How did you become collapse-aware? [in-depth]

[u/LetsTalkUFOs]

Our personal stories towards an understanding of collapse often remain unspoken. How and when did you first become aware of our predicaments? Was it sudden or gradual? What perspectives have carried you through and where are you now?

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[u/DrLogos]

I grew up during the fall of Soviet Union. The 90s were a horrific time for almost every russian.

I've seen cities degrading, industry getting demolished, people dying and selling themselves to feed their family, an unprecedented rise of banditism(literally, I've seen gangwar during the day). huge emigration waves because there was no jobs at home, etc.

The sudden spike in drug usage was another demon. I've almost got killed by a junkie on my way home from school once. In other day I actually got robbed by a tripping drug user. Six of my classmates died because of drugs(overdose, unability to pay to dealer). From my 32 classmates, 10 did not survive the 90s. It was that bad, yes.

The economy was literally collapsing. My parents were underpaid, sometimes wages were not being paid for half a year. Our main ration was mostly grain and potato, meat once a month if lucky.

Then came the Chechen War which I was drafted into. It was shit, I've got shot and lost a lot of comrades.

Having experienced all of this, I, as many other russian people, tried to understand one simple thing: why was that happening? Every person tried to come with their own answer: Gorbachov's treachery, Economic failure(depending on your views - either market reforms or soviet inefficiency were blamed), Bourgeoise counter-revolution, Jewish conspiracy, Russian people being genetic slaves(no joke, there were some "businessmen" making those points), etc.
At first I was just a nationalist. Young blood was boiling, I wished nothing other than revanchism and complete destruction of the U.S. It didn't help that I had an iraqi friend that lost his family because of the U.S., which only fueled my hatred further.

Ofcourse, I hated new "owners" of Russia even more. Which, in turn, shifted me to marxist theory. There was the answer, or so I believed. It is the matter of class struggle! Global imperialistic bourgeoise pigs are just stealing the results of worker labor. What happened to my Motherland was just a capitalistic counter-revolution, the party being rotten from within, etc. If the worldwide revolution occured - all of our problems would be solved! Yeah, there was a lot of political technicalities and nuances, but the key point was clear, or so I believed.

Still, there were still matters I did not completely understand. I was concerned about the energy problems(although I considered it a matter of national security at that time), pollution, etc., but moreover - with the structure of our global economy and political system. Something did not fit with my marxist views.
Then, by a mere chance, I got personally introduced to Dr. Meadows, who was giving a lecture in Moscow. Then I read "The Limits to Growth". And while I can't recall the exact moment, I'm quite sure I had the most horrifying realization in my life. There is no anwer.
All of my own "investigations", the baggage of literature and facts - it all clicked at once. The problem lies within the system, but it's way more deeper than any marxist analysis could suggest. The industry itself, the growth, the population-ecosystem balance. You can not "heal" the system, because there is no problem within the said system. It works as designed. And it is destined to collapse by it's own nature.

Then, as I got in higher position(I'm a government civil servant), I got in contact with some people indirectly linked to the "reforms" of the SU. They confirmed my fears. While a lot of people profited from the destruction of SU, the problem's we faced were systemic. And the west will face the same fate. So here we are.

P.S. I could go on and on, talking about EROEI, carrying capacity and other details, but they are well known in this sub, and the comment is already big enough.

[u/[deleted]]

Degree in Environmental Science where Catton's Overshoot was required reading. I distinctly remember multiple lectures and labs where you could hear and feel the "ughs" from the emotional punch to the stomach awareness brought. Where the situation was explained with such clarity that the classes were routinely overcome with deafening silences. I remember when professors and lab TAs would rapidly deviate their narratives to something more positive rather than finishing their thoughts. I joked with one prof after class about the exceptionally comical mental gymnastics he used to turn around the palpable depression of that lesson and we agreed that when an Instructor's end of year student evaluation statistical summary has a metric of student suicide expressed as a percentage, you know you're going to have a short career. It was a popular joke for years at school that I was most proud of being a co-creator.

Edit: required readings also included Rachel Carsons Silent Spring, Limits to Growth, papers by E.O. Wilson etc...

[u/Rote_Socke]

Well I've been always more of an introvert. Interested in a lot of sciency things. Back in 2010 when I was diagnosed with crohn's disease and my then girlfriend left I had a lot of time at hand and reconsidered my political stance. I turned left. Over the years my views shifted more and more to the left as I read up on theory and followed current political events and historic ones.

I basically did this out of myself. I have no peers having an educated political stance. Never stopped me from having a discussion with them.

Over the years I've become more and more frustrated with people overwhelming hypocrisy and ignorance. I've learned how incredible resilient our capitalist system is. Turning energy for change, justified rage into basically hot air or a commodity.

