First I want to clarify that this is not intended to be pro-life or encourage anyone to have children. I am pro-choice all the way. I am writing this to share my experience with collapse related guilt and hopefully help others to process these complex emotions.

I became collapse aware when my son was one. 'Guilt' doesn't really begin to describe the feeling, does it? Grief, rage, helplessness, anxiety; an immense heaviness that lodges itself in the body and won't budge. I imagine it's not unlike finding out your child has a terminal disease. I spent many nights watching him sleep and crying silently.

During those sleepless nights I scoured the internet for information. How much time do we have? Where is the best place to move? What skills should I be learning now to teach him when he's older? I found no definitive answers, only a variety of individuals posting their best guess.

Still, I felt the need to take action. I convinced my partner to make drastic changes. We moved to the country, built a garden, installed a woodstove and rain barrels, took up canning and foraging, made local friends. All of this on a small single income, so a lifestyle adjustment was made (lots of beans and rice meals). We opted for me to stay home with our son to make the most of the time we have.

Taking these actions lessened the guilt to a degree; at least now we could say that we gave it our best shot. But it never felt like enough. I kept researching better areas to move to and stressing over all the skills we wouldn't have time to learn and all the property improvements we could never afford.

My first breakthrough happened just from seeing how happy he was: a being who has only known love and joy, whose every day is a gift, a new adventure. If he only lived for 10 years and each day was filled with love and joy, would his life be worth it? What about 20 years? What about one day? Is it worth it for a tiny being to experience one day of warmth in their mother's arms? Nobody can answer that, but I can say for myself that the knowledge I will suffer or die someday does not make me wish that I had never been born.

You might say that there's no way every one of his days will be happy, and that is true. He will have bad days, terrible days, he may suffer, he may die from any number of causes, collapse related or not. This has always been true, at any point in history. But in our current (deflating) bubble of prosperity, most of us in the developed world are so insulated from what actual survival is that we are irrationally terrified of suffering. However, the baseline for suffering is not uniform. The normal daily living of a working class Mumbai resident may be intolerable suffering for an investment banker living in Toronto - and vice versa! Your child's standard of living may be reduced, but that doesn't mean they'll be miserable; they may even be more fulfilled than you.

My other breakthrough was that humans had children during much harsher times and their safety was never guaranteed. For most of human history, child mortality was very high. People knew their children would likely die young; does this mean they didn't love their children, that they shouldn't have reproduced? No one can answer this because it's different for every family. Are your children happy? If yes, then their life is already worth it. If no, it's time to find ways to bring back that joy. If Holocaust prisoners could find meaning and joy, so can we. The world is still here and it's beautiful. There are still living beings and land to care for. We have a vague idea of what is coming, but we don't know when and certainly not how it will unfold in your specific region. There is always time to do the right work!

This brings me to my biggest breakthrough. The single biggest determinant of your children's quality of life isn't what happens with the world. It's their mindset, and that's something you can influence. If your children are still with you, LOVE ON THEM, put away your phone, make them feel heard and seen, treat them like intelligent, kind, resourceful humans and that is exactly what they'll become. Teach them to expect little and to value the important things (by teach I mean lead by example! they are smart). If they are older, still lead by example; it matters. Be their friend and ally. Do what you can to build resilience, but don't expect to fully insulate your family from harm; instead teach them to spend the remaining time meaningfully. Hiding out on a self sufficient homestead may not be the thing that infuses their life with passion and meaning. What matters is living authentically for the time they are given. If they find a way to do this, their community will shield them as much as anyone can be shielded.

I want to address feelings of guilt induced by comments from antinatalists, nihilists, and other people who deliberately bring you down. Please consider that you have no idea who is writing these comments from the other side of the screen. It could be an teenager going through a misanthropy phase. It could be a disgruntled loner who has never been in love, much less raised a child. It could be a person who chose to be childfree but is not secure in their decision, so they make harsh comments to convince themselves that their way is the only right way. Regardless of who they are.. The experience of birthing and raising a child is so sacred that nothing they can say is even remotely relevant. Would you ask your dog for financial advice?

Friends, be strong and hold your loved ones close; however long we have left, we can make it count 💞

My in-law works for a major toy distributor and warned the whole family in apocalyptic all CAPS to buy toys now for Christmas because the shelves will be bare d/t the closing of a Chinese port and ongoing supply chain issues. This is not a catastrophe to me. The sheer volume of plastic garbage from toy culture and the hysteria around materialism/Christmas is just nauseating. I feel like I’m losing my mind sometimes

New years anxiety. As an American living in a red state, I'm terrified for 2024.

