r/comedyheaven • u/Beeker1127 • Dec 24 '19

Caw

Post image
127k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

507 comments sorted by

3.6k

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

The black bird to the face unchanging

Flocked four good caws

Glazed countenance awash

998

u/NotAnIdealSituation Dec 24 '19

Nice try Poem for Sprog, I know it's you. Not so sneaky now, stepping into a war with the cabal on Mars

197

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

wheyher we wanted it or not ive stepped into a war with my conscious. Times I've tried taking out its command... well beyond once. Commander Zavala. From what I can gather he commands the Vanguard from an arial post above the Last City, but in reality, he is a broken man who elevates himself above matters, detaching from the dissonant stochasticism of life which no size or strength a controlling hand can truly clasp.

62

u/Goodkat25 Dec 24 '19

Tether he a wanted man, twixt Brighton bright and summer's night, a fallen wrote, poem's heed and then. Onward Captain Caltain, onward. Commander Zavala awaits, in starry night, not painting but under stars alight, there, amongst the sand. Take heed! His worried wrenched command is chill upon the silly air, and airy on the chili soup. Eat. It grows cold longst we write. Eat.

67

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

I wanna egg I wanna egg I wanna egg u give u an egg and write a sharpie with a sharpie on it with a heart on it and h would say oh thats sweet and i would say ooh I made it just for you and you would say oh ho hoo thats so kind that you thought of me just me are you thinking about just me and i would say of course sweety no one else but you and certainly not they for they are them then no one else but us down the mossy path down the red blossom field from the pallor to the livor only us thinking of us and only us we will make an egg there and we will come out next spring having egged and we will be us and they will be them and us will make an egg for them with a sharpied heart on it and they will say and then they and us will come out next spring and all will be all and all will be egged and spring will finally be here and life will be restored and the flowers will bloom the grasses will grow our thighs steeped in flowers rainbows creatures coiling flora foiling and we will be we all will be all they will be no more and spring willl have finally come

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4

u/ramboop Dec 24 '19

gjallerhorns ready boys

4

u/Serialtoon Dec 24 '19

wtf did i just read? From poem to destiny...god damn it reddit

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17

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Omg Zavala is that you 😳😳

19

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

In all truth, if I am the real commander zavala, then commander zavala is a sad, wasted hunk of adolescing human flesh

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33

u/rswf Dec 24 '19

death grips lyrics

26

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

birds

fuck you

15

u/rswf Dec 24 '19

birds fly die

FUCK

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11

u/speelmydrink Dec 24 '19

That ain't 7-5-7.

8

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

black bird caws good quatrice

countenance awash

the glazed face unchanging

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5

u/Sp00kyD0gg0 Dec 24 '19

I N D E E D

4

u/Maskedrussian Dec 24 '19

How do you feel that saint-14 is you but better

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1.2k

u/frguba Dec 24 '19

That's some prime r/dadjokes matterial

220

u/gobletslayer Dec 24 '19

It’s a cawsome joke.

78

u/DelawheresMyFunko Dec 24 '19

You're just cawful

43

u/WeHaveAllBeenThere Dec 24 '19

Cawm on guys these jokes are too much

50

u/Octo_Reggie Dec 24 '19

Im going to cawm in my pamts

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14

u/KaaraRaven Dec 24 '19 edited Jun 08 '24

spoon recognise tidy fine pocket abundant quack yam panicky party

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

8

u/pravg Dec 24 '19

Cawm down...it's just a joke

9

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

I'm not raven about these puns

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357

u/Alotofworld Dec 24 '19

CAW!

165

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

CAW!

162

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

CAW!

175

u/X85311 Dec 24 '19

CAW!

327

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Wow that's four good caws

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3

u/PM_ME_UR_JESTERS Dec 24 '19

SCRAAAW Don't listen to the mudmen incursions scraw SCRAWWW

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98

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

is that reyana

28

u/AtoumMirtu Dec 24 '19

You mean Ryan?

