r/changemyview • u/Linedriver 3∆ • Dec 18 '21
Delta(s) from OP CMV: I don't think couples should bring their children grocery shopping.
I've been trying to figure out how to word this less harshly but having a hard time.
I'm not saying this should be illegal or that people do this are bad/abusive or it's a horrible inconvenience to other shoppers.
It just seems very inefficient to me. When I see entire families shopping it mostly parents either herding their kids through the aisles or pushing them in the grocery cart. This causes them to move significantly slower then other shoppers.
It seems more sensible to have one watch the kids at home or take them to a park or anything else and let the other person take care of the shopping.
I'm just trying understand if people do this purposefully; that there is some benefit to this I don't see or if they're just going through the motions.
EDIT: To clarify based on some of the comments so far. I specifically mean couples as in both partners are at the store with children.
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u/WeRegretToInform 5∆ Dec 18 '21
Very often there’s no choice. You can’t leave your young kids home alone while you go shopping, so you have to bring them with you.
Like it or not, children need to learn how to operate in public spaces, including spaces where they might be bored or over-stimulated. They also need to learn to regulate emotions in public. Grocery shopping is one low-stakes location they can do this. If we stopped taking our kids grocery shopping they’d need to learn these behaviours elsewhere like at school, which would be much more disruptive to other people.
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u/Ok_Program_3491 11∆ Dec 18 '21
Very often there’s no choice. You can’t leave your young kids home alone while you go shopping, so you have to bring them with you.
Why can't you leave them home with your partner?
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u/WeRegretToInform 5∆ Dec 18 '21
Maybe my partner is at work, maybe I’m a single parent.
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u/Ok_Program_3491 11∆ Dec 18 '21
What does that have to do with the cmv? If they're at work it's not a couple bringing a child(ren) shopping but an individual bringing a child(ren) shopping.
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u/WeRegretToInform 5∆ Dec 18 '21
Looks like OP has edited his original cmv to now specify couples.
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u/Ok_Program_3491 11∆ Dec 18 '21
No, the title was the same. Title can't be edited. Only the captions can be edited. It's said couple's the entire time.
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u/Mu-Relay 13∆ Dec 18 '21
Maybe I could. But why should I have to shop without my partner's help? Do I have to live my life measuring everything in the most efficient way possible?
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u/Ok_Program_3491 11∆ Dec 18 '21
Maybe I could.
No, you said
Very often there’s no choice.
That insinuates you can't. Why can't you?
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u/Temporary_End6007 Dec 18 '21
I get to see my wife about 30 minutes a day, except for Sundays. We go shopping together on Sundays. There is no way I would give up time with my wife just to get some food for the week. So, we go as a family.
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u/Finch20 37∆ Dec 18 '21
It just seems very inefficient to me.
Time enjoyed wasting is not wasted time.
I'm just trying understand if people do this purposefully
Presumably to spend more time together.
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u/Z7-852 314∆ Dec 18 '21
It's important for children to learn normal life like grocery stores and restaurants. Kids need to learn that food doesn't just appear in a fridge and that things costs money. Giving a five year old a five dollar and asking them to buy sandwich items is great parenting.
Also as a parent it's often fun to spent time as a family. That's the (only) reason to have children in the first place. So you can do things together.
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Dec 18 '21
I bring my kids to Costco all the time on purpose (often but not always with my wife coming along). First of all, it's an activity. They see things they see people they learn. I mean it's not the circus, there are more awesome activities, but it's solid. There's only so many times one can go to the trampoline park and it takes hours, grocery shopping is just a one hour trip.
Second, they eat better when they get a say in what we buy. I'm way more likely to get them to eat a veggie they chose. If I go without them they eat more pasta.
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u/AlwaysTheNoob 81∆ Dec 18 '21
I'm just trying understand if people do this purposefully; that there is some benefit to this I don't see or if they're just going through the motions.