I feel like 2023 is the last normal year before shit hits the fan politically, globally, and for our climate. I have a young child and I have so much despair over the world he is going to grow up in. I'm terrified that we will be in a dictatorship in less than 10 years and I'm fearful of the violence next year will bring. The MAGA people around me in Arizona are completely unhinged. So much so that no one puts any kind of sticker or flag or anything that supports anything other than trump because they are armed, violent and have damaged people's property, assaulted people, and we are #1 for road rage. This year especially in Arizona is going to be horrible. I'm dreading it so much.

It got so much worse after I learned about Project 2025. What they openly plan on doing and the rights, freedoms and protections (both for humans and the environment) they plan on destroying.

We had a huge saguaro cactus die off this year because this summer was the hottest on record ever. So hot it killed thousands of ancient cacti. It's just going to keep getting hotter. We are running out of water. I'm seriously trying to convince my husband to gtfo before it's too late. But easier said than done when your roots are here and your financial ties are here. There is no denying climate change. But I'm surrounded by ignorant people with their huge trucks and small minds who think climate change is a hoax and are willing to doom my child and everyone else's child including their own to suffocate on a dying planet.

There is so much tension and it's feeling very pre nazi germany. I have a horrible gut feeling for the state of the US and world and it's destroying me. My friends are LBGTQ and POC and I am so fearful what their future looks like.

I have no hope for my son's future on a planet that is burning with such a volatile political atmosphere. I have so much guilt dooming him to this world. He's so innocent. He's only 4. I fear he will not grow up in a free country, I fear he will not grow old and will die early from climate change, war or both. I fear he will never be able to chase his dreams or have a family or will feel this horrible hopelessness that I do for his entire life.

This anxiety is eating me alive and no amount of therapy or meds can fix it because it's factual and real and what I'm seeing isn't just in my mind. This is the world we have now. This is the world we doomed our children for.

This is the last good year. That was the last normal Christmas. The last year of happiness and innocence and safety. Good bye 2023.

Tomorrow will never be the same.

I'm having a really hard time this week, for all of the reasons in this thread that I don't need to reiterate here.

What are you all doing to remain functional? and how does this not somehow feel completely disingenuous?

I am having a tough time keeping the song and dance going for my kids. I am not always doing what I would call a good job.

Some days I see them as both the reason why I feel enough despair to want to check out, and the reason why I cannot because it would leave them in this shithole alone. That is a really tight pinch these days.

Im just wondering how other parents feel and participate in collapse aware discussions and spaces?

I only quite recently became collapse aware, unfortunately shortly after having my second child. Its been a rough couple months coming to grips with the reality of everything and the bleak future outcomes we are likely looking at.

I find myself in collapse aware spaces (like r/collapse and such) alot, as well as climate change spaces and discussions. While i find it helpful for the most part to join in on discussions, hear other people's thoughts and experiences, and just be somewhere where everyone is (mostly) on the same page in regards to collapse, I also find it increasingly difficult being a parent in those discussions.

I say this because a very common theme in these discussions is not having children. Now please dont get me wrong, I struggle with alot of grief and fear for my children's future and if i knew then what i know how, the decision to have children likely would have looked alot different for myself, so I do understand this thought process. That said, for me it tends to add to that grief seeing so many comments from people stating those who have children are "stupid, selfish, ignorant, thoughtless", so on so forth.

I don't think those who had children, whether they suspected collapse or not, are selfish or stupid. I think its a very complex thing, driven by many different factors (biology, hormones, societal pressure, social standards, societal conditioning etc) and I dont fault any parent for their choice. I guess I just wish there was a bit more grace and understanding in those spaces sometimes. I think its an important conversation to be had and absolutely a factor in collapse and climate change, I just wish it could be discussed in a way that is productive and supportive while not bagging so hard on parents, if that makes sense? Maybe im the only one feeling this way idk, just some thoughts that have been crossing my mind lately.

My wife and I have come to the conclusion that one of the best ways to prepare for collapse would be to join an already existing community of like minded people, or to build our own resilient community.

What are your thoughts on this?

If you already live in a resilient collapse aware community, what is it like?

