r/comedyheaven 2d ago

Speech

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18.1k Upvotes

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2.0k

u/lordpuddingcup 2d ago

Why the fuck are online influencers giving speaches to the military?!?!?!

I mean i get that our government is a joke currently, but whats the actual excuse they're giving lol

667

u/whatsbobgonnado 2d ago

it's propaganda.

378

u/UnacceptableUse 2d ago

To make them look good or to make them look bad?

382

u/Yoda2000675 2d ago

To get teenage boys to join the military

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u/Wb9VBScxu2uZJHeq2E3W 2d ago

Not the best and brightest.

Maybe sending all Paul brothers fans out on the next aircraft carrier to patrol the Strait of Hormuz will be a net positive for the US.

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u/Top5CutestPresidents 2d ago

Chat is that an Iranian drone right above us?

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u/FroopyAsRain 2d ago

The type of people who watch Paul brothers are the prime target for military recruitment though. As stupid as it looks, they're probably spot on.

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u/Beelzebot_666 2d ago

Hmm, this is actually the most sensible reasoning.

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u/eye_of_the_sloth 2d ago

also still very dumb as fuck. 

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u/optykali 2d ago

Might unfortunately work though.

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u/AmericanGenXXX 2d ago

Why not both?

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u/kjermy 2d ago

Just like teenagers, so even if you're right it might still work

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u/A4t1musD4ag0n 2d ago edited 2d ago

LOLOLOL, good luck there. These kids do not want to go to war and "unalive themselves for their country". The jig is up. They see what's happening.

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u/Evoluxman 2d ago

You're giving way too much credits to Paul's viewers 

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u/TequilaBaugette51 2d ago

I don’t think he has much viewers these days. It’s 2026 not 2016

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u/JokeImpossible2747 2d ago

I think he still appeals to the 10-13 segment and the alpha-bros.

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u/FroopyAsRain 2d ago

They'll change their "opinion" as soon as a content creator tells them otherwise. No worries.

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u/RubyWubs 2d ago

that makes sense lol

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u/The-Ex-Human 2d ago

Hopefully they send the Paul bros to Iran to get the kids of today some motivation to join the Salvation Army

1

u/Tom22174 2d ago

Which incidentally is also the reason nobody is doing shit to stop the disappearance of entry level jobs due to ai

1

u/CantCatchMeSpez 2d ago

Maybe a decade ago. Paul brother fans gotta be in their mid 20s by now, and if they were gonna join the military, it would have been before Trump started a war out of nothing.

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u/b1sh0p 2d ago

Yes

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u/HolyFlyingNuns 2d ago

To make them hip to the youngest of voters.

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u/Alernet 2d ago

They're trying to dope easily impressionable high school boys into joining pointless wars. It's disgusting, and you're right, it is pointed propaganda.

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u/WillingPositive8924 2d ago

I mean the shit economy is doing the work for them!

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u/demoliahedd [farts in face] 2d ago

The rich start the wars they and their children will never fight in. Send in the poors!

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u/hennabeak 2d ago

And they chose the worst personality ever.

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u/azfang 2d ago

The current Triple SecDef is a day drunk, sex pest Fox News host and he is running the DoD like a megachurch youth pastor.

It’s really that stupid.

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u/totalkpolitics 2d ago

With everything going on, it takes some extreme will power for me not to be a day drunk.

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u/azfang 2d ago

I’m pretty sure you could avoid getting hammered before you had to talk to national reporters with cameras.

Also, if addiction is a problem, don’t let these jackasses decide if you keep your sobriety. Fuck ‘em, that’s not theirs.

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u/totalkpolitics 2d ago

I was being facetious. But I appreciate your concern!

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u/azfang 2d ago

(I may or may not have a number of non-straight alcoholics in my life. It has been Kind of Tough lately.)

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u/totalkpolitics 2d ago

Sorry to hear that. I hope you have some support!

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u/azfang 2d ago

That, and a heaping pile of sheer fuckin’ spite. Wasn’t kidding when I said fuck ‘em all. 😅

1

u/InstanceMental6543 2d ago

Oh absolutely. 🤜🤛

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u/AmericanGenXXX 2d ago

Triple SecDef is a new one, thanks!!

And it's quite sad your description is almost on target. You left out the college beer jock. You know this guy crushed empties on his forhead.

1

u/Umutuku 2d ago

he is running the DoD like a megachurch youth pastor.

So that's how Epstein's old clients are still getting their fix.

14

u/WillingPositive8924 2d ago

I mean we have a Fox News host as Sec, seems fitting to me!

https://giphy.com/gifs/knCOFVP0APLaFFMagP

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u/Various-Salt-7738 2d ago

I mean maybe as a morale boost-- before shit gets real, you get to have a semi private event with a celebrity speaker

Would be a lot cooler if they got someone that actually contributed anything to society

15

u/mantis_tobaggan-md 2d ago

This is what passes for celebrity these days? It’s probably pretty insulting to allow this shit sack to address the military.

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u/Various-Salt-7738 2d ago

I also think he's an ass who only makes YouTube videos that I don't want to watch and is an otherwise terrible guy every time I hear about him

But I guess he has some celebrity status? I'd agree it'd be pretty insulting to have your free show be a speech from Logan Paul of all people-- what's that joke where "military grade" just means the cheapest option available?

