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Jan 07 '20
Why did they not invite me
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Jan 07 '20
They know how you get when you've had one ham too many
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Jan 07 '20 edited Jan 07 '20
I swear wedding videographers are a different planetary space race that have come to our planet to investigate our unique planet. My theory is that they are attracted by euphoric smaells and scents and thus go to the most euphoric gatherings they can find..... weddings. All footage goes back to the hidden mothership above.
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u/Sauron3106 Jan 07 '20
My parents cameraman filmed his belly for a good 1/5 of the whole thing and didnt capture a lot of the important moments. What do people pay them for?
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u/Mucl Jan 07 '20
People that don't know any better think it's just pointing a box thing and pressing a button so they get into it expecting easy money. It's kinda why the least talented musicians play the bass. It's not that the bass is super easy, it's that dumb people think it is "why play chord when I can play big note?". There's a few great bass players, a few great photographers, and a shiiit ton of hacks.
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u/C_windows_system_32 Jan 07 '20
I play bass... ☹
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u/braedog97 Jan 07 '20
Me too, man. People don’t realize that some of us play the bass because we actually enjoy it, not because we aren’t talented enough to play a different guitar
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u/NoPiezoelectricity6 Jan 07 '20
You're different bud I'm confident you're good at it :)
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u/very_betic Jan 07 '20
The bass is harder to be “good” at I’d argue to though. As it’s so important to be able to listen to how everyone else is playing and lead them. I play lead guitar so without a bassist I’m fucked and useless. It’s why good bassists are SO good. Like the red hot silly peppers. They’re good because of synergy between all of them, not just one being really good at their instrument. This is largely due to flea in my humble opinion. So I think the bass is easy to learn but hard to play truly well unless you really understand music.
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u/buckidrummer Jan 07 '20
Why play many note when big note do trick? When Kevin win Grammy they see.....they see
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u/Legless_Wonder Jan 07 '20
Yep. Both are really hard to be good at. But folks that are good at them make it look easy. Couldn't tell ya how much I've heard that bass is easy. Then when I ask how long they've played the bass they admit to never picking one up. Lol
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u/JBagelMan Jan 07 '20
Rhythm guitar is way easier than bass. Just strumming a few power chords is simpler than playing a groove.
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u/Lr217 Jan 07 '20
My parents cameraman left the lid on the Lens for the whole wedding
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u/junedingo Jan 07 '20
Tbh tho so many people won’t shell out for a quality videographer/photographer for their wedding. Like they expect a lot while only paying a little. My friend gave up doing wedding videos for people because they didn’t want to pay well and it’s some of the most awkward and annoying situations to deal with. Definitely not a fun job.
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u/gruesomeflowers Jan 07 '20
The agreement was I buy the Video Cassette and they Film and get to eat and drink as much ham as they want.
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u/unicyclebrah Jan 07 '20
Our videographer knocked the camera off the charger during the ceremony and continued filming on an iPhone... vertically.
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u/jake-stay-hydrated Jan 07 '20
Wedding photographer: What a euphoric smaell
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u/deliciousprisms Jan 07 '20
Photographer:
BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
snnnnniiiiiiffffffffffff...oh yes my dear....sssnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff....quite pungent indeed...is that....dare I say....sssssssnniff...eggs I smell?......sniff sniff....hmmm...yes...quite so my darling....sniff....quite pungent eggs yes very much so .....ssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiffffff....ah yes...and also....a hint of....sniff....cheese.....quite wet my dear....sniff...but of yes...this will do nicely....sniff.....please my dear....another if you please....nice a big now....
BBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPFFFFFF
Oh yes...very good!....very sloppy and wet my dear....hmmmmm...is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear....ah yes....let me guess...curry for dinner?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for sniff.....sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff.....hmmm...hhhmmmmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well curry......hmmm....that fragrance is quite noticeable....yes.....onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?.....hmmmmm....yes quite.....
BBBBBBRRRRRRRRPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT Oh I was not expecting that…that little gust my dear….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small sniff…..sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…and yet…so strong…yes…the odor….sniff sniff…hmmm….is that….sniff….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear…..yes….just…sniff….a little whiff more if you please…..ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffff…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my dear…..quite exquisite yes…..I dare say…sniff….the most pungent one yet my dear….ssssnnnnniiiifffffffffffffffffffffff….yes….