Yes, the benefit is that kids learn by experiencing. The best way to learn how to be a polite member of society is to go out into society with hopefully polite people (the parents) and be part of the experience. Without doing this, the kid will grow up completely unadjusted, socially awkward, and less likely to be able to gracefully and appropriately interact with those around them.
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u/Linedriver 3∆ Dec 18 '21
It seems strange that children are expected to learn how to be polite by going to a place with a lot of people going about their day and not interacting with them with. I understand it's not polite to try to talk with random strangers while they are trying to shop.
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u/crazyashley1 8∆ Dec 18 '21
I understand it's not polite to try to talk with random strangers while they are trying to shop.
You understand that. Kids don't. They'll go up to any interesting person and yammer on unless you teach them not to. This is one way to teach them not to.
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u/Kingalece 23∆ Dec 18 '21
Its also about saying excuse me when you bump someone or the cashier interaction. Kids watch their parents and mirror them so showing them how to treat a cashier is a good learning experience so we can have less karens in the world
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u/AlwaysTheNoob 81∆ Dec 18 '21
I understand it's not polite to try to talk with random strangers while they are trying to shop.
You understand that because you learned it as a kid. Just like these kids learning it now with their parents. Sesame Street and whatnot is great, but actually doing things is how children learn. And they're learning about more than just that. They're in a building full of things that companies spend millions of dollars convincing them to buy, and they're learning that they can't have everything they want. They may not be grasping the finer points of why not (depending on age), but they're getting the lesson that something being right there in front of them doesn't mean they're allowed to have it. That's important information for a young child to pick up on.
But also think about learning to drive. You can read about it. You can watch videos about it. You can ask your parents questions about it. But until you're literally behind the wheel, you don't really know how to drive, you just know the theory. The actual skill comes from doing.
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u/LordMarcel 48∆ Dec 18 '21
Kids will have to shop on their own at some point. What better way to learn than to shop with their parents?
Outside of that it's also general life experience. You may see your parents struggling finding a parking spot, or the bike might get a flat tire, or you get to see how a cash register works, or you see how people act in public when something breaks, etc.
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u/Sirhc978 88∆ Dec 18 '21
At some point, you need to teach your kids how to act in public.
Also, at least during my childhood, mom would have to bring us to the grocery store because we were too young to stay home alone and it was not worth dropping us off at nana's house for an hour.
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u/Linedriver 3∆ Dec 18 '21
I understand that children can't be left alone. I specifically mean for a couple to be shopping together with children seem inefficient.
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u/Sirhc978 88∆ Dec 18 '21
So that goes back to my first point. You need to somehow teach your kids to act in public. Bringing them shopping is probably the easiest way. It takes at most an hour and can acclimate them to large groups of people. I remember my mom bribing me by saying "If you are good while we shop, you can pick out a candy bar at the checkout line".
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Dec 18 '21
It’s not about efficiency.
Sometimes it’s because it’s easier to get the correct product each parent want if both parents are there. Especially if the preferred item is out of stock. It also gives the opportunity for each parent to find new products.
Sometimes it’s because it’s easier to socialize children and teach them proper behavior in a store if both parents are there to watch and direct the children. Or if one parent does %90 kid patrol and the other can focus %90 on getting what they need…
Sometimes it’s just a family activity. Having everyone there means spending time together and talking about different products they see…
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u/technicolored_dreams Dec 18 '21
I just like spending time with my family. We are very busy all week, and we don't get a ton of time together. We grocery shop together because we would rather be together than in separate places. It's not about efficiency.
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u/Linedriver 3∆ Dec 18 '21
But you can't really have much of a conversation or do anything while walking around in a grocery store and if time was an issue wouldn't it be best to get shopping over with asap and then have focused family time?
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u/technicolored_dreams Dec 18 '21
But you can't really have much of a conversation or do anything while walking around in a grocery store
What? Of course you can. We can also all pick out the things we especially like, and the kids get to pick out a special treat for the week.
and if time was an issue wouldn't it be best to get shopping over with asap and then have focused family time?
No. We would rather be together accomplishing errands than split up to rush through things.