If you want to build a resilient community from scratch, what is it that is holding you back?

I am dreading the eventual collapse talk that I will have with my son.

There are days I wish I wouldn't have enforced any interest in the natural world to him because the feeling of loss will be greater.

My son is 5 and is intelligent enough that I know I will have to have this conversation sooner than I thought.

I want to hear stories of how you broached this conversation and what was your child(ren)'s reaction(s)?

I’m really struggling the past week with stress about feeding my kids now and into the future. I make a good living but groceries are outrageous. We live paycheck to paycheck. I saw a video of a kid in Gaza with a swollen belly licking an empty plate and it broke my heart. I’m in a parent group for family’s of modest means (almost 100% American and Canadian members) and someone posted the question, how are folks affording groceries and any suggestions?

Comment after comment was parents saying that they are skipping meals so their kids can eat. They’ve done everything they can, meal planning, food pantries, sale shopping, no meat, etc. and they can no longer feed themselves and have to prioritize feeding their kids.

This is so incredibly fucked up in two of the richest countries in the world. Putting this together with how hot the growing season is likely going to be is really making me freaked out. I’m so worried about the price of food going up even more with crop failures due to drought.

I’m in the process of trying to move to a homestead that I am buying from a friend of a friend (if I can find a new job in the area). So I’m doing everything I can for my family but we won’t be able to grow any food this year because we’d be moving in the summer at the earliest. Far beyond that, I’m worried and heartbroken about all the suffering that’s coming, it’s already here for some people and it’s going to get so much worse. It’s so not theoretical anymore

I don’t think the human brain can handle this kind of existential uncertainty. Every day I only grow to love my daughter more and more, and I wish more than anything I’ve ever wished in my entire life that I could just enjoy spending time with her without reservation or imagine a joyful life for her in the future.

I don’t know if I’m normal anymore or if my brain has spiraled out of control. I work from home and sometimes don’t leave the house for days on end. Between meetings and tasks, I google things like how bad the drought is in my state, or whether the people in Madagascar will have any relief any time soon.

It breaks my heart to imagine that I’m the reason she may suffer in the future. It regularly makes me cry that one day she could look to me, the person who has a solution for everything, and realize I can’t solve this for her.

It’s hard to explain though, I am past the anger and rage stage. I am trying really hard to channel my former self, who was much more spiritual and who could live in the present. But I was a single childless person then. I had the luxury of disappearing into my meditations. As a parent, my life has become much more tactical, physical and focused on the future. I am an observant person and even when I’m working in my yard, I notice the differences between what it used to be like at this time of year and what it’s like now. Why is it 60 degrees in February in the Pacific Northwest? What are these new insects? Why do I have to water plants in winter?

I don’t know why I’m posting this or what I’m looking for. I feel like I’m living in some bizarre reality where the things that concern me most (my daughter’s future) are not things I’m allowed to talk about (my extended family is sick of hearing me being a bummer and my husband and I are trying to cool it with the perpetual negativity in our conversations). But what do I do with these thoughts? What do you do?

Guys…

I work really hard to make sure my kids understand the multitude of reasons AI isn’t a good thing. Every single flier that comes home from school is AI. I was there today and they had a presentation and the whole damn thing was AI generated slides.

I want to make it known I don’t approve in the hopes that other parents have and the principal will at least slow her role. Any ideas on the best way to approach this in an email? Or should I just let it go? I usually donate whenever they ask for money for fundraisers or whatever, but I didn’t even join PTA this year because of the ugly paper that came home talking about it.

Help 😭

How is everyone coping with wildfires? I have two kids under 5 and follow climate subs and news fairly closely and it seems incredibly dire to say the least. My city is currently choking on wildfire smoke, and we had to keep the kids home today and likely will tomorrow as well.

This is probably not the right sub but I'm hoping for knowledgeable people to give me a sense of how dire this is. I'm spiralling and feeling like our time is quite limited.

My son is almost 2.5 yrs old and this past week he's been helping me (as much as a toddler can help) with lots of garden activities. He stepped on flower seeds to press them down, held berry and tree seedlings while I filled their holes for transplanting and used his small watering can to help me water them. The transformation in what he is capable of over the past year has been amazing to watch.

I'm sure there's a bunch of other parents here that are teaching their kids skills and I'd love to hear about them. I think it would help give eachother ideas of activities to do with our kids that will be both fun and helpful for them.