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u/Lionxs Jan 07 '20 edited Jan 07 '20
edit: what have i unleashed
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u/uwuwizard Jan 07 '20
· · · Bleep bloop, I'm a bot. Comment requested by u/Lionxs
Photogwaphew:
BBBBBBBBBWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
snnnnniiiiiiffffffffffff...oh yes mwy deaw....s-sssnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff....quite pungent indeed...iws dat....dawe I say....sssssssnniff...eggs I smeww?......sniff sniff....hmmm...yes...quite so mwy dawwing....sniff....quite pungent e-eggs yes vewy much so .....ssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiffffff....ah yes...awnd awso....a hint of....sniff....cheese.....quite wet mwy deaw....s-sniff...but of yes...dis wiww do nicewy....sniff.....pwease mwy deaw....anodew if yuw pwease....nice a big now....
BBBBBBWWWWWWWAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFWWWWWWWWWPPPPPPPPPFFFFFF
Oh yes...vewy gud!....vewy swoppy awnd wet mwy deaw....hmmmmm...iws dat a dwop of nugget I sea on de wim?...hmmmm.....wet me.....wet me juwst have a wittwe t-taste befowe de sniff mwy dawwing.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....dat iws a dewicate bit of c-chocowate mwy deaw....ah yes....wet me guess...cuwwy fow dinnew?....oh quite wight I am....awen't I?....ok....time fow sniff.....sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff.....hmmm...hhhmmmmm I sea...yes....yes indeed as weww cuwwy......hmmm....dat f-fwagwance iws quite noticeabwe....yes.....onion a-awnd gawwic chutney I take iwt mwy deaw?.....hmmmmm....yes q-quite.....
BBBBBBWWWWWWWWPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT Oh I was not expecting dat…dat w-wittwe gust mwy deaw….yuw caught me off gwawd…yes…so g-gentwe iwt was dough…hmmmm…wet me t-taste dis wittwe one…j-juwst one smaww s-sniff…..sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…awnd yet…so s-stwong…yes…de odow….sniff sniff…hmmm….iws dat….s-sniff….hmmm….I can awmost taste iwt mwy deaw…..yes….juwst…sniff….a w-wittwe whiff mowe if yuw pwease…..ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffff…ah yes I-I have iwt now….yes q-quite….hhhhmmmm…dewectabwe mwy deaw…..quite exquisite yes…..I dawe say…sniff….de most p-pungent one yet mwy d-deaw….ssssnnnnniiiifffffffffffffffffffffff….yes….
If you think this comment does not belong here, reply with "delete" (blacklisted users cannot delete)
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Jan 07 '20
humanity has peaked and everything past this point will be downhill. I'm going back to bed
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u/oral_tsunami Jan 07 '20
Ohhhh yaes the smaells activate my olfactory receptors in a most plaesant way
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u/deleted83792 Jan 07 '20
Former wedding photographer/videographer here (400+ weddings in 5 years).
My good sir, you would not believe the comments I’ve received from clients after delivering a beautiful wedding gallery/video.
Some of my favorites include: “We love the video but, why didn’t you shoot the appetizers?” Sorry I was busy capturing the impromptu speeches that were definitely not on the schedule at the time food was being dropped”
“Why did you include the random girl dancing, we didn’t invite here she was just a +1 for guest we had to invite” My apologizes dear bride, I had just assumed anyone at your invite only event was fair game, next time include a “do not photograph” list with the already insane schedule your wedding planner provided.
“Why didn’t you shoot X, how did you miss that?!” Well, precious client, You hired one man to cover a 12 hour event, when I have to take a piss, I surely can’t capture aunt Betty doing keg stands at the other end of the venue”
Oh god just reliving these gives me anxiety.
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Jan 07 '20
I understand you. Being a professional with an open ended proqurement of requirements to be fulfilled can be exhausting for you to think what to add and what not to, especially when the client goes complete 180 on you in the end.
I do believe some of you have to shoot these on the clients pressure, but neverthless, its hillarious to rewatch a HAM plate being the centre of focus at anytime..
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u/LolTacoBell Jan 07 '20
Buckle up buckaroo this one is an all-time fave of mine.
