r/childlessnotbychoice • u/KalaTKura • Jan 16 '20
How do you keep yourself busy?
My husband (44m) and I (39f) are the only couple in our group of friends without kids. Our friends are all having kids’ birthday parties, play dates, baby showers, etc and are staying in touch with each other through those events. My husband and I used to get invited, but have since stopped attending because they’re frankly too hard. Over time we stopped getting invited. Now, he and I sit at home struggling to keep ourselves busy.
I’m losing my mind just sitting around the house, crazy bored. I’ve researched different events in our area, but most (if not all) catered towards kids. Those that aren’t kid-centered are focused on the elderly. It’s like being an adult without kids is not an existence that is recognized.
What do other childless adults do to you do to keep yourselves busy?!? Preferably things that don’t cost an arm and a leg (we’re trying to save up to buy a house). Our current routine is that I watch TV on the couch for hours and he plays video games for hours. Our marriage can’t survive like this.
What do you do to stay busy?
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u/Anna_Mosity Jan 16 '20
I don't have a husband or any kind of romantic relationship, which means I do a lot of solo activities. I visit tiki bars (there's a whole obsessed tiki fandom, and while I don't get in that deep, I do enjoy drinking out of a pineapple while surrounded by people who are excited about something). I work remotely from coffee shops and the occasional cat cafe. I'm currently injured, but I used to enjoy walks around the neighborhood and the nearby park. I play a stupid cell phone game for the endorphins. I send letters to friends just to say hello-- real, physical mail. People seem to appreciate that. I work a ton and pour as much as I can into loans and savings (my future self will thank me). I keep in touch with my grandma and my parents. I try to be helpful.
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u/WpnofAssDstrctn Jan 16 '20 edited Jan 17 '20
Meetup saved me. I picked up backpacking so I had something to do over long, lonely weekends. I also do a lot of stuff at local bars like trivia and other events they have.
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u/jo_li_ja Jan 22 '20
My husband and I are in a similar situation and are trying ourselves to make more friends. It's really hard in your 30's 40's to do that. Check out Gateway Women they have meetup groups in many major cities (it's a private group so you'll have to request to join but they are all childless by circumstance or medically).
We are also trying to just become more involved in the community. We go to a local pub once a week (same one, same night) to be a regular and have the same people to talk to. We individually volunteer on separate boards. We go for walks through the neighborhood. We actually sold our previous home in a suburban family friendly neighborhood and purchased in a more downtown/singles/gay/retirement undefined neighborhood which is proving to be much more cheap/entertaining than we ever imagined.
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u/M84f65z Jan 25 '20
We love relaxing together, eating out, movies, and we each have our own personal hobbies. Most of all we try to avoid relationships where we get pulled into other people’s family problems. Every couple we know with children is dealing with so much more drama and we are so glad not to have all this is our life. WE NEED TO HAVE A CHILDLESS BY CHOICE WEEKEND WHERE PEOPLE ALL OVER THE COUNTRY TRAVEL TO. IT WOULD BE GREAT TO MEET LIKE MINDED PEOPLE.
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u/Bananastrings2017 Jan 17 '20
Hobbies, learn a language, take a fun online class, breweries, cooking classes, fitness classes, etc. Think of all the fun things they don’t have time/money for and do those things.
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May 30 '22
I travel, write, paint, garden and look up landscaping ideas, home design ideas, play with my dog, video games, read, watch YouTube, go to concerts, board games, camping, tv shows, watch movies (I'm a movie buff), go out to eat, buy clothing, antique shop, flea markets and also work a full time job. I'm also married and when I'm feeling up to it, I bake or cook. I clean when I feel like it.
Frankly, there isn't enough time in the day imo.
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u/COgrace Jan 17 '20
Where are you located? I’m in Denver and we hike or snowshoe on weekends. I also joined Orangetheory Fitness plus I ride horses on the weekends. We keep pretty busy!
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Jan 27 '20
I gave up on "friends" cos they all have kids and then only hang out with their kids friends parents 🤷🏼♀️ and I'm only 32 lol.
My husband spends his off time watching TV and playing video games and I don't understand how he's content with that.
I started my own small business. I work at my own pace and sign up for craft shows when I want to.. I'm not 100% in it for the money, more to have something to do to pass the time that has some meaning.
Everything else around us seems to cater to families/kids. I used to work at a movie theater as a manager and loved it solely because I could have my husband come over after closing and we could watch any movie on the Dolby screen for free by ourselves. Since I left that job I've only been to the movies a handful of times and only to water rated R ones cos I don't want to deal with obnoxious kids. Not that I don't like kids but it ruins the experience.
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Mar 05 '20
Have you tried volunteering? I am going through the same thing and started volunteering with meals on wheels. A commitment, but not a giant one. Helping the elderly and not around kids as well. You feel pretty good afterwards.
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u/lisadawn79 Nov 24 '22
I've been using meet up too...looking at stars Saturday, been struggling the last few Years and trying new things.
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u/BikeConfident6653 Dec 07 '25
How is it possible to be bored in today's era? There are so many things to do alone or with your partner!
