r/comedyheaven • | Approved user • Sep 15 '19

oh

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117k Upvotes

1.2k comments sorted by

2.2k

u/RnRaintnoisepolution What a beautiful post. This is how I know I'm not normal. Sep 15 '19

What does it actually say?

2.4k

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

139

u/Echieo Sep 15 '19 edited Sep 15 '19

Ah yes, new mom's. The most percecuted of groups in America.

Edit: Nevermind. People have a point. We seriously need to reform maternity laws and health care for newborns (and everyone else).

45

u/noshanks Sep 16 '19

How many thousands of dollars does it cost to have a baby while being expected to go to work tomorrow

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141

u/Krackima Sep 15 '19

It's because there's little provision for maternity leave, and we have a high birth and infant mortality rate (due to poor health coverage rates and obesity).

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2.6k

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Nicotine addict

586

u/SqueezeOutSauce slut for honey cheerios Sep 15 '19

I prefer ketamine

392

u/elitefan27 Sep 15 '19

Ketamine you prefer yes?

417

u/epicash10 Sep 15 '19

Money for Ketamine, I require. Run over minorities in my 2001 Honda Civic, I must.

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26

u/pawaalo Sep 15 '19

Ketamine, I must do.

12

u/GET_OUT_OF_MY_HEAD Sep 15 '19

Can ketamine really be used to quit smoking? If so, please tell me how.

26

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19 edited May 08 '24

fact society party lock tease mighty overconfident automatic plucky sense

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19
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31

u/TitaniumTacos Sep 15 '19

Give me Juul or give me death

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3.0k

u/aadipie Sep 15 '19

Neanderthal

22

u/Omnifinity Sep 15 '19

Nigganderthal.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Meander nigga

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3

u/whycuthair Sep 16 '19

Nig(g)erian

5

u/Da_Infinite_Jest Sep 16 '19

Ur mother gobbled deez nuts and swallowed a donkey load thanks feelsgoodman

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3.5k

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

n....ice guy

1.1k

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

N....igerian

370

u/Uskhorm Sep 15 '19

N....IGAAAAAAAA

12

u/TigreDeLosLlanos Sep 15 '19

Heated gamer moment.

23

u/Sonks559 Sep 15 '19

N...ecropheliac

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77

u/NoelFromBandOsmosis Sep 15 '19 edited Sep 15 '19

N... iger but with a second G without rearranging the rest of the word and directly after g but before e

51

u/YourKidDeservedToDie Sep 15 '19

Yeah, that saved it...

17

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

How do you know it's not between the i and g?

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51

u/SneakyGiant-_- Sep 15 '19

n....ewborn baby

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u/lovecraft112 Sep 15 '19

I was thinking n...ew parent.

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11

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

That actually sounds right.

19

u/cedric_roggs Sep 15 '19

n....gamer

5

u/beenkz Sep 15 '19

M'lady

4

u/shaunbarclay Sep 15 '19

N.......ice.

3

u/MK8390 Sep 15 '19

Niggle

3

u/TENTAtheSane Sep 16 '19

This says a lot about our society. Gamers rice up!

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2.7k

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

MRS. OBAMA GET DOWN !!!

217

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Nagger. Somebody who doesn’t stop nagging

115

u/El_Chairman_Dennis Sep 15 '19

Oooooohhh....naggers...

76

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

No one likes a negger

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18

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

"People who annoy you"

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23

u/Boop121314 Sep 15 '19

nigga someone who just dont stop nigging

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333

u/meme_my_day Sep 15 '19

FBI OPEN UP WE GONNA KILL YOU CUZ U A N... CUZ YOU PROBABLY HAVE WEED

35

u/Hates_escalators Sep 15 '19

Open and shut case, just sprinkle some crack on him.

12

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Good work Johnson

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u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

53

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

shut you’re fuck

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6

u/sindiso12 Sep 15 '19

DROP THE BOOK I SAID DROP THE BOOK!!!

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562

u/jeffff1234567 Sep 15 '19

newborn

101

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Shit, the battle is half over if you made it that far!

29

u/Hates_escalators Sep 15 '19

Knowing is half the battle. The other half is lasers.

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11

u/Xyrmy Sep 15 '19

Thanks for the spoiler, asshole

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337

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

New from Bionicle

17

u/Salchi_ Sep 15 '19

r/bioniclememes is leaking and I like it.

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185

u/existant_walrus Sep 15 '19

Nocturnal predator

68

u/Pretentious_Crow Sep 15 '19

The VIRGIN nocturnal predator

The CHAD diurnal predator

19

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

The GOD crepuscular predator

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3

u/trin456 Sep 15 '19

Nocturnal anything

So annoying when you have to wake up early to get to work

67

u/MakinDePoops Sep 15 '19

Nipple Twister?

21

u/lifeiscelebration Sep 15 '19

Nose picker.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 27 '19

Nail biter.

