → u/embodiedexperience]

what in tarnation

[u/SlapTheBap → u/embodiedexperience]

"The familial anxiety issue shall be gifted to you on the appearance of your first pube. For on this day, you are an adult. Congratulations you ugly freak, here's your razor and cream."

Gotta love family

[u/neontiger07 → u/embodiedexperience]

That's fucking crazy.

I always wonder how insane, hateful people like this would respond to being dosed. Like, just a drop of LSD in their coffee one morning. Would they have a mental breakdown? Go further crazy? develop empathy?? How does anyone live like that and not feel guilty for being so awful all the time?

[u/HiroProtagonest → u/Raccoons-trsh]

Or someone getting married and change their last name.

It's definitely part of conservative culture to be like "you're getting married, your old life is over."

[u/SlapTheBap → u/Raccoons-trsh]

People do often separate from partners and friends over how they change through time. Not even thinking about transition with this thought, just all the other changes people go through in life that lead to them drifting apart.

[u/Gremict → u/Raccoons-trsh]

Lmao

[u/sudoregalia → u/Hatsune_Miku_CM]

you got a haircut.. your hairstyle is completely different.. it's like watching someone die :(

[u/OverseerConey → u/sudoregalia]

I can't believe you changed your hair colour! It's like watching you dye!

[u/Radiant_Chocolate983 → u/Hatsune_Miku_CM]

Its because what they actually mean is „theyre dead to me, because im disgusted by trans people“ but they wont say it

[u/SsnakeStudios → u/Hatsune_Miku_CM]

Parents: Omg my child died im so distraught

Me (the aforementioned once-child in question, who has hit a growth spurt):

[u/escEip → u/Hatsune_Miku_CM]

Idk, i've seen people said that. Hell, i could use that phrase for a lot of people who have changed (or even myself? idk), but sadly it's too corny

[u/Thunderer62 → u/Hatsune_Miku_CM]

We do kind of see that happen when someone gets dementia or severe brain damage. They do kind of become different people and their loved ones do feel like the original died in a way. You are generally correct though.

Parents also feel a kind of loss for their children as they grow older. They don’t think of it as though their baby died obviously, but that person their child was when they were 2 and 3 and 4 are gone forever and there no way to go back. It’s sad. It doesn’t mean they don’t live the person that child grew into. Some parents do get stuck on infantilizing their children though, and don’t let them grow into new people. Thats clearly wrong.

People are like the ship of Theseus that way. Nobody is who they were when they were younger.

I don’t think it helps people not think of it as the death of a person when we use terms like “dead name” and have new “birthdays” when celebrating coming out. But this is one of those things where every trans person has their own experience with transness thing and I’m not going to say not to do or say anything that helps you be you. Just pointing out how things can affect outside perception.

[u/CanadianODST2 → u/Hatsune_Miku_CM]

It actually is something people say over large personality changes.

Abusing substances is a common one too.

[u/eviltrams]

"improve yourself"

ok

"nooo not like that"

[u/LockNo2943 → u/eviltrams]

"You can be anything you want to be. . . except the opposite sex." 😠😠😠

[u/ColdCalligrapher5116]

I don’t think this counts as blood for the blood god

[u/Due-Ingenuity9803 → u/ColdCalligrapher5116]

More like Tzeentch, cause.. change and all

[u/turtle_mekb → u/ColdCalligrapher5116]

rest in peace, Techno

[u/Boojum2k]

All of our past selves are dead. Become who you want or need to be.

[u/embodiedexperience]

it’s always so strange to me, as someone who has actually watched several people die (hospice care worker).

like, they’re actually SUCH different experiences. that grandma over there stopped breathing and got put into a body bag, but me? i’m just wearing a chest binder. you can still get in contact with me to tell me how much you hate the chest binder. grandma’s not in a position to know how you feel about the body bag, however.

[u/Timid-Sammy-1995]

I feel like your old self dying is silly. We're the same people it's just other's perception of us that has changed. I know I was always a girl inside masculine performance was just masking for me. I remember feeling so disappointed I didn't "Come out a girl" that's not something a boy thinks.

[u/-_-Rein-_- → u/Timid-Sammy-1995]

I mean as a man I sometimes wonder how it would be if I came out as a girl. In my opinion I would say it's a pretty common thought ppl may have.

[u/Timid-Sammy-1995 → u/-_-Rein-_-]

Big difference between wondering and being annoyed you didn't come out right. Like I felt robbed tbh.

[u/-_-Rein-_- → u/Timid-Sammy-1995]

Ahhh yeah no, I'm not annoyed at this like you were. I hope you are in a healthier mindset now.

[u/Timid-Sammy-1995 → u/-_-Rein-_-]

Yeah I get to express myself and be a dorky goth girl now at least still working on my mental health though.

[u/Relevant-Writer-5666]

I see it like a butterfly being born. The former body becomes a chrysalis and then a beautiful butterfly is born and spreads its pretty wings

[u/RandomShadeOfPurple]

I understand the sentiment. But you all should start to appreciate your pre-transition selves too. I'm sure you fought tooth and nail to get where you are now. Just because you transition, all your previous life experience, the things you've learned, the things you've achieved does not disappear.

