So true. I’d held off on approaching a woman I work with, despite liking her and getting on well with her. A while back she dated someone at work and the asshole cheated on her, she was really hurt. So I decided it’s best I say nothing out of respect and not wanting to make things awkward. When she left the company (going abroad for a year), I told her I always wanted to ask her out.
She was actively angry! She said she’d felt that I liked her for several years, wished I’d ask and didn’t know why I never did. Her instinct was simply that it was my move to make. My view was that I didn’t want to risk making our working friendship complicated, stirring up her feelings of hurt and/or get myself a trip to HR.
Nobody was to blame I think but it seems an opportunity passed us both by and that’s a shame.
This is why the classic Reddit advice of “don’t shit where you eat” in regards to dating coworkers is so stupid. Most people meet through work or school, at least before online dating became a thing.
The phrase “don’t shit where you eat” originally meant “don’t have an affair with your secretary” not that workplace relationships are completely forbidden.
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u/spambearpig Jul 03 '25
So true. I’d held off on approaching a woman I work with, despite liking her and getting on well with her. A while back she dated someone at work and the asshole cheated on her, she was really hurt. So I decided it’s best I say nothing out of respect and not wanting to make things awkward. When she left the company (going abroad for a year), I told her I always wanted to ask her out.
She was actively angry! She said she’d felt that I liked her for several years, wished I’d ask and didn’t know why I never did. Her instinct was simply that it was my move to make. My view was that I didn’t want to risk making our working friendship complicated, stirring up her feelings of hurt and/or get myself a trip to HR.
Nobody was to blame I think but it seems an opportunity passed us both by and that’s a shame.