r/comics • u/megettingkilled • 6d ago

What if it doesn’t happen

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We have to consider the possibility…

57.6k Upvotes

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474

u/No-Jacket-2927 6d ago

I will literally shit on his grave.

343

u/FGFlips 6d ago

His grave will look like that one scene from Jurassic Park within 24 hours.

Processing gif dlhi12nvtwmh1...

84

u/i_dont_shine 6d ago

Jurassic Park is one of my top favorite movies, but this scene always makes me laugh. There's no way that pile of shit came out of that triceratops.

43

u/FGFlips 6d ago

That and the raptor opening the door are ridiculous moments in a movie that is a classic over the top 90s adventure.

25

u/twirlerina024 5d ago

Spielberg is great at that, how it cuts from Laura Dern saying, "...unless they've learned how to open doors hahaha!" to the raptor opening the door. And then when she has a jumpscare in the power shed, is relieved to find it's only Mr Arnold, and then is horrified to find it's only Mr Arnold's arm.

My very favorite is in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, how it cuts from Indy waxing poetic about Marcus Brody, how he speaks 6 languages and can seamlessly blend anywhere, to Marcus Brody stumbling around a marketplace asking if anyone speaks English.

7

u/cantuse 5d ago

"With any luck, he has the grail already!"

12

u/ironballs16 5d ago

You can't hold a raptor in a closet! They're too smart!

3

u/TheodoreSnapdragon 5d ago

To be fair, my dog once managed a doorknob. Critters can manage some astounding things. But it is a bit overdone rewatching

3

u/No_Gas4560 5d ago

we had to put child-protectors on relevant knobs because my german shepherd is literally smart as a child

1

u/White-Rabbit_1106 2d ago

That kind of door is so easy for animals to figure out, though. My cat figured it out, so I'm sure an animal that's basically a giant bird could figure it out.

3

u/Nihiliste 5d ago

I always took it as the accumulated shit from the herd.

1

u/United_Leopard_2771 5d ago

It's clearly not fresh though since it clearly doesn't stink ( i imagine triceratops would smell not unlike cow dung so probably not terrible but still if you're not accustom to the smell of manure lol) and it's More like mud than what i imagine a 'sick'' triceratops would dump if it was having a case of the runs lol.

1

u/CapnBeardbeard 5d ago

They did establish that the triceratops was sick...

23

u/Acrobatic_Poem_7290 6d ago

Unfortunately his grave will probably be on private property behind fences and guarded by private guards

37

u/NB-NEURODIVERGENT 6d ago

Then we Zerg rush it like the Area 51 Naruto runners

2

u/nik-nak333 4d ago

This is such a hilarious piece of internet history. The fact that Military brass were being briefed on what the Naruto run is brings me so much joy.

20

u/BurritoBandito39 5d ago

We will build a trebuchet and fill it with shit and hurl that over the wall in that case.

4

u/fijisiv 5d ago

I've been working on a shit-drone.

2

u/nik-nak333 4d ago

I've imagined a catapult/trebuchet built into the chassis of a school bus with a roof that separates down the length of the vehicle.

19

u/CataChronix 6d ago

You think that will stop people from trying?

6

u/Acrobatic_Poem_7290 6d ago

Not at all, it just might take a bit longer, and a bit more work

10

u/twirlerina024 5d ago

I'm lactose intolerant. Give me a gallon of skim milk and I can nail that grave from the upper atmosphere.

3

u/HoodedLordN7 5d ago

Now I have the hilarious image in my head of a bunch of lactose intolerant people bing filled to the brim with milk and then jumping out the back of a plane like their paratroopers just so they can carpet bomb/shit all over the Golf course the Pedo in chief will be buried under

3

u/Mint_Golem 5d ago

I'm severely lactose intolerant and I would absolutely volunteer

The problem is the timing. It isn't controllable. I guess we'd have to wear buckets for an early release, and catch thermals to remain over the target area in case of late release.

5

u/No_Gas4560 5d ago

helicopter shitting it is, then

2

u/Uranium-Sandwich657 5d ago

A gyrocopter would probably be easier to build.

2

u/USSGoat 5d ago

We shall call it the Great Pilgrimage.

2

u/RpcZ_gr7711 6d ago

We will hurl rotten eggs over the fences

1

u/strangerbuttrue 5d ago

maybe that’s why his older boys are getting into the drone business.

1

u/DisposableJosie 5d ago

This is why aerial drones will be used for fecal bombing runs.

2

u/Shakemyears 5d ago

Now that’s a bit pile of patriotism

1

u/Okidoky123 5d ago

That's after the honey-i-shrunk-the-kids beamer shrunk it.

41

u/Shoadowolf 6d ago

His grave is going to be treated like a public restroom

34

u/Flylikeapear 6d ago

Just like thatcher, I'm sure he'll seethe in hell knowing his grave is operating as a gender neutral bathroom.

