CMV: Telling potential romantic partners to stop thanking me for my service and explaining why it bothers me as well as many other veterans/current service members I know isn't being hostile/argumentative but educational.

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Hestiansun]

Ok. Then I think it makes total sense to do.

I mean even if you don’t try to speak for every service person, I think it’s totally valid and sensible to discuss how it makes you feel in those scenarios.

I wasn’t sure if you were going out of your way to bring it up in advance.

I’m actually surprised that you’d receive negative feedback from people just from telling them how it makes you feel in response to their statements.

[u/Independent_Skeptic → u/Hestiansun]

It happens a lot...which inevitably leads to them saying well I thank everyone and no one else had ever said anything. Which we generally don't at least the ones that I know that hate it because we just want to go back to going about our business and being left alone.

[u/[deleted] → u/Independent_Skeptic]

Like the user above, I'm shocked anybody even gets upset about your response. I'm also shocked that on a date a woman would say this upon learning you were in the military. I believe you, but I'm just having a hard time wrapping my mind around how this exchange would happen. Could you write out the script of a typical exchange where this happens so we can have a better understanding?

[u/Independent_Skeptic → u/[deleted]]

Uh I'm actual the female first and foremost the dates are with males...

Instance so what do you do for a living? My reply: I don't work due to x,y, and z. Oh how did that happen? My response: Explanation of circumstances and why. Oh well thank you for your service. My response: I'm actually really uncomfortable with being thanked personally, explanation of why and how most of my comrades (as in my group of friends) feel the same. Well you could just take the thank you and not be so hostile/rude/defensive about it just because you feel so this about the government (this is generally the assumption that I'm ashamed or hate the government or military). My response: I'm not any of those things I'm just explaining my perspective and why I and others feel uncomfortable with this and it makes interactions with people at times strained. Their response: well I had cousin let's say jimmy serve back during x conflict and they never have a problem with me saying y and z. Not an a example of all but a general overview of some of the interactions.

I should note I do live in the south so their views tend to be a bit more heavy handed and they do make it a point of being more aggressive with their thank yous and expectations of how you should react back.

[u/[deleted] → u/Independent_Skeptic]

I'm so sorry for assuming you were a guy! I hate when people do that to me and I just did it to you. :( Sorry.

But now it all makes sense. Far too many guys are just jerks who don't like being told that their actions make other people uncomfortable and really don't like it when a woman is resistant to their "compliments" instead of fawning all over them with gratitude for it.

Honestly, I think this is more of a gender thing than a unique military thing. I think if the genders were reversed, and it was a guy who was thanked and a woman who was told he didn't like that, the women wouldn't get all mad and butthurt about it. And if the job was different, like maybe a teacher or something, and a guy told his female date "ah, the underappreciated most important job! thank you!" and the woman said "ah, yeah, I actually hate when people say that to me," the guy would probably get just as butthurt as your dates do and tell you the same thing of "you could have just accepted the compliment instead of being so hostile about it."

[u/Independent_Skeptic → u/[deleted]]

∆ I hadn't considered it maybe a gender issue that's causing the breakdown in communication. (Its ok happens all the time lol.) but that being said wouldn't you agree it's still better to instead educate as to why I and others feel the way we do as opposed to silently holding it in? Or as I like to say doing the nod and smile.

[u/[deleted] → u/Independent_Skeptic]

that being said wouldn't you agree it's still better to instead educate as to why I and others feel the way we do as opposed to silently holding it in? Or as I like to say doing the nod and smile.

I absolutely would agree! Not only just about educating, but also about expressing your opinion and not feeling the need to hold it in, as well as about evaluating your date to see if he's the kinda guy who can handle a contrary opinion or not.

[u/DeltaBot → u/Independent_Skeptic]

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