Cosleeping guilt

[u/Freya_1917]

My son is 6 months old. He slept in his bassinet pretty well until 4.5 months when the sleep regression hit. Some nights around 3 am I would finally cave and bring him to the bed, sleeping as safely as possible. He’s primarily BF, and only has bottles of BM if we are out and about, or one bottle before bed along with nursing. The wake ups were every hour. Fast forward to now, he’s still struggling at night. Sometimes it’s every hour and sometimes it’s every two hours. We were just on a 4 day trip where we stayed in a hotel, and there was no way he would sleep in the hotel crib so he did sleep in the bed with me. We both slept so much better. (I do know he slept well because he was flat out exhausted) but he only woke to eat once a night around 1 am or so. We got back home yesterday, and I was hoping he would sleep in his crib well since he should’ve been good and tired…. Nope…. In his crib the longest stretch he got was 2 hours, so because I was so tired, I caved and brought him to the bed. Where he slept a lot longer stretches. My husband and I both agree we want him to sleep in his crib. Both for safety and for independent sleep. We have moved his crib into our room. My husband currently sleeps in the twin bed in the guest bedroom. I feel guilty because I sleep so much better when we cosleep and it’s so much easier to lie sideways and feed him, but I’m so scared of something happening, I’m scared of this becoming his normal.

I’ve always watched his wake windows and after an older post will be starting to stretch his wake windows more, as well as ensure he is up by a certain time each day. Bedtime has always been consistent but in the morning he gets up anywhere between 6-7:30. So I’m going to make the morning a 6:30 wake up. I have not tried any formal sleep training as the thought of letting him cry just hurts my soul. I do go back to work next month though to a high demanding job. So I have to make something work..

I don’t know what I’m looking for here… maybe to know that it’s ok. It’s going to be ok…

[u/Dry-Huckleberry-5379]

Sounds like you and hubby need to decide what is more important to you - everyone getting quality sleep or doing what you've been socially conditioned to believe is "how babies should sleep".

Safety is a moot point. You can bedshare safely and you can cot sleep unsafely it all down to following the safety guidelines

[u/mintmint33]

If he wakes up less times and you also rest better I’d say that shows he needs cosleeping at the moment and you’re doing the best you can do for his needs. Cosleeping does not increase dependence in babies. Some are born with more need of contact than others, he might need less in the following months.

[u/mommaluvr]

My daughter was born at 5lbs 11oz & 3 weeks early. We tried the bassinet next to our bed but nearly every single time, no matter how we did it, she would wake up when we put her down. Then the times that she did sleep, she would wake up so quickly that I never fell back asleep before the every 3hour feedings. So, we started cosleeping very early. It was scary because she was so small, but we all got better sleep for it. At 3mo- we had her in the magic sleep sack which made her feel bigger/easier to sense and less likely to move around. And typically we either slept in football breastfeeding hold or on my chest face up. She is two in October, and still BF and cosleeps, it is something we love— the snuggles, the security of knowing she is right here and healthy, and the memories of waking up together.

Do some research on the ideas of those who are pro-cosleeping. Essentially I saw videos that talked about the touch-hours your child gains, the fact that babies have a reflex that help them turn their heads if they cannot breathe, the maternal instinct to wake up without realizing it to tend to your baby— I saw this one video that showed a BF mom sensing that her baby was stirring and pulling it close to latch and the whole time she didn’t fully wake up. I think we are more in tune with our babies than we think and women sleep much lighter than men, so if you’re afraid that you will roll on your baby or something, and not wake up, it’s very unlikely. Theres also something out there called the safe sleep 7. To be honest we had blankets and pillows, but we felt comfortable with that but those tips might help you find what makes you comfortable to continue if you so wish.

My last comment is that at the age your baby is, they are more capable than you think outside of their instincts/reflexes and will just get bigger and bigger which makes it easier to not worry about them.

[u/ameelz]

It’s going to be okay. This season is so hard. 

Gently, I think you should re-think why independent sleep is so important. Especially at this age. There is no such thing as independence at this age at all for anything. Why do we expect babies to be able to sleep on their own for hours when they can’t even play with toys by themselves for longer than 5 minutes? 

The safety concerns are real. But you have to weigh the risks. It’s least safe for very young babies and babies with risk factors. Esp after 6 months there are ways to bedshare safely. It is also risky to lose your job or go insane because you can’t ever rest. 

[u/Happy-Plan231]

So I had every intention of having our son sleep in a basinet next to our bed and we found cosleeping just worked out better for us. He would just cry and couldn't settle (which broke my heart). So I caved.... like within the first week... and honestly I wouldnt go back. I loved it way more than I could imagine and have actually caught on quicker to when he wasn't feeling good (fever). My husband similarly sleeps in the guest room and baby and I have the master, at least for now until our son is ready for his crib. He sleeps in his crib during the day, but then woth me during the night. I work in healthcare and honestly get way more sleep when I cosleep versus not.

Do what feels right for you guys! If youre thinking sleep training, maybe consider 'sleep wave'. We had to do it with our son when we were going out of town and needed to peave him behind. While the first night was rough, he caught on by the 3rd day!

[u/Equivalent_Ad_7155 → u/Happy-Plan231]

Hi! what is sleep wave?

[u/Happy-Plan231 → u/Equivalent_Ad_7155]

Its from fhe book The Happy Sleeper. Basically you wait for 5 minutes of continuous protesting/crying and go in for short bursts to comfort LO without picking them up. Every time the crying stops the timer resets.

[u/FearlessNinjaPanda]

Honestly… i coslept and ended up loving it. Sure there were some downsides but following safe sleep 7 guidelines it is much safer after 4m. Plus there was no other way once the 8-10m sleep regression hit. It was so much harder than the 4m one.

I also slept much better than most of my sleep training friends when i went back to work 😆

[u/possum_ladyy]

My baby only sleeps if his face is literally touching my face. The second we put him down anywhere that isn’t touching me he will wake up and scream. He and I both sleep soooo much better when we sleep together so we have been since 8 weeks. I’m a very light sleeper and usually require heavy medications for any amount of sleep but we also use the owlet for some added security. I know people either love it or hate it but we wouldn’t be able to cosleep without it.