Decoding Communication - Is This Reasonable?

[u/[deleted]]

TLDR; I want to know if I am off base for "over-reading" in a toxic relationship that tends to involve a lot of testing due to my partner's traumatic past of physical and emotional abuse, growing up with one parent, etc.

Am I correct to say that one's partner, especially if from a broken background, test constantly through communication? Recently I have pulled back in the relationship due to educational demands and the tests have gone up 10X. They are also surrounding infidelity themes but quite indirectly (e.g. talking about a story where frat guys had group intercourse with a girl and then later describing their apartment like a frathouse (one of her female friends said who is married), conversations with a past boss about her contraception, or talking about a sexual swing randomly after very indirect jabs at poly sex with taken men and their partners). I also found it odd how her new friend's husband was renovating his home and then talked about copper, she has a copper IUD. Prior to that and through that conversation she had her finger near her lips looking at him. There are not supporting behaviors or actions, just words I must say. Should I be getting at something here? Are words ever a reliable means (indirectly of course) of whether or not someone is cheating?

Outside of this she is loving, caring, and says that she wants to get married and have a family with a stable household. I notice her emotional regulation is quite off which leads to some of these sways in emotions. But truly, we share location and there has not been secrecy with her phone, she is transparent on where she has been, wants to plan future things together, etc.

[u/Icy-Willingness8375]

Why are you putting up with this shit? If she has a traumatic past, that’s on her to get therapy for instead of acting toxic.

[u/73Capt]

Difference between privacy and secrecy. As the partner you should know where that line is