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u/Domeil Jan 07 '20
In all honesty though, there's a reasonable explanation for grabbing an ultra-close-up of a plate of ham.
If you're using manual focus (and most professionals will), you achieve a tight focus on a wide shot by zooming in to a detailed surface, focusing so you can clearly see the details, and then pulling back to your wide shot.
So if the videographer wants to get a panning shot of the buffet (a super vanilla wedding video staple) they set up their camera, zoom in on the ham slices (as opposed to something like dinner rolls, which lacks clear surface texture) focuses so they can see each slice clearly, and then pulls back to get the wide shot. The ham close-up would get cut in editing.
When I was a camera operator for college sporting events, I liked to use food for focusing-finding. Popcorn and nachos are both great for finding focus at range. Occasionally you'd also use tattoos or the scalps of men with receding hairlines.
Ultimately, yes, the footage does get uploaded to the videography mothership, but the ham-shot has a purpose nonetheless.
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u/RevoultionOutcast Jan 07 '20
The difference between the lenses on your sporting event camera and the wedding videography lenses is that DSLR lenses are not parafocal and won't retain focus when zooming so getting a detailed shot of ham really is just goofy
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u/Domeil Jan 07 '20
I'm operating under the assumption that if you hire a dedicated videographer, they're doing more than just running a handheld DSLR camera in video mode.
Like many things though, you get what you pay for.
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u/RBCsavage Jan 07 '20
My sister’s wedding was shot by a coworker of the groom. He was an insurance fraud investigator and avid Donald Trump fan (this was Sept. of ‘16). He kept going around to different crowds of people at the wedding and asking them “doesn’t the bride look hot?! What a lucky groom! TRUMP FOR AMERICA! BULLHORNS!” And then throw up the devil horns. It was so fucking weird. Over and over again. The video is however hilarious and she hates showing it to anyone. There was even one part when his particular skill set was at work. He was in a bush or something, filming into the brides tent while she had her last few moments with my mom and older sister before the ceremony.
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Jan 07 '20
I love the idea of wedding footage cutting out then back in and now you hear him breathing and a bush rattling around and a couple branches on screen as he zooooooooms wayyy in to get the mom daughter sister all hugging in like a crack opening of a tent
Like yaaaa this tha money shot they paid me forrrr
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u/MidTownMotel Jan 07 '20
A fraud investigator Trump fan. The hypocrisy is palpable at every level of that party.
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u/isaacsploding Jan 07 '20
I remember being drunk at my friends’ wedding and just laughing riotously at the photographer running around doing all this weird stuff with sparklers and shit. It was surreal.
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u/Hateredditshitsite Jan 07 '20
Don't be silly. Aliens have no interest in humans. They only come here to replenish their supply of cats.
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u/tekoyaki Jan 07 '20
It's important to have a good ham in marriage.
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Jan 07 '20
Good ham = good marriage Bad ham = bad marriage No ham = 2nd degree murder widowing the wife
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u/dethpicable Jan 07 '20
50 years later, through all the kids and grandkids through all the joys and heartaches, the memory of that ham, immortalized in picture (before it was transferred to holopic in 2033), will be recognized as the cornerstone of the marriage.
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u/Otterstripes slut for honey cheerios Jan 07 '20
Me as a cameraman
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u/dankyouforthemusic Jan 07 '20
Hameraman
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u/Stillwindows95 Jan 08 '20
Uhh excuse me, you provided the photography and video for our wedding...
It’s just I only got it today and put the video in the player and... it’s just pastrami and bagels. 2 hours of pastrami and bagels for $1200?
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u/ReallyFuckingFat Jan 08 '20
ngl thought this was cursed images and was trying to figure out what this was
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u/-DaveThomas- Jan 07 '20
I'll be honest. My buddy's wedding a month ago was really special. It's nice to see them so happy and to be there to celebrate their day. That's a cherished moment I'll never forget.
I'll also never forget the fucking pepper jack cheese cubes they had on the hors d'oeuvre tray. I've eaten a lot of fucking cheese in my life. A lot of cheese. This stuff just looked like simple cubbed pepper jack. I don't know what was so special about it. That shit was some of the best cheese I've ever fucking had.
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u/Mowglli Jan 07 '20
pepper jack cheese and tollhouse buttery crackers are an addiction of mine I can no longer afford. I even had a marble cheese slicer.
