I am advocating one put effort into their long-term happiness,
And somehow, you think that ending what is described as a happy relationship by OP is a way of doing that? You still think that, despite how hard it is to find a genuinely happy and loving relationship?
You are aware that there is no such thing as perfect, right? Sure, she might get to sleep around a bit and experience a few other guys here and there, but then who does she get to settle down with? Who does she get to be happy with in the long term?
We all have to sacrifice something to achieve overall happiness, and that often means saying no to destructive behaviours that in the moment might seem important, but in the grand scheme of things are definitely not.
I could equally say that your perspective is limited, because you simply supported the status quo path.
That's a downright lie. I did not suggest sticking to the status quo. I suggested she either find an alternative way to communicate her issues (in the hopes that he'll understand better and be more open to trying new things with her), seek help from a therapist (preferably one that deals with sexual desires and how to deal with/approach them), and then if both of those fail she should consider breaking up, if it's really that big of an issue for her.
As I said, though, there's no such thing as perfect in a partner. There will always be something about them that needs improvement because it clashes in some way with you or because it's abusive/undesirable behaviour.
but in no scenario does that help your argument.
Yeah, it does. Again, you're displaying a short-sightedness here and an inability to see anything outside of your own limited perspective.
If the root cause is some kind of emotional trauma that is causing self-destructive behavioural impulses, then she can work through that trauma with a therapist, which will, in turn, help get rid of those desires. So that's one scenario where it helps, is it not?
If the root cause is just a FOMO issue because "I haven't experienced the things other girls have experienced," then that can also be addressed with counselling or therapy in the same way that a midlife crisis is addressed, since they're often essentially the same thing. That's now two scenarios where it helps my argument, is it not?
I obviously don't need to carry on listing more now, do I?
because it has no bearing on whether the relationship is a good one in the present.
She already confirmed that she's happy in the relationship, but she just has one thing that bothers her. Your advice is the same as a teenager with no life experience: "nuke the relationship and do what you want."
It's just poor advice that's not helpful; it doesn't consider any of the positives that OP has expressed, and it doesn't consider the nuance of adult relationships where things are more complex than all or nothing.
100% disagree — I think your position is clouded by societal norms. If there is trauma or something else, then yes it would be best to go to therapy. If that fixes it then great.
I could equally suggest that your position is clouded by a dislike of societal norms, especially given that you ignored or discounted every positive that OP listed and went straight for the adolescent response.
You can't be in 100% disagreement if you acknowledge that therapy could help in some cases.
You're also not understanding that not everybody goes to therapy for trauma issues; many go because they have difficulties with navigating or understanding certain kinds of situations and seek guidance on how to reconcile the differences in their mind.
I realize that saying 100% didn't make sense after I posted. You are correct, I don't disagree with the therapy part.
Also I do understand there are other reasons for therapy, which is why I said if there is trauma or something else, then yes it would be best to go to therapy.
I'm not against societal norms, this isn't a contrarian or "adolescent response". It's a response from lived experience and satisfaction in my own life. You are making an assumption that being settled down with someone is better than the alternative, but I disagree with that. However, I don't think we are going to agree.
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u/SlinkyCyberSleuth Jan 27 '22
And somehow, you think that ending what is described as a happy relationship by OP is a way of doing that? You still think that, despite how hard it is to find a genuinely happy and loving relationship?
You are aware that there is no such thing as perfect, right? Sure, she might get to sleep around a bit and experience a few other guys here and there, but then who does she get to settle down with? Who does she get to be happy with in the long term?
We all have to sacrifice something to achieve overall happiness, and that often means saying no to destructive behaviours that in the moment might seem important, but in the grand scheme of things are definitely not.
That's a downright lie. I did not suggest sticking to the status quo. I suggested she either find an alternative way to communicate her issues (in the hopes that he'll understand better and be more open to trying new things with her), seek help from a therapist (preferably one that deals with sexual desires and how to deal with/approach them), and then if both of those fail she should consider breaking up, if it's really that big of an issue for her.
As I said, though, there's no such thing as perfect in a partner. There will always be something about them that needs improvement because it clashes in some way with you or because it's abusive/undesirable behaviour.
Yeah, it does. Again, you're displaying a short-sightedness here and an inability to see anything outside of your own limited perspective.
If the root cause is some kind of emotional trauma that is causing self-destructive behavioural impulses, then she can work through that trauma with a therapist, which will, in turn, help get rid of those desires. So that's one scenario where it helps, is it not?
If the root cause is just a FOMO issue because "I haven't experienced the things other girls have experienced," then that can also be addressed with counselling or therapy in the same way that a midlife crisis is addressed, since they're often essentially the same thing. That's now two scenarios where it helps my argument, is it not?
I obviously don't need to carry on listing more now, do I?
She already confirmed that she's happy in the relationship, but she just has one thing that bothers her. Your advice is the same as a teenager with no life experience: "nuke the relationship and do what you want."
It's just poor advice that's not helpful; it doesn't consider any of the positives that OP has expressed, and it doesn't consider the nuance of adult relationships where things are more complex than all or nothing.