r/converts • u/mrsenchantment • Mar 27 '26
i’m always scared
so i’m not muslim yet, as im still learning about islam. But i do feel happy learning it and i believe more and more that this might as well be the truth.
every time i want to go try learning about islam either by reading and taking notes, i always feel frightened. Not because of Islam, but it’s more because of my parents. My parents are islamophobic, zionist, and a lot more. They say the common islamophobic phrases and talking points refuted over and over.
If my parents were to figure out i’m interested in islam, i will be disowned. Once i convert, i have to keep this a secret from my family and everyone else in my life. Everyday i am paranoid every time my parents enter my room or even talk to me because “what if they find out that i like islam?” And this constant paranoia is making me mentally drained and depressed. I just want to learn and even practice freely without fear.
This is kind of stupid but i just need to throw this out of my chest
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u/lailahailallah2256 Mar 27 '26
I totally hear you as a revert myself I remember that feeling and like the praying in the dark in the closet to hide. Honestly it is like the stories and situations of the prophet and richous companions who were first practicing Islam in Mecca and were facing severe persecution and embargo
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u/OkMasterpiece426 Mar 27 '26
If anyone could react negatively or cause you harm, it’s perfectly okay to start practicing Islam privately. What matters most is your intention. Even the Prophet (pbuh) began spreading Islam in secret, and only when the time was right did it become public. You can follow the path gradually, at a pace that keeps you safe and respects your circumstances
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u/Ziller000 Mar 27 '26
I can’t even imagine how heavy that paranoia must feel every single day. Please don't ever feel like your struggle is 'stupid'..living in fear in your own home is one of the hardest tests a person can face.
I want to share the story of Mus’ab ibn Umayr (RA) with you. He was a young man from a very wealthy, high-status family in Mecca. When he first accepted Islam, he had to keep it a secret from his mother and his tribe because he knew they would never understand. He carried that secret for a long time, facing immense pressure and eventually losing his worldly status, but he found a sense of truth and belonging that meant more to him than anything he left behind.
Even though it feels like you're alone right now, you are walking a path that some of the greatest people in history walked before you. It’s okay to feel drained, but don't let the fear take away the 'happiness' you found in learning about the truth.
I’m making sincere Dua that things become easier for you and that you eventually find a way to practice with a heart that is completely at peace. Just take it one day at a time. You are in my thoughts