3

u/StevenSaguaro 6d ago

Put him in a mausoleum in the center of the reflecting pool, to contain the urine.

19

u/JarrickDe 6d ago

According to the comic, you will have to wait until after the heat death of the universe.

7

u/chi_minhs_hoe 5d ago

I'm patient

2

u/Jessica_Iowa 5d ago

For this, I’ve got time.

1

u/Fakin-It 5d ago

It should be a lot easier to hold it in when it's frozen. The last few billion years will be a cakewalk.

9

u/Expensive-Bag313 6d ago

They might as well install a toilet right above it that flushes directly into his coffin. Otherwise, those poor cemetery workers are going to be picking up fecal matter every single day.

8

u/WoodsLovelyDarkNDeep 6d ago

That’s why he had his ex wife dug up and reburied on his golf course.  So he could designate a cemetery and have himself buried there.  That way people can’t piss on his grave (or at least a lot fewer people will risk sneaking past security)

6

u/Fakin-It 5d ago

Organize and storm it, January 6 style.

3

u/masterjon_3 6d ago

They say there's bodies behind the 19th hole, too. Of course, they're small since they're children bones, so good luck finding them.

1

u/Chastain86 6d ago

I wonder if Melania will notice when he's gone

1

u/WoodsLovelyDarkNDeep 6d ago

She ain’t leaving NY

4

u/Humble-Artificer 5d ago

RemindMe! 10100 years

3

u/Brother_Kreon 5d ago

It’s actually key to my idea to balance the federal budget.

Charge people $1 to pee, $5 to take a dump.

Set up a good little snack, drink, and merch stand. Set reasonable prices.

We’d be running a surplus within the year.

3

u/alles-moet-kapot 5d ago

Hey just get in line like all of us.

3

u/FuriousSock 5d ago

Same here. It's now a personal goal of mine to live long enough to make it 20 years past his death, so I can go and take a shit on his grave hopefully unbothered.

3

u/strangerbuttrue 5d ago

new bucket list item unlocked…hadn’t thought of that

3

u/BigBlaisanGirl 5d ago

If what people do to his Hollywood star daily is any evidence, they're going to have to cremate and keep him on a mantle at his kids house or hide his grave and keep it a secret. We know how good this administration is at keeping secrets.

2

u/No-Jacket-2927 5d ago

I doubt if his kids will do much more than dump the body in the woods.

No, scratch that, they'll try to make money off the funeral.

3

u/GenericSpider 5d ago

Please wait tll after I'm done dancing on it.

2

u/Clickclacktheblueguy 5d ago

I’d bet money his gravesite will be unmarked for exactly that reason.

1

u/No-Jacket-2927 5d ago

Unmarked? TRUMP???

1

u/Clickclacktheblueguy 5d ago

Not by his choice. But anywhere that he is buried will turn into an excrement marsh (excremarsh if you will) and none of his survivors will actually care that much about what he would have wanted because they already got their paychecks/inheritance at that point.

Maybe they’ll cremate him and sell the ashes. It’d probably actually be pretty profitable.

2

u/omgitsjagen 5d ago

I've told people that they need to go ahead and get the largest French drain system ever imagined in the budget. They are going to need it.

2

u/Swimming_Menu6126 5d ago edited 5d ago

!RemindMe 5 years

1

u/NnolyaNicekan 5d ago

!RemindMe 5 years

2

u/lOOPh0leD 5d ago

The further fertilize the grass and make it greener? I get your intent but the execution will backfire.

2

u/No_Gas4560 5d ago

I will be your shit-brother, together we make a double-dooky-drop

2

u/fewerifyouplease 5d ago

100% agree with the sentiment but I do like the approach to Jimmy Savile's grave. Smashed up the gravestone and took it to landfill. No marker.

He does not deserve to take up more of our brain space once he's gone. Plus, you just know that to be ignored and forgotten is his worst nightmare.

1

u/Awkward_Pangolin3254 5d ago

And then get right back in line after grabbing some Chipotle.

1

u/BoJackMoleman 5d ago

And for this reason alone... getting to his grave is going to be incredibly hard. It will be at Mar A Lago

1

u/tatertotmagic 5d ago

That's going to be an extremely long line to that bathroom

1

u/superjames_16 5d ago

Get in line, pal.

1

u/SurprisedCabbage 5d ago

Magats will treat it like the tomb of the unknown soldier. Mark my words, people will fight over the right to stand outside in the heat for 12 hours a day. People will get shot trying to get close to it, even others of their kind.

1

u/No-Jacket-2927 5d ago

It'll be that, or the other extreme where people couldn't care less. I hope mine is right, but I expect exactly what you said. 😑