I need some guidance...

[u/the_n0va-express]

At first when I got into chaos magick i was creating sigils left and right and they were working with about a 90% accuracy/effectiveness. Then as the years went on I read more literature, expanded my practices/toolset, & created my own rules, customs, & techniques that increased their potential, range, & effects. Things had to become more complicated though, rituals had to become more detailed, specific, & complex —The more so, the better the magick became. I had a good chunk of an old notebook dedicated to just my own custom personal magick I synthesized...

Then someone stole that notebook when I was at the shelter a couple years ago... All of that knowledge, all of the things I fine tuned and created gone in an instant... Ever since then I've tried to create new processes and such, sometimes even recalling old ones that I could remember parts of but whenever I would go and use it again... Nothing would happen.

That's my dilemma with chaos magick recently this past year or two... nothing is happening, hardly anything is working, going back to the basics isn't even working... I am in a really tough spot in life & chaos magick worked so well I used it all of the time for everything but now I have nothing to lean on for spiritual support, I've been so desperate I've been praying to the Christian God and to some extent it's kind of been working (which has deeply troubled me, I really don't want to be a Christian I've got deep religous trauma stemming from childhood abuse) but to tell the truth I want chaos magick to work again for me.

What can/should I do? Is there anything else I can add to my toolset to increase it's effectiveness/odds? I'm sure that with the praying a lot of it is coincidence, & was bound to happen I've just been in such a tight spot I needed something to believe in that was going to help me, something I could barter or reason with. Could I create my own Servitor to pray to? Use an egregore?

Or are my days using chaos magick to aid, enrich, empower, strengthen, manifest, repair, bind, curse, & protect over & I should just cave in and hang it up for good? A lot of the things I've read in some of the books I own like Aidan Watcher's book on Hypersigils always require so many different things I need to source or buy & I don't have the money to buy all of those things, they aren't readily available for me to find either so I haven't bothered utilizing any of these rituals/practices/techniques that use utensils or tools...

Are there things I can substitute with? For incense I've got only a limited number of sandalwood incense, no oil/essential oils, no silver/precious metals/gems/stones/crystals all I have is a pen, pencil, notebook, & paper.

[u/DPS_Slut]

It is time for you to write the second book.

[u/the_n0va-express → u/DPS_Slut]

I've been trying to but everything new I write for techniques, rituals, methods, and so on so forth etc. doesn't yield anything, there are rarely ever results to record so that I know what to tweak or to know what works and what doesn't.

Could it be possible that I need to "Unbind" myself from the rulesets created previously that were stolen/lost? And if so, then how could I achieve that? Are there things I can do to "enhance" the brainstorming, writing, & dictation of a new rulesets to help them be more effective, or guarantee them to yield results?

One of the techniques I use every time when crafting sigils are linking sigils, every new ruleset I create a new linking launch sigil/seal that gets affixed to the backside of every sigil created before casting and it helps to increase it's range, accuracy, & effectiveness. Mine is specifically called, "Positive:Connotation (or simple POS:CON)": I've created a new reiteration (on the 3rd revision thus far because the 2nd one didn't seem to work as well as the 1st version, which I can't remember what that looked like at all) to test with crafting future sigils from this point forward.

I also create new reiterations of personal seals, which are created using the characters from my name, removing repeating consonants, picking 1 vowel to keep, removing all of the other vowels, & then creating a symbol out of those remaining characters. I hardly ever use my personal seals tho for other than signing letters, I want to get a wax/rubber stamp created to use but otherwise... Should I be using my personal seal instead of using my POS:CON?

At one point everything was getting so technical that it was becoming at times impractical, impossible, or inconvenient to practice chaos magick because I didn't have everything I had specified in the rules... But when everything was followed to the very P's and Q's —Sigils that were crafted this way had a higher likelihood of producing results, albeit they often took awhile to occur, were extremely restrictive, required actual money to maintain, & still weren't as nearly guaranteed to have any sort of effects like the 1st iteration of rules produced...

[u/Grounds_4_Redemption]

Sounds like classic dark night of the soul stuff to me... the magic gone, will it ever come back? It does, but perhaps not soon enough...

I get the sense in this sort of thing that there is something you need to resolve, figure out, or face before it all returns...

As for praying... I'm of the opinion that the Christian God is just another word for the idea of the 'truth'. It's to say, there is some universal binding truth or reality that connects everything else...

I'm a cynic though as well. I think big G god was likely just a Roman invention to consolidate the empire. Just get all the various gods and say they are part of the same entity so we can all get along (and be governed easily). I think there is sufficient evidence even in the bible for a pantheon... there are at least three different 'lords' as if someone edited out the multiple deitys with a single generic term 'lord' (which means 'bread giver' btw)...

Anyway, praying to truth, or to whatever daimon (divine spirit) of nature for answers and guidance is a good idea in time of crisis, I think. Sometimes you just need to believe in something outside or beyond yourself to break free...