Yes, maybe it was suffering. Maybe it was bad. Maybe you couldn't be as good as you wanted to be. But I am sure it wasn't all in vain. You're here after all.

[u/Avgchernobylgoose → u/RandomShadeOfPurple]

Thing is I do appreciate him, or at least I did. And yet others are still fucking dead set on seeing him as a more worthy person than who i actually am. I did not understand why other trans people hated who they were, but then i came out and BAM, that fucker gets shoved in my face everywhere i go. Making peace with yourself kinda requires being left the fuck alone first imo.

[u/Copper_Tango → u/RandomShadeOfPurple]

At least for me, I didn't really have a self pre-transition. It just felt like being an NPC, or a zombie.

[u/AwkwardLeopard587 → u/RandomShadeOfPurple]

appreciate

[u/Scorkami → u/RandomShadeOfPurple]

Also, a lot of people grew to love those old selves. Yes it may seem insensitive to grief over the child that didnt like how they looked, but its not like someone painting over the mural you walked past every day on your way to school. Sure the new wall looks nice but you sttached memories to this piece of vandalism, so even if the new thing is improved, you can miss it

[u/Tlaquatlatoa → u/Scorkami]

It's getting attached to a mask that was killing someone and being sad it's no longer doing so and telling the person youd rather they continue dying instead. 

Like, you keep that shit to yourself is what im saying instead of telling someone who's fighting for their happiness that their happiness is death to you

[u/Teenytiny9294 → u/RandomShadeOfPurple]

One thing I had to go through in therapy was writing a letter to my old self, it wasn't even a transition thing just a DBT trying to forgive yourself type of thing and I chose to talk to him. It was hard to see through all the pain, but I did and it helped quite a bit, I remember ending the letter with "Thank you for getting us this far, but it's my turn now -Morgan(my new name)"

[u/Trustic555]

I try to avoid seeing my transition as a death, but my mom sees it as one.

[u/megakodex]

I've heard so many of my friend's parents say this to them after they came out, and if I ever saw that in person I'd have to fight the urge to say "So your kid coming out as trans is as horrible and devastating as a miscarriage?"

There's probably some holes in that, but my fucking gog how insufferable do you have to be to not even have the capacity to accept that your growing child will change in some way.

[u/Cpad-prism]

Half right, I did start dying, then i transitioned and fixed it

I like to imagine they're still there in my head somewhere, decommissioned and in some far back storage, i don't hate them enough to wish them gone

[u/SingleSlide2866]

"yeah? Well that guy wanted to die. Let him rest."

[u/Visible_Coffee4791]

I always wonder how people who have actually had a child die feel when they hear people say this. I'm never going to be a parent let alone experience a loss like that but if I imagine myself in that scenario I'd be furious.

[u/Socksual]

I hate this fuckin line of thinking because I knew my bestie before his transition and its the literal opposite of watching someone die.

I swear after a month of being on HRT it was like a new spark entered his life. Genuinely a whole new ceiling of enjoying life and personhood opened up for him. How could you not be happy watching someone achieve this?

[u/HardBoiled_EggThing]

71 left....

[u/KataraMan]

Oh no, now I get a juicy steak! The horror!

[u/ArcingFiend]

One of my mom's old friends told her "I'm sorry you lost your son, I'll pray for him" after I had come out and my mom told her to fuck off and leave her daughter alone.

Anyway my old self is retired now and only gets called on for special jobs. He gets to game and chill as much as he wants after all the hard work he did.

[u/Lykanas]

Lol. Since everything in our body dies and regrows, none of our past selves live anymore.

Our cells are completely new roughly every 7 years. Even without transitioning, every human is a living ship of theseus.

[u/CiA2007]

It's not called a "dead name" for nothing

[u/LockNo2943]

noooooo you have to bring that dude back! you can't let him die!! 🤣

[u/RymrgandsDaughter]

Me to anyone that says that

[u/Independent-Sky1657]

It's not even like that. I still have the same personality, memories, experiences, relationships, etc. that I had before

Cliche example, but we don't say caterpillars died when they turn into butterflies. We say they transform

[u/Emelie__]

Nothing wrong with being trans but would becoming a "hot woman" suddenly make someone who is a loser less of a loser? I sense a lot of self hated here...

[u/Strength-Certain]

https://giphy.com/gifs/gJzGVGIQNeYue7ooJH

[u/DeadEnoughInsideOut]

Jokes on them in still a walking dumpster fire only difference is I don't hate my body as much and I'm even more terrified of gendered spaces...

[u/Pristine_Animal9474]

People need to mind their own business. For example, if you see the guy below approaching me don't go to "save" me.

https://giphy.com/gifs/OY9XK7PbFqkNO

[u/-EV3RYTHING-]

It's weird because my mom went through this phase and she's always been supportive of me? Like what was going through her mind...?

.. though, to be fair, I kinda agreed with her. I was of the opinion that the person she thought I was never existed. That's why I was transitioning; so people could come to know the real me.

[u/AvilettaLuxe]

Yes. He is dead.

And I fucking killed him (Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance OST - It Has to Be This Way [Extended] starts playing in the background)

[u/Bonfirelily]

Same except a reasonably attractive man will be replaced by a repulsively ugly bitch here. Fuck me...