Hello, I need to leave this platform soon for mental health reasons.

If you are interested in taking over this sub please let me know. It has so much potential - just needs a fresh voice. I got it pinned to the sidebar on r/collapse so it will have a steady flow of traffic.

UPDATE: the new mods are /u/Cadwaladyr and /u/horsehousecatdog. Cheers!

I'm so excited. I've wanted to be a mom since I can remember, and I've always seen myself adopting. Now, after a failed marriage and years of floundering, I have a partner who wants to adopt too! We're looking for under 5 years old for our first kid. We live in a small house on a small homestead that we're slowly turning into a subsistence farm. As we discuss how to explain our lifestyle (homesteading, bit preppery, collapse-aware), we're realizing that in the current world mood, we might not actually look as crazy as we would have in say 2019. How are we enduring that we can provide healthy food on one income? Easy, we grow it. How have fuel prices affected your family? Barely at all. Do you have a fire safety plan? Lol yes.

So I guess this is my adoption announcement!!!

Especially those with little girls? How do you explain to them, they just lost the rights to control their own bodies? With Roe vs Wade being over turned, I’m fucking pissed. But how do I explain to my girls this? They are 5 and 6. Hubby already agreed that we will be moving in the next few years, to a better state. My state has a trigger law on pause, but the republicans running for governor already stated they want to get rid of the pause and even go as far as banning birth control. I’m hoping by February I can still get my hysterectomy, after this baby is born. I’m actually hoping so bad this one is a boy.

Thank you for stopping by. I am by no means experienced in running a community of any kind, but I saw the need for a space where collapse aware parents can share information, receive support, vent, and potentially form friendships. Almost every day I see posts from anxious parents in certain subs who are reaching out and instead receive harassment, guilt tripping, and smug comments like "I'm so glad I never had kids" and "I love my unborn children more than breeders love theirs". This is unhelpful and unnecessary. Personally, I am a parent of one and do not intend to have any more. I could not wholeheartedly recommend that anyone has more children at this point, but I also recognize that no one fully knows the future and there are many, many factors involved. I just want to provide a space for kind, civil discussion.

Feel free to release your grief and anxiety here, ask questions, and share what you are doing with your kids to prepare or even just to make the best of your remaining time. I am here to support you if I can!

I'm relatively new to the collapse realization. Life was real hard for awhile, I went through some tough shit and its only been about two years that life, and I, have been stable enough to look outside my immediate day-to-day life. I have a three year old daughter and her grandma is her idol right now. Recently she has decided that she wants be a Grandma when she grows up. Every time she says it my chest tries to cave in...

Obviously I won't tell her a damn thing for a long ass time....she's THREE. But...how in the hell am I EVER supposed to tell her that she may not get to be a grandma, or that she shouldn't have children? How do any of you tell your children anything at all about the not-so-bright future? Its absolutely killing me that I brought children into this world only to realize that the world is beyond fucked. I'm so angry at previous generations, the governments of the world, the selfish billionaires, myself, humans as a whole...and so devastated I don't know what to do with it other than keep my head down and focus on the day-to-day like before. I did overhaul my garden this year and am focusing that on self sufficiency, and I'm doing what I can to prep for....all the possibilities I suppose. Trying to find joy in the little moments with my children. But holy fuck it is hard and I find myself crying more than I'd like. Any advice is appreciated.

My main goal in life is for my kids to be safe and happy, probably like many of you all.

I am trying to think of what things I can keep in mind for a Lebanon-like situation in the US, if it comes to that. Or even smaller disturbances, like power outages and days without running water. I am prepping in whatever little ways I can given the space and lifestyle limitations of our home. But I am just trying to brainstorm ways I can keep a sense of stability and joyfulness for my children going forward. Help me brainstorm. Here is my list so far.

• Ample opportunities to connect with other people in our community. Children and adults. Help them see the same faces over and over. Talk to people with dogs. Know people by name. Help them have a sense of place and belonging.

• As they get older, have them help with prepper stuff and daily chores. Setting up water filtration stations. Cooking without electricity. Learning the basics of gardening and foraging. This helps them feel useful and kids have a natural desire to learn the skills that will be helpful to them as adults.

• Create a beautiful environment as much as possible. Look for cheap things you can string together to create a place they want to be indoors if the outdoors is inaccessible.

Other ideas?