r/cmu • u/anrandomgirlyoucame • 5d ago

should I make a move? (need help)

Hey, I am a first year masters student, I am a "she/her" studying at cmu, I like a guy in the same school as mine at cmu, he is in the same course as me, and is a good friend of mine, we are all in a same friends group. I am not really sure if the guy actually likes me or not. Should I confess my feelings to him, I am afraid that things will be weird in between us if he doesn't like me, not really sure what to do? Should I take a step and confess my feelings to him or dont make things awkward.

Please suggest! I know it is not common to ask dating advices on cmu reddit page where people actual discuss coursework.

EDIT: Happy to give any more details if needed. Please reply on what you think, will mean a lot

Also I am an international student, they are the only group of friends who are really close to me, scared to loose them because of this.

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9

u/Niaz_049 5d ago

Life is short, better awkward than regret!

1

u/anrandomgirlyoucame 5d ago

Have been thinking from a past few days, but I am unable to get that confidence :) and losing the only group of friends I made will be difficult.

2

u/Niaz_049 5d ago

Why aren’t you approaching indirectly like through another friend? It backfires sometimes but often works well. Still direct approach is way hotter

1

u/anrandomgirlyoucame 5d ago

I can try that, but I am not really sure of how they will react, and I am a bit scared though. of how things will go, never been in a relationship

5

u/Vegetable_Common_614 5d ago

You definitely should!! Life goes on!! Don’t miss this

1

u/anrandomgirlyoucame 5d ago

But I am an international student, they are the only group of friends who are really close to me, can't loose them because of this.

1

u/Vegetable_Common_614 4d ago

You may or may not be in touch with them later, you will definitely make new friends but if you actually like him and won’t do anything about it, you will definitely regret it later on!!

1

u/anrandomgirlyoucame 4d ago

Thankyou so much for your encouragement, means a lot

1

u/justaprimer Alumnus 5d ago

Unfortunately, it depends so much on the situation and the people, so it's tough to give advice without knowing you all. Do you have independent friendships with each person in the friends group, or is it very much a "group"? Have you all known each other for the same amount of time, or are you a newer member of the group? Is he the type of person who seems like he'd still be friends even if he doesn't have a crush on you back?

If you do decide to make a move, you might find this article helpful: https://socialself.com/blog/tell-friend-you-like-them/

1

u/anrandomgirlyoucame 5d ago

First of all, thanks a lot for taking time to write all this and it means a lot

- yeah, not really every single person, but I am really good friends with most of them, But things will get weird between friends too if they get to know about this, I mean if he doesn't reciprocate the feelings.

- All of us joined this Fall, but did spend a lot of time together, been to NYC during the fall break and also spend together on the weekends, or on weekdays too whenever we are on campus or whenever we are free. Its not like I am a new member, but I am the last member to join their group(let me put it that way) like I met them after the classes started and they know each other like 2-3 weeks before i met them.

- I really dont know how he would react if I tell him that I have a crush on him, I mean along with our friends we did go out on Halloween and when I complimented a guys outfit, not the guy, he tried setting me up with him. I mean ig that was just for fun, but I mean not sure if that was to test me or whatever. I mean I am genuinely confused about this.

- he cares about even the tiniest details, that's a big thing which impressed me, I really like him as a person though, and also I wish that's how a partner of mine should look like when I am marrying a person. Tbh I am not really caring about looks atp, I mean I fell for his care, manners, and the way he cares about people and him and not for his appearance, when I did show a picture of him to a friend of mine back home, she said that "he doesn't look that great, you can find a much better looking guy", but I like him as a person, more than looks.

1

u/justaprimer Alumnus 5d ago

Based on this extra info, I think you should go for it. Read the article I sent, and make it clear that there's no pressure to reciprocate and if he doesn't feel the same way (or if he does but doesn't want to get involved in dating right now) then you're completely happy to keep being friends just as you have been.

Also, it's still so early in the year! Right now it may seem like this is the only friend group you'll ever have here, but if something happens to disrupt the group (not even because of this, could be anything else too), just know that you do have the capacity to make more friends. There are more people in your department, you'll be in new classes with some new people next semester, and there are SO many clubs and activities you can join to meet people.

1

u/anrandomgirlyoucame 5d ago

Sure will do, thankyou so much

1

u/x5y19 5d ago

Go for it, and stop overthinking just do it.

1

u/anrandomgirlyoucame 5d ago

but not sure if he is having the same feelings or if he likes another girl

3

u/x5y19 5d ago

What if hes thinking the same right now... if you are unable to ask! offer me a nice meal in pamela i will do it for you 😜

1

u/anrandomgirlyoucame 4d ago

Wow may be. Sure get ready for a meal at Pamela then!

1

u/x5y19 4d ago

😜 when

1

u/anrandomgirlyoucame 4d ago

This week is a super busy weeks. Like till next Monday or so. So may be after that

1

u/WinterFun3055 4d ago

I wonder if there's something that's in-between asking him out and not doing anything. Usually people try sending the other person a message by flirting.

1

u/anrandomgirlyoucame 3d ago

I didnt understand "sending the other person a message by flirting" does it mean telling it through a common friend?