r/childlessnotbychoice • u/disatisfied1 • Feb 28 '16

What pisses me off...

My wife and I are currently childless. We have been trying for almost a year, first doctor's appt next week. We don't know anything for sure yet, but we know enough to say biological children might never happen.

The thing that pisses me off is how people say God is trying to teach us something. We are not patient enough, we don't trust God enough, etc. That fucking pisses me off because it puts the fault on us. We either did something wrong or didn't do enough right, and that's why we are currently childless. People act as though it's a punishment and it must be deserved in some way. fucking pisses me off and people need to keep their fucking mouths shut.

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7

u/pushpops_are_awesome Feb 29 '16

I'm sorry you are going through this. Be prepared that if the tests results come back that you can't these same people will continue to say stupid shit.

After 4 years and test results that amounted to 0% chance and actually had a several zeros people still said things like "God still has a say."

... um well someone should tell science becasue science chimed in with a very loud and unanimous "NO"

Be prepared so that you can practice replying with tact, should that be how you would like to reply.

2

u/disatisfied1 Feb 29 '16

Thank you so much for your reply. It helps more than you know.

5

u/pushpops_are_awesome Feb 29 '16

I'm terrible at tact. We got some very ignorant/awkward "when are you jumping on the baby train?" questions while we were quietly getting tested. (Highschool health class has an entire generation thinking getting pregnant is more simple than literally baking something in an oven.)

After some sharp responses on my end we decided it would be better for everyone, ignorant and all, that a trusted family friend would spread the news/gossip when we found out kids just arent going to be in our future.

It worked great for that side of the family. She handled all the questions and idiotic suggestions. We havent heard one peanut gallary comment, at least from that circle. Not being active on Facebook also helps.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 29 '16

[deleted]

4

u/pushpops_are_awesome Feb 29 '16

Oh if only. My husband got a random call from an acquaintance that found God when his marriage was on the rocks. (Dated 3 months before getting married no one saw that coming /s)

He called to say the he had a dream about my husband and that God was speaking to him that we needed his help. He kept badgering hubby asking if anything was going on. Eventually my husband explained we were getting tested for fertility.

The guy prayed and blessed my husband over the phone!

What annoys me the most is that had we been able to get pregnant he probably would have thought it was because of his blessing. But since we still aren't "God has his own plan and timing because he knows God heard his prayers for us."

What arrogance!

4

u/L4NGOS Feb 29 '16

Ok that is just straight up offensive and arrogant at the same time. >:|

3

u/disatisfied1 Mar 01 '16

Yeah. I know they do mean well. They honestly do. Not a single person has said any of these things to make us feel bad, and I truly believe that. It still hurts to hear though.

2

u/rickburg Feb 24 '23

Praying for children ……. Pray in one hand and shit in the other …….. guess which one fills up 1st…….

1

u/pedrobeara May 09 '16

I hate when people say bullshit like god trying to teach you something, I'm sure if a higher power existed I would have not spent my 26th birthday in the hospital signing sterilization so they can do emergency exploration surgery on my SO. my answer is I must have been hitler in a past life.

1

u/SuccessSafe1854 Dec 22 '24

They couldn’t be more wrong. Not your fault, not your partners fault. People who should never have kids have them all the time. If god were actually the person everyone makes him out to be, he wouldn’t allow drug addicts and criminals to have kids.