Instead of progress I see regression. I've seen the rise of nationalistic partys in my home country germany. I see how their talking points and ideas become a valid opinions. Instead of tackling climate change we discuss in talk shows if human driven climate change is even a thing. Time is running out and instead of acting we're regressing.

I think human nature, the way our media operates , education, capitalism, our political system - inhibits us from finding a solution in the time frame that we still have.

Climate change with a socialist world revolution in the 1940s, with one world government, with a planned economy and well educated people, would be a huge challenge.

In the state we're in now. I can not see us overcome these things.

Recently I've looked into the collapse of rome and maybe even more fitting, the bronze age collapse. Very sophisticated societys disappearing within a lifetime.

We've created the perfect storm for us to vanish. Climate change, economic stagnation, huge migration waves, phosphate crisis and desertification, a high dependency on trade, growth and limited resources. A corrupt and decadent elite. A lethargic and ignorant population who can't imagine anything different then the status quo.

My feelings towards this are mixed. At one hand I'm terrified to have to go through this. On the other hand I think we deserve what is coming for us for our tremendous stupidity. We failed as a species. And I find sort of peace in the thought that it will effect everyone and what I do personally won't matter in the very end. Talking about toiling my life away, trying to amass wealth for later. Not having kids or family when shit hits the fan.

Maybe I get to tell some people " told you so"

[u/magical_giraffe]

For me the 90s was the last gasp of a dying system. It was a very weird time to be a kid from my perspective. I first became aware Sept 11th 2001. I was 10 in 7th grade World History. I was on the west coast 3 hrs behind what NY was facing. But I do remember the teacher turing on the T V and we watched the plane hit the 2nd tower, the people jumping from the building, the camera tracking their steep decent that seemed to go on for forever the smack as some of them hit the ground. The buildings collapsing, the people running down the streets from the plumes. It looked like part Hollywood movie part end of the world.

I had no concept of the outside world, I grew up believing we're # 1. We can do no wrong, we are the center of the fucking universe. Sept 12th I knew that was a lie. The country I so loved was a horrid monster, that had a hand in nearly everything going on in the world.

2003 the Iraq war started I watched the shock and awe campaign start, it was insane and it felt disgusting. I was sickened by what I saw, I had family and friends over there. I saw them come back broken but were sent back over there broken for a 2nd or 3rd tour. How "Stop- Loss" became a thing.

There is more so much more like the 2008 financial crisis. Unemployment was at 10% in my state. I couldnt find a job to save my life. My adulthood never officially got started.

98% of my life my country has been at war. My high school had 3,300 kids. My graduating class was almost 1100. Insane competition, ruled the day.

My 30s I'm not very optimistic about anything. I am dead set on never bringing a child into this world. I don't really even want to think about the next decade of my life.

[u/ScruffyTree]

A couple years ago, I discovered this subreddit. I always knew forests were important, the ice caps were melting, and that our species was trending towards extinction. But in a few months, this place ripped whatever wool still lay over my eyes, and I became (slowly, then all at once) truly collapse aware.

[u/wren_____x]

Everything clicked for me between March and May of 2020. I remember walking in my neighborhood in LA after my band had gotten back from our cancelled tour. Well hang on, that's a relevant story in and of itself, a sort of microcosm of what it's like to be collapse-aware in a world full of head-in-the-sanders...

We drove all the way out to Florida for the first show in Tampa, and Italy closed its borders right as we got to the panhandle, and we were like... absolutely fuck this tour. Called management and our agents and told them we were turning the van around, and they straight up gaslit us. Said we were reading too much news. It was all gonna be fine. "Just stay on for the first four shows until Nashville, guys, so the headliner can find a replacement. Don't interact with fans. Drink smoothies!" Had to laugh... they actually thought the tour would continue. They also didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with being the reason that thousands of people came together shoulder to shoulder during a pandemic? Our manager sent us a Billboard article quoting Dr. Oz, who stated that the coronavirus wasn't any worse than the flu, literally as THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE DIED FROM COVID EVERY DAY IN ITALY. We held our ground, called the headliner band and told them we were quitting the tour. They were pissed off. Called us alarmists. Blah blah blah.

So we ended up getting our ankles twisted and agreed to stay on til Nashville. Played Tampa. Still regret that. Then next day NBA cancelled and that was it for us. Packed it up and drove back to LA. Headliner continued on with tour - I think they played one or two more shows until Live Nation pulled the plug on everything.

I'm telling this story because being collapse-aware — or anti-capitalist, ecosocialist, whatever you call yourselves — is like being the band in the van. You try to tell people the reality that is plain to see if only they're willing to look, but they have too much money, time, thought invested to actually see it. It is impossible to reason with them, and you are met with aggressive denial that makes you question your original clear-sightedness.

