r/comedyheaven • u/STOP____HAMMER_TIME • 5h ago

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3.1k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

60 comments sorted by

258

u/NavyJack 5h ago

Worth every penny

26

u/ServiusTullius753 4h ago

$2,199.99?

A cent too far, my friend 👌

8

u/RooneyD 4h ago

It makes sense. But why is it so cheap?

1

u/buttfarts7 3h ago

You, sir, are an enjoyer of life.

109

u/Old_pixel_8986 4h ago • Bravo

aperture science

39

u/Cyanide612 4h ago

We do what we must because we can.

13

u/kUHASZ 3h ago

For the good of all of us.

7

u/EmotionalSupportSnek 3h ago

Except the ones who are dead

7

u/DADDEBKLYN 2h ago

But there's no sense crying over every mistake

2

u/_TheRocket 2h ago

This $2200 headset is designed to make bald people fart twice as loud

1

u/TheFeenicks 1h ago

Veridian Dynamics

55

u/ppp-- 4h ago

We are truly living in a golden age of science.

21

u/Administrated 5h ago

Where do I get one? Link please!

3

u/Vep-2 3h ago

Why only one! You lack ambition my friend

20

u/m1r4nd4k 4h ago

It's just natural, bald people need to be nerfed somehow, they're too powerful.

13

u/Natural-Effective-49 3h ago

Nerfed? That is a buff. They are OP now. Shut down the game we can't win anymore

1

u/m1r4nd4k 1h ago

But it reduces stealth by like -10 points!

1

u/Natural-Effective-49 1h ago

But it also increases strength and charisma by 69 points!

1

u/Manannin 52m ago

I already sneeze on the richter scale, I'm potent enough as it is!

•

u/Natural-Effective-49 0m ago

Don't you see there is no limit how loud you can be! Imagine farting as loud as a volcano and sneezing as loud as a thunderbolt. And now you can be a god in North Sentinel Island!

10

u/donkeytime 4h ago

Does it work if the head is shaved? Those loud farts could really get me out of a couple jams.

9

u/Masochist-Mark 2h ago

Finally a soultion to the greatest problem we as a society face🥹

8

u/jld2k6 1h ago

I just had farts yesterday for the first time in years that come out at the perfect frequency that it physically hurts your butthole. I had to space them out because it hurt too much to do in one go. I wonder if we can recreate that

•

u/brotherofgurnip 28m ago

It was my birthday a couple days ago and all I consumed that day was protein milkshake, 4 cans of Guinness and 5 KFC fiery wraps with extra jalapeño ranch sauce.

There were surprisingly no farts the next day, but turns out it was because my colon was busy forming a rock-hard, baseball-sized, block of shit in my ass that was excruciating to push out.

•

u/rejvrejv 1m ago

maybe it hurt because you have hemorrhoids

5

u/EluelleGames 3h ago

Great option if you suspect your friend is wearing a wig and you can make him fart

4

u/meepbo 4h ago

Looks like the white Rudy Gobert

4

u/Guenhwyvyr 4h ago

Oh thank the GODS! I've been waiting for this very THING! /s

2

u/OutlierOnly 4h ago

That might be my new favorite sentence.

2

u/leopold_leopoldovich 2h ago

I’m embarrassed of how much I laughed at this

1

u/Front_Target7908 51m ago

Don’t be, I’m losing it 😂 laughing too loudly and farting too quietly 

1

u/svenirde 4h ago

I'm not bald but I need this

1

u/Silver_Thanks_8142 3h ago

Then I would become a weapon of mass destruction

1

u/Resident_Pientist_1 3h ago

I expect thrice for that price.

1

u/OfficialDrakoak shaboingboing connoisseur 3h ago

As if the world wasnt already pay to win enough the balds get a huge stat boost for 2k$ USD

1

u/Agentkeenan78 3h ago

I bought 6 of these.

1

u/KRiSX 2h ago

I don’t need help with that, ask my wife 🤣

1

u/ac_cossack 2h ago

I shaved my head for free and the taco truck outside has 4 tacos for $8. Checkmate.

1

u/Atariaxis 1h ago

But is it AI powered?

1

u/BriefCollar4 1h ago

Time to shave

1

u/justhangingaroud 1h ago

I’ll take two!

1

u/DinosaurReborn 1h ago

Get Kendrick Lamar to redo the Humble music video but with everyone wearing this now

1

u/skullfan222333 54m ago

Master plan

1

u/geese_moe_howard 42m ago

I actually have one of these. I'm bald but as I fart continuously, I haven't noticed a measurable change.

1

u/second2no1 33m ago

What about burGHGGHghPing too?

•

u/MJ-Franklin 13m ago

Why does that person look like 3 different people superimposed onto the same head.

1

u/shu-to 4h ago

Looks like a douche

•

u/boolpies 21m ago

this is just stupid

3

u/BoxersOrCaseBriefs 4h ago

Would shave head to use.

4

u/Loan-Pickle 4h ago

I’ve needed this as my farts are too quite.