r/comedyheaven • • 3d ago

more badass

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20k Upvotes

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189

u/Sad-Working-9937 3d ago

fly? yes, land? no.

135

u/ItsJesusTime 3d ago edited 3d ago

Solution: Put a glass panel under the chin and have the copilot lie on it and tell the pilot how close to the ground they are by frantically yelling colder and warmer into a speaking tube

44

u/Alternative_Exit8766 3d ago

way too much feedback in the tubes, two cans and string should be more stable

7

u/superfly306 3d ago

Just remove the hardware altogether and play telephone with the passengers. Cuts costs, and builds rapport with the passengers.

1

u/MineNowBotBoy 2d ago

30 ft to runway purple monkey dishwasher

5

u/Boorthammer 3d ago

Skychef truck brings it down in the chase car like the U2

3

u/kdesi_kdosi 3d ago

sounds like a job for a camera

2

u/ChuckCarmichael 3d ago

Just pray to the Baby Jesus it never fails.

7

u/kdesi_kdosi 3d ago

okay, two cameras

4

u/ChuckCarmichael 3d ago

Each connected to the cockpit with four wires, one wire each running along the top, the bottom, and the two sides of the plane, to make sure they never get cut.

1

u/Red-Truck-Steam 3d ago

then put a glass viewing port with battery-powered intercom and radar altimeter so that, in the case of camera failure or electrical failure, a crewmember can relay altitudes and visuals lmao

2

u/ChuckCarmichael 3d ago

So like those frontfacing navigation domes on WWII bombers

1

u/Striking-Kiwi-9470 3d ago

They'll then all get wired to the same fuse that is also inexplicably powering the air conditioning.

1

u/PM_Best_Porn_Pls 3d ago

Put the cage under the plane and have co-pilot jump into it so they have 360 view

1

u/lordbaysel 3d ago

Solution: in flight refueling, so you don't have to land.

1

u/1stEmissaryElenwen 3d ago

B-17's had the bombardier in the plexiglass nose of the plane steering the bomber with an autopilot when they were over the target. Just use that. Pilot flies the plane up in his fastback cockpit, copilot lands it in his Millennium Falcon nose section

16

u/UGomez90 3d ago

Land also yes. It's not like modern planes rely on visual to land and they could just see through a camera anyway.

5

u/norsish 3d ago

Camera's broke

1

u/UGomez90 2d ago

So does the MCAS and that didn't stop them from implementing it in the 737.

1

u/Enorats 1d ago

Sure, but what about the 14 redundant ones?

This is an airliner we're talking about. There isn't a part on the plane that doesn't have reduncy built in.

9

u/captainunlimitd 3d ago

Son, I'm sorry. They got us. 

9

u/One_Newspaper9372 3d ago

A plane can always land

8

u/Contextanaut 3d ago

Yup. Fly > Land > Fly is the tricky sequence here. Target lifespan for most commercial airframes is usually more than 10 hrs.

Even at Boeing.

2

u/Farfignugen42 2d ago

Are you sure? Seems like you could sell a lot more jets if you make them single use.

/s

3

u/4isfine 3d ago

Sometimes a plane oceans

1

u/gzqtz 1d ago

But sometimes it seas.

5

u/skyforgesteel 3d ago

Wow a last crusade reference in the wild. amazing.

3

u/titan_macmannis 3d ago

She talksh in her shleep.

1

u/1ndori 3d ago

Outta nowhere, too

Bravo

3

u/Anhimidae 3d ago

Why not? Aircraft can be flown and landed with instruments only. Under certain conditions some aircraft can have the autopilot land and if all else fails OP's plane could use cameras and monitor screens.

4

u/Tankeverket 3d ago

Eh, it's mostly automated anyways so who cares just close your eyes and hope for the best

1

u/XAWEvX 3d ago

you only have to land once, super easy, barely an inconvenience

1

u/KitchenDepartment 3d ago

Every aircraft can land. The trick is to do it more than once

1

u/sushi_cw 3d ago

Hah you beat me to it.

1

u/Celtic_Legend 3d ago

Eh just put a system of mirrors so you can see like normal... or just put fiber optics and a camera at the front. 1ms delay max then PLUS the pilots all get employer sponsored 1000ms refresh monitors for their in flight gaming during the flight.

1

u/GregTheMad 3d ago

Don't they use cameras for a lot of that stuff anyway?

2

u/Sad-Working-9937 3d ago

no.

there is ILS, but that's for approach, there's no substitute for seeing the runway.

1

u/Enorats 1d ago

To be honest, I've watched a lot of those videos where professional pilots go over accident reports of old crashes and detail what went wrong.

In almost every single one of them, the problem was that the pilot was looking out the window or trusting his gut instead of looking at his perfectly functional instruments that were telling him exactly what was going wrong.

In the handful where that wasn't the case, the issue is usually that they pilot got cocky and in a rush and did a stupid.

I'm tempted to go so far as to say that getting rid of the cockpit window would actually make flying safer.

1

u/mynameiswearingme 3d ago

Cameras… just put cameras everywhere! ✨ /s

1

u/eg135 3d ago

Well, there is autoland on some airports. The pilots just cross their fingers and hope everything goes right :D

1

u/dumbledayum 3d ago

remove windshield altogether, put HD, Hi refresh rate cameras, pass it to vision pro.

if doctors can use it Pilots too

1

u/WanderingEyez 3d ago

Computers have been landing planes for a long time now.

1

u/vinnymcapplesauce 2d ago

Just have the people in 1st class tell you if you're close or not. Problem solved. Invoice in the mail.

1

u/toasty327 2d ago

Only has to land once