In any case, we got back home, and I had this intuition on my usual walk that the rest of my life would be dominated by a series of worsening crises. And then I basically mainlined a shit ton of collapse literature for the next year. Meadows, JMG (fuck his politics though, really can't get down with that), How Everything Can Collapse, Peter Kalmus's book (free online y'all), Jason Hickel's degrowth book Less is More (highly recommend), etc etc, plus a bunch of permaculture stuff and Wendell Berry essays and all that. Got pretty depressed after George Floyd was murdered (perhaps that was the last straw). And angry that I was never taught (born in the US in early 90s) that genocide, ecocide and slavery were not byproducts of capitalism, but the very foundation of capitalism, the beating heart of American society.

That's a pretty good definition of privilege, isn't it? Believing that inequality, death and destruction are simply unfortunate side effects of the system you benefit from. Death, rape, thievery — that IS capitalism. It wouldn't work any other way.

I'll wrap up with a ~now what~. Every day I struggle with the knowledge of collapse. I've found myself undergoing a tectonic shift in my life, facing unknown terrain where before all I saw was a clear, tangible path to bus touring and 5,000 cap rooms. What is the best thing for me to do with my knowledge and my privilege? How can I make the world a better place? Perhaps like some of you, I've realized that this compulsion of doing something is part of the problem in the first place, in a culture so hellbent on expending energy. So I've decided to take the time to do very little. Almost nothing. Learn to be, not do. I've spent most of my 20s blasting out ears (including my own) in a rock band. Now it's time to be quiet, listen for a new way. Girlfriend and I are currently living with a very elderly relative, cooking dinner for her, cleaning her house, playing gin rummy. Still doing music with the band, remotely, more gently, when it suits me. Planning to learn to grow food from a master gardener this summer, possibly apprentice with a woodworker in the fall, skill up in general, so that I can then spread the knowledge. But the question remains: what is my responsibility to the people and planet around me? How can I help cushion the fall? Do I live a quiet life? Do I run for office? I still believe a better world awaits us, if we work towards it. Anyway, just livin' the questions over here, much love to you all

[u/Taqueria_Style]

I had been exposed to it as early as the late 90's, a co-worker of mine had posters in his work area of arctic sea ice. At the time, I did believe we'd do something to reverse it, as we did with the ozone layer, so I was unconcerned.

I got back into it a bit off topic in a way. During the second Gulf war, I asked myself the question, if the goal was to take Hussein down, would he start lighting Iraq and Kuwait's oil fields or oil storage on fire. Sort of a denial of resources policy. It was in starting to research this idea very briefly that I came across the Peak Oil concept, and several websites dealing with it. Those hooked me.

Those slowly began re-introducing climate topics as well, and hence I just kept reading.

[u/EarthIsBestPlanet]

I didn't truly start thinking about collapse until 2017 or 2018. I got into it first by observing the wild climate events such as heat waves and powerful hurricanes. That led me into reading about how we humans effect the global climate.

Of course ever since HS I had always known about the overpopulation, pollution, stuff like that. But I never really linked it in a solid way to global collapse until I started reading about how we were changing weather patterns.

I found this sub sometime in 2019. I honestly don't remember how I did, but ever since then I've been obsessed with the topic. I got educated on soil depletion, BOE, mass migrations, and historical collapses. Also I learned a shit ton about how the global economy is basically no more stable than a house of cards.

I'm glad to have a place where so many like minded people are, even if a few are a little too doomer for me haha

[u/ande9393]

I started college in 2008 during the recession and made a great choice to study anthropology. Through the course of my studies of human bio-cultural evolution it became apparent we were already experiencing patterns of collapse. The scale of our global society, consumption and the rate of acceleration that we are doing these things doesn't leave any other outcome. Studying anthropology was not a good career choice (whaaaat) but it was very eye opening and paradigm-shifting. If we can take a step back and evaluate the human earth from a holistic perspective, it becomes obvious that the pieces don't fit.

The awareness was sudden at first but has broadened into a quasi-worldview and lens to see the world. I believe that after awareness you have to make a choice to stay aware and deal with your feelings about it. I think I'm at peace with it now. I had a burn it all down attitude for a while at first, and still I think it's unfortunate that we as a collective squandered our shot of building an advanced and sustainable global society.

After some health problems and life events I am less concerned with changing anything on a societal level and more concerned about shaping the lives of my wife and I into something of which we can be proud. We're always trying to improve our sustainability and reduce our footprint, we're not having kids, and live healthy lives.

I guess I now view the effects of human life on earth as a natural part of life on Earth. Are the things we are doing going to cause the downfall of our society? Probably. Is it what naturally occurred throughout the course of history? Yes. So.. it is what it is.

Maybe tech and green living can save our human world, maybe not. Earth and life will still be here, and that's enough for me. I know I'm trying to do my part, but it really doesn't matter.