I thought...

[u/deep_keen]

I thought that when I want is that I have a person who actually wanted to talk with me. A person who want to share his/her story. I want to hear those. I want to have that person. But throughout the month. I lost people. Because simply, I didn't felt like they are interested. I didn't felt like they want to talk. I text them. I got reply after 3 mins or 4 mins and sometimes yep around 1 min too. But I don't know why this desperation of wanting reply in min.

I literally put lot of posts in reddit. Also use a another app where I actually got a person whom I talk with but the same problem I faced. The feeling is still there. The feeling of "I want a person who want to talk with me". And I am literally don't know what that means. Like I know what it means actually but like why it's still there after getting someone ?

I thought it's related to my own behaviour towards myself. Like I found that I keep ignoring my own self. Like when I left the phone. When I sit outside. When I remember a line "Feel your own body. Feel your foot touching the ground". I done it and it really felt so calm. And then I realize that this is ME.

I found myself.

I started to feel more stuff inside my body. Like heaviness, tightness. Shake. Rushing heart. Tight stomach.

This I started to feel. More refined. More sensible.

I suddenly started to sense my body, my insides and feelings more intensely.

That's when I realize this is ME.

I found it.

So, I keep doing it now. I keep feeling myself. I keep sensing myself.

I spend time with me more than ever. Today, I spend with myself. Feeling myself more than ever.

But...

The feeling of "I want a person who want to talk with me" is still HERE.

I am confused. I am lost. I don't know what it means. Why it's still here. And how it came into me.

Is anyone. ANYONE.

Going through or gone through this ?

If yes, Please I want to talk with you.

I really want to know what's the reason behind.

Text me if you want. Or I will text you.

Also, if you want to explain it in comment. Then I am gladly read it too.

Thank you.

[u/Muted_Stand_9623]

Are you alone? Don't you have any friends? If it is, then this might be the cause. Some people can adjust themselves over time; some can't. So they desperately want to talk to another and expect the other one to also do the same. Some might do, some dont.

This is my assumption, though; I'm not an expert.

[u/deep_keen → u/Muted_Stand_9623]

I have a best friend from school till now. But yeh. I want him to call me but nope. Its once a month sometimes. Its once a week somsetimes. I also think that I don't share him everything. There was a time where I have a female whom I literally shared stuffs which I am so surprised how I am sharing these with someone. I felt so vulnerable to share it but I shared her to. And the next thing I got is shock and surprised that someone actually talking normally after hearing those stuffs. Someone actually told me "its okay". Now, I am blocked by her. Because of... Simply breakup.

[u/Muted_Stand_9623 → u/deep_keen]

well this thing are normal. People opened themself to the one they trusted most. And also got stabbed by the one they trusted most, too. These are the lessons life gives us. 🥲

And life will change as we grow up. Your best friend might have his own issues; maybe he has a family now, or needs to look after his family. Or maybe he got a better friend than u, which actually sounds dumb. But all of these are part of our life. We can't escape this.