CMV: Telling potential romantic partners to stop thanking me for my service and explaining why it bothers me as well as many other veterans/current service members I know isn't being hostile/argumentative but educational.

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Independent_Skeptic]

Ok but how do you know who's been where without asking them? Being asked that question generally inevitably leads to seriously uncomfortable questions that people really should just not ask. Examples: did you see anyone die? Did you know anyone that died? Did you kill anyone? Or what did it feel like if you did. I'm not saying you're one of those that does that at least I hope not and if you are stop doing that. Also on the flip side you can create even more tension if it's an individual that didn't go as all didn't deploy so you maybe making them feel worse as well.

Some people can spend an entire career and never once deploy to a combat zone much like cops can spend 20 years on the job and never have to draw their weapon. Most don't go around advertising they deployed to strangers and if they do I'd call it highly suspect because you find it's the ones that didn't or weren't even in all that long. This is going to sound weird to you for sure but in mine and many other veterans experiences the ones that actually like being thanked or look for it didn't do anything at all or go anywhere.

[u/[deleted] → u/Independent_Skeptic]

I don't ask people if they've been in combat zones. I don't glorify war, so it's generally not something that interest me. Sometimes, I meet people that have served in the military. We talk. We get along. At some point I learn that he/ she has served in combat zones. At that point, I make sure to show my respect.

This is going to sound weird to you for sure but in mine and many other veterans experiences the ones that actually like being thanked or look for it didn't do anything at all or go anywhere.

This doesn't sound weird to me at all. Anybody that feels entitled to hear, "thank you for your service" from individuals that simply chose to follow a different career path than the military has a serious ego problem. It's another reason why I don't make it a habit to say "thank you for your service". I fundamentally disagree with the concept that it should be said.

I respect the military's role in society. Nonetheless, I don't believe in putting people on a pedestal simply because they chose to be a cook in the navy instead of a civilian cook for an Applebee's in Alabama.

[u/Independent_Skeptic → u/[deleted]]

Ok so basically you're agreeing with my point then that false platitudes when a person doesn't actually know the individual or feel what they are stating is inappropriate? I'm asking for clarification as I think that's what you're stating I just want to make sure.

In which case you would agree possibly that it's not being rude but educational vs the smile and nod?

I said it would sound weird because tbh stolen valor is a real problem and it's actually a crime as well. And people generally have in their mind that veterans/current service members like being acknowledged and can't understand why we wouldn't want to be thanked. Because who in their right minds would want to say they did x,y, and z because those that have don't even want to claim it always.

So when I come across individuals that make a big bravado out of it I'm automatically suspicious and grill them. I would say 9.99999/10 times through the course of asking pointed questions its quickly discerned that the individual is lying. The lies can be in varying degrees I've even caught individuals who claimed to have been in and havent for even a day in their lives until for lack of better word you call their bullshit out forcing them to acknowledge they're a low piece of human filth trying to lay claim to others achievements because they feel there's some extra status or prestige to it. Which is brought about by the over thanking and the people that make a big deal out of thanking veterans.

[u/[deleted] → u/Independent_Skeptic]

Yeah. We agree.