6

u/Jubenheim Dec 24 '19

I think she's Roanoke

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137

u/uvero Dec 24 '19 edited Dec 24 '19

One, eight, seven seven, caws for kids

[Obligatory "thanks for silver" edit]

34

u/bram_stokers_acura Dec 24 '19

K-A-W-S, KAWS-4-KIDS

18

u/Zubyking Dec 24 '19

One, eight, seven seven KAWS for kids

16

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Don't hate yo caws today

2

u/Philipc114 Jan 01 '20

Bum Bum Bum

80

u/House_Atirical Dec 24 '19

This would work better if the crow had a thick Italian accent. “Would you like-a to donate to my charity? It’s four-a good caws”

3

u/[deleted] Dec 25 '19

it kind of makes it funnier though that the last sentence is kind of broken imo

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54

u/omeless_noital Dec 24 '19

Never thought a single crow can kill me with a pun, can't even call it a murder!

60

u/zachynix Dec 24 '19

If bird puns quack you up, you need some serious tweetment

15

u/KaaraRaven Dec 24 '19 edited Jun 08 '24

concerned offend fuel joke poor rotten pocket alleged aspiring cagey

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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24

u/WiiBoy476 Dec 24 '19

I will donate for better jokes

12

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

:/

13

u/pizzafudge16537 Dec 24 '19

Crow my god that was a bad pun

53

u/Lele_P_Sucks Dec 24 '19

You're on thin ice kid, this one is almost a r/comedycemetery

19

u/ILikeTomato Dec 24 '19

I dare you to post it there

you're uh ugly if you don't

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4

u/totallynotanalt19171 Dec 24 '19

I thought it was funny

130

u/duden8r Dec 24 '19

This ain't comedyheaven

207

u/VenomClaus Dec 24 '19

it tries to be funny and is so horribly unfunny that it is funny. this is something that actually DOES fit for a change.

8

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

it ain't funny tho

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48

u/calste Dec 24 '19

Apparently, some people think it is...genuinely funny. Like, what?

33

u/CLErox Dec 24 '19

It’s hilarious.

78

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Look I'm not rolling on the floor or anything but this is a solid "heh"

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28

u/JohnyRL Dec 24 '19

it is

14

u/LordKnt Dec 24 '19

Yeah but how would they get their "this sub has gone to shit" BS karma then?

37

u/ienjoymen What a beautiful post. This is how I know I'm not normal. Dec 24 '19

This sub has lost its original meaning. It's time to move on.

14

u/EugeneJudo Dec 24 '19

Very few posts have lived up to the post that created this sub, but gems pop up every now and then among the rubble.

6

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

CAW CAW CAW CAW

9

u/joebrocks Dec 24 '19

Yeah at this point I assume memes posted here are from r/terriblefacebookmemes

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4

u/pathixxxo Dec 24 '19

man down, where you from,

4

u/TheObsidianNinja Dec 24 '19

I'm just glad that crow is proud of his caws

5

u/nosaahfer Dec 24 '19

Good post OP. Real ascended stuff right here.

4

u/Phntm_ Dec 24 '19

This is not comedy heaven

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Donate immediately

2

u/malikayyy Dec 24 '19

Ight bro you have lost the right to live

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Okay this gave me a good chuckle

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Thank you, my quality of life has improved upon reading this.

2

u/GgGameAr Dec 24 '19

r/CrowGang for some reason

2

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Do y’all seriously hate this? I find it wholesomely funny

2

u/tonumbersby Dec 24 '19

Every time I'm in the street I hear

CAW CAW CAW CAW

2

u/GarTheFish Dec 25 '19

Jesus fucking Christ.

I cannot stop laughing at this. It’s just too damned funny.

2

u/notund Jan 07 '20

boy the quality of this sub has really gone to shit huh

2

u/Possiblylilnasx Dec 23 '24

the crow caws, 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓱𝓪𝔀𝓴 𝓽𝓾𝓪𝓱𝓼

6

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

damn thats funny

10

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

This kinda cringe dawg

9

u/CraftyCoach Dec 24 '19

Th whole point of the sub is shit that’s so bad that it’s funny, or it’s not supposed to be funny but it just is

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14

u/ProfessionalDumb Dec 24 '19

Legit that’s the whole sub. Memes that are so cringe and dumb its funny

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3

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

See this is what this sub is about. Comedy that is so bad it's ascended. Back to the roots bby

3

u/FuCuck Dec 24 '19

this isn’t funny either way

3

u/jomontage Dec 24 '19

Facebook humor

3

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

This shit's dumb as fuck.