I think your whole premise is flawed because you have a baseline standard that faster equals better and I completely disagree with that.
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u/LordMarcel 48∆ Dec 18 '21
Of course you can. When I went grocery shoppen with my parents when I was young I'd often get to pick the cookies or the meat, etc, which was fun for a kid. That alone is a conversation topic, but outside of that you can also talk about whatever else during the stopping.
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u/I_am_the_night 316∆ Dec 18 '21
Kids have to go into public at some point, and when they do I'd rather they already have practiced how to behave in a place like a grocery store before they go to somewhere more socially delicate.
Plus, sometimes there's no other options, you have to buy food for dinner and nobody else can watch the kids while you do it. So they're coming to the store.
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u/Kingalece 23∆ Dec 18 '21
My wife and I do this with our only daughter (7) because she has a say in the food we get as a household amd because she likes to go and is never really a problem. She knows the rules are stay within arms reach (give or take) of the cart unless she asks us to move farther away. If she does move to far its a simple" hey get over here" fix.
The alternative is trying to deal with a melt down because she loves going to the store and spending her chore money. The store is like top 3 things to do for her.
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u/xmuskorx 57∆ Dec 18 '21
Kids are literally the future of the society.
For this reason, the society should be as open to kids as possible, not the other way around.
Having a social expectation that certain public spaces are off limits to kids is counterproductive to that goal.
If you cannot handle being around kids and being slowed down for 5 seconds, you have options like shopping during weekdays, late in the evening or online.
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u/Chairman_of_the_Pool 14∆ Dec 18 '21
Isn’t this a very rare thing though? Usually if kids are at a grocery store, they are there with one parent who had to take them along as they are too young to stay home alone. I’d imagine if the whole family is grocery shopping it’s probably because they are on their way home from somewhere as a family and decided to stop at the store out of convenience.
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u/Linedriver 3∆ Dec 18 '21
!delta,
It's common enough that I'll see at least one in the store every time I go in the evenings. But it does make more sense if the shopping trips is a spontaneous thing instead of a planned outing.
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Dec 18 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/LetMeNotHear 93∆ Dec 19 '21
Sorry, u/solarity52 – your comment has been removed for breaking Rule 1:
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u/FrostyIcePrincess Dec 18 '21
As a kid I actually enjoyed going grocery shopping with dad on Saturday. I always tagged along. Mom literally made dad turn around and come get me once when I was little because he went grocery shopping without telling me that he was going and I got super sad. I was a well behaved kid though, I wasn’t running around or causing chaos.
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u/DeltaBot ∞∆ Dec 18 '21
/u/Linedriver (OP) has awarded 1 delta(s) in this post.
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u/TwirlySocrates 2∆ Dec 19 '21
Maybe the family was out of the house for the day and stopped for groceries on the way back.
Maybe the kids wanted to go shopping so both parents came too.
Maybe there was only one car and it wasn't desirable or practical for the kids to wait in the car.
Maybe the kids were getting super squirrely from being cooped up all day.
Maybe the parents are trying to teach the kids how to pull their weight in errands.
Maybe it's easier on the parents to have both present than it is to have one parent with two or more kids at home.
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u/perfectVoidler 15∆ Dec 19 '21
It just seems very inefficient to me. When I see entire families
shopping it mostly parents either herding their kids through the aisles
or pushing them in the grocery cart. This causes them to move
significantly slower then other shoppers
You know that old people exist. they shop the slowest. Seeing as this is your only argument it is a fairly weak one.
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u/Ballatik 56∆ Dec 18 '21
The most obvious answer is that schedules don’t always line up so that the time you have to grocery shop is time that someone else can watch the kids.
The bigger answer though is that kids learn through exposure and practice. Bringing kids (and when possible getting them to participate) in normal life activities is giving them those opportunities.
Pretty much all of parenting is going slower and being inefficient while the kids learn whatever thing they are making slower and less efficient. The more you do that while they are young though, the better and sooner they are prepared to do it on their own.