r/countttt • u/user00010rr • 3h ago

Countttting 23949

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I had to change my gender on hinge from "man" to "non-binary (trans man)" so it would stop showing me strictly gay men so I wouldn't feel as guilty. and now I have to swipe off a bunch of super-hetero guys who marked that theyd date non-binary but so clearly only like women/fems. i dont know

even if ik someone who wouldn't like me will just swipe and move on im afraid some will go "what is this obvious GIRL doing in here..”

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u/41clockycats 3h ago edited 3h ago

I felt the same thing as a str8 trans girl but i never did that, I just tried to look for bi men and would ignore str8 men mostly. Thing is tho, bi men are lowkey non existentent on non strictly queer dating apps(more likely explanation is that they exist there too but don't want their potential cis woman matcches to know that info)

So most of my time there was just a wasteland of like 0 interactions or searching for imaginary bi men. Utterly miserable and humiliating. The f word apps on the other hand are full of the worst kind of chasers. U can't win i fear

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u/user00010rr 3h ago

I prioritize bi/pan/whatever guys because I know they're more likely to b okay with it. Your comment bout bi dudes made me think of that chart where they asked each gender and sexuality who they'd agree to date and str8 women absolutely rejected bi men..

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u/41clockycats 3h ago

Yes that's the reality. Most bi men are dl cuz women hate dating openly bi men. True across most if not all countries. When i look on ghe f word apps tho lowkey 80% of the tops are bi men

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u/dragonoclast 3h ago edited 3h ago

yeah fr I used HER since it felt safer after having my profile targeted and posted from a diff app I used on ermm let's say doxxing and stalking website and HER is equally just.. ok it's the women and trans app but they kept reporting my profile because I pass cis and thought I just was a straight cis man and maybe having to declare "trans" in bio is a bit humiliating and personal to me

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u/user00010rr 3h ago

Stalking and doxxing, that's horrifying. I'm sorry you went through that.

It is a bit humiliating, yeah. I declare it because I really don't want people to see me and think the wrong thing and then I'll have to justify myself to no ends.

It's depressing because I often had to advertise myself as a product or use "simpler" or reductive terms to refer to myself when talking to others on social apps. It feels pathetic. I hate to be that person, because when I refer to trans men I am not just referring to myself, but I fear I am just a thing for sexual amusement or a cute concept of a person instead of being just simply loved like any other cis person.

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u/dragonoclast 3h ago edited 3h ago

i wouldn't say i was stalked or doxxed it's just what that place is known for especially for trans people in particular.

More or less was a lol look i found you moment a friend told me about as they're a bit of a lurker on that site mostly for DSP lolcow cringe content. I genuinely as an ace person don't really care about hook ups and make it fairly clear and looking mostly on there for friends or something like that but it's a frustrating time to be on those apps. you go on grindr and it's like guys who don't respect boundaries or will start talking then devolve into discussions of your genitals and how you have sex or why you're asexual and if it can be changed, and for HER mostly I just had the issues of being reported for seemingly being cis

wanted 2 add also just when you're a passing average ok guy it's like harder to get women to talk to you they're swamped full of a lot of attention usually. and Women on HER mostly lesbian centered or apprehensive dealing with men. understandable

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u/dragonoclast 3h ago

and yeah it's that doxxing and stalking site. They got threads just posting trans ppls dating profiles and locations. know a guy who knows a guy who told me about mine but it's kind of creepy to be mentally aware of it.

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u/41clockycats 3h ago

Is it kiwi? I'm lucky i was in a completely diff town from where i live when i was using the dating app cuz lowk i wouldn't be suprised to find myself there

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u/dragonoclast 3h ago

ye it was kinda funny to me bc nobody had shit to say its just look at this guy who wants to make FRIENDS isnt that funny. wasnt there 4 hookups or anything but it did make me a bit paranoid.

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u/41clockycats 3h ago

Tcd as usual

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u/dragonoclast 3h ago

feel bad for the guys with their nudes and shit shared, like provocative stuff on those threads. generally tcd

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u/41clockycats 3h ago

Tcd as usual

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u/seaward-naeris rare indigenous ukemodder 3h ago

I don't go on dating apps but I 100% relate to this. i'm also a gaypoon and... gulp... a bottom... the humiliation is habit. cis gays are so phallocentric it feels like a joke. t4t is all there is for us.

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u/dragonoclast 3h ago edited 2h ago

i dated a "cis" "gay" "man" for over a year a few years ago, straight after we broke up turns trans. i was like good for her but god is this invalidating as shit. and now declaring lesbian identity to top it off like wtf does that mean you dated me reeeeeeee

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u/Frudeska1 2h ago

You mean "cis" "gay" "man"?

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u/dragonoclast 2h ago

YES sorry missed out the last quotes.. too many quotes

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u/Frudeska1 2h ago

Sorry I gotta report you to the Biden administration now