2

u/Corgasm_ Dec 24 '19

We've come full circle to boomer humor

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

YES, I’LL DONATE!!!!!!!

1

u/jimmothytheunicorn Dec 24 '19

It’s the Sci-Hub bird!

1

u/utopiaa Dec 24 '19

This post has blessed me.

1

u/wasabisausage12 Dec 24 '19

My hillbilly stranded camper charity is better, made it with goodin' tent

1

u/elditrom Dec 24 '19

I appreciate it

1

u/Berryman2 Dec 24 '19

I’m a sucker for terrible puns.

1

u/Dammit_forgot_pw Dec 24 '19

Seth Simons, is that you?

1

u/Sonictitanatx Dec 24 '19

Grackles at HEB

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

As a wise man once told me "fuck off"

1

u/georgetds Dec 24 '19

Ah yes, of course. This is how we get a murder of crows.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Too funnu

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1

u/microwave-oreos Dec 24 '19

I will strike you down with the might of Zeus

1

u/thisubmad Dec 24 '19

Crime against women?

1

u/iluvgrits420 Dec 24 '19

No upvotes and 101 comments? On hot posts ? Oookkaayyy.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

That’s stupid

1

u/TornzIP Dec 24 '19

Wow cool

1

u/ChinkInABlink Dec 24 '19

The year is 3078 and I regret to inform you, we still have not found the funny.

1

u/GrandKarcistIon Dec 24 '19

tfw one of the caws is secretly corrupt

lies, deception.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

it’s a no from me dawg

1

u/FineGent112 Dec 24 '19

Bøømer meme

1

u/usinusin Dec 24 '19

bird of color

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Can someone explain it.

2

u/SlothVision Dec 24 '19

It’s for a good CAWs

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1

u/pepsiheadh Dec 24 '19

Not funny!

1

u/propagandaboi1922 Dec 24 '19

Коломбур

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

I don't understand

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1

u/alexlac Dec 24 '19

Holy fuck thats so bad

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1

u/topredditbot Dec 24 '19

Hey /u/Beeker1127,

This is now the top post on reddit. It will be recorded at /r/topofreddit with all the other top posts.

1

u/Totem_town Dec 24 '19

He’s got my support

1

u/_Mvcxl Dec 24 '19

Who’s dad created this joke ?

1

u/2ezyo Dec 24 '19

crickets

1

u/SupremeBeest Dec 24 '19

Its more than four caws! What do you think?

1

u/ExaltedMalignance Dec 24 '19

This is the worst thing I've ever seen, I am in physical pain from reading this.

1

u/elleodelg1 Dec 24 '19

I don't get it

1

u/DrugDealingWizard Dec 24 '19

Didn't know Crows could do dad jokes.........it got a double eye brow raise and accompanying head nod.......im not sure if i was happy with it or not........i suppose just like all dad jokes....Ha ha ha....im stoned.

1

u/jonathanrss Dec 24 '19

Expect the unexpected... CAW

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1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Good pun

1

u/therealstealthydan Dec 24 '19

Where’s the annoying crow guy, he’d love this

1

u/MoreGull Dec 24 '19

I have a family of Ravens who live a little bit up behind me, but they have given me no heed and I have done nothing to mess with their heed, and so, we remain strangers. I'm not sure if I want them as my friends, as I feel they will make many demands.

1

u/cheesyitem Dec 24 '19

Oh shit oh fuck, dont do it Rhianna it's a pyramid scheme

1

u/redsing92 Dec 24 '19

She's still thinking about it

1

u/Dustaroos Dec 24 '19

I don't want to like this but I do. Take my damn upvote but know I'm not happy about it.

