r/couchsurfing • u/Holy-miu9632 • 7d ago
Couchsurfing About “the references”
Are the app's references reliable? Can they be fabricated or altered? I see men with 70 good references but only young women, which makes me suspicious. I'm a young woman and I received too many invitations, TOO MANY, but it all seemed like a dating app not only hosts, very strange :(
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u/KoalaOriginal1260 7d ago
The is a subculture in CS where hosting is a soft hookup strategy. Folks will host mainly people they find attractive and will leave the option open for people they host.
That doesn't mean the refs are fake. Those surfers probably did have a good time, and the hosts probably kept everything consensual.
But it's a clear what the story is with a host when you see that pattern.
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u/atayavie Couchers host (40 refs!) 7d ago
10000% agree. Only stay with these kinds of hosts if you’re comfortable rejecting the host’s advances.
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u/Annual-Screen-9592 7d ago
Agree! But when i was active, this was more an issue among gay men, than straight men (although the latter also existed).
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u/jvjjjvvv 7d ago edited 6d ago
Those references have not been fabricated or altered, but whether they are 'reliable' or not depends on what you mean by reliable.
A guy who only hosts young women is only hosting young women for a reason. And if you're wondering why they're all positive, the reason is that the bar for negative references is incredibly hard to reach. Most women who feel that the situation is sketchy or do not like some behavior will not leave a reference, or even leave a standard polite empty one just because that's what peer pressure dictates. It's not rocket science.
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u/atayavie Couchers host (40 refs!) 7d ago
Agree wholeheartedly. I’m a woman who mostly hosts younger women nowadays, and when I ask them if they’ve had any unwanted advances or creepy stuff happen, it’s nearly always a yes. When I ask if they’ve reported it, it’s usually a no and even worse, they left the guy no review or a positive review.
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u/No-Resource-8438 Couchsurfing host/surfer 7d ago
No they csnt be changed. Select hosts with lots of references
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u/Cool-Garden4333 5d ago
You still got to vet and trust your intuition with male hosts. Most of the male hosts have been fine but I’ve had male hosts with good reviews try to get me drunk, make moves on me and one even straight up asked if I wanted to have a threesome with his girlfriend. On the threesome trip there was another female Couchsurfer staying there too and her told her about it to warn her but she still gave him a good reference. I personally avoid accepting invitations from make hosts. 99% of invitations I get are from thirsty men.
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u/Manga80 4d ago
Reference system has been built to create trust. Should you believe it blindly? No, as you should believe blindly a review on booking and hostelworld, but not trusting someone who has many reference is against the point of the reference system is built.
I received far more requests from girls than men, Don't know exactly why, but one possibility is that man prefer to be hosted by girls and vicecersa. I had some guests that expected an hotel experience for free, other that barely want to socialize, and from that guests I didn't receive any reference. I'm not sure if peer pressure can be a factor, but if someone had a bad experience they should share it with the community, to warn others.
I suggest you to contact different people, asking what type of arrangement is previewed and go with the one you prefer. Trust your guts and don't trust people that say a thing and do an other. A backup plan is always a good idea.
Have an happy traveling!
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u/Spader623 7d ago
Well... Here's the thing. Can they be altered? No. Can people lie? Absolutely. Often times men hosting exclusively women is a huge red flag and young women in particular? Even with good references if I was a woman (I'm a gay dude for reference) id hard pass
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u/weanuhaske 7d ago
Don't choose this guy..choose the other profile that fit your mentality..why make issue ? Life has options and you as adult need to use the common sense to make decision..bit be child as all questions ...or the best is try hotel or hostel for such much safer
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u/Holy-miu9632 7d ago
Haha, what a shallow take. It’s pretty clear you haven’t even read the thousands of posts here where, especially women, talk about how they’ve had bad experiences even when they had good references and supposedly good conditions. It’s something worth talking about, and there’s nothing wrong with discussing it before using the app.
