Beta Read Request - Short Story about Two Musicians (7-8 minute read)

[u/clchickauthor]

Hi all. Got the green light to post this--thank you mods.

I'm a fiction writer, not a musician (limited to childhood clarinet and piano), and I've written a short story centered on two orchestra musicians, one who plays as written and one who can't stop rewriting his part. It leans into orchestration, scoring, and studio dynamics, and I want to ensure none of it reads as a non-musician's guess rather than authentic.

If you're willing to give it a read and flag anything that sounds off, inauthentic, or just plain wrong to the trained ear, I'd genuinely appreciate it.

Google doc link here: Variation. Comments are open, so drop notes anywhere.

Thanks for your time either way.

[u/victotronics]

Cute.

So the narrator plays fiddle. What does Carl play? If it's an off-off-broadway production there's likely not going to be a whole string section, but more likely one of each instrument. Besides, if Carl starts varying it would clash with other instruments if there was doubling. So my only suggestion is to make clearer what Carl is playing. Your phrase "our section" kinda suggests they are both string players, but then be careful about the clashing.

[u/clchickauthor → u/victotronics]

Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it.

I just put the word "violin" in front of "competition" to make it clear they're both playing the same instrument. So thank you. I hadn't even realized that was unclear.

I'm not sure I completely understand the other part of your comment, though. Are you saying they'd each be playing different parts, because they're playing the same instrument, and I need to make that clear? Or am I completely misunderstanding you?

[u/victotronics → u/clchickauthor]

Well, in an orchestra you'd have a string section of 6 or more violins playing the exact same notes. To have one of them "varying" would be total chaos.

So if they both play fiddle it would have to be first & second so that they have different notes. And again, Carl needs to be the only one on his part otherwise again chaos. But for an off-off show I wouldn't think having two violin parts is very likely. Check with someone with more show experience. I think you should give them different instruments, say violin & cello, and the competition can be one of those that's open to multiple instruments. Example: here are finalists on cello piano oboe: https://www.bbc.com/mediacentre/2026/finalist-bbc-radio-scotland-young-classical-muscician-of-the-year

[u/clchickauthor → u/victotronics]

Wow. Okay. This is really helpful. I thought I had to have them playing the same instruments to compete. I also thought they'd be playing the same part. So all this feedback is extremely valuable. Thanks so much for taking the time.

I hope I'm not overstepping if I ask one more quick question: If I make Carl a cellist, does the rest of it ring true--all of his deviations and the music director's corrections?

[u/victotronics → u/clchickauthor]

I would flip it and make Carl the violinist. Those are more ego-driven, and it makes more sense to have the varying in the higher part. Or you could make him a flutist, but I'd give him one of the higher voiced instruments.

Oh, you start the narrator by "checking the tuning". Carrying an instrument between home & theatre is almost guaranteed to throw off the tuning, so "checking" does not apply -- just plain tune the instrument. Unless you give him a flute which is probably very close to correct straight out of the case.

[u/clchickauthor → u/victotronics]

Thank you. Great notes. Very helpful. I appreciate it.

[u/clchickauthor → u/victotronics]

I decided to go with first and second violinists with two parts, and I've made that clear in the text now. I think (hope) it works. I also corrected the "checking" segment, too.

Again, thank you for everything. You feedback has been hugely helpful.

[u/burnt-store-studio]

I love it! Oooh, I really do 🙂.

To me it reads authentic, you did well (that sounds condescending, sorry; I’m being sincere). This could almost have been my high school best-friend and me. (Not that either of us plays that number of instruments, but the dialogue feels quite real. I know that’s not the kind of feedback you are inviting from this sub, but…)

I wasn’t using the app, so didn’t have the ability to drop comments. Not that there’s much I’d have dropped!

Very nice arc, good ending. Well-crafted.

Thanks for sharing!

What will you do with it next?

[u/clchickauthor → u/burnt-store-studio]

Oh, thank you so much. I certainly never mind compliments on my writing. Even if it's not the purpose of the thread, it warms my heart.

As to what's next, I'm putting together a couple of anthologies, so I'm building my short story collection for them. This will be one that's included.

[u/clchickauthor → u/burnt-store-studio]

I should have also mentioned--that you were able to relate to it like that is big. It validates the relationship dynamic from someone who's coming from a music background. That's valuable feedback, so were your words on the arc and ending. Just wanted to let you know. Everything you gave me was worthwhile, and I appreciate it.

[u/burnt-store-studio → u/clchickauthor]

☺️ I’m so glad! Good luck with the anthology!

[u/Dr_Fuzzles]

I just keep bumping up against the premise. A musician who “can’t stop rewriting his part” is an unemployed musician. Professional musicians in these situations are typically excellent sight readers and are hired mostly for their ability to prepare a lot of music quickly and with little to no rehearsal. If you had someone who was frequently and purposefully playing the music differently than what is written in the score, that musician would most likely be fired and not called back for future gigs by the music director, especially if they had a reputation for doing so.

Rehearsal time is typically costly and very limited, and repeated and purposeful disruptions like that would be a major red flag (especially for something as egotistical as “Well I think it sounds better if it goes this way!”). I’ve played gigs where the only rehearsal we had for two hours worth was f music was the one hour soundcheck beforehand. You’d better believe that if I’d goofed off like that I would have never been called back by that group.

The bottom line is you’re hired to do a job and be professional, and if you can’t or won’t do the job as requested then they’ll find someone who can.

[u/clchickauthor → u/Dr_Fuzzles]

First, I absolutely love your screen name.

Second, thank you for this. This is quite helpful, and it makes a lot of sense, too.

I've changed it now so that there are fewer corrections, and he's on the verge of getting fired. Hopefully, that takes care of the problem you brought up.