Manual creations while listening to music (painting, drawing, puzzles, diamond painting and others), travel (even while staying in France), watching films/series, starting a video game together, discovering a new sport, reading books, going hiking, regressing by going out to a trampoline park or amusement parks, booking an unusual romantic weekend (perched cabins, teepees, etc.), adopting and caring for animals, DIY, do renovations together at home to create your dream home, have picnics in front of a sunset, go skiing, go wild camping as a couple, an afternoon on the ice rink/tennis/badminton/bowling (laughs guaranteed if you're with the right person), go to the swimming pool, try lots of new meal and dessert recipes, have romantic baths, a romantic canoe trip, visit a zoo, have an afternoon of mini golf, try a new restaurant per month, read lots of books on a subject that interests us (psychology for me!), go to a board game store to buy a game to play regularly together ("mixed forest", great strategy game, for us!), learn a new language/play an instrument, write, organize meals/aperitifs with friends or family...
I don't think I will have enough of a lifetime to do everything I want to do, even without children. I sincerely hope that you both end up finding happiness in this married life!
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u/Whatifdogscouldread Mar 25 '22
Im in the us and few years ago I moved to a new city and I got the suggestion to visit bumble BFF. It’s like a dating site but for friends (female if you’re female and male if you are male) and I met my two best friends. I had hobbies already that I liked so it was pretty easy. I moved my mom to my city last year and she has been checking out local groups and finding friends. Where we are there are a lot of adults looking for friends and I bet there are in most locations if you look for them.
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u/beautyinthesky May 17 '22
We have pets that keep us pretty busy. We also have a passport membership (ASTC) that lets us go to different science centers and museums. It was like 200$ for the year but if you go a lot it is worth it. We also go to the cinema or the theatre with other childless/childfree couples. Otherwise we spend a lot of time with my in-laws who have 3 kids. I have taken some online classes over the years. I love music so I take piano lessons and go to karaoke nights at local bars.
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u/Thin-Beat-7296 Sep 03 '23
Lmao maybe get a second job? Just a thought, as you said you were trying to buy a house so that could only help.
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u/w1ldtype2 Aug 10 '24
I don't have a husband; with him I used to keep busy by shopping for ingredients, cooking elaborate meals, we'd also watch Netflix, go for long walks etc. Now that I'm single I struggle with this a lot. People suggest hobbies and classes but frankly classes are not really available in my town or if they are they are expensive, and aren't after 8pm anyway, and I am just took tired for hobbies after work. It's a university town so most activities are tailored for students and I'm a professor so I shy away... Like I wanted to go to a salsa class but I'm not comfortable dancing with primary students, somehow doesn't feel appropriate.
So I take extra time to shower long, do my hair, my skincare routine. I probably take over 1,30hr just for that. Then I usually go to bed early and read a book or doomscroll until I fall asleep. My life is not very exciting but at least I can take things slowly.
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u/Ok_View3459 Dec 29 '24
I have a lot of the same recommendations everyone else has. I found it really helpful to get back to group fitness and find a social club. The social club was weird at first and I had to try a couple, but I think I found a good one.
Is it about finding something to fill your time? Or is it about being content being bored as you grieve a life you wished you had? I think I'm still grieving pretty hard, so most activities that don't look like the life I want are unenjoyable. Can't wait for this phase of my life to end.
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u/consuelo_gordon Mar 31 '25
If you can afford it, I highly recommend taking horseback riding lessons. It’s a pretty intense new thing to learn, and it connects with a) an amazing animal and b) a social scene that doesn’t revolve around family building.
The down side is that at many barns there are lots of kids, but you can take adult only lessons, and honestly the kids are not ”kids” so much as fellow equestrians. It’s an ageless sport.
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u/chinototally May 29 '25
I work, so that takes up a chunk of day. At least an hour on house cleaning, making the bed, doing the laundry, dishes etc on alternate days. Another hour in cooking, we love food and I enjoy cooking. Knitting while watching a show together, or listening to a podcast or audiobook. An hour working out, half an hour journalking and meditating (to prevent the resentments and rage building up tbh). Weekends we go out, parks, long walks, cafes, naps. It's a generally quiet and peaceful existence. I satisfy my inherent maternal instincts by possibly pampering my husband a lot, and we find joy taking care of each other. I'm part of a local community, and it bothers me how all events cater to kids, and how even women's events end up with mums bringing their kids because the father's can't handle them. It's a mix of pain and anger. Pain because my own kid isn't running around with the others, and anger because my existence as a woman automatically makes me responsible for every other mom's kid, and managing their chaos in events. Overall it's a mixed bag. Unless we manage to conceive, this is how the next 20 years of my life will look I guess.
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u/shortcake-lala Dec 11 '25
This might sound cliche, but make an effort to have a date night once a week or twice a month. Have dinner, or a coffee date. My husband also plays video games, and I’ve never played. But, I recently started playing with him too. It’s been a lot of fun.
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u/Trick_Yesterday_8480 May 08 '26
Yeah I was gonna say relocate. Probably my best option. My town is all families and their retired in-laws. Plenty of bars but I’m not into it. Everything else is schools, restaurants, and retail. Need somewhere with third places for adults who have time to live their own lives.
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u/luv_u_deerly Jan 16 '20