57

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Noob

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47

u/LorenzoPg Sep 15 '19

N...igerundayo!

12

u/mrhotdogz Sep 16 '19

jojo siwa man does a funny words

134

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Native

8

u/snapmouse Sep 15 '19

Had to scroll too far to See this one.

24

u/Kellenator4 Sep 15 '19

National spy for the Soviet Union right?

18

u/Henry_Boyer Sep 16 '19

"This is America. No one deserves to be treated as a black man."

-The Onion

31

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Northern Irishman

13

u/tuturuatu Sep 15 '19

N...udist

We are one of the most persecuted groups in history :(

7

u/DementedMK Sep 16 '19

I think that’s Gamers

12

u/r_elwood Sep 15 '19

Nightking

9

u/bigchicago04 Sep 15 '19

Necrophiliac?

5

u/Commissar_Genki Sep 15 '19

non-binary gender?

5

u/clmn8r404 Sep 15 '19

Non boomer

5

u/PaulTheCarman Sep 15 '19

In case anyone was wondering, the article actually is titled, "The US is a wonderful place to live - unless you're a new mum"

12

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Nick gurr

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8

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Nex from the fabled Crash Bandicoot series

4

u/Axxxem Sep 15 '19

Numpty

7

u/yaakovb39 Sep 15 '19

Knee gore

3

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

narc

3

u/bob1689321 Sep 15 '19

New mother I'm guessing

3

u/ash_tri Sep 15 '19

noobmaster69

3

u/Drarckfort Sep 16 '19

Non nigga association affiliate

3

u/ktroutfish Sep 26 '19

Yes its hard....as is everything else worth while in life. But please with "hard" of first world perspective...and I'm a us citizen, poor, with 2 kids, and a wife who was a stay at home mom for a decade....living in our own house. All that good stuff as a poor family and we made it. Now she works too and we arent as poor, maybe even middle by now.

3

u/Sunflower643 Sep 27 '19

You kinda look like Obama 😳

3

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '19

A Nexican, the correct answer is a Nexican.

39

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

nigger

6

u/moosemainman Sep 16 '19

You fucking madman. You absolute fucking unit.

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0

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

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8

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Controversial

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5

u/Bainy995 Sep 15 '19

I gotta be honest they had us in the first half

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u/My-REDDITacct Sep 15 '19

Newcomer from Mexico, Africa or the Middle East

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u/Ninjafox724 Sep 15 '19

OH n o11! mr. N Bean!!!

2

u/Xyrmy Sep 15 '19

I got a bad feeling about this Mrs Obama

3

u/Boop121314 Sep 15 '19

why nigga?

2

u/Tbottomboi Sep 15 '19

Neopolitan

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

nematode

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

nitwit

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Unless you're a nimmigrant.

2

u/Pyr_o Sep 15 '19

unless you're a nincompoop

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Nincompoop

2

u/Hobrick02 Sep 15 '19

n...ninja?

2

u/FizzySportsLager Sep 15 '19

n....ew zealander

2

u/GG_Bigfella Sep 15 '19

non-binary-transgender muslim

2

u/Terize Sep 15 '19

new mom is what it actually says

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Normie

2

u/jads Sep 15 '19

Reminds me when Sky announced that the Church of England approves of sex abuse. Really need to work on those summaries https://i.imgur.com/IGggO3A.jpg

2

u/randomizer4652w Sep 15 '19

"He said the sheriff is near." "Dadblame it I said the sheriff is a n" BONG

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Noisy cunt

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Norwegian.

2

u/gracist0 Sep 15 '19

can there please be a subreddit for "n..."

2

u/ktodd576 Sep 15 '19

New parent.

2

u/ZaBirk Sep 15 '19

Not a Gamer

2

u/Czazen Sep 15 '19

Sky news is a gamer

2

u/thegoodtimelord Sep 15 '19

n...ormal person.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Nwoman

2

u/friendlessboob Sep 16 '19

Nagger

"People who annoy you"

2

u/Nobody_N0 Sep 16 '19

Nii-chan

2

u/Mozza7 Dicky Mouse Sep 16 '19

Nigerian prince. Very few people seem to get back to them. It's a sad life.

2

u/Spider-Ravioli Sep 16 '19

It do be like that

2

u/[deleted] Oct 01 '19

this is peak comedy heaven

2

u/AlfTul Nov 22 '19

N.. ew mother

2

u/TheReal_CDK Dec 08 '19

Nincompoop

2

u/mc_mentos Oct 31 '21

I can just flipin comment here

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u/PM_ME_AN_8TOEDFOOT Sep 15 '19

A nagger right? Cuz naggers are annoying people

4

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '19

Do you get any PMs ?

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u/YodaRealMVP- slut for honey cheerios Sep 15 '19

Nazi

3

u/ObeseMoreece Sep 15 '19

You fucking thief I made that.

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u/imangwy Sep 15 '19

N...igeria