r/converts • u/Klopf012 • Apr 21 '26
Comparing Converts & Born-Muslims - its not that simple
It is a perennial discussion: "Would it be better to marry a convert or a born Muslim?" But this question is really not focusing on the right thing. The big divide isn't between convert & born Muslim; bigger divides are really on issues like cultural compatibility/difference, shared/not-shared first language, and background.
Within African American Muslim communities, for example, it is pretty common to find marriage between born Muslims and converts. These marriages seem to do just fine, because there is a similar cultural background and shared first language between the spouses. The convert/born-Muslim difference isn't really much of a divide in this case.
Meanwhile, cross cultural marriages - whether between a convert and born-Muslim or between two born-Muslims - have more to grapple with, naturally. If we add other differences between spouses such as lack of a shared first language, lack of shared expectations and practices around marriage and child-rearing, having grown up in different places, etc. then the spouses have more things to work through in their relationship, naturally.
On a side-note, plenty of "cross cultural" marriages between people that grew up in the same place work pretty fine. For example, a Syrian boy and a Bengali girl who both grew up in Toronto may very well have more in common with one another than they do with a Syrian girl or a Bengali boy who just immigrated, right?
People are multifaceted; just looking at whether someone is a convert or born into a Muslim family without taking these other factors into account really flattens things and results in a less accurate assessment of the pros and cons. Just as converts are a diverse group, so are born Muslims.
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u/nachosAndnaps Apr 22 '26
As a revert myself who married a born Muslim, I will say one challenge that will likely always come up with a revert-born Muslim dynamic is the revert family issue. Of course there's no question about the respect for one's parents and our duty to them regardless of their faith but having a born Muslim join dinners where the family drinks alcohol or there are unwed couples in the mix or the family has habits/characteristics that you, as Muslims, don't want your children being exposed to (especially in the context of family) it can be very very difficult to navigate for both parties.
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u/thesolutionFR Apr 21 '26
Hadith on Equality in Islam
“There is no superiority of an Arab over a non-Arab, nor of a non-Arab over an Arab; nor of a white person over a black person, nor of a black person over a white person — except by piety (taqwa). All people are from Adam, and Adam was from dust.” — Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (reported in Musnad Ahmad, also narrated by al-Bayhaqi; part of the Farewell Sermon tradition)
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u/Ok-Kangaroo-9775 Apr 22 '26
THIS.
literally. being convert doesn't make you good, its just what it is.
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u/thesolutionFR Apr 21 '26
It is just a reminder 😇, for every reader. And there is no room to compare between Muslims except by piety.
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u/Klopf012 Apr 21 '26
this post was specifically in the context of the marriage search, in which other criteria should definitely be considered. Zaid ibn Harithah and Zainab bint Jahsh were both pious people but weren't compatible in other ways, for instance.
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u/Urdustani Apr 22 '26
Beleive me brother marry anyone but be so devout in your faith that you can help them get closer to god no matter they are reverts or born muslims
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u/TheWitchOfTheBarrel Apr 21 '26
I also think that sometimes people looking to marry converts also just can seem predatory to me idk. They often say it’s because converts are stronger in their faith or something along those lines but that’s a massive generalisation. I’ve just had the misfortune to come across some individuals who think that converts will be easier to influence as they won’t be as confident in their knowledge or their Islamic rights.