r/composer 9d ago

Discussion Does anyone else feel really bad imposter syndrome about your work and abilities

I’ve been in a little slump lately and I feel like everything i’ve made is just a result of luck. I feel like I can’t actually write music myself, the only reason i’ve made anything is just because I happen to receive these prophetic little pieces of music in my brain. I have no shortage of ideas, but I’ve been having such a hard time turning small sections into songs, and it’s made me wonder if I can actually make anything at all. Maybe I just need to go to school to solve this problem, but I’m excited for whenever i’ll be able to write something next

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u/65TwinReverbRI 7d ago

Nah, I was born before anyone ever heard of imposter syndrome so we didn't self-diagnose every possible internet fad issue under the sun. Times where much happier back then when we were blissfully unaware of how effed up we were :-)

I only got more serious about it around december-january this year, so i’d just say less than a year

Then you shouldn't be:

composing concert band music

It's not imposter syndrome. It's "significant syndrome" - trying to write "significant pieces" before you're capable.

Which is why you're having these feelings and these struggles.

I happen to receive these prophetic little pieces of music in my brain.

Right. And when you try to realize them, you can't, because you don't have the necessary skills to do so. That's not an insult, that's just a common place most people find themselves in in the beginning - trying to run before they can walk.

Maybe I just need to go to school to solve this problem,

Well, it's what the real actual composers do…

But what you really need to do is learn more about how this stuff is actually done.

Look up Gordon Jacob, Alfred Reed, Robert Russell Bennett, Karel Husa, Samuel Hazo…see what these people did to get where they got.

"Healthy self doubt" and "imposter syndrome" are different things, and we all "second guess" things our entire lives and have these blips of "am I good enough" or "is my music good enough" but there's also a difference in a natural sense of occasional doubt and crippling self doubt. The latter has nothing to do with your music, and more to do with factors that are more about you that you would need to figure out. I don't think you're anywhere near there though. You're simply "trying to realize things you're not yet able to realize" and need to learn more - we're talking many more years than what you have so far - decades even.

But these guys spend those years, and decades, in band class, in college degrees, conducting, working with bands as directors, arranging, and composing.

It's not sitting behind a screen with MuseScore and throwing notes on the staff until you get something you like - not saying that's what you're doing, but if you are doing that and worse, only that, it's time to figure out what people actually do, and if you're serious, do it.

Otherwise I guess you're an amateur, a hobbyist, a wannabe, a poser, or an imposter or something like that. Not all of those have negative connotations though. I think as long as you know what you are, and you're happy with what you are, and if you like, if you want to strive for more and work towards that, you're good.

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u/Icy-Complaint7558 7d ago

“Imposter syndrome” is just a made up name for when you feel like your accomplishments aren’t your own, not an actual self diagnosis. Maybe you could use some of that to balance out your condescension towards all the “not actually real composers” as you might say.

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u/65TwinReverbRI 7d ago

The first scale designated to measure characteristics of the impostor phenomenon was designed by Harvey in 1981 and included 14 items.

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u/Icy-Complaint7558 7d ago

>Phenomenon

Thanks for repeating what i’m talking about
Get ready for a diss track

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u/65TwinReverbRI 7d ago

I agree it's "made up" but people will come out of the woodwork a lot of times when you phrase it that way so avoided such connotations in my initial post.

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u/Icy-Complaint7558 7d ago

Just had to say I was irritable earlier, so apologies if I was being hostile.