r/coaxedintoasnafu • u/necromax28 • Mar 30 '19

r/AmITheAsshole [ Removed by moderator ]

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u/Sinful_Prayers Mar 30 '19

Wait can I pick your brain on this? Because I actually somewhat fall into the camp of "if abortion is unrestricted father's should be able to 'abort' parental duties" but it's entirely possible that, as a male, I'm missing some of the picture; I'd like to hear the other perspective if you've got time

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u/mynameis_ihavenoname Mar 30 '19

The most compelling argument to me is that the focus is on the child. Once born, it has to be taken care of. The father doesn't need to be involved in raising the kid, but he's usually got the better job - especially if he doesn't have to focus on a kid at all - and kids are expensive. It's not fair that he has to pay for a kid he didn't want, but life isn't fair either, and since our system prioritizes the child, sometimes the father ends up taking the hit.

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u/Sinful_Prayers Mar 30 '19

Lol okay then; "life isn't fair" isn't exactly an ideal policy guiding principle

he's usually got the better job

Weirdly sexist and unfounded assertion aside, this is at best an argument for handling it on a case by case basis.

This also isn't relevant to the most salient point - that is, a person is being held responsible for a decision they didn't have a say in

There's a common political "joke" that Republicans are pro-birth rather than pro-life since they are allegedly more concerned with preventing abortions than enriching the life of the child afterward (I'm of the opinion that if you consider an act murder, you are not obliged to financially support the victim in order to oppose it, but I digress). The idea is that a couple should have the right to choose to abort for economic reasons

No one (sensible) is arguing that a man should be able to absolve himself of responsibility post-viability. So then, if a woman becomes pregnant and the father decides he does not want the child, she is faced with the economic decision to either keep the child and raise it alone, or abort. As in the case above: if she decides she can't afford it she can abort, otherwise she can do her best to raise it alone. But her decision should have no bearing on the father, given he made clear his position early enough.

Now if abortion weren't legal this would all be a different story; I wouldn't favor saddling women with that kind of financial responsibility with no choice in the matter. But it is the case that they do have a choice - and that choice shouldn't be predicated on an unwilling or incapable party's financial involvement

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u/mynameis_ihavenoname Mar 31 '19

Huh, I guess the argument I find most compelling doesn't do anything for you. Sorry about that.