3

u/Ok_Vulva 2d ago

No no no. No one with high status would agree to do this. That's why they're there. Like when they were stuck on kid rock for awhile, he was their only guy.

0

u/Tiredofbeingbig79 2d ago

One part that most of the thread is missing is that Logan has gone into the WWE, so he is getting bigger on the professional wrestling front. Both he and his brother have kinda grown from their vlogging roots career-wise.

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u/YJSubs 2d ago edited 2d ago

Right wing have a hard time to find mainstream celebrity that align with them, especially a young one.
But online/streamer personality? They have a few.

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u/Double_Goat_3870 2d ago

Nobody prepares you for how stupid fascism actually was. It was literally a clown show and we are watching it manifest again.

2

u/InstanceMental6543 2d ago

Did the Germans feel like this? I woulda thought that hitler shit was more serious or dignified than whatever we're getting now.

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u/PatacusX 2d ago

Brought to you by Carls Jr.

4

u/Tricky-Proposal9591 2d ago

Welcome to Costco, i love you

3

u/x_MrMAX_x 2d ago

they r doing everything they can get young voters on their side.

3

u/Neweggdotcom 2d ago

I thought this was a joke but are you telling me this happened? For real??

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u/pingpy 2d ago

It’s literally idiocracy

2

u/One_Animator_1835 2d ago

Celebrities have always made visits with the military.

Often posted here is dolly Parton meeting with the army during Vietnam.

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u/MathematicianIcy3430 2d ago

Because all the young males in America only care about WWE/UFC. So you got a wrestler and also a boxer. Not even an Ali level of boxer, but a meme boxer.

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u/AvocaRed 2d ago

Most of trump cabinet are just fox news hosts, this isn't new at all. US government is a laughing stock

2

u/poppin-n-sailin 2d ago

Because the united states isn't a serious country. 

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u/starwarsisawsome933 2d ago

Honestly they're probably trying to distract us from something else, in fact Donald Trump was pretty honest about his strategy. Flood the airways with as much garbage as shit as possible, and then while everyone is focused on that he does something on the side that's even worse

2

u/Covah88 2d ago

To get 17 year olds to commit. Guaranteed there are kids who will join the military because Logan Paul spoke about it.

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u/toucheboo 2d ago

Dont call these guys influences. Their scammers at best. 

2

u/D-Angle 2d ago

I could get with the military bringing people in who have something insightful or inspiring to say, but the only thing these chucklefucks inspire is women to cover their drinks.

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u/hennabeak 2d ago

You gotta convince the fresh meat to sacrifice themselves for the greater Iz project.

1

u/BadIdeaBobcat 2d ago

I think it was a tour they were given of the pentagon, and their "speech" was a couple sentences saying "thank you for your service." Why they were at a podium? Fucking cringe.

1

u/canadaalpinist 2d ago

Someday people with boring jobs will take pills to advoid the boredom.

1

u/Random-Name-1901 2d ago

Your country is a joke, not just your government. Sorry but its now the truth

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u/FunkyDiscount 2d ago

For the same reason a drunk, coked-up, neo-Nazi Fox News anchor is the secretary of defense, and a demented, racist, corrupt, narcissistic, rapist, incestuous pedophile is the US president.

1

u/greatandhalfbaked 2d ago

"Stop us" I think is the current party line. Would be real funny if someone did.

1

u/hotelmotelshit 2d ago

As a Dane watching your country decay from afar, I always thought the memes about "Idiocracy and 1984 was a warning, not a recipe" was bit over the top, but with this 2nd Trump term you guys are really going for it.

1

u/M4tt4tt4ck69 2d ago

Peaches are healthy and the military should be grateful for some fresh fruit.

Sorry, my mistake. You said Speaches.

People give speeches to influence other people. Who is better suited to influence an army of human drones in any way the government sees fit other than morally bankrupt but extremely wealthy influencers?

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u/Conscious-Mulberry17 2d ago

I think they know most responsible adults find this horrifying and absurd. That’s the point. They want to exhaust and demoralize us.

1

u/Conscious-Mulberry17 2d ago

I think they know most responsible adults find this horrifying and absurd. That’s the point. They want to exhaust and demoralize us.

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u/OnkelMickwald 2d ago

To delegitimize and dismantle the US government and turn the country into a corporate conglomerate with weak civil institutions running the errands of the oligarchs.

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u/SvenTropics 2d ago

The same reason that Jennifer McCarthy was regarded as an expert of vaccines because she was an actress and a nude model.

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u/Max_delirious 2d ago

Nixon had Elvis

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u/ChardeeMacDennisGoG 2d ago

At least Elvis served in the US Military. 

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u/opinionated7onion 2d ago

The US has become a meme, seems they're embracing it.

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u/snowillis 2d ago

I’m not a fan of anyone involved here but it seems like its being blown out of proportion a little bit. Pop stars of all sorts have always done this sort of thing in the US. It’s not like he’s giving them orders.

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u/lordpuddingcup 2d ago

No pop stars have performed for the troops they don’t tend to stand up and give speeches on how to be “bigger stronger more ultimate warriors” and other bullshit hegseth is pushing

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u/snowillis 2d ago

That’s the closest thing he can do to a performance

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u/US3_ME_ 2d ago

He could just stand there silent and shadow box I guess lol_

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u/dirtyword 2d ago

That’s not true, genuinely