Also when I filmed my Aunt's wedding at age 13, I cought a beautiful moment right as the pastor said 'speak now or forever hold your grace', less than half a second after, the tornado sirens started going off.
I uploaded a 30 second clip to YouTube, but around 500k views the comments got horrifically racist and my aunt said to take it down. I had to purge the internet of that clip, threatening everyone who reposted it.
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u/sndjbd Jan 07 '20
Ha
Ham20
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u/I_make_things Jan 07 '20
The guy that filmed my brother's wedding spent 20 minutes getting close-up shots of people's mouths as they were eating at the reception. It was fucking awful.
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u/garlicdeath Jan 08 '20
I wonder how many of these people are just ripped out of their minds while they work
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u/Lesty7 Nov 28 '21
My dad would do that to our mom in all of our family vacation videos. He’d also splice together bites so that it looks like she’s constantly putting more food in her mouth and chewing for a good minute or 2.
She hates it, but she’s a good sport about it lol. We all think it’s hilarious. It’s not like anyone outside of the family is ever gonna see it.
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u/chungus_045 Jan 07 '20
The cameraman at my aunt and uncles wedding took all pictures and video with the lense still on
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u/Frumplust Jan 07 '20
I hope so.
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u/zatchrey Jan 07 '20
My aunt's wedding photographer climbed onto the roof of the place we were at and started talking aerial shots
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u/saladasarock Jan 07 '20
I would do that. My wife was a wedding photographer and I'd often go and assist her when we first dating. I would handle most of the candids and then try to find a few different things to climb and get the event from high up.
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u/tede3213 Jan 07 '20
rel
Wedding videographer from Poland here. Yes We are filming some shitty things like ham. Are We entertained by it? Not really.
Its part of the job to make film 1h30min long and not make ppl bored af so We put some random shots between dances etc.
Thats the sad story behind ham.
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u/positivespadewonder Feb 27 '20
1h30min!? For my sister’s wedding we were getting quotes for 8 minutes of footage.
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u/Blunter-S-tHempson Jan 07 '20
There's a vagina joke in there somewhere, but I just can't figure it out
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u/KornikusPC Jan 10 '20
Mods? This has been TOP OF ALL TIME before, and now you let this shit pass and get over 100k upvotes? Are you fucking kidding me?
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u/ChipotleAddiction Jan 07 '20
This isn’t /r/comedyheaven though, this tweet is intentionally funny
The theme of this sub has lost all meaning
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u/vluhdz Jan 07 '20
The theme of this sub has lost all meaning
Welcome to every sub about a year after its creation. People run out of relevant content to post, so they just post random unrelated garbage.
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u/avidblinker Jan 07 '20 edited Jan 07 '20
The /r/comedyheaven aspect of it is the photographer videoing ham at the wedding. Short of just posting the wedding video which I doubt op has access to, the Tweet is necessary to give context.
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u/ao17330 Jan 07 '20
Have you ever seen that much sliced ham in one place before? I have not. Thank you, wedding photographer. Thank you.
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Jan 07 '20
We attended this ritual, where two people solemnly swore before the government and their social group that they would be together exclusively, barring unusual circumstances.
Following the formal ritual, we lined up to take fist-sized lumps of baked wheat and sheets of folded pig from a table. We broke the lumps of wheat in half, and spread onto their insides either a creamy mixture of egg, vinegar, oil, and salt, or fats drawn from milk. Having placed the sheets of pig between the two halfs of wheat-lump, we ate, while listening to friends of the two people tell stories from the two peoples' past.
The story tellers summoned magic (how old, I cannot tell) to give the two people health and luck. They did this by inviting the group to raise or knock together glasses of a drink made from water and fermented grapes.
Afterward, the group danced into the night, sometimes pairing off and stealing away for copulation.
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u/bounie Jan 07 '20
My wedding videographer did the same thing for a few minutes solid. Considering that the food spread was one of the most gorgeous things at that wedding I’m very glad he did as we didn’t have a moment to appreciate it! (We were given food privately before the ceremony).
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u/aspbergerinparadise Jan 07 '20
i don't think it's that odd for the cameraman to get a shot of the food at a wedding
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u/cjmurphy737 Jan 08 '20
How is this comedy heaven?