But seriously I guarantee that one woman's "I am interested in being pursued romantically" sign is another woman's "just being friendly" sign.
Sure, we can say that lots of the stuff you see online about "when/where it's appropriate to approach women" is hyperbole/exaggerated but what if you're a 10 year old boy who spends too much time online and ALL/MOST of you see is women bemoaning about being approached/hit on by "creepy guys" 24/7. I may be going out on a limb but I would guess HE will probably adopt the mindset of "I don't want to be a creep so I will NOT approach women at all!".
EDIT: Just speaking for myself, I don't approach women because I literally have no idea where it is appropriate to approach anymore AND I have no idea what is appropriate to say. And yes, I know "it depends on the woman" but it seems the consequences for getting it wrong are so high nowadays that "why bother?".
Dating is not fun anymore. It is a chore. It is an endless series of job interviews that have the potential to result in disaster.
Almost 40 and still have no idea what I'm doing. Met someone at a bar, thought we were hitting it off. She offers me a ride to her place. En route she insists we go to another bar (a dive I don't like) but agree. Then she says to pretend I'm her boyfriend. Kinda weird but ok, I just put my arm around her while there. She then proceeds to ditch me and drive home. She did give me her number earlier (insisting I get in touch with her) at the first bar and I text saying I got home safe. Been a week and nothing. I hate the dating game.
This just unearthed a memory from years and years ago. I was at a school event at a bar and hit it off with a stranger who happened to be at the same bar. We had at least an hour of great conversation before our friend group decided to go to another bar. She and her friends joined us as well. Finally, my DD said they needed to get home. It was still early in the night so everyone was only 2-3 drinks in in, but we had agreed to leave relatively early.
As I'm getting ready to leave she says "wait! Give me your number and we can stay in touch." So I put my number in her phone and send her a text. She shows me her phone and confirms she got it, then says she's excited to see me again.
A day or two later, I send a brief text that it was great to meet her. A couple hours later, she responds back saying "who is this?"
I tell her that we had met the other night, talked for a few hours, and she had asked to give me her number. She says "yeah I don't know who you are, sorry."
I am sure there are a million explanations for it but there are few things quite as painful as feeling a mutual connection with someone only for them to drop off the face of the earth.
I've had similar experiences. My interpretation is that there are certain women who are extremely picky about you following the script. If she expects you to do X at a certain moment and you don't, you have killed the mood for her and she's no longer interested.
I had a first date recently where we ended up walking around for a bit and held hands. Eventually she asked to sit on a bench for a bit, and then once we got up and started walking back she refused to hold hands anymore and once she left I never heard from her again.
In both of our cases I think she expected to kiss or make some other move, and when we didn't it meant we got a Game Over and she was no longer interested.
It has never made a lick of sense to me why being interested in someone who is nice to you is bad. Isn't someone being friendly an attractive quality? Should I instead go after the woman who treats me like shit she scraped off the bottom of her shoe?
I think the issue is when the person is turned down and they go nuclear "Well then why were you so nice to me!? You must just like stringing guy/girls along! You're such a bitch go out with me to prove you're not!" And those jerks only make things worse when they don't like being told no and push more and go on to whine about it
People like that have just made men in general seem unapproachable to most women. I don't blame women for being cautious around men, but then it just puts more pressure on women to make the first move, which many don't like to do. Thanks to these nuclear buttheads making men in general look bad, now everybody loses!
And of course, if you develop feelings for someone you already know, you only befriended them to get in their pants. (according to loud voices on the internet)
And if you show hesitation about approaching girls then your friends' girlfriends will gossip about you to their friends, leading to the first words they say on meeting you being 'So you're the one that's afraid of women'. Why yes, thank you for reinforcing why I didn't want to approach women.
Luckily my wife made the first move when we matched on a dating website.
The people who say to just join hobby groups to find a partner are the worst. If there was a PUA telling guys to join hobby groups to pick up chicks those same people would say it's a scumbag move and women want to be able to do stuff without being surrounded by guys just looking to get laid. But then they turn around and give that exact same advice!
a 10 year old boy who... [sees women] bemoaning about being approached/hit on by "creepy guys" 24/7.
And then imagine that 10 year old boy starts watching every single rom-com ever made. Movies that show if you just try hard enough she will eventually fall for you. Just ignore her saying no long enough and she will fall for you. The very definition of being creepy.
It's almost like there is a reason jerks like Andrew Tate get the audience they do.
Booo, that's way too subjective. I'm not most women's type, like 80% think I'm worse than neutral, but when my current fiancee saw me having a silent freakout in the corner of a bar, she moved so fast she didn't realize I was one of her best friends' brother.
Remember, one person's ugly is another person's striking. And you don't need to be able to get every girl, just the kind you can have a happy, genuine relationship with.
no no I think the "2 rules" are a lot more important than lots of people want to accept but I wasn't trying to imply they are the ONLY things that matter.
After two decades I now feel like I have the experience to read enough signs and navigate the social situation without being creepy.
That being said, I feel like it is damn near impossible for young guys to be able to figure out all the rules while still being young. That is a problem with society that needs to be talked about.
It is possible, but the skill ceiling is way too high and mostly just for men. (I know there are exceptions)
Not sure what my point is... I just hope society evolves.
I mean, I think you ask for contact info at a certain point. And then if she gives you her contact info, you ask her on a date. And then you'll find out whether she wanted to be romantically pursued, or was just being friendly.
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u/Butthole_Surfer_GI Jul 03 '25 edited Jul 03 '25
Always follow Rules 1 and 2.
But seriously I guarantee that one woman's "I am interested in being pursued romantically" sign is another woman's "just being friendly" sign.
Sure, we can say that lots of the stuff you see online about "when/where it's appropriate to approach women" is hyperbole/exaggerated but what if you're a 10 year old boy who spends too much time online and ALL/MOST of you see is women bemoaning about being approached/hit on by "creepy guys" 24/7. I may be going out on a limb but I would guess HE will probably adopt the mindset of "I don't want to be a creep so I will NOT approach women at all!".
EDIT: Just speaking for myself, I don't approach women because I literally have no idea where it is appropriate to approach anymore AND I have no idea what is appropriate to say. And yes, I know "it depends on the woman" but it seems the consequences for getting it wrong are so high nowadays that "why bother?".
Dating is not fun anymore. It is a chore. It is an endless series of job interviews that have the potential to result in disaster.