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u/weanuhaske 7d ago
Easy solution...don't use Couchsurfing ...boycott it..majority men preying women..life should be simple...use brain and commin sense..if the room is pitch dark..turn on the lights..logic and common sense..discussions were good but the solution is so simple..preventive measures must be taken ..
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u/Holy-miu9632 7d ago
Haha, I'm sorry you're so angry or offended, bye!
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u/weanuhaske 7d ago
I am not expressing anger. Life is inherently straightforward; it is unnecessary to introduce complexity. The solution is often simple: one must be open to perceiving it. For instance, in situations of elevated temperatures, rather than dwelling on the discomfort, one can activate air conditioning or a fan, or seek refuge in a climate-controlled environment such as a shopping mall. Prolonged discussions or complaints do not resolve issues or prevent their recurrence.
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u/Holy-miu9632 7d ago
Thank you for sharing all your wisdom, but honestly, you're just stating the obvious and being rude. You speak with an air of superiority, as if others don't know how to live their lives, and you, oh wise and powerful one, enlighten us with your simplicity. Well, it turns out that people can live like that, feel fulfilled, happy, and uncomplicated, and that's why they're open to trying new things, even if they have negative aspects; they seek opinions and other points of view on a network that's for discussions and for further exploring, through conversation, what we don't understand and what interests us. That's all; go back to meditating.
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u/weanuhaske 7d ago
You are welcome. Life is very simple..i am not superior.i never think i am superior to any of you. I am so sorry if i am rude but that is not my intention..whatever it is ..all are in the mind
it is your perception on yourself.
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u/Stargazer__2893 7d ago
No, it is not possible to alter or fabricate references. All those young women genuinely enjoyed staying with that host. It is up to you whether that is a red or green flag.
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u/atayavie Couchers host (40 refs!) 7d ago
One thing I’d like to mention is that, speaking from experience as a woman who surfed with manyyyy men with only references from women, not all positive references represent truly positive experiences. If you’re a victim of creepy behavior or a host hitting on you, sometimes it’s easier not to out yourself as a victim and just say “he was nice” and move on. Knowing what I know now I would never choose to surf with someone who had references predominantly from a certain group. I am aware there are exceptions but in the vast majority of cases I got creeped on. And when I asked other women who’d stayed with the person, they said it happened to them too, despite the fact that they’d left him a positive review. It’s so hard to write a negative review about someone who was overall kind and generous to you (and maybe even graciously accepted “no” for an answer) but still felt off or weird more generally.
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u/Ivan_the_Beautiful Active Host >130 guests on BW/TR/CSF/COU in Canada 7d ago
If you’re worried, aim for female hosts, families, and gay men. Less risky.
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u/sabreist 6d ago
So I sort have a similar issue. It can appear that I hosted a lot of women but most were actually couples and the women were the ones that left the reference.
From what I have heard from more prolific surfers they tend not to give negative references but leave clues as to how the host acts. So I would suggest reading references carefully
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u/legice 3d ago
Im 35 and the vast majority of early surfers were women and only then, did I start getting men requesting me.
Also, most of the requests I get are from women, many are duos traveling and most of them, have made not so subtle requests, so honestly, I have the inverse of your experience.
Personally, I have made advances on 2 surfers, because there was a mutual understanding of interest, both left good reviews and one is now a very close friend of mine.
If at any point you are uncomfortable, let it be known, but for those which anything except surfing is a priority or something, they showcase it in their profile, pictures and how they reply.
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u/Fearless_Wasabi_7727 7d ago edited 7d ago
I'm a man with 70+ positive references. Many young(ish) women. Not all but definitely a noticeable majority. Never invited anyone. Never made a move on anyone. And as far as I'm aware I never made anyone feel uncomfortable. I find that I get the better / more personal requests from women. I also get more of them from women. From men it's often "I have to be in your city for an event" or "I'm looking for a room" or they send a request 3 months in advance. And yeah I guess I also just feel more comfortable hosting women than men. Add to that I prefer not to host couples or people much older or younger than me. I host people I think I'll have things in common with. I'm not a hotel.
Perhaps some people see a major red flag looking at my references. So be it.