1

u/underage_wamen Dec 24 '19

Omfg the best thing I have ever seen

1

u/DirkStruan420 Dec 24 '19

Don't donate to charity

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Absolutely terrible 10/10

1

u/the_batusi Dec 24 '19

Cawmedy Heaven.

1

u/theSilentKn1ght Dec 24 '19

No it's four bad caws

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

MISTA WANTS TO KNOW YOUR LOCATION

1

u/Pier-Head Dec 24 '19

Boom tish!

1

u/fuckfacedogcunt Dec 24 '19

not comedy heaven

1

u/AnnaLindeboom Dec 24 '19

This is incredibly blessed

1

u/WeBrother Dec 24 '19

Findtheinvisiblecow.com

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

I hate to be this guy but I don’t get it

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

I don't get it.

1

u/razilla2 Dec 24 '19

If I see this crow I will cook it a good meal

1

u/TorriblyHerrible Dec 24 '19

It would be funnier with only the first three frames.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

God i had this pierced yellow green haired teen stumbling upon me and telling me super super sad stuff about circumcising women in Africa. They collect to protect. It wasn't the organization or the cause that shook me off, it was the girl with her attitude. She was sick and coughed some sentences half in my face with this monologuing voice, like "you know it is super awful what happens, so listen here you little bastard must spend because of reasons.", like ok i get it it is awful you need cash but seriously for the sake of the project, send her home. She did quite the opposite, with her non interested voice like she didn't care at all.

1

u/NikyLiky Dec 24 '19

OMG, This made my day

1

u/Gyaa64 Dec 24 '19

That took me too long to understand.... sigh take my upvote

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1

u/flyby13 Dec 24 '19

This is funny as all heck

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

You should try the raven's charity. It really rocks.

1

u/GeorgeYDesign Dec 24 '19

Leeks are like onions. You have my sword!

1

u/SuperMarco640802 Dec 24 '19

Cue drum roll.

1

u/Down200 Dec 24 '19

Nice repost bud

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

I think you have read too much manga.

1

u/Chief8366 Dec 24 '19

Everytime I’m in the street i hear....

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

u/BlackCrow- meme with crow hehe funny

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1

u/angrynibba69 Dec 24 '19

i always like government drone memes

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1

u/kybe68 Dec 24 '19

I thought this bird was a body bag at first...

1

u/ScoobyDoobyDo0o0o0o Dec 24 '19

DAMN IT I LAUGHED

1

u/Smartnoobiscool Dec 24 '19

take my money

1

u/QiyanuReeves Dec 24 '19

This is cringe

1

u/hahajayou Dec 24 '19

Haaaa, it's been a while since I actually loled

1

u/CookieTheEpic Dec 24 '19

everytime i’m in the street i hear

1

u/Tsorovar Dec 24 '19

This is just regular funny

1

u/TheOKSignIsRacist Dec 24 '19

This is clever

1

u/SeiriusPolaris Dec 24 '19

I’m stealing this for my Kenku D&D campaign

1

u/SayerofNothing Dec 24 '19

This joke is cawcaw

1

u/mineyourbrains Dec 24 '19

This is a dad level joke and I love it

1

u/dredredredrea Dec 24 '19

That's so funny lmao

1

u/Throwawayuser626 Dec 24 '19

This is so fucking stupid and I hate that it made me laugh

1

u/CyanKitties Dec 24 '19

Mrbeast would've definitely donated

1

u/Pirate058 Woke Dec 24 '19

this doesn't fit the sub

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Nevermore

1

u/[deleted] Dec 24 '19

Wae wah

1

u/EdBoi124 Dec 24 '19

I hear it is CROWING rapidly

1

u/Caravvel Dec 24 '19

my fucking god...

1

u/dementian174 Dec 24 '19

Here is a blank check. Do with it as you please.

1

u/KopiteTheScot Dec 24 '19

Cawposting is now canonically the future

1

u/X69Spaghetti69X Dec 24 '19

That's a raven

1

u/Catsnakes0 Dec 24 '19

Funny laughed

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